Queen question
chris mclaughlin
sa...@ix.netcom.com(Samm) wrote:
:Wendy,
Oh, well PARDON ME. I thought you were talking to, well,
SOMEONE ELSE.
Shall we answer? We shall.
The queen carries in her purse a tiny mottled hamster
which has been carefully hand tamed by luckless courtiers,
known in private as the hamster handlers.
(I don't know if you realize it, but hamsters are
cross little devils and nippy, too.)
When she grows nervous or flustered, as indeed she
does, though no one knows it, she takes the little
fellow out, in private of course, and licks him
once or twice to calm herself.
Works like a charm.
You should try it, Samm. It's the royal version of
rubbing the blanket's satin edge whilst sucking one's
thumb and tickling one's nose.
Chris.tine
Samm
In <5v6pgu$f...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net> chris mclaughlin
loosely using the term "queen". I should have thought ahead and
minimalized confusion by posting with a lower case "q" rther than the
upper case "Q" reserved only for Yourself.
But, thanx anyway for clearing the confusion. I had failed to notice
the air vents and the trailing of lettuce leaves in the wake of the
handbag. Once again, you have proven just why *you* are our Queen.
In Humble Submission,
Sawm <that's Samm with a British accent, you know>
Jim
I know what's in it.
Krill, a fashion accessory.
Towse
[cc:]Samm wrote:
>
> Wendy, this has something to do with Diana only peripherally.....
>
> In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black
> handbag dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or
> distracting, or anything, but... given the fact that she has a
> chauffeur, body guards, maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry
> in the bag? change for the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to
> what for Chrissakes? an address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>
> Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
If you check the news groups which might speculate on such things
(alt.talk.royalty, for example), the consensus seems to be her specs, a
hanky, a lipstick, and change for the church offerings plate (should the
need arise).
I've also heard it is used as a signalling device. When it switched from
left arm to right, or from arm to hand, or whatever, the staff knew what
to do (find her a ladies' room? divest her of some chatty sort? get a
snack?)
Sal
Hound of Cullen
In article <5v6tij$16...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net>, chris mclaughlin
<cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu> wrote:
:Jim <jst...@taxes.net> wrote:
::I know what's in it.
:
:: Krill, a fashion accessory.
:
:
:Well, lookie here, girls: a man who PAYS
:ATTENTION.
:
:What are you doing tonight, Jim?
:
:Chris.tine
Oh, bunkum, Queen Chris.tine. You don't *really* want a man who pays
attention. Then he might say something like, "Gee, Hon, isn't this the same
chicken recipie you used the last time you cooked me dinner?" or "You know,
that lipstick doesn't *quite* match your blush, dear."
You'd much rather have one of those glassy-eyed, hands-in-pockets,
mouth-slightly-open sorts of men. They're much easier to deal with.
Hound
--
Wotthehell, wotthehell...
--Mehitabel
Support the Jayne Hitchcock HELP Fund:
http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/6172/helpjane.htm
Samm
Wendy, this has something to do with Diana only peripherally.....
In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
Samm <I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I
approved it." Mark Twain>
Mary Jo Place
Samm (sa...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>
> In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
> dangling from her left forearm....
... WHAT does she carry in the bag?
> Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
Bette Midler speculated on this several years ago. As I recall, she
thought Elizabeth might carry a small card that says "I am the Queen".
Mary Jo "But my favorite Bette Midler royalty joke was at either Princess
Anne's or Princess Margaret's expense (I forget): 'Such an outdoorsy lass.
She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.' " Place
Support the Jayne Hitchcock HELP Fund:
http://www.geocities.com/~hitchcockc/story.html#fund
========================================================================
Mary Jo Place | "This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.
Mount Holyoke College | Explain again how sheep's bladders may be
mjp...@mhc.mtholyoke.edu | employed to prevent earthquakes."
========================================================================
Wendy Chatley Green
For some inexplicable reason, sa...@ix.netcom.com(Samm) wrote:
:
:But, thanx anyway for clearing the confusion. I had failed to notice
:the air vents and the trailing of lettuce leaves in the wake of the
:handbag.
Hamsters produce runny stools when fed lettuce. Her Royal
Highness' hamster handlers do not permit the hamster to be fed
lettuce.
--
Wendy (for accuracy, replace "lettuce" with)
Chatley ("cannibis sativa")
Green -- wcg...@cris.com
Kathie Meyer
In article <5v6pgu$f...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net>, cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu
says...
>The queen carries in her purse a tiny mottled hamster
>which has been carefully hand tamed by luckless courtiers,
>known in private as the hamster handlers.
>
>(I don't know if you realize it, but hamsters are
>cross little devils and nippy, too.)
>
>When she grows nervous or flustered, as indeed she
>does, though no one knows it, she takes the little
>fellow out, in private of course, and licks him
>once or twice to calm herself.
>
>Works like a charm.
>
>You should try it, Samm. It's the royal version of
>rubbing the blanket's satin edge whilst sucking one's
>thumb and tickling one's nose.
I thought *I* was the only person in the world who
rubbed the blanket's satin edge while sucking my thumb.
This is how my parents got me to stop. They took away
the blanket for a while and I quit with the thumbsucking
business. It wasn't any fun without the blanket.
