Jamie,
I've never run into it because I don't use embedded docs in that manner. If I ever sense that an embedded association could end up with more than two or three documents, I pull it out into a collection. I've never had an instance where I would need every associated doc whenever I fetched the parent. I'm not saying there's not a legitimate use case for needing ~80 embedded docs every time the parent is fetched, but I do think it's rare and most people would be better off using a non-embedded document.
Unless someone can figure out a way to hack ActiveSupport 3's Callbacks, then I agree with @jnunemaker, I think we should just pull callbacks on embedded documents.
=b
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