Most Bitter Attack on A Good Man
Palith Balakrishnabati GUEST
>From allegra!ihnp4!mit-eddie!nessus Sat Jun 15 11:10:53 1985
>Date: Sat, 15 Jun 85 07:17:42 edt
>From: Doug Alan <allegra!ihnp4!mit-eddie!nessus>
>To: ihnp4!allegra!princeton!jansic
>Subject: You Retarded Moron
>Cc: allegra!princeton!down!fun-people
>
>I can't believe what an idiot you are. I have spent months
>and months cultivating an interest in Kate Bush's avante
>garde sound in net.music. Keep your goddamn stupid family
>problems OFF THE NET. Pathetic people like you have no
>business being in Kate Bush's life! She is beautiful
>while you are a hideous fun-house mirror image of a giant stoma.
>You are a stinking fetid stupid slob and you always will be, Jansic.
>And if you show this to anyone I will deny that I ever sent it.
>You're playing hard ball with the Big Boys now Jansic.
>
> <<As-tu tue le Jaseroque
> Viens a mon coeur, fils rayonnais!
> O jour frabbejais! Calleau! Callai!>>
> Il Cortule dans sa joie.
>
> Doug Alan
I am to be very very chagrined in these remarks about my good friend
HUGH JANSIC. He is not a satire and it does me great pain to see such
a good fellow feeling so poorly. These M.I.T. "hackers" behave cruelly
with little or no impunity. I tell you one thing, in India this would
not be tolerated. In Kanpur we had the highest moral code that we
would adhere to very strictly, we were all from good families. Not
like Mr. so-called M.I.T.-Eddie Nessus. Hugh does have very serious
family problems and it is very easy to take advantage of such a
person. But I expected more of the American net users.
So what if HUGH JANSIC has to exxaggerate? He has many many hard
problems that he has to solve on his own without help from anyone. Now
Mr. Jansic is saying he is not willing to share his new big memory Unix
code with anyone else and it is harming our technical abilities. Doesnt'
anyone else care about this? Do you feel like a Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Doug Alan?
Palith
Doug Alan
>>From allegra!ihnp4!mit-eddie!nessus Sat Jun 15 11:10:53 1985
>>Date: Sat, 15 Jun 85 07:17:42 edt
>>From: Doug Alan <allegra!ihnp4!mit-eddie!nessus>
>>To: ihnp4!allegra!princeton!jansic
>>Subject: You Retarded Moron
>>Cc: allegra!princeton!down!fun-people
>>
>>I can't believe what an idiot you are. I have spent months
>>and months cultivating an interest in Kate Bush's avante
>>garde sound in net.music. Keep your goddamn stupid family....
>>
>> As-tu tue le Jaseroque
>> Viens a mon coeur, fils rayonnais!
>> O jour frabbejais! Calleau! Callai!
>> Il Cortule dans sa joie.
>>
>> Doug Alan
> I am to be very very chagrined in these remarks about my good friend....
> Do you feel like a Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Doug Alan?
> Palith
Wow, Palith! That's a pretty good impression you can do of me! How did
you know that "The Jabberwocky" is my favorite poem? I've had the whole
thing memorized by heart for years! Where did you get the French
translation? Do you have the whole thing? Could you send me a copy?
"And hath thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms my beamish boy!
O Frabjous day, calloo, callay!
He chortled in his joy"
Doug Alan
nes...@mit-eddie.UUCP (or ARPA)
Hugh R. Jansic
Palith to post the mail from Prof. Alan-- there was a misunderstanding.
I am still trying to calm down. What I was trying to say was, that rock
and roll stars sometimes march to the beat of a different drummer.
Sometimes their beating on a drum can hurt people that are near them.
