OT - "Art" Dave Barry
Paulo Joe Jingy
Janitors and artists never see eye to eye
We Americans tend to assume that the British are more intelligent than
we are, because they speak with British accents. That's why we need to
know about the Turner Prize.
This is a much-publicized prize awarded annually to a British artist.
The people who award it say it's ''one of the most important and
prestigious awards for the visual arts in Europe.'' Besides prestige,
the winner gets 20,000 pounds, which, if you convert it to American
dollars, is a large wad of American dollars.
To win that kind of money, you'd think the artist would have to produce
an actual, physical piece of art -- a painting, a sculpture, a statue of
the Queen carved out of cheese -- something.
Nope. The 2001 Turner Prize went to an artist named Martin Creed, whose
entry was entitled: ''The Lights Going On and Off.'' It consists, as the
title suggests, of lights going on and off in a vacant room. They go on
for five seconds, then off for five seconds. That's it. In other words,
this guy got 20,000 pounds for demonstrating the same artistic talent as
a defective circuit breaker.
Here's the scary part: He deserved to win. I say this because, according
to BBC News, his strongest competition was an artist whose entry
consisted of a dusty room ''filled with an array of disparate objects,
including a plastic cactus, mirrors, doors and old tabloid newspapers.''
Some gallery visitors mistook this for an actual storeroom, before
realizing that it was art.
So Martin Creed's blinking lights probably looked pretty darned artistic
to the Turner Prize jurors. The prize was formally presented by Madonna,
who said: ''Art is always at its best when there is no money, because it
is nothing to do with money and everything to do with love.'' That
Madonna! Always joking!
You should know that the artistry of Martin Creed is not limited to
blinking lights. Another of his works is entitled ''A sheet of A4 paper
crumpled into a ball.'' It's a piece of paper crumpled into a ball.
Perhaps you're thinking: ``How come when I crumple paper, it's trash,
but when this guy does it, it's art?''
The answer is that Creed has an artistic asset that you don't have: the
fervent admiration of professional art twits. For example, one critic
wrote that Creed's ball of paper ''is not simply a sheet of A4 paper, it
is a beautifully crumpled piece of A4 paper.'' Creed has also received
critical acclaim for attaching a rubber doorstop to an art-gallery floor
so that the door could be opened only partway. This annoyed the public,
which, being the stupid old public, did not recognize that the doorstop
was art. Naturally the critics thought it was brilliant.
Frankly, I admire Martin Creed. He can do whatever he wants, and the
critics will declare that it's art, especially if it annoys normal
people. If he suspended a bucket over an art-gallery door so it dumped
water on whoever walked in, he'd be hailed as a genius. In fact, he may
already have done this.
Another important British artist is Damien Hirst. In 1995 he also won
the Turner Prize, for an entry that consisted of (I am not making any of
this up) a cow and a calf cut in half and preserved in formaldehyde.
Last October, a London gallery threw a party to launch an exhibition by
Hirst. When it was over, there was a bunch of party trash -- beer
bottles, ashtrays, coffee cups, etc. -- lying around. Hirst, artist
that he is, arranged this trash into an ''installation,'' which is an
artistic term meaning ``trash that the gallery can now price at 5,000
pounds and try to sell to a wealthy moron.''
The next morning, in came the janitor, who, tragically, was not an art
professional. When he saw the trash, he assumed that it was trash, and
threw it away.
''I didn't think for a second that it was a work of art,'' he later told
the press.
When the gallery staff arrived, they went out and retrieved the artistic
trash from the regular trash, then reassembled the original
installation, guided by photographs taken the night before.
So to summarize the London art scene: A trash arrangement, created by an
award-winning artist, is painstakingly recreated by art gallery
professionals, who hope to sell it, for 5,000 pounds, to an art
collector, assuming the collector can open the gallery door, which might
be blocked by a doorstop placed there, to critical acclaim, by another
award-winning artist.
The thing to bear in mind about all this is that everyone involved has a
British accent. Including, more and more, Madonna.
Richard Milton
> The thing to bear in mind about all this is that everyone
> involved has a British accent.
That's right, old boy. We sell this crap to wealthy Americans!
Pip Pip!
Richard
--
(Use only as directed by your physician. Only one per
household. Terms and conditions apply. The value of
shares can go down as well as up.)
TonyBoy74
this guy does it, it's art?''
Context.
Peace,
Tony B.
Paulo Joe Jingy
Richard Milton wrote:
> Paulo Joe Jingy wrote
>
> > The thing to bear in mind about all this is that everyone
> > involved has a British accent.
>
> That's right, old boy. We sell this crap to wealthy Americans!
>
> Pip Pip!
Hey -- if they're dumb enough to buy it, they deserve to get fleeced.
If I could make a name for myself, and find a rich enough dumbass, I
would do the same thing.
In fact -- yes -- I'm getting an idea, now.
How about, after finding the right pigeon, I take his or her picture,
make a whole bunch of copies, cut 'em out, put 'em in those little,
plastic, picture cubes and then place them in a working urinal.
I could call it: "Piss on you!" It makes a statement -- right? (Only
if the bank account is high enough and the IQ is low enough).
I think I'll do it -- it could work -- if only I could get that British
accent down.
The artist formally known as Paulo.
Paulo Joe Jingy
TonyBoy74 wrote:
I've crumpled two reams of 81/2" by 11" paper, but they just don't seem to be
doing it for me.
I was excited by one or two of them, for awhile -- I almost even thought that they
were *real art* -- but after a couple of minutes, they kind of looked like -- I
don't know -- crumpled paper, I guess.
Does anyone know where I can get a ream of A4 paper in the United States?
Dlehmicke
>crumpled into a ball.'' It's a piece of paper crumpled into a ball.