Years later, my mother thought the satin edge was raggedy and
she removed it without asking me first. All that was left was
a bare, gray-blue piece of scratchy wool. I protested and she
fixed it by sewing on a new satin edging. Now I use this blanket
as a dust cover for the home PC.
Let this be a lesson to all of the mothers here. If you
take the satin edging off, your child will end up in
therapy.
Kathie Meyer
P.S. Here's my Queen question. I always thought Mary Englebriet
was Queen. How can there be two?
chris mclaughlin
Thomas Michaels
Zero, I know that you need money, so I've got an idea. Since the
Queen Mother gets to carry around a little black handbag, why don't
you design a royal fanny pack for the male members of the Royal
Family? No need to thank me for this idea which will obviously make
you a millionaire---just pay the back child support, deadbeat.
By the way, I classify "deadbeat" as anyone who decides that they
don't have to obey the law, and is too good for menial labor. Work a
couple of days at McDonald's, and you can pay child support. Not bad,
eh?
Also, don't bother with the "I'll get my ACLU attorneys on your case
for calling me a 'deadbeat' routine." You were physically able to
work to pay the child support...you just felt that you didn't have to
pay it, since your wife's side of the family was filthy rich.
Was marrying you her way of getting back at them, do you suppose?
I've heard that rich girls, to make their families mad, will marry
unsuitable partners.
"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool."
-- Danny Kaye
MK64
>: Queen question
>From: "Pat Marcello" <pa...@sgi.net>
wrote,
>Alison D. <a...@sprynet.com> wrote in article
>>
>> > In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black
or anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for the
toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an address
book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>> >
>>
>> handkerchief. (Maybe a Blockbuster video card? Ha!) I personally>>
wouldn't go anywhere without a hairbrush, a pen and paper, and some>>
Tylenol. And I know very few older women who would go out without lipstick
and a compact.
>
>Well, she's a little-old-lady type. What do they always carry? Things
wrapped in little plastic bags with rubber bands around them, of course.
>
>And don't forget that vinyl babushka, to keep the rain from one's
freshily>coiffed hair-do.
* maybe.
i vote for clean white gloves in case one of the commoners soil the pair
she shakes their hands w/.
mk
******
"Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends." Jacques Delille
Help support Jayne Hitchcock in the battle against cyberstalking.
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******
Pat Marcello
Alison D. <a...@sprynet.com> wrote in article <3416EA...@sprynet.com>...
>
> Samm wrote:
>
> > In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
> > dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
> > anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
> > maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
> > the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
> > address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
> >
> > Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
>
> My speculation is quite dull: lipstick and a comb, and maybe a
> handkerchief. (Maybe a Blockbuster video card? Ha!) I personally
> wouldn't go anywhere without a hairbrush, a pen and paper, and some
> Tylenol. And I know very few older women who would go out without
> lipstick and a compact.
Well, she's a little-old-lady type. What do they always carry? Things
wrapped in little plastic bags with rubber bands around them, of course.
And don't forget that vinyl babushka, to keep the rain from one's freshily
coiffed hair-do.
Oh, nevermind. Somebody probably holds an umbrella over her head, huh?
--
Pat M. Bingo chips?
Dorothy J Heydt
In article <19970910233...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
MK64 <mk...@aol.com> wrote:
>>: Queen question
>>> My speculation is quite dull: lipstick and a comb, and maybe a
>wouldn't go anywhere without a hairbrush, a pen and paper, and some>>
>Tylenol. And I know very few older women who would go out without lipstick
>and a compact.
>>
>>
>freshily>coiffed hair-do.
>
picture of Her Maj outside without something on her head, a hat for
formal or a scarf to walk her dogs in. It's a different generation
from ours, I think.
Dorothy J. Heydt
Albany, California
djheydt@uclink
(My account might go away at any moment; if I disappear, I haven't died.)
Samm
In <3416EA...@sprynet.com> "Alison D." <a...@sprynet.com> writes:
And I know very few older women who would go out without
>lipstick and a compact.
You're not suggesting, at my age, that I become a *lipstick* lesbian,
are you?
How *old* will I be if I start carrying a lipstick?
Samm <There are times when you have to choose between being human and
having good taste. -- Berthold Brecht>
Alison D.
Samm wrote:
> In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
> dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
> anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
> maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
> the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
> address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>
> Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
My speculation is quite dull: lipstick and a comb, and maybe a
handkerchief. (Maybe a Blockbuster video card? Ha!) I personally
wouldn't go anywhere without a hairbrush, a pen and paper, and some
Tylenol. And I know very few older women who would go out without
lipstick and a compact.
--
Alison D.
a...@sprynet.com
Lane Browning
Alison D. wrote:
>
> Samm wrote:
>
> > In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
> > dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
> > anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
> > maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
> > the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
> > address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
I've seen this question asked repeatedly, and I believe an aide finally answered it. It
was, as hypothesized, a boring inventory.
Diana always carried a purse, too, even when she had bodyguards/aides to carry things
for her.
I doubt Princess Anne carries one--maybe a saddlebag.
>
Samm
In <341dfd4a...@news.cris.com> wcg...@cris.com (Wendy Chatley
Wendy, you are a polymath!!!!! I bow to your knowledge once again.
