News of the Weird, November 6, 2011
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2011 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Saddam Hussein Back in the News: (1) Mohamed Bishr, an
Egyptian man bearing a remarkable resemblance to the late Iraqi
dictator, claimed in October that he had been briefly kidnaped after
spurning an offer to portray Saddam in a porn video. Bishr's adult
sons told the al-Ahram newspaper in Alexandria that their father
had been offered the equivalent of $330,000. (In 2002, according to
a 2010 Washington Post report, the CIA briefly contemplated using
a Saddam impersonator in a porn video as a tool to publicly
embarrass Saddam into relinquishing power prior to the U.S.
invasion.) (2) In October, former British soldier Nigel Ely offered
at auction in Derby, England, a two-foot-square piece of metal that
he said came from the iconic Baghdad statue of Saddam toppled by
U.S. Marines in April 2003. Ely said he had grabbed the piece
indiscriminately but remembers that it was a portion of Saddam's
buttocks. [al-Ahram, 10-8-2011] [al-Arabiya-Agence France-Presse,
10-12-2011]
Can't Possibly Be True
* Apparently, officials at the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport felt
the need for professional guidance on re-branding their facility to
(as one put it) "carry it into the modern era" and so hired the
creative talents of Big Communications of Birmingham, Ala., to
help. Big's suggested name for the airport, announced to great
fanfare in September: "Chattanooga Airport." [Times Free Press
(Chattanooga), 9-27-2011]
* Justice! . . Now! (1) Elsie Pawlow, a senior citizen of Edmonton,
Alberta, filed a $100,000 lawsuit in September against Kraft Canada
Inc., parent company of the makers of Stride Gum, which brags that
it is "ridiculously long-lasting." Pawlow complained that she had to
scrub down her dentures after using Stride, to "dig out" specks of
gum--a condition that caused her to experience "depression for
approximately 10 minutes." (2) Colleen O'Neal filed a lawsuit
recently against United/Continental airlines over the "post traumatic
stress disorder" she said she has suffered since a 20-minute flight in
October 2009--in which, during turbulent weather, the plane
"banked" from side to side and lost altitude. [Toronto Sun, 9-22-
2011] [WJRR Radio (Maitland, Fla.), 10-13-2011]
* In August, a state court in Frankfurt, Germany, awarded 3,000
euros (about $4,200) to Magnus Gaefgen, 36, on his claim that
during a 2002 police interrogation, officers "threat[ened]"
"violence" against him if he did not disclose what he knew about a
missing 11-year-old boy who was later found dead. In 2003,
Gaefgen was convicted of the boy's murder and is serving a life
sentence, but the court nevertheless thought he should be
compensated for his "pain and suffering." [Yahoo News-AP, 8-4-
2011]
* Names in the News: The man stabbed to death in Calgary,
Alberta, in August: the 29-year-old Mr. Brent Stabbed Last.
Among the family members of Jared Loughner (the man charged
with shooting U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in January) who were
interviewed by authorities regarding mental illnesses in the
Loughner family: Loughner's distant cousin Judy Wackt. Passed
away in May in Fredericksburg, Va.: retired Army Sgt. Harry Palm.
