News of the Weird, February 12, 2012
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* "Dementiaville": Swiss health officials have authorized
construction of an assisted-living "village" of 1950s-style homes
and gardens designed to "remind" patients with Alzheimer's and
similar afflictions of surroundings that they might actually recall
and with which they might be more comfortable and secure than
they are with modern life. The 150-resident grounds, near the city
of Bern, will be similar to a Dutch facility set up in 2009 in a suburb
of Amsterdam. "To reinforce an atmosphere of normality," reported
London's The Independent in January, the Swiss caretakers will
dress as gardeners, hairdressers, shop assistants, and the like. [The
Independent, 1-24-2012]
Can't Possibly Be True
* The varsity girls' basketball teams at predominantly-white
Kenmore East High School near Buffalo, N.Y., have, for several
years, apparently, psyched themselves up in a pre-game locker-room
ritual by chanting, "One, Two, Three, [n-word (plural)]!" before
running out the door and onto the court. Although the white players
this year called the use of the word a "tradition" (passed down from
year to year), and not a racial "label," the team's only black player
notsurprisingly had a problem with it and reported it to school
officials. According to a December Buffalo News report, it was
always a players-only tradition, and no adult was aware of the chant,
but upon learning of it, officials immediately imposed player
suspensions and team penalties. [Buffalo News, 12-12-2011]
* The U.S. Treasury Department's inspector general for tax matters
revealed in January that IRS certified 331 prison inmates as
registered "tax preparers" during a recent 12-month period,
including 43 who were serving life sentences. None of the 43, and
fewer than one-fourth of the total, disclosed that they were in
prison. (The agency blamed a 2009 federal law intended to
encourage online-filing of tax returns, noting that "tax preparer"
registration can now be accomplished online by passing a 120-
question test.) (USA Today reported in February 2011 that
prisoners filing false or fraudulent tax returns scammed IRS for
nearly $39 million in 2009.) [USA Today, 1-3-2012]
* The Olympic Committee Will Not Be Calling: (1) Mr. Badr Al-
Alyani told a Saudi Arabian newspaper in November that he was
nearing the world record for squirting milk from his eye. The
current champion, Mehmet Yilmaz of Turkey, reached 2.7 meters
(almost nine feet), and Al-Alyani reports one squeeze of 2.3 meters.
He said he "will continue training." (2) In San Francisco, there is an
annual refereed "Masturbate-a-thon," and the supposed world
record, set in 2009, is held by Masanobu Sato, who remained
aroused for nine hours, 58 minutes. In a series of videos released
recently, Sato calmly explained how he "practices" for about two
hours every morning while his live-in girlfriend goes about her
business (in one video, ironing). Sato said he trains by swimming
twice a week and has "gained about [11 pounds] in muscle," which
helped him with "stamina." [Emirates24/7 (Dubai), 11-20-2011]
[Huffington Post, 12-23-2012]
* David Berniak, now serving 12 years in prison after pleading
guilty to DUI manslaughter for killing a woman and her adult
daughter and her husband in a Christmas Day 2007 car crash, filed a
lawsuit from prison in January against the victims' family,
demanding justice from them in the form of compensation for
medical expenses and his "pain" and "anguish." Police records
show Berniak was driving between 75 and 85 mph when he rear-
ended the victims' stopped car (and that he had alcohol, Xanax, and
cocaine in his system). Attorney Debra Tuomey, Berniak's sister,
represents him and called her brother's imprisonment "government
sanctioned assassination." [Tampa Bay Times, 1-13-2012]
Inexplicable
* Not One Second Longer with that Wench: A man identified as
Antonio C., 99, filed for divorce in December against his wife of 77
years, Rosa C., age 96, in Rome, Italy. According to an ANSA
news agency report, Antonio became upset when he discovered 50-
year-old letters from an affair Rosa once had. [United Press
International, 12-29-2012]
* Christopher Bolt pleaded guilty in September to felony
destruction of property in Loudoun County, Va., for spray-painting
more than 50 vehicles. Some were marked with the number "68,"
which a sheriff's detective explained was probably because Bolt had
initially sprayed "69" but realized it "didn't look right." [WTOP
Radio (Washington, D.C.), 9-6-2011]
Unclear on the Concept
* Brogan Rafferty, 16, in jail in Cleveland, Ohio, awaiting trial for
assisting in at least one murder in a robbery scheme, wrote to his
father in December (in a letter shared with the Plain Dealer
newspaper) that he was certain God would not allow him to suffer a
long prison sentence. That would mean, he wrote, that "all my
meaningful family members would be dead" when he got out.
