May 29 Puns
Tim Bruening
ynotssor wrote:
> "Guest login" <john.smith@micro$oft.com> wrote in message
> news:bosmrr$dm$1...@newstree.wise.edt.ericsson.se
>
> > Ok, I have seen that there are some scotsmen here, so perhaps one of
> > you could answer for me that question I have always wanted to ask a
> > scotsman:
> >
> > How do mushrooms reproduce? Someone told me they use sporens. How?
>
> Ye ken gills, laddie? Ye nuzzle yer gills agin the sporen, an the
mushrooms
> haippen.
So only fish can do it.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7ED00...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41DD1691...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Randolf Richardson wrote:
> > >> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > > news:41CE51FF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > news:40AA9E8E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > > > news:40A82829...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > > > Paul wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > HAHAHAHAAHAH thats the funniest thing you ever writ.
> > >> > >> > > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote in message
> > >> > >> > > > > > <4070FDBC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > >> > >> > > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > > Many deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of
> > >> > >> > > > > > > DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not
> > >> > >> > > > > > > end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form
> > >> > >> > > > > > > causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO
> > >> > >> > > > > > > ingestion can include excessive sweating and
> > >> > >> > > > > > > urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea,
> > >> > >> > > > > > > vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those
> > >> > >> > > > > > > who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means
> > >> > >> > > > > > > certain death.
> > >> > >> > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > Thank you! Were you drowning in laughter?
> > >> > >> > > >
> > >> > >> > > > I don't have the capacity for body electrolyte!
> > >> > >> > >
> > >> > >> > > I sing the body electric.
> > >> > >> >
> > >> > >> > What with? Victoria or Butter Cream?
> > >> > >>
> > >> > >> Bag Balm.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Musical aerial matching transformer: Balun sing act.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > (Technical one! Good. That'll rattle the miseries!)
> > >> >
> > >> > Bridge rectifier: Closing the gap between warring family members.
> > >>
> > >> Warring: Ring that promotes hostilities.
> > >
> > > Like what Dubbaya the Shrub wears?
> > >
> > > Ring Modulator: Makes it vibrate and hurt his finger.
> >
> > That's because his "side band" didn't make the scene.
> >
> Yeah. Their tour manager got them diverted and they all ended up in Row "D"
> of the nearest cinema!
Cinema: Movie Mom.
Drama: Play Mom.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7EABF...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > > news:Xns95D56E6A...@24.64.223.211...
> > >> "Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > "Keith E." wrote:
> > >> >> Sun, 23 May 2004 06:56:12 -0700 was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> until Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> > >> >> > "Keith E." wrote:
> > >> >> >> Wed, 12 May 2004 18:41:27 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> > On Mon, 10 May 2004 01:14:49 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com>
> > >> >> >> > wrote:
> > >> >> >> >> Sun, 09 May 2004 15:27:47 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> >> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>> On Sun, 02 May 2004 21:57:39 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com>
> > >> >> >> >>> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>> Sat, 01 May 2004 21:25:00 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> >>>> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>> On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 23:04:25 GMT, Keith E.
> > >> >> >> >>>>> <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> Sun, 25 Apr 2004 21:53:50 GMT was a day just like any
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> other, until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> On Tue, 20 Apr 2004 17:27:06 GMT, Keith E.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>> Scary, ain't it?
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> Makes my hair stand up.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> I didn't expect a standing ovation.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>> I always do.
> > >> >> >> >>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>> You scare more people than I.
> > >> >> >> >>>
> > >> >> >> >>> Old flatterer!
> > >> >> >> >>>
> > >> >> >> >>> (of course you know it's the other way)
> > >> >> >> >>
> > >> >> >> >> That's right, I'm young.
> > >> >> >> >
> > >> >> >> > Barely a child.
> > >> >> >>
> > >> >> >> _Spitfire_ was naked, I'm dressed. Sorry pygthur disappoint you.
> > >> >> >
> > >> >> > Are you dressed in a dress at your address?
> > >> >>
> > >> >> I'm disdressed you'd think that.
