News of the Weird, October 2, 2011
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2011 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Risky Business Models: (1) Orlando-area cosmetic surgeon
Jeffrey Hartog inaugurated Liquid Gold, a storehouse for patients'
frozen liposuctioned fat, charging $900 to safekeep a coffee-cup-
sized portion and $200 per year storage (in case the fat is needed
later, as for smoothing facial wrinkles). A Massachusetts General
Hospital physician shook his head, telling the Orlando Sentinel,
"[F]rozen fat doesn't hold up as well as fresh fat." (2) German
biochemist Peer Bork told the journal Nature in September that he
and his partners built the not-for-profit MyMicrobes.com social
network so that people with similar stomach bacteria can
commiserate over diet and gastrointestinal woes. The $2,100
signup fee includes a full gut-bacteria sequencing. [Orlando
Sentinel, 9-14-2011] [Nature, 9-8-2011]
The Continuing Crisis
* Wild Things: Motorist Clyde White of Corbin, Ky., was charged
with attempted murder in August after police finally collared him
following a road-rage chase that reached speeds of over 100 mph.
White, who had repeatedly rammed his two siblings in their vehicle,
is 78 years old, and in that other vehicle were his brother, 82, and
his sister, 83. [Lexington Herald-Leader, 8-30-2011]
* According to a recent report from Britain's Office of National
Statistics, there are 297,000 households in the country in which no
adult has ever held any kind of job. The number of individuals who
thus may never have developed the "habit of work," and who
instead have grown accustomed to the country's generous welfare
payments, might total 700,000. (In an example cited by the Daily
Mail, one such couple in their late 30s, and their children, "earn" the
equivalent of almost $1,100 per week in income support and
disability payments.) [Daily Mail, 9-2-2011]
* Chicago massage therapist Liudmyla Ksenych, testifying for the
prosecution in August in a sex-trafficking trial, happened to notice
from the witness stand that the defense lawyer, Douglas Rathe, was
formerly a client of hers. The judge immediately declared a
mistrial. Rathe later said he visited Ksenych four times in 2009 but
that "nothing inappropriate" happened. [Chicago Tribune, 8-30-
2011]
Fine Points of the Law
* (1) What Year Is This? In August in Lubbock, Tex., Carl Wade
Curry, 44, was sentenced the 99 years in prison for cattle rustling.
(Said one of the victims, Curry tried to be a smooth-talking,
handshake-dealing cattle seller, but "he wasn't capable.") (2) In
Jackson, Minn., in March, Andrew Espey was sentenced to 90 days
in jail for improperly shingling the roof of his house. Complained
Espey, "[A] drunk can drive down the highway and get a lot less [of
a sentence]." (He had affixed new shingles without first removing
the old ones.) [Houston Chronicle-AP, 8-25-2011] [KEYC-TV
(Mankato, Minn.), 7-29-2011]
Oops!
* Larry Stone, jailed on property crimes in Tavares, Fla., because he
could not make the $1,250 bail, posted the bond in July by earning
$1,300 in telephone-company money after discovering a
management error that credited his jail account $46 for every
international call he pretended to make. (The company figured out
the problem a day later and recovered all the payouts from the
accounts of Stone and 250 other prisoners who had learned of the
glitch. Stone's bond was revoked, of course, and he was returned to
lockup.) [Orlando Sentinel, 7-27-2011]
* "Sorry, Honey. I Was Aiming at the Dog": (1) Betty Walker,
allegedly firing at the pit bull that she saw lunging at some children,
hit the dog with one shot and her husband, 53, with a second shot,
killing him (Jackson, Miss., July). (2) Brent Bader, allegedly firing
at the family dog, instead hit his wife once in the head, killing her
(Twin Peaks, Calif., February). (3) Samuel Campos, 46, allegedly
firing to put away the family Chihuahua after having inadvertently
wounded it the day before, instead hit his girlfriend, 41, killing her
(Willits, Calif., March). [New York Times-AP, 7-16-2011] [Los
Angeles Times, 3-1-2011] [Press Democrat (Santa Rosa, Calif.), 3-
23-2011]
News of the Self-Indulgent
* While too many children in third-world countries die from
starvation or lack of basic medicines, the pre-schoolers of the TLC
TV channel's "Outrageous Kid Parties" reality show celebrate
birthdays and "graduation" (from or to kindergarten) with
spectacular events that may cost their parents $30,000 or more.
Typical features, according to an August ABC News report,
included a Ferris wheel, a roller coaster, a dunking booth, animal
rides, and a cotton candy machine, as well as the obligatory live
music and limo or horseback (for grand entrances). [ABC News, 8-
23-2011]
Bright Ideas
* Strategies: (1) Alicia Bouchard, 41, was arrested in Jackson
County, Fla., in August, accused of hatching a plot with her
husband to impregnate a 12-year-old girl for the purpose of
producing a baby that would eventually earn an additional welfare
check. (2) In August, the Japanese construction firm Maeda Corp.
ordered its 2,700 employees to adopt standard, short hairstyles (a
"bob" for women with a longer fringe that could be swept to the
side and a routine short-back-and-sides cut for men with a slightly
longer cut on top). Maeda said it was responding to the
government's plea to reduce energy usage (less water, less hair dryer
time). [Jackson County Floridian ) [Marianna, Fla.), 8-18-2011]
[Daily Telegraph (London), 8-26-2011]
People Different From Us
* (1) Travis Keen, 28, was arrested in Ouachita Parish, La., in
August and charged with indecent exposure while driving around
the parking lot at a Walmart. According to the police report, Keen
explained that, based on experience, "when he comes to Walmart,
he gets aroused." (2) William Falkingham, 34, was warned by
police in Idaho Falls, Id., in August that he'd better stop wearing his
large, black bunny-rabbit suit in public. One resident complained
that his son had been frightened and that others were "greatly
disturbed," and besides, Falkingham sometimes wore a tutu with the
bunny outfit. [The Smoking Gun, 8-10-2011] [Idaho Falls Police
Dept. release, 8-2-2011]
Redneck Chronicles
* (1) Lon Groves, 40, was arrested in Fort Walton Beach, Fla., after
a brief standoff with police in July following an incident in which
he allegedly held a handgun to the head of his wife in an argument
over which of their granddaughters was the wife's favorite. (2)
Pastor Daryl Riley of the New Welcome Baptist Church in St.
Elmo, Ala., was Tasered, allegedly by the church's music minister,
whom Riley had just fired in August (which led another parishioner
to pull a knife and begin stabbing wildly in a melee). Said the
music minister's mother, "He done cut [me] before anything
started." [WPMI-TV (Mobile), 8-9-2011]
Recurring Themes
* Anecdotes have surfaced over the years about an alleged sexual
fetish of purposely pumping air into the rectum, and the
Snopes.com "urban legends" website accepts that at least one
instance has been reliably reported (in 1993 in Thailand, although
that involved not self-gratification but a prank that got out of hand,
resulting in the death of the victim). In July 2010, in Hull County,
England, electrician Gareth Durrant, 26, was the victim of a prank
that mirrored the 1993 case except that a quick-acting colleague
removed the air hose, which had been inserted by co-workers as
Durrant lounged on a break. Durrant said his body felt like it was
inflating. In August 2011, as his lawsuit went to Hull Crown Court
(as he has been unable to work ever since), he said that he still
suffers headaches and stomach pains. [Daily Telegraph (London), 8-
25-2011]
A News of the Weird Classic (March 2006)
* Because perhaps hundreds of Japanese Yakuza gangsters are
nearing retirement age, the Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
has drafted rules for the former gambling, loan shark, and protection
workers to qualify for benefits, according to a March dispatch from
Tokyo in The Times of London. Since organized gangs avoid paper
trails, ex-mobsters must supply a letter acknowledging retirement
from their crime boss in order to sign up, although local
governments are expected to accept as provisional proof criminal
records, gang tattoos, and demonstrations of missing fingertips
(traditional Yakuza punishment for mistakes). [The Times
(London), 3-3-06]
Thanks This Week to Jim Colucci, Alan Magid, Gerald
Thomason, Bruce Leiserowitz, Richard Hunding, Tom Steele, Kurt
Koenig, and Papillon DeBoebbs, and to the News of the Weird
Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Are you ready for News of the Weird / Pro Edition? See it every
Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com. Other handy
addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net,
http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33679.