-----
"The Mozilla.com Web sites are operated by the Mozilla Corporation, and
the Mozilla.org Web sites are operated by the Mozilla Foundation. Since
the Mozilla Corporation and the Mozilla Foundation share many of the
same privacy practices, we will refer to them collectively as “Mozilla”
in this policy, when describing practices that apply to both of them."

Not to get technical, but the Mozilla Corporation technically
"operates" both websites since it hosts them both. Maybe "maintains" is
a better word here?

Is the comma before "when" needed?
-----
Both "Mozilla Foundation store" and "Mozilla Foundation Store" are used
in different places. Might could standardize on one capitalization form
of "store" to be consistent.
-----
"To that end, Mozilla may share potentially-personally-identifying
information with its employees, contractors and its subsidiaries and
related organizations."

This is missing the new "service providers" addition that is included
in later paragraphs.
-----
"it discloses that information only to those of its employees,
contractors, service providers and its subsidiaries and related
organizations that need to know that information in order to process it
on Mozilla's behalf and that have agreed not to disclose it to others"

Might be useful to have a comma after "service providers" to separate
it from the "its subsidiaries and related organizations" for clarity's
sake.
-----
Some places use "its subsidiaries and related organizations" while
others use "subsidiaries and related organizations". Could standardize
on one form (maybe without the "its" since that seems to work in most
places)?
-----
The changes under the "How We Use Cookies and Clear GIFs" section are
wrong, as both www.mozilla.com and www.mozilla.org employ the use of
clear gifs with Urchin for statistical/metrics purposes.
-----
"The Mozilla Foundation Web sites do this using Mozilla's own internal
analytics software, and currently does not utilize third party service
providers."

The comma before "and currently" isn't needed and is grammatically
incorrect.
-----
"The Mozilla Corporation Web sites do this by using either its own
internal analytics software or sending this information to a
third-party service provider to help Mozilla analyze this data and the
Mozilla Web sites using third-party web analytics tools are listed
here."

"or sending this" should be "or by sending this".
-----
"If you do not want to allow your session visitation information on
this Web site to be aggregated and analyzed by Mozilla (or its
third-party analytics providers, if you are using www.mozilla.com) you
may utilize the following opt-out mechanisms listed here."

This is only true for the sites that use the specified third-party
analytics provider(s) (Omniture), which is currently just *.mozilla.com.
You cannot opt out of the Urchin tracking on www.mozilla.org or
www.mozilla.com. Also, Omniture is used on more sites than just
www.mozilla.com, so might should use "*.mozilla.com" here.
-----
"Substantive changes will also be announced through the standard
mechanisms through which Mozilla communicates with the Mozilla
community, including Mozilla's "mozilla-announce" mailing list and
newsgroup."

"mozilla-announce" was renamed to
"announce" (annou...@lists.mozilla.org) a while back. Might also be
useful to give a link directly to the announce subscription page at
https://lists.mozilla.org/listinfo/announce.
-----
"If you have questions about this privacy policy, please contact the
Mozilla Foundation at priv...@mozilla.org. or the Mozilla Corporation
at priv...@mozilla.com."

Period after "priv...@mozilla.org" isn't needed.
-----

That's my initial run-through. I may have more to say later.

Hope this helps,
~reed

--
Reed Loden - <r...@reedloden.com>