While Binky is still hostile and competitive I am sure Prof. Alan and others
can derive some pleasure from her music but there is no need to make her
seem bigger than life. She's not the ultimate woman or anything. Ask my
brother Timmy. But what Prof. Alan fails to realize is that a very formative
part of Binky's life was spent in the United States, in a small suburb
of Cleveland Ohio. This is where she had her first exposure to the members
of the group DEVO who were then known as ``Finnegan's Wake.'' You see
Binky was an AFS student who stayed with a local family. So Mr. know-it-all
Doug Alan there you go. Here's a little more K.B. info for you and your
fan-club friends.
As an offering of peace I would like to end my posting with a fragment
of my favorite poem IN FRENCH.
Un deux, un deux, par le milieu,
Le glaive vorpal fait pat-a-pan!
La bete defaite, avec sa tete,
Il rentre gallomphant.
Hugh R. Jansic
P.S. Professor Alan, maybe we could get together some time in Cambridge
and discuss our difficulties. You seem to have had a very frustrating life too.
David Sherman
||Wow, Palith! That's a pretty good impression you can do of me! How did
||you know that "The Jabberwocky" is my favorite poem? I've had the whole
||thing memorized by heart for years! Where did you get the French
||translation? Do you have the whole thing? Could you send me a copy?
||
|| "And hath thou slain the Jabberwock?
The French and German versions of Jabberwocky are published
in Martin Gardner's *The Annotated Alice*. The German version
is much more fun, actually. I have the whole thing on-line
somewhere, if anyone cares.
Es brillig war, die schlichte Toven
wirrten und wimmelten in Waben
und alle muemsige Burggoven
die Momen-Raeth ausgraben
Dave Sherman
--
{ ihnp4!utzoo pesnta utcs hcr decvax!utcsri } !lsuc!dave
Doug Alan
Thanks to Rob Ferguson, I have received a copy of the forged message
that was posted to the net with my name on it. This message was
apparently generated by the Doug Alan algorithm that those wonderful
eunuch wizards at Princeton, the Fun-People, are working on. I know
that this algorithm exists because they have shown me its output on
previous occasions. Since this algorithm represents, perhaps, my only
chance at immortality, I feel that I must provide some constructive
crticism and comments.
To refresh the reader's memory, the forged letter began like this:
> First of all I did not post the vicious attack on Hugh Jansic.
Cute. Self-referential. Ironic. Quite my style. I would never begin
a message with "First of all", though, and I did in fact post the
article on Hugh Janic. It was not a vicious attack, however, but merely
the unfortunate truth.
> I suspect someone knowledgable in the use of computer networks such as
> Mark Horton or Rob Pike or Sunny Kirsten (bitch) did this to tarnish
> my otherwise illuminating insights in net.music.
Now this is not characteristic of me at all. I would certainly not call
anyone a "bitch" in public or private -- especially people I barely know
and have no absolutely no reason to malign. My type of insult is
usually on the order of insinuating that the person enjoys "Three's
Company", etc.
> I suspect one of them has a very advanced AI expert system for
> generating articles apparently written by me.
This is true, but it's Fun-People that have it, not Mark Horton, et. al.
> The realization that the algorithm for my thinking process has propogated
> over the net gives me a new feeling of imortality! I hope they wrote
> down the method they use to emulate me. Cause then, even long after I'm
> dead, I will exist on that piece of paper. Perhaps my algorithm will
> even infect people's minds and they will become me. The whole world
> might eventually become filled up with me's. It will be great! Why do
> I even go on bothering to keep life within this useless piece of flesh I
> now inhabit? I've transcended all that! I'm disposing of this useless
> body tomorrow, but before I do, I'll send them all my Kate Bush albums,
> fanzines, photographs, videotapes, blow-up loves dolls, and used panties
> to put with the Doug Alan algorithm so that it will always be happy too.
Now this is just a blatant rippoff of my private discussions with the
Fun-People. It is too bad that the Doug Alan algorithm must plagerize
what I have actually said. This is strong evidence that the algorithm
does not completely duplicate my thought processes. If it did, there
would be no reason for it to plagerize me -- it could think of
brilliantly witty responses on its own. Also, this section was clearly
of the highest quality of any of the material in the article. This
strongly indicates that the quality of the output of the Doug Alan
algorithm needs serious work.
