News of the Weird, December 6, 2009
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Chuck Shepherd
Dec 6, 2009, 4:44:26 AM12/6/09
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WEIRDNUZ.M139 (News of the Weird, December 6, 2009)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* In October in Orange County, Calif., Billy Joe Johnson, who had
just been convicted of murder as a hit man for a white supremacist
gang, begged the judge and jury, in all sincerity, to sentence him to
death. Johnson knew that those on California's death row get
individual cells and better telephone access, nicer contact-visit
arrangements, and more personal-property privileges than ordinary
inmates. The Los Angeles Times reported that the state's spending
per-death-row-inmate is almost three times that for other inmates.
The current death-row census totals 685, but because of legal
issues, only 13 have been executed since 1977 (compared to 71
death-row fatalities from other causes). In fact, Johnson was so
eager to be put on death row that he tried to confess to two murders
that no one yet knew about. [Los Angeles Times, 11-11-09]
The Continuing Crisis
* Veteran marathoner Jerry Johncock, 81, was four-fifths through
the Twin Cities Marathon in October when he was overtaken by a
medical problem common to men of his age: urinary blockage. As
he stopped to discuss his plight with officials, noting that he would
have to quit the race to get to a hospital before his bladder burst, a
spectator overheard the conversation and offered him the use if a
"spare" catheter he had in his car. Johncock repaired to a rest
room, administered the catheter, and returned to finish the race.
[St. Paul Pioneer Press, 10-7-09]
* Shipments of Ford passenger vans arrive each month in
Baltimore from a Ford plant in Turkey, but each time, workers
immediately rip out the non-driver seats and replace the side
windows with steel. The reason, according to a September Wall
Street Journal report, is to avoid an expensive tariff on imported
"delivery vans," which is 10 times the tariff on "passenger vans."
Ford found that it less costly to re-fit passenger vans than to
acknowledge importing delivery vans. Ironically, the tariff was
imposed in 1963 specifically to protect the U.S. auto industry from
foreign imports. [Wall Street Journal, 9-23-09]
* In October, Poland's Polskieradio reported a settlement in the 18-
month legal battle between two neighbors in Mikowice over a
plastic bucket worth about $4.50. One had sued, accusing the other
of ruining the bucket by kicking it. The respondent had elaborately
offered proof of innocence by submitting video of the neighbor
continuing to use the bucket as before, but the neighbor had
countered by calling an "expert" witness, who examined the bucket
and concluded that it was probably damaged. [Polskieradio, 10-
24-09]
Yikes!
* Lisa Blair and her six sisters were enjoying a Thanksgiving meal
in Hamilton, Ontario (in Canada, Thanksgiving was October 12th),
when they began noticing suspicious flecks in the food and realized
that their necklace lockets, containing the ashes of their mother
(who had passed away two weeks earlier) were leaking. A local
funeral services store restocked and sealed the lockets. [Hamilton
Spectator, 10-26-09]
* In November, researchers roaming the depths of Scotland's Loch
Ness in a submarine, looking for the legendary monster, reported
finding mainly "hundreds of thousands" of golf balls at the bottom,
from popular use of the lake as a driving range. A recent Danish
Golf Association report lamented the slow decomposition of golf
balls (taking 100 to 1,000 years), and one UK legislator has called
golf balls "humanity's signature litter." [CNN, 11-10-09]
* The October "Miss Asia" beauty pageant in Hong Kong mostly
followed a traditional script, but special bonus competitions were
added, according to a report in The Straits Times. Contestants
appeared behind boards with only certain body parts exposed so
that judges could comment without knowing which woman they
were observing. Breast-judging turned out well for each of the
three finalists, as did waist-judging. However, the judges had
harsh words for two contestants' hair. Wang Zhi Fei was criticized
for "lots of dandruff and oily scalp," and Wang Chen learned the
hard way that she had significant "signs of hair loss." [The New
Paper-The Straits Times (Singapore), 11-12-09]
News That Sounds Like a Joke
* In September, prominent chocolate food engineer Hanna
Frederick introduced her latest concoction at a conference of the
Meat Industry Association in New Zealand: dark chocolate truffles
tinged with venizon and salami. Said Frederick, "There's this
smoky taste to start, then a strong chocolate flavor comes in, and at
the end you have this wonderful taste of salami." Earlier in the
year, she had introduced chocolates injected with Tongkat Ali, a
Southeast Asian herb reputed to stimulate testosterone production.
[New Zealand Herald-Australian Associated Press, 9-16-09;
MamorChocolates.com]
* In August, the Thorpe Park amusement facility in Chertsey,
England, posted signs on its roller coaster admonishing riders not
to wave their arms during the ride. According to director Mike
Vallis, "We've found that when the temperature tops 77 degrees
(F), the level of unpleasant [underarm] smells can become
unacceptable, and we do receive complaints." [Daily Telegraph, 8-
18-09]
Family Values
* (1) Kenny Jackson, 30, was arrested in St. Paul, Minn., in August
after rampaging through his house, destroying furniture and
menacing his son, 4, upon finding the boy wearing a blue shirt,
which happens to be the color favored by a rival gang (to Jackson's
Bloods). (2) In April, Helen Ford was evicted from her home of 30
years in Cambridge, Mass., the result of, she says, being tricked by
her son six years earlier to sign the house over to his "business
associates" (who recently defaulted on the mortgage). Her son is
former college and pro basketball player Rumeal Robinson, 43,
who is under federal indictment for bank fraud. Ford (for
exemplary community service) and Robinson (for basketball fame)
are both prominent citizens of Cambridge, and the house in
question sits on Rumeal Robinson Way. [Star Tribune, 8-31-09]
[WickedLocal.com (Cambridge) (GateHouse Media), 10-1-09]
Names in the News
* (1) The victim of fatal gunshots in Buffalo, N.Y., in October:
Mr. Mister Rogers, 23. (2) Arrested for flashing women in
Annville Township, Pa., in October: Mr. Hung Thanh Vo, 19. (3)
Sentenced for burglary in Portland, Ore., in November (for a
December 2008 incident in which he, nude, was detained by the
88-year-old female homeowner, who had grabbed hold of his
scrotum): Mr. Michael G. Dick, 47. (4) Arrested (for the second
time; the first was also reported in News of the Weird) for
prostitution in Forsyth County, Ga., in October: massage parlor
employee Mi Suk Yang, 47. [Buffalo News, 10-26-09] [WHTM-
TV (Harrisburg), 10-15-09] [The Oregonian, 11-6-09] [Forsyth
County News, 10-4-09]
Least Competent Car Owners
* (1) From a police report in the October 6th Jersey Journal: An
out-of-state visitor who parked his Ferrari Modena overnight on
the street in Jersey City returned the next morning to find the car
burglarized and a $100,000 Audemars Piguet watch that he had left
inside the car missing. (2) A still-unidentified driver who had just
spent $1.25 million on a 2006 Bugatti Veyron EB (at 1001
horsepower, reputed to be the fastest and most expensive car in the
world) was distracted by a low-flying pelican while driving in
LaMarque, Tex. (on Galveston Island), and accidentally drove the
car into a salt-water inlet. [Jersey Journal, 10-6-09] [Houston
Chronicle, 11-12-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 2007)
* Widower Charlie Bonn Kemp, 77, of Vero Beach, Fla., took
especially hard the loss of his wife Lee in 2006 because she was
unquestionably the love of his life even though the couple had
stopped having sex even before they got married in 1978.
According to a June 2007 St. Petersburg Times profile, Lee had
been Charlie's gay lover for 26 years, until revealing in 1978 that
he could no longer resist the urge to become a woman, and
especially a housewife. Such was their attachment that, following
Lee's full sex change, she and Charlie decided to take advantage of
Lee's new status and legally marry, and continue their devotion,
even though Charlie remained sexually attracted only to men. [St.
Petersburg Times, 6-24-07]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Milford Sprecher, Hal
Dunham, Sandy Pearlman, John Wilwood, and Gregory Payne, and
to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Are you ready for News of the Weird / Pro Edition? Every
Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses:
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* In October in Orange County, Calif., Billy Joe Johnson, who had
just been convicted of murder as a hit man for a white supremacist
gang, begged the judge and jury, in all sincerity, to sentence him to
death. Johnson knew that those on California's death row get
individual cells and better telephone access, nicer contact-visit
arrangements, and more personal-property privileges than ordinary
inmates. The Los Angeles Times reported that the state's spending
per-death-row-inmate is almost three times that for other inmates.
The current death-row census totals 685, but because of legal
issues, only 13 have been executed since 1977 (compared to 71
death-row fatalities from other causes). In fact, Johnson was so
eager to be put on death row that he tried to confess to two murders
that no one yet knew about. [Los Angeles Times, 11-11-09]
The Continuing Crisis
* Veteran marathoner Jerry Johncock, 81, was four-fifths through
the Twin Cities Marathon in October when he was overtaken by a
medical problem common to men of his age: urinary blockage. As
he stopped to discuss his plight with officials, noting that he would
have to quit the race to get to a hospital before his bladder burst, a
spectator overheard the conversation and offered him the use if a
"spare" catheter he had in his car. Johncock repaired to a rest
room, administered the catheter, and returned to finish the race.
[St. Paul Pioneer Press, 10-7-09]
* Shipments of Ford passenger vans arrive each month in
Baltimore from a Ford plant in Turkey, but each time, workers
immediately rip out the non-driver seats and replace the side
windows with steel. The reason, according to a September Wall
Street Journal report, is to avoid an expensive tariff on imported
"delivery vans," which is 10 times the tariff on "passenger vans."
Ford found that it less costly to re-fit passenger vans than to
acknowledge importing delivery vans. Ironically, the tariff was
imposed in 1963 specifically to protect the U.S. auto industry from
foreign imports. [Wall Street Journal, 9-23-09]
* In October, Poland's Polskieradio reported a settlement in the 18-
month legal battle between two neighbors in Mikowice over a
plastic bucket worth about $4.50. One had sued, accusing the other
of ruining the bucket by kicking it. The respondent had elaborately
offered proof of innocence by submitting video of the neighbor
continuing to use the bucket as before, but the neighbor had
countered by calling an "expert" witness, who examined the bucket
and concluded that it was probably damaged. [Polskieradio, 10-
24-09]
Yikes!
* Lisa Blair and her six sisters were enjoying a Thanksgiving meal
in Hamilton, Ontario (in Canada, Thanksgiving was October 12th),
when they began noticing suspicious flecks in the food and realized
that their necklace lockets, containing the ashes of their mother
(who had passed away two weeks earlier) were leaking. A local
funeral services store restocked and sealed the lockets. [Hamilton
Spectator, 10-26-09]
* In November, researchers roaming the depths of Scotland's Loch
Ness in a submarine, looking for the legendary monster, reported
finding mainly "hundreds of thousands" of golf balls at the bottom,
from popular use of the lake as a driving range. A recent Danish
Golf Association report lamented the slow decomposition of golf
balls (taking 100 to 1,000 years), and one UK legislator has called
golf balls "humanity's signature litter." [CNN, 11-10-09]
* The October "Miss Asia" beauty pageant in Hong Kong mostly
followed a traditional script, but special bonus competitions were
added, according to a report in The Straits Times. Contestants
appeared behind boards with only certain body parts exposed so
that judges could comment without knowing which woman they
were observing. Breast-judging turned out well for each of the
three finalists, as did waist-judging. However, the judges had
harsh words for two contestants' hair. Wang Zhi Fei was criticized
for "lots of dandruff and oily scalp," and Wang Chen learned the
hard way that she had significant "signs of hair loss." [The New
Paper-The Straits Times (Singapore), 11-12-09]
News That Sounds Like a Joke
* In September, prominent chocolate food engineer Hanna
Frederick introduced her latest concoction at a conference of the
Meat Industry Association in New Zealand: dark chocolate truffles
tinged with venizon and salami. Said Frederick, "There's this
smoky taste to start, then a strong chocolate flavor comes in, and at
the end you have this wonderful taste of salami." Earlier in the
year, she had introduced chocolates injected with Tongkat Ali, a
Southeast Asian herb reputed to stimulate testosterone production.
[New Zealand Herald-Australian Associated Press, 9-16-09;
MamorChocolates.com]
* In August, the Thorpe Park amusement facility in Chertsey,
England, posted signs on its roller coaster admonishing riders not
to wave their arms during the ride. According to director Mike
Vallis, "We've found that when the temperature tops 77 degrees
(F), the level of unpleasant [underarm] smells can become
unacceptable, and we do receive complaints." [Daily Telegraph, 8-
18-09]
Family Values
* (1) Kenny Jackson, 30, was arrested in St. Paul, Minn., in August
after rampaging through his house, destroying furniture and
menacing his son, 4, upon finding the boy wearing a blue shirt,
which happens to be the color favored by a rival gang (to Jackson's
Bloods). (2) In April, Helen Ford was evicted from her home of 30
years in Cambridge, Mass., the result of, she says, being tricked by
her son six years earlier to sign the house over to his "business
associates" (who recently defaulted on the mortgage). Her son is
former college and pro basketball player Rumeal Robinson, 43,
who is under federal indictment for bank fraud. Ford (for
exemplary community service) and Robinson (for basketball fame)
are both prominent citizens of Cambridge, and the house in
question sits on Rumeal Robinson Way. [Star Tribune, 8-31-09]
[WickedLocal.com (Cambridge) (GateHouse Media), 10-1-09]
Names in the News
* (1) The victim of fatal gunshots in Buffalo, N.Y., in October:
Mr. Mister Rogers, 23. (2) Arrested for flashing women in
Annville Township, Pa., in October: Mr. Hung Thanh Vo, 19. (3)
Sentenced for burglary in Portland, Ore., in November (for a
December 2008 incident in which he, nude, was detained by the
88-year-old female homeowner, who had grabbed hold of his
scrotum): Mr. Michael G. Dick, 47. (4) Arrested (for the second
time; the first was also reported in News of the Weird) for
prostitution in Forsyth County, Ga., in October: massage parlor
employee Mi Suk Yang, 47. [Buffalo News, 10-26-09] [WHTM-
TV (Harrisburg), 10-15-09] [The Oregonian, 11-6-09] [Forsyth
County News, 10-4-09]
Least Competent Car Owners
* (1) From a police report in the October 6th Jersey Journal: An
out-of-state visitor who parked his Ferrari Modena overnight on
the street in Jersey City returned the next morning to find the car
burglarized and a $100,000 Audemars Piguet watch that he had left
inside the car missing. (2) A still-unidentified driver who had just
spent $1.25 million on a 2006 Bugatti Veyron EB (at 1001
horsepower, reputed to be the fastest and most expensive car in the
world) was distracted by a low-flying pelican while driving in
LaMarque, Tex. (on Galveston Island), and accidentally drove the
car into a salt-water inlet. [Jersey Journal, 10-6-09] [Houston
Chronicle, 11-12-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 2007)
* Widower Charlie Bonn Kemp, 77, of Vero Beach, Fla., took
especially hard the loss of his wife Lee in 2006 because she was
unquestionably the love of his life even though the couple had
stopped having sex even before they got married in 1978.
According to a June 2007 St. Petersburg Times profile, Lee had
been Charlie's gay lover for 26 years, until revealing in 1978 that
he could no longer resist the urge to become a woman, and
especially a housewife. Such was their attachment that, following
Lee's full sex change, she and Charlie decided to take advantage of
Lee's new status and legally marry, and continue their devotion,
even though Charlie remained sexually attracted only to men. [St.
Petersburg Times, 6-24-07]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Milford Sprecher, Hal
Dunham, Sandy Pearlman, John Wilwood, and Gregory Payne, and
to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Are you ready for News of the Weird / Pro Edition? Every
Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses:
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.
Chuck Shepherd
Dec 6, 2009, 7:09:46 AM12/6/09
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