> > >> >
> > >> > I like the idea of a man in a dress.
> > >>
> > >> Suit yourself, but if that man isn't carrying a set of bagpipes then
> > >> your man might attempt to seek redress if you stare too long!
> > >
> > > That's two dillies! Silly Billy!.
> >
> > Th'rice is cooked.
> >
> There's a silly patna remarks forming on this thread.
Formings: In favor of 4 Chinese vases.
Tim Bruening
""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> news:41CE520F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>> "Dick Kistler" <dick...@Remove-hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:<DsX7d.51855$ci3.2...@twister.southeast.rr.com>...
>>> "madge" <deletethisbit...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>> news:416031...@yahoo.com...
>>>> Tim Bruening wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> Next February marks the 10th anniversary of the "Longest Thread
>>>>> Ever". How shall we celebrate?
>>>>
>>>> By forgetting it for as long as possible.
>>>
>>>
>>> Forgetting what?
>>
>> The nuclear nightmare.
>
> Say "nucular" or half the 'Merkins won't underrtayund!
Merkins: Relatives of oceans.
Tim Bruening
Defendants: Ants on trial.
Fire Ants: Ants who fight fires.
Important: High ranking ant.
Resistants: Ants that block progress.
Defiant: Rebel ant.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Caj <c...@B-r-a-i-n-H-z.com> wrote in message
> news:9Iyod.9633$Uf....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> > In article <soyod.11196$1u....@twister.nyroc.rr.com>,
> > Caj <c...@Scott-Cravers-Computer.local> wrote:
> > >Shashank <shashank...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > >>> Software from the Gates of Hell strikes again!
> > >>
> > >>That's a wicket thing to day, but one thing is Satan -- these guys
> > >>really, really need DVD out debugs!
> > >
> > >Test toast test.
> > >
> > Oh poop, I am like this " close to getting trn working.
> >
> Tea Urn?
>
> That's what we use when Samovar tea pots go missing!
Tea Pee: What happens if you drink too much tea.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Mark Edwards <Mark-E...@comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:BDA11...@comcast.net...
> >
> > I wrote:
> > > > I stand by what I said. You obviously do not understand the
> > English
> > > > language.
> >
> > No cluons were harmed when nemo! wrote:
> > > Well move a little sideways and stand on top of what you said
> > instead - then
> > > we won't be able to hear it! :o)
> >
> > Okay. <scrabble> <climbclimb> <scrabble> "mumble frumfel flegart..".
> >
> > <leap down/> Wow, you were right - it muffled me right up.
> >
>
> You must be double-jointed.
>
> Harm can come to a young lad smoking them two at a time!
Smoking: King of the tobacco industry.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Shashank <shashank...@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1101089464....@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> > > Software from the Gates of Hell strikes again!
> >
> > That's a wicket thing to day, but one thing is Satan -- these guys
> > really, really need DVD out debugs!
> >
> If it were guitar tutorial software, they could have Bert Weedon out debugs!
Weedon: We are Mafia bosses.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40973D36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> >
> > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> >
> > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
> >
> Peck King Order: Royal edict.
Edict: Penis on the Internet.
Tick King Time Bomb: Explosive parasite monarch.
Tim Bruening
Contribute: Against paying dues to an empire.
Contributory: Against river offshoots.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4095D80D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > KIMEVANS wrote:
> > >
> > > > demanding: the man rings a small bell
> > >
> > > Sanding: Beach bell.
> > >
> > > Ambulatory: Walking Conservative British Male Bovine.
> > >
> > > Celebratory: happy Conservative.
> > >
> > > Alarmist: Easily scared fog.
> >
> > Rectory: Britsih Conservative ass.
> >
> Should be plural. They're all asses - and arses!!