> I must confess I had mixed feelings upon reading about Kate Bush's
> personal life. On the one hand I love Kate Bush more than any other
> human in the whole world. On the other hand, the silly Yuppie
> preciousness of her stage persona sends me into a real mean mood....
> [etc. ad nauseum]
I'm sorry, but none of this correctly captures my feelings about Kate
Bush or any other artist whom I admire. The hinting toward a love/hate
relationship towards art I love may have some merit, but not for the
reasons indicated. Kate Bush has achieved perfection and other artists
have come close. I almost certainly never will, and I am jealous of
these artists' talent -- talent that I will never have. It can be quite
frustrating. But, in any case, back to the drawing board, fellows...
> Sometimes I decide I will never listen to Kate Bush again and other
> times I can't imagine not listening to Kate Bush every day. It's like
> self-contradictory :-).
This is certainly true -- it's difficult and sometimes painful to stare
straight into the face of perfection. But I almost never use those
silly smiley faces. If one's intent isn't clear without them, then
perhaps he hasn't done a good enough job of writing.
> Maybe there is a meta-language to describe
> these kinds of situations. This reminds me of a Koan.
> If the buffalo runs, he will fall into the trench;
> If he returns, he will be butchered.
> That little tail
> Is a very strange thing.
That's a really nice Koan! Good job!
The Fun-People have also shown me some sample output of their Kate Bush
lyric writing algorithm. It is fairly interesting, but unfortunately,
completely unlike Kate Bush. I wish they would perfect this and have it
make albums so that Kate Bush albums would come out at a faster rate
than once every three years.
In conclusion, I'd just like to reiterate that though I feel that this
Doug Alan algorithm has some merit, it needs a lot of serious work
before I will safely feel immortal! I'd also like to recommend that the
Fun-People play with their newly created friends in private, rather than
in public (where the pesky Commies might get a hint at our advanced
technology).
"O for the wings of any bird
Other than a battery hen"
Doug Alan
nes...@mit-eddie.UUCP (or ARPA)
P.S. There is not the smallest pinch of Ken Arndt in me, and I am
EXTREMELY offended that anyone would make such a rediculous insinuation.
Judd Rogers
How about a new news group, net.music.rumor, for all you people who insist on
sending stuff to every news group in the known universe.
--
Beware the Imp of Perversity!
Spoken: Judd Rogers
Uucp:...{allegra,seismo}!umcp-cs!judd@tove
Mark V. Shaney
pointed out "one person" because I have not encountered difficulties
with someone feeling "insecure" about "inferior intelligence", I have
encountered a quite different problem, numerous times: that of the
current political situation.
For my final comments on this subject in this broader question would be
vehemently opposed by a number of people, who would feel that you
cross-posted your comment to net.philosophy and net.religion. This
says a lot.
On the other person trying to "stifle" my thinking. This typically
involved critical comments like "You think too much. You are
absolutely right".
_-_-_-_-Mark
Chris Redmond
> How about a new news group, net.music.rumor, for all you people who insist on
> sending stuff to every news group in the known universe.
Hear, hear.
Does *anybody* in most of these newsgroups know, or care, what this
exchange is all about?
The arbitrary labelling of groups does mean that things have to be
cross-posted sometimes. And arbitrary labelling is inevitable. But
common sense might be applied once in a while. And I've heard a
rumour that it's possible to *edit* the newsgroup line of a posting,
to avoid sending something to (for example) net.singles or net.women
which belongs in net.flame or net.micro.
Maybe it's time for somebody to consider a regrouping of net.singles,
net.women, net.women.only, net.social and net.politics into something
else. For example: net.relationships, net.society, net.public-affairs,
net.liberation and net.cosmetics. But that's just an idle suggestion,
and it still wouldn't get rid of the random flamers.
CAR
Dana S. Nau
>> How about a new news group, net.music.rumor, for all you people who insist on
>> sending stuff to every news group in the known universe.