"[N]o way God would do that to me." [Washington Post-AP, 12-
11-2011]
* Benjamin North, 26, was still at large at press time, but deputies
in Humboldt County, Calif., were pretty sure he was the man who
used a stolen credit card at a Safeway supermarket in December.
They know this because North for some reason insisted that the
purchase be credited to his personal "Safeway Club" card, which he
presented to the cashier along with the stolen card. [Eureka Times-
Standard, 12-16-2011]
Fine Points of the Law
* Gayane Zokhrabov, then 58, was knocked down by the flying
corpse of Hiroyuki Joho, 18, during a rain storm in Chicago in
2008, and in December 2011 filed a lawsuit against Joho's estate for
compensation for the various injuries she suffered that day (broken
leg, broken wrist, shoulder pain). Joho's corpse was "flying"
because he had just been fatally struck by a fast-moving train as he
dashed through the storm across several tracks--while Zokhrabov
was waiting on a nearby station platform. A judge initially ruled
that Zokhrabov's injuries were not a "foreseeable" result of Joho's
crossing the tracks, but in December, a state appeals court reinstated
the lawsuit. [Chicago Tribune, 12-29-2011]
* PayPal confirmed to a Toronto Star reporter in January that its
refund policy required the shattering of a violin that may well have
been a pre-World War II classic easily worth the $2,500 the seller
was asking. The buyer had balked after paying, claiming the violin
was counterfeit and produced one expert's opinion to that effect,
demanding that PayPal refund the money, which it did provided that
the buyer first "destroy" the property. (According to PayPal, the
laws of many countries, including the U.S., prohibit mailing
knowingly-counterfeit goods, and hence, PayPal could not simply
order the violin returned to sender. The seller, certain that the violin
was authentic, was left with neither it nor the money.) [Toronto
Star, 1-4-2012]
Least Competent Criminals
* Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) Police in London stepped up their
search for the man who tried to rob the Halifax bank in October but
escaped empty-handed. He had demanded 700,000 pounds from a
bank employee and then, intending to hand over the bag that he had
brought for the money, instead absent-mindedly handed over his
gun. Realizing his mistake, he dashed out the door. (2) Verlin
Alsept, 59, was arrested in Dayton, Ohio, in January and charged
with trying to rob a Family Dollar store. He had demanded all the
money in a cash register, and apparently, as an attempt to intimidate
the clerk, he pulled out a .38 caliber bullet from his pocket and
showed it to her. She was of course undaunted, and he walked away
(but was arrested nearby). [Daily Telegraph, 1-5-2012] [Dayton
Daily News, 1-11-2012]
Update
* In Jerusalem, It's Good to Be a Man: Ultra-Orthodox Judaism,
already responsible for excluding or segregating women on public
transportation, advertising images, and even use of sidewalks,
struck again at a January medical research conference in Jerusalem.
Despite their obvious interest in the conference's topic ("Innovations
in Gynecology/Obstetrics and Halacha [Jewish Law]"), all women
in attendance were required to sit apart from males, and no female
was allowed to address the audience from the podium. [The Globe
and Mail (Toronto), 1-10-2012]
Thanks This Week to Daniel Raymond, Perry Levin, Jim
Colucci, Joshua Levin, Geoff Egan, Alex Boomer, Matt Scholtes,
Tricia Currie Hunt, Jim Weiss, Aaron Dome, Barry Rose, and
Judith Hicks, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
*****
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