Contributory: To make campaign donations to British Conservatives.
nemo
nemo
Marsupial Over: She fell in the stew!
nemo
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4299B277...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Formers: In favour of french seas and bobbins for radio coils - especially
the micro-midget pantomime stars, ź inch Alladins!
nemo
A tin containg very strong alcohol: A merry can.
nemo
. . or a formicida who can't hear up a mountain.
nemo
Wigwham: What happens if someone wearing a small price toupee encounters
someone who can't stand rug-wearers!
nemo
"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4299B2DA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
Wigwham: What happens if someone wearing a small price toupee encounters
nemo
Bert Weedon: With his tuition books and TV lessons, was responsible for
getting loads of youngsters started on the guitar, thus making a huge
contribution to the beginning of pop music.
So when you hear that terrible obnoxious racket on radio, TV, or coming out
of a car or your neighbour's house, you'll know precisely who's to blame!
nemo
Smoke Alarm: Fear of Lung Cancer!
nemo
>
> Contribute: Against paying dues to an empire.
>
> Contributory: Against river offshoots.
They flow in, they don't shoot off!
Got one flowing close to my flat. The Fleet. Can't tell how fleet it is
though. The poor thing's in a 30ft tunnel! A roar comes from the gratings in
Royal College Street when there's heavy rain to the north though.
Contributane: Gas canisters donated by a camper to his friends for their
camping stove.
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
Count Down: Dracula feathers!
nemo
Tory? - ah no: A state school that conservatives think is too lower class to
send their kids to.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4299B313...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40973D36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> > > >
> > > > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
> > > >
> > > Peck King Order: Royal edict.
> >
> > Edict: Penis on the Internet.
> >
> > Tick King Time Bomb: Explosive parasite monarch.
>
> Count Down: Dracula feathers!
Also Dooku feathers (see Star Wars Episodes II and III).
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Smoky: Bear that unlocks the tobacco industry.
nemo
Tobacco gloating about defeating a law suit brought by the widow whose
husband was killed by their products, and had to use her own money to sue
because our Great British Crap Freemason-ridden Legal System wouldn't grant
her Legal Aid.
ALL the execs from all the tobacco companies should have been behind bars
years ago!
Little squits with a few grams of ganja can go to goal; actresses with a
gram or two of coke can have their careers taken away from them, but company
bosses whose products have killed millions in the most horrible way possible
just carry on and retire as millionaires.
Something seriously wrong there somewhere.
nemo
Is Obi Wanker Knobby still in it?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42A036DF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4299B313...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:40973D36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
> > > > > >
> > > > > Peck King Order: Royal edict.
> > > >
> > > > Edict: Penis on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > > Tick King Time Bomb: Explosive parasite monarch.
> > >
> > > Count Down: Dracula feathers!
> >
> > Also Dooku feathers (see Star Wars Episodes II and III).
> >
> Ain't seen them yet.
>
> Is Obi Wanker Knobby still in it?
Yes.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Smoky: Bear that unlocks the tobacco industry.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7ED00...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41DD1691...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Randolf Richardson wrote:
> > >> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > > news:41CE51FF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > news:40AA9E8E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7EABF...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > > news:Xns95D56E6A...@24.64.223.211...
> > >> "Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
Tim Bruening
""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
"fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message news:<2Wrvb.69633$qu....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > news:nkcsrvon9aac3dd6k...@4ax.com...
> > > On Thu, 20 Nov 2003 19:31:55 GMT, "Carlos Trevino" <jua...@swbell.net>
> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > >news:20031118203534.0e01a5b0.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower...
> > > >> On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 17:20:59 -0800
> > > >> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> > On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 13:33:49 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> > > >> > <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> found these unused words floating
> > > >> > about:
> > > >> >
> > > >> > >On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 17:55:12 GMT, Bill Baker
> > > >> > ><wba...@postini.spamcon.org> wrote:
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > >>>>>>>> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house?
> > They'll give you>>>>>>> canarial diseases.
> > > >> > >>>>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>>>> Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > > >> > >>>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>>>Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> > > >> > >>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>> What's it do, make you flighty?
> > > >> > >>>>
> > > >> > >>>>Not nest-essarily. You may notice it robin your strength. But
> > there are>>>moa symptoms.