Girl, you're good!!
Samm <Has And()rew been feeding lettuce to the Tamagothi?>
Anna Banana
Chris.tine wrote:
: The queen carries in her purse a tiny mottled hamster
: known in private as the hamster handlers.
And it is they, the hamster handlers, who also comb out the Queen's
corgies (is that how you spell them?). Corkies?
: (I don't know if you realize it, but hamsters are
: cross little devils and nippy, too.)
Handbag hamsters are nippy. Yes. But pocket hamsters, the
ones she carries when she comes to Canada, (where it is cold
sometimes) are friendlier. They nuzzle her ring finger and
squeak gently.
: When she grows nervous or flustered, as indeed she
: does, though no one knows it, she takes the little
: fellow out, in private of course, and licks him
: once or twice to calm herself.
And hands him to the handler who warms him with a small hairdryer
set to the lowest heat level. Then he's all fluffy and ready to
return to the handbag or pocket (the hamster, not the handler).
: Works like a charm.
: You should try it, Samm. It's the royal version of
: rubbing the blanket's satin edge whilst sucking one's
: thumb and tickling one's nose.
The strangest thing, though. You'd expect the Queen to wear out
lots and lots of hamsters, constantly licking them the way she does.
You'd think she'd have to replace them every couple of months or so.
But, oddly enough, it's not true. She's had the same set of five
for many years.
Anna
Alma Hromic
On 10 Sep 1997 18:07:50 GMT, sa...@ix.netcom.com(Samm) wrote:
>Wendy, this has something to do with Diana only peripherally.....
>
>In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
>dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
>anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
>maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
>the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
>address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>
>Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
the mary poppins syndrome?
i mean, she may well reach in one day and pull out a flagpole wiith
the royal standard which is NOT flying half mast, the Crown Jewels,
and a spare lady-in-waiting.
*****************************************************************************
If life had a second edition, how I would correct the proofs!
(John Clare)
*****************************************************************************
Jim Kinney
Samm wrote in article <5v6nlm$5...@sjx-ixn8.ix.netcom.com>...
>Wendy, this has something to do with Diana only
peripherally.....
>
>In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this
black handbag
>dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or
distracting, or
>anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur,
body guards,
>maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag?
change for
>the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for
Chrissakes? an
>address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>
>Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
>
>Samm <I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice
letter saying I
>approved it." Mark Twain>
Perhaps *both* bags are inside out. This would mean we are
all in the bag(s), giving definition to their unseen
exteriors.
Perhaps not. Perhaps the smallish bag is full of pillbugs.
Jim (no brain, no pain) Kinney
chris mclaughlin
zi...@aol.com (Hound of Cullen) wrote:
:You'd much rather have one of those glassy-eyed, hands-in-pockets,
:mouth-slightly-open sorts of men. They're much easier to deal with.
I already have one of those, sweet. He believes it is the
easiest way to survive with a wife who is a bit more,
well, colorful than he had expected. Perhaps he is right.
And you are partly correct. But really, you should PAY
ATTENTION to me, Hound, because I am onto something here,
the whole problem between men and women.
I mean, look at that poor unfortunate princess. Her husband
was the type you describe above. He paid no attention to
her whatsoever, apparently. And see what happened?
Anyway, at least in my age group, the number of even
attention-paying men who would notice blush-and-lipstick
clashes is miniscule. Your age group is much more attentive
to material details of this sort, I suspect. Maybe you'll
explain why. And the dinner thing: most men I know would be
grateful to have a warm dinner placed before them, nevermind
its dullness. Once children enter the picture, the mesclun
tends to wilt, forgotten in the crisper, I am afraid. It's
a time thang, dontchaknow.
One of the great sorrows of my life is that no one
pays any attention to me anymore. On the rare occasions that
I actually start to speak, people walk away or interrupt me.
No one has asked me in, oh, 5 years what I am doing, what's
important in my life. They think they
know: soccer. They are wrong, of course. I exist only as the
dispenser of things: money, information about where socks are
hiding, food, work output. Otherwise, I am quite invisible.
And you know, Hound, the truth is that I'm as interesting as
other people are. Only thing is, I'm a woman, and a mom, and
in the middle of my life. I've been spared grey hair, but I have
dents in my skin and bags under my eyes. So maybe it's just
as well that no one is looking too closely.
However, if you look closely and attentively at almost anyone,
you will find much to interest and delight there, bags and
dents and all. Paying attention pays off, if you've a mind
to bother. Finding the particular, now.
Same for writing.
Chris
chris mclaughlin
Anna Banana <ban...@interlog.com> wrote:
:The strangest thing, though. You'd expect the Queen to wear out
:lots and lots of hamsters, constantly licking them the way she does.
:You'd think she'd have to replace them every couple of months or so.
:But, oddly enough, it's not true. She's had the same set of five
:for many years.
Oh Anna: I am so sorry to have to tell you this, you being a
loyal subject and all, but this is a finely contrived piece
of public relations hokkum. It makes her look less, well,
*large* in her appetites than she really is.
It's a conspiracy, is what it is, to make us think so.
In fact, brilliant English scientists perfected cloning
long ago but kept it secret. Have you noticed an odd
resemblance between Charles and Anne? I'm not going
to tell you how they accomplished the sex difference,
but the cloning thing, well, they've had it in place
since the late 40s.
