News of the Weird, February 21, 2010
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2010 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* In all likelihood, convicted murderer Paul Powell would have
been sentenced to life in prison for his 1999 crime – but he could
not resist gratuitously ridiculing the prosecutor. Powell's original
sentence of death was overturned because of a technicality in
Virginia law: The "aggravated" circumstance in a murder that
warrants the death penalty must be committed against the actual
murder victim (whereas the prosecutor had proved only that Powell
had also raped the victim's sister). Powell assumed that the
prohibition against "double jeopardy" thus ruled out the death
penalty and so decided to gloat, calling the prosecutor "stupid" and
taunting him with details of his crimes. For the first time, Powell
admitted that he had also raped the murder victim. That was
evidence of a new aggravated circumstance (i.e., no "double
jeopardy"), and the prosecutor obtained a death sentence. In
January 2010, the U.S. Supreme Court rejected Powell's appeal. [CNN, 1-25-10]
Can't Possibly Be True
* A Toronto restaurant, Mildred's Temple Kitchen, announced that
its Valentine's Day promotion this year would not just be a
romantic dinner but would also include an invitation for couples to
have sex in the restrooms. Toronto Public Health officials
appeared unconcerned, as long as there was no sex in food-prepar-
ation areas and as long as the restrooms were clean. "Bodily
fluids" were not a concern, said one unruffled health official,
because after all, that's what restrooms are for. [Toronto Star, 2-3-10]
* Women's rights activists in Uganda finally got the attention of
the Western press in December when London's The Independent
verified the plight of Jennipher Alupot, who periodically for seven
years had been forced to breastfeed her husband's hunting dogs as
she was nursing the couple's own children. Farmer Nathan Awoloi
of Pallisa explained that his dogs needed to eat, and since he was
forced to send Jennipher's family two milk cows in order to win her
hand, he felt his demands were reasonable. [The Independent, 12-31-09]
* In January, the Justice Department's Inspector General released a
long-anticipated report detailing the FBI's post-9-11 corner-cutting
in obtaining individual Americans' phone records. Federal law
permits such acquisition only with a "terrorism" subpoena
("National Security Letter") unless the FBI documents emergency
("exigent") circumstances to a telecom company. The Inspector
General found that, from 2002-2006, the FBI had representatives of
three telecom companies set up in the FBI unit so that agents could
request phone records orally, without documentation, and in some
cases merely by writing the requested phone numbers on Post-It
Notes and sticking them on the telecom employees' workstations.
Some of the acquired records were uploaded to the FBI's database.
[New York Times, 1-21-10]
Inexplicable
* Police are still baffled by how Gregory Denny, 37, was able to
"deport" Cherrie Belle Hibbard from her home in Hemet, Calif., in
January back to her native Philippines. According to Hemet
police, Denny, with a gun and fake U.S. Marshal's badge and shirt,
knocked on Hibbard's door and convinced her that he was there to
escort her to the airport and out of the country and that Hibbard's
husband had to buy her the ticket. Denny then accompanied Hib-
bard through airport security and put her onto a flight. Upon
questioning by police later, Denny apparently remained in
character, continuing to insist that he is a Marshal. Denny was
arrested on suspicion of kidnaping, impersonating a peace officer,
and several other charges. [Los Angeles Times, 2-4-10]
* Buffalo, N.Y., television meteorologist Mike Cejka was arrested
in December after a brief police chase and charged with trespassing
after he was spotted at 4 a.m. tinkering with the covering of a
motorcycle in a stranger's yard. Cejka told police he was on his
way to work at the station and had merely stopped to admire the
motorcycle he had remembered seeing in that yard over the
summer. He was wearing a dress shirt and shoes and leather chaps
topped by a pair of sweat shorts. [Niagara Gazette, 1-5-10]
Unclear on the Concept
* A 27-year-old man was arrested for trespassing in January in
Seattle's Lusty Lady peep-show arcade, whose layout is a strippers'
dance stage surrounded by private viewing stalls for customers.
According to police, the man climbed from his stall, through a
ceiling panel, and navigated the overhead crawl space, which only
allowed him to peep at the strippers from a different angle. [Seattle Post-
Intelligencer, 1-26-10]
* In December, British Columbia's District of Sechelt Council
approved a bylaw making it illegal for licensed dogs to chase
squirrels, seagulls, and other wild animals. The councillors added
a defense of "provocation" but left it undefined, which might be
especially problematic in instances in which the dog is the only
witness to the alleged provocation. [Coast Reporter (Sechelt), 12-24-09]
The Continuing Crisis
* In February, the Board of Trustees of Saugatuck Township,
Mich., scheduled a May referendum asking voters for an increase
in the property tax in order to cover unanticipated new expenses.
The budget overrun was due to the mounting costs of defending
lawsuits by people and companies complaining that the Township's
property taxes are too high. [Grand Rapids Press, 2-4-10]
* University of Montreal School of Social Work professor Simon
Louis Lajeunesse, intending to research the effects of pornography
on men's relationships with women and needing a control group for
comparison, advertised in the local community for up to 20 non-
users of pornography, but he was forced to radically alter his
research model when no one signed up. Concluded Lajeunesse, in
December, "Guys who do not watch pornography do not exist."
[Montreal Gazette, 12-4-09]
Least Competent Criminals
* Poorly Conceived: (1) Travis Copeland, 19, bolting from a
courtroom in Waukegan, Ill., in January, ran down a hallway and
then lowered his shoulder and thrust himself at a window,
intending to crash through it to freedom. Courthouse windows are
bulletproof, and Copeland merely bounced off, staggered away,
and fell to the floor in pain. (2) Chamil Guadarrama, 30, was
arrested in Springfield, Mass., in February after a store security
guard spotted him with 75 bottles of lotion stuffed down his pant
legs (which were tied off at the ankles), making him look like a
nearly-immobile Michelin Man. Said a cop, "[We] could not fit
Mr. Guadarrama into the cruiser because . . . he could not bend
over." [Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.), 1-15-10] [The
Republican (Springfield), 2-4-10]
The Jesus and Mary World Tour (Recent Appearances)
* Rathkeale, Ireland, July (Mary on a tree stump). Apia, Samoa,
September (Mary on the outside wall of a church). Velyky Berez-
ny, Ukraine, September (Jesus on the outside wall of a
factory). Ravena, N.Y., September (Jesus in a coffee stain on a
mason jar). Bishopville, S.C., October (Jesus on a kitchen curtain).
Southampton, England, November (Jesus in a flat bread at an
Indian restaurant). Methuen, Mass., November (Jesus in a stain on
the bottom of an iron). Florissant, Mo., December (Jesus on a
splotch in a sink). Jonesborough, Tenn., November (Jesus,
morning after morning, in window condensation on a pickup
truck). (Apparently, only the three foreign sightings have drawn
significant pilgrimage to the sites.)
[Rathkeale: Irish Times, 7-9-09]
[Apia: Agence France-Presse, 9-17-09]
[Velyky Berezny: Daily Telegraph (London), 9-17-09]
[Ravena: Times Union (Albany), 6-17-09]
[Bishopville: WLTX-TV (Columbia, S.C.), 10-8-09]
[Southampton: Daily Echo (Redbridge, England), 11-11-09]
[Methuen: Eagle-Tribune (North Andover, Mass.), 11-27-09]
[Florissant: KTVI-TV (St. Louis), 12-16-09]
[Jonesborough: New York Daily News-AP, 11-4-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (May 2003)
* Least Competent Circus Knife-Thrower: News of the Weird
reported twice on staffing problems of British circus knife-thrower
Jayde Hanson. One assistant walked off the job in 2001 after being
nearly hit in the foot, which would have been her third wound that
season (equaling the number of injuries a previous girlfriend had
suffered as Hanson’s assistant before she quit the year before). In
April 2003, Hanson was performing with his new girlfriend, Yana Ro-
dianova, 22, live on Britain’s “This Morning” television show,
displaying his world-record form as a speed knife-thrower, when
one knife hit Rodianova in the head, drawing blood. [Reuters, 4-10-03]
Thanks Ths Week to Jim Weiss, Tom Barker, Peter Smagorin-
sky, Rachael Turner, Pete Randall, Bex Zumbruski, Steve
Dunn, Brandon Bowers, and Jon Cooper, and to the News of the
Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Geoffrey
Egan, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl
Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and the News of the Weird Editorial
Advisors (Paul Blumstein, John Cieciel, Harry Farkas, Fritz Gritzner,
Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Steve Miller, Christopher
Nalty, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Rob
Snyder, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
* * * * *
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