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>> It's nothing to crow about. There is always a flicker of hope
> > > >> > >that>> you won't catch it. I've heard that if you avoid being
> > goosed
> > > >> > >that>> you're reasonably safe. Just remember to duck if someone
> > > >> > >walks up>> behind you.
> > > >> > >>
> > > >> > >>I'll be sure to make that my cardinal rule.
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > >Great. I'll let you know if I heron-y more about this from my
> > > >> > >hawkish friend in the defense department.
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > You'll egret it ... !
> > > >>
> > > >> ...from heron out.
> > > >>
> > > >> Cybe R. Wizard
> > > >> --
> > > >Other symptoms are Fowl breath, your eyes Finch, your Booby swells and
> > you
> > > >might hear a Buzzard sound causing you to lose your Eagle-librium which
> > will
> > > >make you Gull-ible trying to fly your Kite. Treatment is very expensive so you might have to tell your doctor to do with is bill what the stork can do with his.....stick it up his butt!
> > > >Carlos
> > > >
> > > That's hard to swallow.
> > >
> > Someone should take a file and remove the sharp edges from burred lovers before they cut each other!
>
> I bet a cockfight ensues, just can't say w hen.
Cock Pit: Hole of roosters at the front of a plane.
Tim Bruening
> On Tue, 25 Nov 2003 06:21:57 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> <mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >Harry Farkas wrote:
> >
> >>Purloin: The meaty part on the back of a cat.
> >
> >Sheesh, did the catnip you again?
>
> Perloin: Butcher's assessment of a pig.
Purloin: Price of sex.
Bounty: Tea of abundance.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Giants 2: An ant who is a member of a terrorist organisation of Islamic
> extremists whose violent activities began in 1992, and were aimed at
> overthrowing the secular Algerian regime and replacing it with an Islamic
> state! The swines! And be-khozzer that sort of thing we still got all this
> trouble nowadays!
A terrorist group called "Gi"?
> Cormorant: A large voracious dark-colored long-necked ant with a
> distensible pouch for holding fish.
I saw cormorants in Florida last May.
> Currant: Cross between an ant and a dog.
Currant: Ant that delivers an electrical shock like an electric eel.
> Concurrant: Cross between an ant and a dog with a big nose!
Concurrant: Opposed to dog ants and electrical ants.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F9CDFE7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Stockpile: Hill of cows and other farm animals.
> >
> Vampyre: Pile of Count Dracula and his relations that's been set on fire.
Spooky: Key used by ghosts and CIA agents.
Tim Bruening
Bloodtype: What vampires type in.
Dusty: Tea made from Holy Water.
Sandwich: Witch on the beach.
Tim Bruening
Helmet: Glove of the Devil.
Lucifer: Fur of the Devil.
Satan: What the Devil does in the sunlight.
Tim Bruening
Ascend: To send a letter to Heaven.
Descend: To send a letter to Hell.
Tim Bruening
Buffy: Price of a stripper who slays vamps.
I've seen Dawn at the supermarket.
Have Faith in the Angel writers.
Miss Stake: Inept Slayer.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:402CC243...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Van Pyre: Nasty road accident.
Vanguard: One who protects large automobiles.
SUV: A large vampire automobile.
Cra Z: An insane zombie supercomputer.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:402B177B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Bloodtype: What vampires type in.
> >
> > Dusty: Tea made from Holy Water.
> >
> > Sandwich: Witch on the beach.
>
> Ipswich: Performs replacement operations by magic.
Do they bake Magic Cookie Bars?
Tim Bruening
Dicing: Colored singer.
Icing: Internet singer.
Rowing: Flying oar.
Sowing: Flying pig.
Tim Bruening
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7ED00...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41DD1691...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Randolf Richardson wrote:
> > >> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > > news:41CE51FF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > news:40AA9E8E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
10/1 Puns
Date:
Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:31:23 -0800
From:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>
Newsgroups:
alt.humor.puns, alt.humor, rec.humor, mn.humor,
alt.surrealism, alt.jokes, aus.jokes, bit.listserv.autism
References:
1
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:411C676F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Helmet: Glove of the Devil.