They keep cloning replacements of the original fab
five, Anna, which is why they always look the same,
never threadbare or haunted, as you'd think any creatures
subjected to constant licking might look.
As to the purse, did I ever tell you how they got the
exact right dimensions?
Chris
(or about the bezoars in the Crown Jewels?)
Samm
In <5v8use$k...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net> chris mclaughlin
Chris.tine, Queen of US All,
You suggested (at least I didn't *think* it was a *command
performance*) that I, too, like queen (note the lower case spelling)
Elizabeth, try licking a hamster as a palliative to my nerves. My
questions are: 1) does it have to be a *royal* hamster to have the
right effect?
and 2) will it make my tongue numb? (my, uh, *occupation* makes me
extremely cautious about, uh, compromising the integrity of my
tongue...I once had six stitches in my tongue and, well, it felt as
though I had had a lobotomy as well as an excision, and deeply beloved
friends who knew me intimately if not biblically laughed for about six
weeks.I was helpless to reply.)
Faithful in service and PAYING ATTENTION,
Samm
chris mclaughlin
I dangled before her, like a good hunk of
homemade shortbread:
: As to the purse, did I ever tell you how they got the
: exact right dimensions?
and Anna bit:
::No. How? Please tell me.
Well. You will have to keep this under your hat, of course.
Where is it? That hat thingee for speculation and slander?
Ah. There.
(smurf. . . burble. . .Royal gynecologist. . .
mummphr. . . jewel encrusted speculum she sometimes wears
as a crown?. . .mumble mumble. . .scoot down. . . !!
sssh! . . . plaster of Paris, only they call it London. . .)
I swear, I do not know why anyone would want to be queen.
It's a very large purse, isn't it? I mean, big enough for
her to steal muffins and secret them there? I'm sure
you told me about her doing this, didn't you?
Chris.tine
Anna Banana
Chris.tine wrote:
: Oh Anna: I am so sorry to have to tell you this, you being a
: loyal subject and all,
She often drops in unexpectedly for tea. Lady-in-waiting in tow.
No matter how often I ask her to call first, and without as much
as by your leave, Chris.tine, she arrives and demands I put the
kettle on. Then she reaches for my shortbread.
So it isn't so much that I'm a loyal subject, not really. It's
just that I have yet to find a way to say 'no' to the woman.
...Have you noticed an odd
: resemblance between Charles and Anne?
Yes, I've noticed. And so has she. Well, she hasn't actually,
noticed, not in so many words. Mostly, she tends to get them
mixed up.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen this, Chris.tine: There
she'll be, sitting on my sofa, sipping my tea, swallowing my
shortbread without chewing, and nearing the end of one of her
perdurable equestrian anecdotes in which someone always loses his
battle with gravity... and she'll just stop talking.
Then, after a very long silence during which she'll seem to be
counting to thirty-six, she'll exclaim, "No. Wait. We are
telling this all wrong. Now that we have thought about it,
we believe it was Charles, not Anne, who fell from the horse."
And she'll help herself to cookie and start the whole story all
over again. Honestly, Chris.tine, one of these days, I'm going
ignore the doorbell and pretend I'm not home.
Cloning, you say? I wouldn't be at all surprised.
: As to the purse, did I ever tell you how they got the
: exact right dimensions?
No. How? Please tell me.
Anna
Samm
In <5v97td$1a...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net> chris mclaughlin
<cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu> writes:
>
>sa...@ix.netcom.com(Samm) wrote:
>
>: You suggested (at least I didn't *think* it was a *command
>:performance*) that I, too, like queen (note the lower case spelling)
>:Elizabeth, try licking a hamster as a palliative to my nerves
>:extremely cautious about, uh, compromising the integrity of my
>
>Samm, I do not understand. However, you do appeal to
>my curiosity, not to mention salaciousness.
>Your job requires the use of your tongue?
>
>Please tell me more, dear. I'm all ears.
>
>Chris.tine
>
Dearest Queenly One,
I was using *occupation* mostly metaphorically, mostly, in an
attempt to sidestep a more direct reference, but, well, let me put it
this way... When I had surgery on my tongue (now over 10 years ago), I
was employed in a church administrative capacity, and my, uh, *friends*
were overheard indiscreetly arguing whether the surgery was more of an
impediment to me as a *preacher* or as a *lesbian*..... It was a
comment without socially redeeming value then and equally so now....
By the time I could actually respond to them, they had laughed
themselves into a stupor. (Who says lesbian feminists have no sense of
humor?)
(Surgery on one's tongue drops one's IQ by 60 points and one's
vocabulary becomes identical to the dialogue in Quest For Fire...)
I sincerely hope I have not offended Your Queeness with the, uh,
frankness or explicity of the above remarks. I most often endeavor to
avoid graphic references which might offend the more marginal and less
adult of us, not to mention those who are royally sensitive, but you
sort of forced me to say it... I blush nonetheless.
Samm
chris mclaughlin
Mary Jo Place
chris mclaughlin (cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu) wrote:
> (smurf. . . burble. . .Royal gynecologist. . .
> mummphr. . . jewel encrusted speculum she sometimes wears
> as a crown?. . .mumble mumble. . .scoot down. . . !!
