News of the Weird, June 27, 2010
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2010 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* New York state school officials had promised to crack down on
soft test-grading, to end the near-automatic grade-advancement by
students unprepared for promotion. However, a June New York
Post report found that the problem lingers under the current grading
guideline called "holistic rubrics." Among examples cited by the
Post (from a 4th-grade math test): How many inches long is a "2-
foot-long skateboard"? (Answer: 24; "half-credit" answer: 48).
Also, if you have 35 book boxes, and each contains 10 books, how
many books are there? (Answer: 350; "half-credit" answer: 150).
[New York Post, 6-6-10]
Can't Possibly Be True
* According to a May report by Seattle's KOMO-TV, former
Oregon National Guardsman Gary Pfleider II is awaiting the results
of his latest appeal to end the garnishment of his disability checks to
cover $3,175 for gear he supposedly "lost" when he was shot in
Iraq. Pfleider was hit by a sniper in 2007 and is now preparing for his
ninth surgery. Despite the trauma and profuse bleeding at the time,
the Oregon Guard apparently expected him to have paused to
inventory the equipment he was carrying and to make arrangements
for its safekeeping during his hospitalization. [KOMO-TV
(Seattle), 5-28-10]
* To ease the crowds entering the Texas Capitol building in Austin,
officials recently opened an "express" line, bypassing most security
precautions, for selected visitors and personnel. Obviously,
members of the legislature use the express line, along with Capitol
employees presenting ID. A third category of favored visitors:
anyone with a Texas concealed-weapons carry permit. The Houston
Chronicle reported in June that the lobbyists frustrated with the long
security lines have been applying for concealed-weapons permits
even if they expect never to even touch a firearm. [Houston
Chronicle, 6-2-10]
* Though he reportedly hacks more frequently lately, two-year-old
Ardi Rizal of Benyuasin, Indonesia, continues to smoke two packs
of cigarettes a day, according to a May dispatch in London's Daily
Mail and other news reports. Local officials offered Ardi's parents a
new car if they convinced him to quit, but the mother warned that
her son throws massive, head-banging tantrums if deprived of his
smokes, and his fisherman father, noting Ardi's generous girth, says
the kid looks fine to him. (Unfortunately for the parents, Ardi
prefers only a certain high-end brand, a pack of which costs more
than a whole day's food for the family. [Daily Mail, 5-26-10]
* Sydney's Daily Telegraph reported in May that Qantas Airways
has acknowledged re-using plastic knives and forks from its in-
flight meals as many as 30 times before discarding them. One
supplier who visited Qantas's Q Catering center in the Sydney
suburb of Mascot was told that the Qantas cutlery's plastic is "more
robust" than ordinary plastic utensils and is completely safe (after
special cleaning). [Daily Telegraph (Sydney), 5-17-10]
* It took until Spring 2010 (eight years after the invasion of
Afghanistan) for the U.S. Army to realize that enemy fighters in that
vast, mountainous country were difficult to shoot at because they
are often so far away. The Associated Press reported in May that
the Army is only now reconsidering its reliance on standard M-4
rifles (whose effective range is under 1,000 feet), in favor of M-110
sniper rifles (effective at more than 2,500 feet). (Shorter-range
rifles work well in Iraq, since the fighting is closer-in.) [ABC
News-AP, 5-21-10]
Unclear on the Concept
* Psychologists generally discount that children at age 6 can form a
specific intention to "sexually" molest anyone (as opposed to
roughing someone up or being obnoxious), but the principal of
Downey Elementary School in Brockton, Mass., nonetheless
suspended a first-grade boy in 2006 for "sexual harassment." The
boy admitted putting two fingers inside a girl's waistband, but his
parents sued--livid that a "sexual" motive had been assumed. In
February 2010, Brockton's daily Enterprise reported that the school
would pay the boy a $160,000 settlement for the principal's
overzealousness.) [The Enterprise, 2-12-10]
The Year of the Blind!