> >
> > Lucifer: Fur of the Devil.
> >
> > Satan: What the Devil does in the sunlight.
>
> Lucifer: Lucille Ball's winter coat.
What kind of coat does a house wear?
A coat of paint.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:411C67A3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Basing: Singing sheep in San Francisco.
> >
> > Bashing: Singing sheep.
> >
> > Bracing: Singing Ass.
> >
> > Dicing: Gambing singer.
>
> Wincing: A song of agony sung by a lot of paople here and Bill Gates at
> seeing these puns again for the umpteenth time.
>
> Umpteen: A camel between the ages of 13 and 19.
Canteen: Adolescent container.
Tim Bruening
Gum boots.
nemo
Tizcir: Hineh 'Alom Shem!
or because I like cats - Al Moggie!
nemo
Gherkins: relatives of a Cockney threat - "Ghercha!"
nemo
Irrebelant: Dubbaya the Shrub trying to say 'irrelevant'!
nemo
Done that one already! Where Dracla pilots his plane from - the Fright Deck!
Remeber?
nemo
. . and emergency fuel for locomotives - Tender Coconut!
http://www.britishcandy.com/more_cadburys_chocolate_bars2310.htm
Scroll down. It's Dead E. Sea!
nemo
Are electrical ants the ones that charge up a battery, run across the top
and charge down the other side again?
nemo
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:3F9CDFE7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Stockpile: Hill of cows and other farm animals.
> > >
> > Vampyre: Pile of Count Dracula and his relations that's been set on
fire.
Did they have Foot in Mouth Disease?
That's what you have if you keep making faux pas - Foot in Mouth Disease!
>
> Spooky: Key used by ghosts and CIA agents.
Spookeasy: Illegal drinking club for ghosts!
Prohibition: What a ho/Tom feels when she don't wanna do it anymore.
nemo
>
> Bloodtype: What vampires type in.
>
> Dusty: Tea made from Holy Water.
>
> Sandwich: Witch on the beach.
There's a Toll Gate as you drive into Sandwich - and a chemist over the road
selling Tollgate Toothpaste!
http://www.open-sandwich.co.uk/
Open-sandwich?? They must have run short of bread!!!!
nemo
>
> Helmet: Glove of the Devil.
>
> Lucifer: Fur of the Devil.
>
> Satan: What the Devil does in the sunlight.
Lucniffer: A dog hanging around the toilet.
nemo
>
> Ascend: To send a letter to Heaven.
>
> Descend: To send a letter to Hell.
It'd catch fire. Fahrenheit 451 and all that!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451
nemo
What would an ept slayer do?
Soothslayer: Someone who kills people who make predictions about the future.
Sleuthslayer: Moriarty!
nemo
Day Z, Day Z. Give me your key, please do.
I'm half crazy, can't get into the loo!
I'm leaking my undercarriage!
I'm suffering terrible harrage!
Butt I'll be discrete,
Upon on the seat,
Of a public loo made for two!
Owzat?!!
nemo
Dunno, but Pontefractal make weirdly-shaped magic cakes.
nemo
Nayen: Yiddisher sewing horse paid in Chinese currency.
nemo
Only one? That won't last long.
Assuming it's made of brick, it'll need sealant-primer, two undercoats and
one or two coats of mineral paint such as Santex.
Assuming: A vase with a donkey and a female sheep in it.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:447AA038...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Buffy: Price of a stripper who slays vamps.
> >
> > I've seen Dawn at the supermarket.
> >
> > Have Faith in the Angel writers.
> >
> > Miss Stake: Inept Slayer.
>
> What would an ept slayer do?
>
> Soothslayer: Someone who kills people who make predictions about the future.
>
> Sleuthslayer: Moriarty!
Its my understanding that Sherlock Holmes survived and starred in many more
novels.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
My house is made of wood.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4299B2F7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Mark Edwards <Mark-E...@comcast.net> wrote in message
> > > news:BDA11...@comcast.net...
> > > >
> > > > I wrote:
> > > > > > I stand by what I said. You obviously do not understand the
> > > > English
> > > > > > language.