> sssh! . . . plaster of Paris, only they call it London. . .)
>
> I swear, I do not know why anyone would want to be queen.
Thread drift has forced me to repeat another Bette Midler royalty joke.
The original went on and on for about twenty minutes, in that inimitable
Midler style, but I will try to stick to the barest skeleton of jokedom:
Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana decide to go on a fox hunt, so they get
in their royal Rolls Royce and head out to Sherwood Forest. The car is
flagged down by a highway robber, their chauffeur is shot, and the two
women are ordered out of the car.
"Okay, Diana," the robber sez, "Prince Charles gave you a beautiful
sapphire engagement ring. Hand it over."
"I don't have it with me," Diana replies. "I'm not going to wear my good
jewelery on a fox hunt. I left it back at the palace."
So the robber turns to the queen. "Well, I can at least get the crown.
Hand it over."
"My loyal subject," the queen replies haughtily. "I do not wear my state
jewelery to a private affair. I left it back at the palace."
"Well, hell, then," the robber says. "I'll just have to take the car."
Which he does, leaving two very pissed off broads on the side of the road.
"Well, this is a fine kettle of fish," the queen snaps. "But I must say,
Diana, when we left the palace this morning I saw you were wearing that
ring. Whatever did you do with it?"
"Well, your highness, I was so chagrined at the thought of losing my
engagement ring to that common ruffian that I hid it."
"You hid it?"
"Yes, I hid it."
"Where'd you hide it?"
"In me privates."
"Oh."
"But I have to observe, my queen, that when we left the palace this
morning you WERE wearing that crown. What on earth did you do with it?"
"Well, I was so chagrined at the thought of a common ruffian making off
with the crown jewels that I hid it."
"You hid it?"
"Yes, I hid it."
"Where'd you hide it?"
"With a great deal of personal discomfort for me, I hid it in me
privates."
"Oh."
The two women started hitchhiking back to the palace. Diana finally says,
"Well, it's a good thing we both saved our jewelry from that common
thief."
"Yes," sighed the queen. "If Princess Anne was around we could have saved
the car, as well."
(Or Margaret; not being a royalty watcher I forget which one.)
Mary Jo "OUCH!" Place
Support the Jayne Hitchcock HELP Fund:
http://www.geocities.com/~hitchcockc/story.html#fund
========================================================================
chris mclaughlin
Oh.
Are you a Unitarian by chance, my dear?
If that is the case, then I think that
being tongue-tied, so to speak, would
be a much greater impediment to your
work as a lesbian.
I am myself a Unitarian, and I much
prefer my preachers doing the lord's,
or whomever's, work out in the field.
Or between the sheets.
Whatever.
Chris.tine
Paul Harwood
On 11 Sep 1997 13:33:52 GMT, chris mclaughlin said in misc.writing:
> I've been spared grey hair, but I have
>dents in my skin and bags under my eyes. So maybe it's just
>as well that no one is looking too closely.
Chris, sweetheart: Those dents are known as "dimples".
They are especially noticeable when you smile. Many people actually
find them attractive.
Now then. Just how far beneath your eyes are these "bags"?
Paul, who has been known to pay attention to the Queen, and who
suspects her of Artistic License.
Joe
chris mclaughlin <cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu> wrote:
>However, if you look closely and attentively at almost anyone,
>you will find much to interest and delight there, bags and
>dents and all. Paying attention pays off, if you've a mind
>to bother. Finding the particular, now.
I must disagree. Many people are boring, live boring lives, and just
aren't very interesting. Some of the worst writing comes from this
"everything and everyone is interesting" myth. I recently read a
newspaper column by a woman who had stopped wearing her wedding ring
because she was tired of people making assumptions about her, tired of
being known to people, tired of there being no more mystery to
herself.
What she failed utterly to realize was that hiding the overt signs of
her mostly boring, conservative live would not make her more
interesting. People who live boring, conservative lives shouldn't
*expect* other people to find them interesting. Why expect people to
find mystery in the plain and obvious? Her problem was that she wanted
the benefits of an exciting life, but without the risks of one. I'm
sorry but it doesn't work that way.
Joe McGinn
===================================================
Author of Inside LotusScript, available September 1997
http://www.browsebooks.com/McGinn/
===================================================
chris mclaughlin
mjp...@mtholyoke.edu (Mary Jo Place) wrote:
>"Yes," sighed the queen. "If Princess Anne was around we could have saved
>the car, as well."
Gasp.
Snort.
Guffaw!
One wonders, though, Dear P, when the boys will show up to
tell us we are not funny, not funny at all.
By the way, dear, I haven't seen Fluffy lately.
Perhaps you have him in safekeeping somewhere?
C
("I know an old lady, she swallowed a fly. . .)
chris mclaughlin
Pa...@computerbits.com (Paul Harwood) wrote:
:Paul, who has been known to pay attention to the Queen, and who
:suspects her of Artistic License.
Attention, Paul? You are obsessed.
And who can blame you, really?
Chris
$Zero
8899Q
jes...@airmail.net (Thomas Michaels) summoned from the
bowels of brainwash by Paine, sends out some legal test balloons:
>Zero, I know that you need money, so I've got an idea.
there's your first two misconceptions
1] that i "need" money
2] that *you* have an "idea." <g>
>Since the Queen Mother gets to carry around a little
>black handbag, why don't you design a royal fanny pack
>for the male members of the Royal Family?
because it would be a royal, boring, Paine in the butt. ;)
anyway, i don't invent on a per-request commissioned basis.
i follow my heart and mind. and i highly doubt they would
ever lead me to kingly fanny packs. but since you thought
of it, perhaps it clues us in to the substance of your mind
and heart. <g>
to each his own.
(see... THAT was the childish mirror/rubber/glue technique,
however, much more skillfully executed--"off with their heads")
>No need to thank me for this idea which will obviously make
>you a millionaire---just pay the back child support, deadbeat.
1] i would never dream of thanking you for such royal crap.
2] obviously you have no clue at all about R&D, supply & demand,
or any other entrepreneurial concept. (see your signature below(1))
3] if you want to call me a "deadbeat", at least have the courage
to cc: email me.
since your "humor" was so lame here, obviously you're attempting to
either:
1] get me to explode (too late, Kunthie beat you too it)
2] get me to disclose my legal strategy in a fit of emotion
(i'll disclose that for you freely, without you having to
strain your brain with lame insults---i'm very generous that
way, truth is my comfort)
>By the way, I classify "deadbeat" as anyone who decides that they
>don't have to obey the law, and is too good for menial labor.
1] nobody _has to_ obey ANY law or judgment that they feel
is unjust or unfair. (see Rosa Parks, etc.) you twit.
2] i'm not "too good" for menial labor. i've done it many
times through-out my 24 years of "working" life. but
engaging in it at this point in my life would not only be
idiotic (akin to a medical doctor shoveling snow for money
he doesn't need) it would be a tremendous waste of my talent
and creativity and would have an overall disastrous effect
on my children.
>Work a couple of days at McDonald's, and you can pay child support.
>Not bad, eh?
you see? you really don't understand the basic dynamics of life,
do you? you would rather see a creative genius spending 16 hours
a week flipping burgers at McDonald's to meet some silly unfair
judgment (which, BTW, his kids DO NOT need) than spend his time
creating the cure for cancer, or the solution to poverty, or some
other grandiose thing that he is very capable of accomplishing.
you're just a typical narrow-minded idjit who doesn't even remotely
understand the value of his own time as it pertains "spending" it.
but maybe i speak too soon. perhaps flipping burgers for two days
a week IS appropriate for you and your capabilities, but it does not
apply me and mine. not at anymore. i am much too valuable for
that moronic activity.
to each his own.
>Also, don't bother with the "I'll get my ACLU attorneys on your
>case for calling me a 'deadbeat' routine."
i'll leave that up to my attorneys, with strong encouragement from me.
>You were physically able to work to pay the child support...you
>just felt that you didn't have to pay it, since your wife's side
>of the family was filthy rich.
i was not physically able to work and pay, i was managing and responsible
for half a million dollars of investment capital and 10 years of my time.
(similar to attending 10 years of med school & getting straight A's)
obviously, you do not *understand* capitalism. perhaps you should move
to China. they force jobs on people *there*, i think???.
i had to go without pay for several years in order to save my company
from bankruptcy. and so did my working partner, Rick. not only that,
i was responsible for seven employees and their weekly paychecks as well
as my idjit investor's investments in cash (and my *own* cash investments
of approximately $100K). it's better if you know the facts before you
make such libelous remarks. ask any attorney.
if my children were wanting in any way, i would have done whatever i had
to, to see that their needs were taken care of. my ex certainly
understood the situation, and did not expect, hound or even ask for the
silly $25/mo (which i gave her hundred's anyway, whenever i could manage
to get my idjit investors to see that i needed money to buy food for
myself, etc.) Even though we were divorced, we still got along, and she
was hoping that i could manage to make all of my hard work and time pay
off. she after all, had sacrificed for years as well and did not want it
to be in vain. if she understood it, why can't some anonymous idjit like
yourself have enough brains to realize that everything is not black and
white?
*i'll* tell you why... it's called: BRAINWASH.
>Was marrying you her way of getting back at them, do you suppose?
not in the least. you're way off on that test balloon.
>I've heard that rich girls, to make their families mad, will marry
>unsuitable partners.
wrong again,. your brainwashed generalities are like a bottomless pit.
my ex was a very obedient and respectful child, she would never do
anything to piss off her parents. she happened to love me. and i
was not an unsuitable partner in the least. if anything, i was an
upgrade.
her parents always liked me and respected my intelligence and creativity,
even if we sometimes had political differences. and up until the sluttish
alcoholic events leading to our divorce, me and my in-laws were on great
terms.
(1)
>"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool."
>-- Danny Kaye
an employed jester IS somebody's fool.
-$Zero... ReprocessYourBrainwashedPreconceptions...
AndTellKunthie'sLawyersToTryAnotherTrack
`'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``' Day 13205
HasTheGalaxy-Shaking,Word-BigottedEffectOfTheWord"Poor"WornOffYet?
PleaseContactMyAttorneyWhenIt'sAllFuckin'Over....
CussYourMouthOff!!!!...JoinTheVerbalFightAgainstWord-Bigotry
AndHelpStampOutTheIllusionOfElitismToday!!!
AsOf...9709120039EST...IHaveZeroControlOverAnythingWrittenBelow:
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
Paul Harwood
On 11 Sep 1997 22:56:25 GMT, chris mclaughlin said in misc.writing:
>Pa...@computerbits.com (Paul Harwood) wrote:
>
>:Paul, who has been known to pay attention to the Queen, and who
>:suspects her of Artistic License.
>
>Attention, Paul? You are obsessed.
Well, sure.
But they're still dimples, Chris.
And still cute.
--
Paul Harwood
"To me, the Internet is about the intellectual persuit of Information,
Fact and Truth, and the destruction of Propaganda, and putting Myth into
context." --Grey feels his beans in misc.writing
Neil Blenkiron
In article <5v9ih2$d...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net> of group misc.writing,
chris mclaughlin writes:
Yous gals are not fanny... not fanny at all! Yer
hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<grin>
Neil Blenkiron - freelance writer based in Melbourne Australia
There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Alma Hromic
On 11 Sep 1997 13:33:52 GMT, chris mclaughlin
>One of the great sorrows of my life is that no one
>pays any attention to me anymore. On the rare occasions that
>I actually start to speak, people walk away or interrupt me.
>No one has asked me in, oh, 5 years what I am doing, what's
>important in my life. They think they
>know: soccer. They are wrong, of course. I exist only as the
>dispenser of things: money, information about where socks are
>hiding, food, work output. Otherwise, I am quite invisible.
not in here!
chris.tine - you're enthroned in this newsgroup! how invisible can
someone be wearing a crown?
>And you know, Hound, the truth is that I'm as interesting as
>other people are. Only thing is, I'm a woman, and a mom, and
>in the middle of my life. I've been spared grey hair, but I have
>dents in my skin and bags under my eyes. So maybe it's just
>as well that no one is looking too closely.
heh. i don't have the kids but i do have the grey hair. and i can't
see the skin dents but i don't care - i never skip a chris post
anyway.
and what do you carry in the bags under your eyes? seems like an
awkward place for baggage...
>However, if you look closely and attentively at almost anyone,
>you will find much to interest and delight there, bags and
>dents and all. Paying attention pays off, if you've a mind
>to bother. Finding the particular, now.
i'm listening. my attention is duly paid up.
Mary Jo Place
chris mclaughlin (cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu) wrote:
>
> By the way, dear, I haven't seen Fluffy lately.
> Perhaps you have him in safekeeping somewhere?
Alas! My magnificent steed, Fluffy the Wonder Stallion, stands neglected
outside the window as I frantically get a handle on the new semester in my
new job. He keeps snorting fire and pawing the ground in frustration, and
has totally ravished what's left of the vegetable garden. I have been
similarly neglecting just about everything else in my life, including my
virtual life in MWV.
On top of everything else, my darling hubby came home last Monday with a
slightly belated birthday gift: a 1953 Buick Special four-door sedan that
he bought for a thousand bucks from a guy down the road. It is so cool.
It's always been my dream to fix up an old car, and Mister Indulgence, who
will do literally anything for me at the drop of a hat, threw caution and
good sense and priorities to the wind just to make me happy. So now I have
another reason to never finish my house. Indeed, my mother, upon hearing
of his plans, grumbled "I suppose you can wash your dishes in it!" since
we have no kitchen and hence no kitchen sink. (Although we *DO* have a
kitchen sink; it's in a box under my stepdaughter's bed.)
Folks might be seeing more of me in a few weeks. Plans are in motion to
buy a 33.6K modem from one of my students and I'm half-heartedly shopping
around for an ISP. Yep, going on line at home, so that I can waste even
more of my valuable time on the net. Penthesileia, Queen of the Amazons,
shall ride again, cutting a swath of death and destruction under the
thundering hooves of her majestic equine companion Fluffy the Wonder
Stallion (albeit under the aegis of a new email address). Then we queens
can all get together and flirt with our subjects and amongst ourselves at
our royal leisure.
Mary Jo "When we're not at war with each other, that is" Place
Pat Marcello
Kathie Meyer <lou...@mail.wsu.edu> wrote in article
<5v6v3e$36b$1...@leopard.it.wsu.edu>...
> In article <5v6pgu$f...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net>, cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu
> says...
> I thought *I* was the only person in the world who
> rubbed the blanket's satin edge while sucking my thumb.
> This is how my parents got me to stop. They took away
> the blanket for a while and I quit with the thumbsucking
> business. It wasn't any fun without the blanket.
>
> Years later, my mother thought the satin edge was raggedy and
> she removed it without asking me first. All that was left was
> a bare, gray-blue piece of scratchy wool. I protested and she
> fixed it by sewing on a new satin edging. Now I use this blanket
> as a dust cover for the home PC.
Well, Kathie, this is completely off-topic, as it should be.
My daughter has had a teddy-bear quilt from birth. Someone made it for
her, and it's her absolute favorite. Eight years later, the raggedy
batting was showing. It was truly disgusting and we even had to take it on
vacation with us! I was beginning to fear that it would clog my washer.
So, I finally talked her into letting me cut the back off. Now, she has a
piece of material with ruffles.