Absurd! More so if the possiblity exists that someone might actually pay for
such a thing.
What's next, money changing hands for scraps of paper on which someone has done
nothing more than sign his name?
Richard Milton
> How about, after finding the right pigeon, I take his or her picture,
> make a whole bunch of copies, cut 'em out, put 'em in those little,
> plastic, picture cubes and then place them in a working urinal.
> I could call it: "Piss on you!" It makes a statement -- right? (Only
> if the bank account is high enough and the IQ is low enough).
People forget that when Marcel Duchamps exhibited
a urinal at the Paris Salon it wasn't because he thought
it was art, but because he was saying "This is what
art has descended to". How right he was.
I agree with whoever it was recently who was asked
to define art and replied "Art is whatever you can
get away with".
Tom Wood
> a urinal at the Paris Salon it wasn't because he thought
> it was art, but because he was saying "This is what
> art has descended to". How right he was.
To make a movie connection in this thread, I think if the guy in 'There's
Something About Mary' had smeared the "hair gel" on the wall, it would
better represent what art has become - masturbation on a wall.
Tom
Thomas L. C.
and be elitist in our attempts at anti-elitism? Its just all so much fun.
--
Thomas L. C.
---------------------------------------------------
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"
-HST
"Paulo Joe Jingy" <pauloj...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3C78E7B5...@yahoo.com...
>
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/2679614.ht
Paula
art (I was amused when I read of the Damien Hirst incident several
months ago - but so was Hirst himself), I've always thought it was
strange when artists - in whatever artistic discipline they create art
themselves - deride efforts of other artists who are creating their
own art. One would like to think that artists would have a more open
view of accepting the creative output of others than would
anti-intellectual snobs who haven't bothered to know WHY something is
presented the way it is. (How many people know the "ideas" behind,
say the Suprematists' white square on a white background or Rothko's
great big rectangles or Mondrian's grids?)
While it often seems that many of the conceptual artists who hit the
big flashy art scene are merely milking their ... (dare I say it?...)
15 minutes of fame with outlandishness for the sake of outlandishness,
many actually feel they are saying something. And whether what
they're saying is good or bad, at least they're DOING something.
Art is whatever the artist wants to be. Intent and context mean a lot
in the "Is it art or is it crap?" arguments. ("Irony" is often
over-looked, too, by the way.) Who are we to say what is or isn't
art? We can shake our heads and say it's ridiculous, but we can't say
it isn't art.
Paula
P.S. And by the way, my favorite "installation" is Bruce Nauman's
tiny white room that is filled only with two speakers mounted on
opposite walls. When a person steps into the room he or she is
greeted with a menacing disembodied voice growling, "GET OUT OF THIS
ROOM! GET OUT OF MY MIND!"
P.P.S. And here's a picture of the Hirst installation:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/arts/newsid_1608000/1608322.stm
Paulo Joe Jingy
"Thomas L. C." wrote:
> Do you have any other written descriptions of art so that we can laugh at it
> and be elitist in our attempts at anti-elitism? Its just all so much fun.
Uh? Don't know shit from Shinola on that *elitist* stuff. I just thought I was
making fun of assholes.
But here's something that might help.
http://www.pottymouth.org/humor/shinola.html
The artist formally known as Paulo.
Joe Myers
(snips)
> ... I've always thought it was
> strange when artists - in whatever artistic discipline they create art
> themselves - deride efforts of other artists who are creating their
> own art.
Doesn't surprise me in the least.
If you're an artist, you're conviced you've tapped into something in the
universe that can captivate, amuse or outrage, transport or confront,
embrace or reject, a basic human emotion.
If you're another artist, and have tapped into something *else* in the
universe that can captivate, amuse or outrage, transport or confront,
embrace or reject, a basic human emotion, and the other guy's getting hot
and cold running starlets, million dollar deals, and enough cocaine to give
a rhino a coronary, you've got a license to deride.
Joe Myers
"Menudo wannabe."
Rob Cottingham
> you've got a license to deride.
A ticket to deride, surely...
new...@virtual.com
wrote:
>Do you have any other written descriptions of art so that we can laugh at it
>and be elitist in our attempts at anti-elitism? Its just all so much fun.
*Ha ha ha* ---> Art arT aRt art ArT <--- *More Ha ha ha*
Doug
"Life is a river. If you ain't gettin' your feet
wet, you ain't playin' hard enough."
new...@virtual.com
>P.S. And by the way, my favorite "installation" is Bruce Nauman's
>tiny white room that is filled only with two speakers mounted on
>opposite walls. When a person steps into the room he or she is
>greeted with a menacing disembodied voice growling, "GET OUT OF THIS
>ROOM! GET OUT OF MY MIND!"
Thanks Paula!
I'm riggin' one of those suckers up to my doorbell. It could be
really cool at Halloween as well.
The Jehovah's Witnesses are gonna absolutely freak!
Yes... I could put it on my answering machine too.
So many possibilities...
Paula
>On Sun, 24 Feb 2002 21:10:52 GMT, rub...@att.net (Paula) wrote:
>
>>P.S. And by the way, my favorite "installation" is Bruce Nauman's
>>tiny white room that is filled only with two speakers mounted on
>>opposite walls. When a person steps into the room he or she is
>>greeted with a menacing disembodied voice growling, "GET OUT OF THIS
>>ROOM! GET OUT OF MY MIND!"
>
>Thanks Paula!
>
>I'm riggin' one of those suckers up to my doorbell. It could be
>really cool at Halloween as well.
>
>The Jehovah's Witnesses are gonna absolutely freak!
>
>Yes... I could put it on my answering machine too.
>
>So many possibilities...
>
>Doug
See? Art can serve utilitarian as well as aesthetic needs.
Glad to help!
Paula