It's too bad that the news software doesn't prohibit people from putting
more than, say, two newsgroups on the "Newsgroups:" line!
--
Dana S. Nau, Computer Science Dept., U. of Maryland, College Park, MD 20742
ARPA: dsn@maryland CSNet: dsn@umcp-cs
UUCP: {seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!dsn Phone: (301) 454-7932
J. Eric Roskos
> exchange is all about?
Oh, my, I am not sure if you mean this, or if it is a rhetorical question.
I will answer it as if it was'nt.
In net.music, there is a person named Doug or "nessus" who is grossly
infatuated with a musician named Kate Bush. He likes her so much that
every 2 or 3 days, he writes kilobytes of commentary on how wonderful she
is, eventhough she hasn't released a new record in 5 years (he keeps
talking about her record from 5 years ago, "The Dreaming"). Kate has
many fans in net.music, and there is currently some debate over Kate's
merits, since many incorrectly claim she was "the first" to use a
Fairlight CMI, something a heretic named "Jody" challenged, just before
revealing she was not a man, she was a woman.
Well, one day someone named Hugh Jansic came along and said, "my brother
used to sleep with her, and she's not so hot." He then told a long,
terrifying story of how she did cruel things, ending up with buying his
parents house as a present but then running into it with her car.
This made Doug very angry, and he called Hugh a "parody". This, in turn,
made the notorious satirist, "Palith," complain, because he said Hugh
Jansic wasn't any parody at all, he was a real person, and now he was mad
and wouldn't share his Big Memory Unix** code with them, and this was
endangering their academic progress.
Well, that's where the story got into net.singles; you know the rest. I
answered your question mostly so it wouldn't degenerate into the sort of
defamatory misrepresentation of facts that occurred against John Williams
in net.flame recently.
But, as you can see, the above doesn't have beans to do with net.singles,
except in the "Friends of Mr. Cairo" sense.
However, I do think Palith is a literary figure commensurate with Mr. Dooley,
and I wish I had written him myself!* But saying "beans" has made me hungry,
so I will end my story here. [It is not, however, an "amateur" story,
at least, so I feel safe in writing it.]
--------------
*But then, I also wish I had coined the phrase "Okra Cola," my nominee for
the most hilarious thing to have happened in Usenet this year.
**Unix is a trademark of AT&T Information Systems.
--
Shyy-Anzr: J. Eric Roskos
UUCP: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer
US Mail: MS 795; Perkin-Elmer SDC;
2486 Sand Lake Road, Orlando, FL 32809-7642
Eli Haddad
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women,net.social
Subject:love
Summary:
Expires:
References: <10...@princeton.UUCP> <44...@mit-eddie.UUCP> <6...@lsuc.UUCP> <2...@tove.UUCP> <15...@watmath.UUCP> <2...@tove.UUCP> <>
Sender:
Reply-To: e...@cubsvax.UUCP (Eli Haddad)
Followup-To:
Distribution:
Organization: Columbia Univ. Biolgy Dept., New York NY
Keywords:
I a student at Columbia age 20. I am looking for a woman around my age
who still believes that love exists between a man and a woman. Most
of the girls around here say that it is naive to think that two people
can love oneanother. I say that is bull. So if you agree with me
please write. If you disagree please explain your reasons.
For those who agree maybe we can get together sometime?
Christopher A. Welty (weltyc@rpi)
>> How about a new news group, net.music.rumor, for all you people who insist on
>> sending stuff to every news group in the known universe.
>
> Hear, hear.
>
> Does *anybody* in most of these newsgroups know, or care, what this
> exchange is all about?
albums. Far be it from me to ban these fanatics from their right to
express their opinions...but to send it to sixty thousand groups consisting
of more people who don't know or care who the hell Kate Bush is than
people who do, is a little ridiculous...but then, I guess I just fell into
that trap, didn't I.
...uhhh....while I'm at it, anyone know when the next GENESIS album
is supposed to come out?