Charged with murder in Decatur, Ill., in September: a (predictably
underrespected) 15-year-old boy named Shitavious Cook. [CNews,
8-3-2011] [Google News-AP, 8-18-2011] [Fredericksburg Free
Lance-Star, 5-11-2011] [Herald-Review (Decatur, Ill.), 9-9-2011]
* Hey, It Could've Happened: (1) The British recreation firm UK
Paintball announced in August that a female customer had been
injured after a paintball shot hit her in the chest, causing her silicone
breast implant to "explode." The company recommended that
paintball facilities supply better chest protection for women with
implants. (2) The Moscow, Russia, newspaper Moskovsky
Komsomolets reported in October that a local woman's life had
been saved by her "state-of-the-art" silicone breast implant. Her
husband had stabbed her repeatedly in the chest during a domestic
argument, but the implant's gel supposedly deflected the blade. [Los
Angeles Times, 9-2-2011] [Daily Mail (London), 10-5-2011]
Ultimate Catfighting
* (1) In Charlotte, N.C., in October, a female motorist was arrested
for ramming another woman's car after that woman said "Good
morning" to the motorist's boyfriend as the women dropped kids off
at school. (2) In Arbutus, Md., in October, a woman was arrested
for throwing bleach and disinfectant at another woman in a Walmart
(an incident in which at least 19 bystanders sought medical
assistance). Police learned that the arrestee's child's father had
become the boyfriend of the bleach-targeted woman. (3) In a
hospital in Upland, Pa., in October, two pregnant women (ages 21
and 22) were arrested after injuring a woman, 36, and a girl, 15, in a
brawl inside a patient's room. [WSOC-TV (Charlotte), 10-3-2011]
[ABC News, 10-9-2011] [Philadelphia Daily News, 10-11-2011]
Unclear on the Concept
* The North Koreans called it a "cruise ship" and tried to establish a
business model to attract wealthy tourists from China, but to the
New York Times reporter on board in September, the 40-year-old
boat was more like a "tramp steamer" on which "vacationers" paid
the equivalent of $470 to "enjoy" five days and nights at sea. More
than 200 people boarded the "dim" and "musty" vessel, "sometimes
eight to a room with floor mattresses" and iffy bathrooms. The
onboard "entertainment" consisted not of shuffleboard but of
"decks of cards" and karaoke. Dinner "resembled a mess hall at an
American Army base," but with leftovers thrown overboard (even
though some of it was blown back on deck). The trip was capped,
wrote the Times, by the boat's crashing into the pier as it docked,
knocking a corner of the structure "into a pile of rubble." [New
York Times, 9-13-2011]
* The thief who made off with the valuable lamp from St. Patrick's
Catholic Church in Winson Green, England, in October might well
return to the building soon, for confession. Clearly visible on the
surveillance video inside was the man, as he was just about to
snatch up the lamp, making the sign of the cross. [Birmingham
Mail, 10-14-2011]
* Sally Stricker was angry that the Nebraska troopers patrolling the
state fair grounds in September had told her that she had an "illegal"
message on her t-shirt and that if she wished to remain at the fair,
she would have to either change shirts or wear hers inside out. The
"message" was a marijuana leaf with the slogan "Don't panic, It's
organic." Stricker was at the fair to attend the night's live concert--
starring (marijuana-friendly) Willie Nelson. [Lincoln Journal Star,
9-16-2011]
* Boise State University's highly rated football team suspended
three players for several games at the beginning of the season for
violating eligibility rules by receiving impermissible financial
benefits. According to an October news release by the school, the
most prominent player sanctioned was Geraldo Boldewijn, the
team's fastest wide receiver, who had improperly received the use of
a car. (However, it was a 1990 Toyota Camry with 177,000 miles
on it.) [Idaho Statesman, 10-6-2011]
Mixed Evidence on Smoking
* (1) It's Bad for You: A 44-year-old woman was hospitalized with
a head injury and a broken clavicle in September after she
inadvertently walked into a still-moving train at the Needham
Center station near Boston. Her attention had been diverted because
she was trying to light her cigarette as she walked. (2) Sometimes,
It's OK: A 51-year-old woman told police she fought off an
attempted street robbery in Pennsville Township, N.J., in October
by burning the age-20-something assailant with her lit cigarette.
She said the man yelled "Ouch" and ran away. [Boston Globe, 9-23-
2011] [NJ.com, 10-12-2011]
A News of the Weird Classic (April 1993)
* In a 1992 issue of the journal Sexual and Marital Therapy, two
therapists at the Institute of Psychiatry in London described
"orgasmic reconditioning" they performed on their patient,
"George," age 20. They reported "partial" success in getting George
to switch his masturbatory stimuli from the family car (an Austin
Metro) to photographs of naked women. George had reported
arousal previously only when sitting in the car or when squatting
behind it while the engine was running. (Before that, George was
sexually preoccupied with urination by women, children, and dogs.)
[The Independent (London), 12-7-1992]
Thanks This Week to Michael Barford, Peter Hine, Lyle
Mariam, and Emily Lehrer, and to the News of the Weird Board of
Editorial Advisors.
*****
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