Woods Accident...NO ACCIDENT!
Mark
from other tour professionals for his ungentlemanly conduct on the
golf course, it has been reported.
Woods, the half-brother of TheSpoof.com writer, Monkey Woods, released
a splattering fart during play at the recent Buick Open at Warwick
Hills, an incident captured live by TV crews, but it's not the first
time, say his rivals.
The trump, delivered whilst Woods was sizing up a shot, has apparently
become the player's trademark during tournaments, and the claim that
his flatulence is an accident, is, like his underpants, wearing thin.
Rocco Mediate, who lost out to Woods in a play off at the US Open at
Torrey Pines in 2008, told us:
"I had a 20 ft putt to level the hole, but as I stood over the ball,
Tiger let out a fucking great monster of a fart that lasted a full 7-8
seconds. The flag rippled, and sand in the greenside bunker was
disturbed. My confidence was shattered. I imagine his boxers were also
'shattered'. My putt ended up just short - I could've blown it in with
a fart!"
Others have also commented on the world number 1's terrible
sportsmanship. One, Phil Mickelson, thought by many to be a close
friend of Woods, said:
"I dunno what Tiger eats for breakfast, but it sure doesn't agree with
his bowels! And, instead of nipping his cheeks together at crucial
moments to stifle the fart, he bends his knees and pushes down on his
diaphragm to expel some of the longest trumps I've ever had the
misfortune to have witnessed, so help me God!"
The USPGA has said that it will investigate any claims that players
are trying to gain an advantage by breaking wind loudly, and will deal
severely with any found doing so.
---
Mark
G.E., we bring good shit to life
john.ku...@sympatico.ca
"The USPGA has said that it will investigate...."
There must have been skidmarks......
Mark
>
> - Show quoted text -
Yes, this is "breaking" news.
Mark
> Yes, this is "breaking" wind news.
Just Me
That's almost funny as what's bound to turn out for the truth, when it
came to Tiger's wife chasing him out the house and into his car with a
golf club at 2:30 in the morning. The story we get, all about how she
was using that to "break him out of the car"? Yup, she was in the
middle of doing that alright, till he backed into that fire hydrant
and tree. But don't hold your breath waiting for the real story to
come out before Judge Judy.
--
JM http://doo-dads.blogspot.com
Thomas Armagost
>
> "The USPGA has said that it will investigate...."
>
> There must have been skidmarks......
He was driving a 2009 Cadillac SUV. It probably rolled over after hitting
a pebble. Luckily the SUV was going less than 5 miles an hour at the time.
Otherwise he would have been killed.
The airbags failed to deploy, the electronic door locks jammed and the
power windows could not be opened. This reads like a preview list of
2010 recalls.
Thanks for keeping the dream of planned obsolescence alive, Team USA.
Bring it on!
--
"He used to be my boss and now he is a puppet dancer" - David Bowie