> > > >
> > > > No cluons were harmed when nemo! wrote:
> > > > > Well move a little sideways and stand on top of what you said
> > > > instead - then
> > > > > we won't be able to hear it! :o)
> > > >
> > > > Okay. <scrabble> <climbclimb> <scrabble> "mumble frumfel flegart..".
> > > >
> > > > <leap down/> Wow, you were right - it muffled me right up.
> > > >
> > >
> > > You must be double-jointed.
> > >
> > > Harm can come to a young lad smoking them two at a time!
> >
> > Smoking: King of the tobacco industry.
>
> Smoke Alarm: Fear of Lung Cancer!
Smoky: Bear that unlocks the tobacco industry.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4299B313...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40973D36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> > > >
> > > > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
> > > >
> > > Peck King Order: Royal edict.
> >
> > Edict: Penis on the Internet.
> >
> > Tick King Time Bomb: Explosive parasite monarch.
>
> Count Down: Dracula feathers!
Also Dooku feathers (see Star Wars Episodes II and III).
nemo
OK. So he wasn't a very good Sleuthslayer. So sue me!
nemo
Same thing except if it's an open-grain wood you'll need a grain-filler
first. I use a mixture of Plaster of Paris and Unibond (white PVA) adhesive.
If the wood is going to be varnished, I add artists' acrylic paints to make
it match the colour.
First I wet the timber to raise the grain and sand it down when it's dried,
then I put a thin coat or two on first and sand it down when dry, wiping it
down very carefully with tack-rags to remove all the dust. Then I add a
thicker coat.
I give that two days to dry, then sand it down and polish off with the
finest grade of wire wool. Same with the undercoats. I did my front door
like that and it's like a mirror. You can actually see your face in it.
If you soak the Plaster of Paris in water for a year, changing the water
monthly and use rabbit skin glue instead of the PVA, it's Gesso, applied to
wood panels it's a classical painting support, and on parchment, vellum or
paper, it's used without the glue, but with a little egg-white or honey for
raised gilding as in Mediæval illuminated manuscripts.
See? DIY and art advice you get on here as well already!
Tim Bruening
nemo
Purim: Price of Esther stopping Haman from massacring all the Jews in
Persia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purim
Tim Bruening
nemo
Adolescent: A young person who's just qualified for the lowest rate of
Unemployment Benefit. 1c. PW!!
Tim Bruening
Gum boots.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
My house is made of wood.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:447AA038...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Buffy: Price of a stripper who slays vamps.
> >
> > I've seen Dawn at the supermarket.
> >
> > Have Faith in the Angel writers.
> >
> > Miss Stake: Inept Slayer.
>
> What would an ept slayer do?
>
> Soothslayer: Someone who kills people who make predictions about the future.
>
> Sleuthslayer: Moriarty!
Its my understanding that Sherlock Holmes survived and starred in many
more
novels.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Accountants: Ant money managers.
Defendants: Ants on trial.
Fire Ants: Ants who fight fires.
Important: High ranking ant.
Resistants: Ants that block progress.
Defiant: Rebel ant.
Tim Bruening
""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:> news:41CE520F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>> "Dick Kistler" <dick...@Remove-hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:<DsX7d.51855$ci3.2...@twister.southeast.rr.com>...
>>> "madge" <deletethisbit...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>> news:416031...@yahoo.com...
>>>> Tim Bruening wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> Next February marks the 10th anniversary of the "Longest Thread
>>>>> Ever". How shall we celebrate?
>>>>
>>>> By forgetting it for as long as possible.
>>>
>>>
>>> Forgetting what?
>>
>> The nuclear nightmare.
>
> Say "nucular" or half the 'Merkins won't underrtayund!
Merkins: Relatives of oceans.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7EABF...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > > news:Xns95D56E6A...@24.64.223.211...