* (1) In Urfa, Turkey, in April, pop singer Metin Senturk set the
world speed record for an unassisted blind driver (in a Ferrari F430,
at about 175 mph), an experience he called "like a dance with
death." (2) In March in Watertown, Mass., two blind teenage
fencers from local schools for the blind squared off in what was
believed to be the first such match ever. (3) The Edinburgh
(Scotland) Arts Festival announced in June that it would display,
beginning in August, an exhibit of images taken by the blind
photographer Rosita McKenzie, 56. [Reuters, 4-2-10] [USA Today-
AP, 3-29-10] [BBC News, 6-3-10]
Sucker Nation
* The New Living Expo in San Francisco in May showcased such
"healthy-living" breakthroughs as a $1,200 machine promising to
suck toxins out of your body; a $249 silver amulet to protect you
from "deadly"cell phone radiation; and a $15,000 Turbo Sonic if
your red blood cells need to be "de-clumped." A Canadian study at
the same time found that 97% of people who admitted buying "anti-
aging" products did not think they would work but nevertheless
confessed their need to hope--like those who "hope" the viper-
venom-derived $525 Euoko Y-30 Intense Lift Concentrate will
prolong their lives. [San Francisco Chronicle, 5-12-10; Montreal
Gazette-Canwest News Service, 5-21-10]
* Recurring Theme: Once again, the larger question in a "swindling
psychic" case is not how Portland, Ore., "psychic" Cathy Stevens
managed to separate Mr. Drakar Druella, 42, from his $150,000
(which she needed, to cure Druella's "negative energy"). The larger
question is how did a man so totally lacking in street smarts manage
to amass $150,000 to begin with. Explained Druella, "[Stevens]
could cry [at] will. [She] becomes what you want and need her to
be." [Austin American-Statesman, 5-14-10] [The Oregonian, 5-7-
10]
People With Issues
* At her arraignment in Missoula, Mont., in April, Jackiya Ford, 37,
refused to enter a plea to various fraud charges because, she
explained, "Montana" is not a legal entity. According to the
prosecutor, after Ford was shown a house for sale by a local agent,
she tried to cut out the middleman by filing ownership claims to it
and all land within 20 miles of it (although she generously offered to
sell it to the current residents, aka the legal owners, for $900,000,
but only in "silver or gold"). Armed with her (fraudulent)
ownership document, she broke into the home and posted a no-
trespassing sign (the only visitors allowed: people authorized by
"our Lord and Savior Yahushua"). (As if she weren't busy enough,
she also disclosed that she is pregnant.) [The Missoulian, 5-3-10]
Armed and Clumsy (All New!)
* In this latest collection of men who accidentally shot themselves
recently, private parts were the center of attention. University of
Illinois campus police officer Bryan Mallin accidentally shot
himself in the butt while shopping in Chicago (March), and
Timothy Davis, 22, digging through a drawer in Fort Myers, Fla.,
last October, also accidentally shot himself in the butt. And four
other men (a shopper at a Lowe's Home Improvement store in
Lynnwood, Wash., a 17-year-old in Vallejo, Calif., 20-year-old
Jeffrey Disney in Hamilton, Ohio, and 50-year-old David Blurton,
in Dillon, Colo.) accidentally shot themselves in what for men is
their most cherished spot. [Chicago Tribune, 3-24-10] [Fort Myers
News-Press, 10-8-09] [Seattle Times, 5-30-10] [Contra Costa
Times, 3-5-10] [Oxford (Ohio) Press, 5-5-10] [Summit Daily News,
5-8-10]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 2004)
* In July [2004], police were summoned to an upscale office
building in St. Louis, Mo., on a report of a man roaming the halls
with a gun, and on arrival, officers found some workers hiding
under desks and in closets, with others having fled the building.
Police concluded that two lawyers, Gary Burger and Mark Cantor,
were once again playing their game in the hallways, stalking each
other with BB guns and occasionally firing. Most workers did not
know that the men were playing, but one did because she had been
shot in the finger and shoulder after walking into a previous battle.
Police said they would file gun charges, and one officer said the
perps would be tried "as adults" (i.e., not in the juvenile court
system). [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 8-2-04, 8-4-04]
Thanks This Week to Matt Marks, Douglas Howie, Jeff
Ammons, and Jan Wolitzky, and to the News of the Weird Senior
Advisors and Board of Editorial Advisors.
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