--
Pat M. I probably should have taken it away years ago, huh? Oh, well,
at least she's secure.
William R. Penrose
>In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
>dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
>anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
>maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
>the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
>address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
>Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
It's a lead brick. She's brought down more than one overly familiar subject
with it.
Bill
************************************************************
Bill Penrose, President, Custom Sensor Solutions, Inc.
526 West Franklin Avenue, Naperville IL 60540, USA
630-548-3548, fax 630-369-9618, email wpen...@interaccess.com
************************************************************
Purveyors of contract R&D and gas sensor-based product
development to this and nearby galaxies.
************************************************************
Stephen G. Esrati
Samm wrote:
>
> >In every appearance made by Queen Elizabeth, she has this black handbag
> >dangling from her left forearm.... It isn't large, or distracting, or
> >anything, but... given the fact that she has a chauffeur, body guards,
> >maids in waiting, etc. ... WHAT does she carry in the bag? change for
> >the toll pike, a tampon, a lipstick, keys to what for Chrissakes? an
> >address book? a cell phone? a gameboy?
> >
> >Does anyone know? Does anyone care to speculate?
>
> the mary poppins syndrome?
>
HM Queen NEVER carries any money, not so much as a penny.
She's too old for tampons.
She needs no keys.
In truth, HM Queen (and I say this facetiously, since I prefer to call
her Mrs. Mountbatten and absolutely refuse to call her Mrs. Windsor as
she decreed in 1972) carries a purse because one simply does, just as
one wears shoes in the same color as the purse. I do not believe that
she always carries a black purse.
Even my ancient mother always made sure her shoes and purse matched, and
all she had in that blasted (but expensive) purse was some Kleenex.
(No, I will not write Kleenex brand of paper tissues!)
*****************************************************************
--
Stephen G. Esrati
Author of COMRADES, AVENGE US, the novel about the search for Nazi war
criminals who preyed on Americans, Canadians, and other Allied POWs.
Much of the book is based on reality. It is available from me for $7.50
(including shipping to U.S. addresses). Ask charges for other
destinations. VISA, MasterCard.
P.O. Box 20130
Shaker Heights, Ohio
ste...@gwis.com
Phone: (216) 561-9393
FAX: (216) 561-6030
Pat Johnson
I
>One of the great sorrows of my life is that no one
>pays any attention to me anymore. On the rare occasions that
>I actually start to speak, people walk away or interrupt me.
>No one has asked me in, oh, 5 years what I am doing, what's
>important in my life.
There is more to come. Once your children have grown up, you become
completely invisible to everyone. Actually it is rather nice, because
you can do anything you want and no one can see. WARNING: do not wear
expensive clothes or look after your hair during this period. Otherwise
the charm will be broken.
--
Pat Johnson
Pat Marcello
Hound of Cullen <zi...@aol.com> wrote in article
<zisbo-ya02318000...@news.bbn.com>...
> In article <5v6tij$16...@wiscnews.wiscnet.net>, chris mclaughlin
> <cmcl...@post.its.mcw.edu> wrote:
>
> :Jim <jst...@taxes.net> wrote:
> ::I know what's in it.
> :
> :: Krill, a fashion accessory.
> :
> :
> :Well, lookie here, girls: a man who PAYS
> :ATTENTION.
> :
> :What are you doing tonight, Jim?
> :
> :Chris.tine
>
> Oh, bunkum, Queen Chris.tine. You don't *really* want a man who pays
> attention. Then he might say something like, "Gee, Hon, isn't this the
same
> chicken recipie you used the last time you cooked me dinner?" or "You
know,
> that lipstick doesn't *quite* match your blush, dear."
>
No. It's much worse than that. How about a husband who actually knew when
you bought a new outfit? Or a new computer or something. Yikes!
--
Pat M. He'd know if I bought a new car, though.
Joanne Reid
The handbag is a signal thing -- honestly. This is true. Certain
ways she holds it mean certain things, just like in football signals.
If she shifts it a certain way, it means 'get me the hell out of
here', etc.
- joanne
joann...@reporters.net
Writing courses online: http://www.reporters.net/jbreid
Author, eTanglements, the online soap: http://www.esoaps.com
To subscribe, send a message to eTanglemen...@esoaps.com
and type only the word "subscribe" in the body of the email.
Mark Roy Long
Thomas Michaels (jes...@airmail.net) while summoning a chant, demoned:
> You might remember that the Queen's handbag signal was the
> deciding factor in last year's Superbowl.
Dick Schaap was talking about it on ESPN. Farve stole the signal
about New England's the two deep coverage, and that's how they got that
early touchdown.
mrl
Thomas Michaels
>The handbag is a signal thing -- honestly. This is true. Certain
>ways she holds it mean certain things, just like in football signals.
>If she shifts it a certain way, it means 'get me the hell out of
>here', etc.
>
Joanne is absolutely right. If the Queen holds the handbag in her
left hand with the clasp on the front, it means to go long and left.
If she holds it in her right, it means to pass it to Charles and block
like hell. You might remember that the Queen's handbag signal was the
deciding factor in last year's Superbowl.
Jester
"Anyone who takes me seriously has obviously never seen me naked."
-----Thomas Michaels
e-mail: jes...@airmail.net