> > >> "Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > "Keith E." wrote:
> > >> >> Sun, 23 May 2004 06:56:12 -0700 was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> until Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> > >> >> > "Keith E." wrote:
> > >> >> >> Wed, 12 May 2004 18:41:27 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> > On Mon, 10 May 2004 01:14:49 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com>
> > >> >> >> > wrote:
> > >> >> >> >> Sun, 09 May 2004 15:27:47 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> >> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>> On Sun, 02 May 2004 21:57:39 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com>
> > >> >> >> >>> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>> Sat, 01 May 2004 21:25:00 GMT was a day just like any other,
> > >> >> >> >>>> until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>> On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 23:04:25 GMT, Keith E.
> > >> >> >> >>>>> <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> Sun, 25 Apr 2004 21:53:50 GMT was a day just like any
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> other, until mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller) wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> On Tue, 20 Apr 2004 17:27:06 GMT, Keith E.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>> Scary, ain't it?
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>> Makes my hair stand up.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>>> I didn't expect a standing ovation.
> > >> >> >> >>>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>>> I always do.
> > >> >> >> >>>>
> > >> >> >> >>>> You scare more people than I.
> > >> >> >> >>>
> > >> >> >> >>> Old flatterer!
> > >> >> >> >>>
> > >> >> >> >>> (of course you know it's the other way)
> > >> >> >> >>
> > >> >> >> >> That's right, I'm young.
> > >> >> >> >
> > >> >> >> > Barely a child.
> > >> >> >>
> > >> >> >> _Spitfire_ was naked, I'm dressed. Sorry pygthur disappoint you.
> > >> >> >
> > >> >> > Are you dressed in a dress at your address?
> > >> >>
> > >> >> I'm disdressed you'd think that.
> > >> >
> > >> > I like the idea of a man in a dress.
> > >>
> > >> Suit yourself, but if that man isn't carrying a set of bagpipes then
> > >> your man might attempt to seek redress if you stare too long!
> > >
> > > That's two dillies! Silly Billy!.
> >
> > Th'rice is cooked.
> >
> There's a silly patna remarks forming on this thread.
Formings: In favor of 4 Chinese vases.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7ED00...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41DD1691...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Randolf Richardson wrote:
> > >> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > > news:41CE51FF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > news:40AA9E8E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > nemo wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> > >> > > > news:40A82829...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> > >> > > > > Paul wrote:
> > >> > >> > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > HAHAHAHAAHAH thats the funniest thing you ever writ.
> > >> > >> > > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote in message
> > >> > >> > > > > > <4070FDBC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > >> > >> > > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > > > Many deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of
> > >> > >> > > > > > > DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not
> > >> > >> > > > > > > end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form
> > >> > >> > > > > > > causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO
> > >> > >> > > > > > > ingestion can include excessive sweating and
> > >> > >> > > > > > > urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea,
> > >> > >> > > > > > > vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those
> > >> > >> > > > > > > who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means
> > >> > >> > > > > > > certain death.
> > >> > >> > > > >
> > >> > >> > > > > Thank you! Were you drowning in laughter?
> > >> > >> > > >
> > >> > >> > > > I don't have the capacity for body electrolyte!
> > >> > >> > >
> > >> > >> > > I sing the body electric.
> > >> > >> >
> > >> > >> > What with? Victoria or Butter Cream?
> > >> > >>
> > >> > >> Bag Balm.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Musical aerial matching transformer: Balun sing act.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > (Technical one! Good. That'll rattle the miseries!)
> > >> >
> > >> > Bridge rectifier: Closing the gap between warring family members.
> > >>
> > >> Warring: Ring that promotes hostilities.
> > >
> > > Like what Dubbaya the Shrub wears?
> > >
> > > Ring Modulator: Makes it vibrate and hurt his finger.
> >
> > That's because his "side band" didn't make the scene.
> >
> Yeah. Their tour manager got them diverted and they all ended up in Row "D"
> of the nearest cinema!
Cinema: Movie Mom.
Drama: Play Mom.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4299B313...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7EABF...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Randolf Richardson <r...@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95D7ED00...@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41DD1691...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Randolf Richardson wrote:
> > >> > ""nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns: