The Two Jack Frosts
wcmartell
vault and posted it on my blog, then on one of the horror boards, but
maybe you folks might get a dark holiday laugh from it...
The Two JACK FROSTS
By William C. Martell
When Hollywood isn't remaking classics or turning bad TV shows into
films, they are ripping off B Movies and hoping that no one will
notice. But now Hollywood is ripping off obscure direct to video
flicks.
Like JACK FROST (1996)... becoming JACK FROST (1998).
Yes, kids, there WAS an early frost.
In a fit of masochism, I decided to watch both the 1996 B horror movie
version from A-Pix and the big budget 1998 family film version from
Warner Bros. and here is my report...
CONCEPT:
In JACK FROST (1998) Michael Keaton plays a killer blues singer named
Jack Frost who gets killed in snow storm related car accident on the
way to a gig (the biggest day of his life) and is reincarnated as a
talking snowman.
In JACK FROST (1996) Scott MacDonald plays a serial killer with the
blues named Jack Frost who gets killed in a snow storm related car
accident on the way to his execution (the last day of his life) and is
reincarnated as a talking, killing snowman.
In JACK FROST (1998) Joseph Cross is Keaton s neglected son, yearning
for his father s attention... but dad is too busy with his career. Dad
constantly lies to his son, flakes out on an important hockey game,
then is too busy to spend Christmas with the family because he has a
gig to play.
In JACK FROST (1996) Zack Eginion is the Sheriff (Chris Allport)'s
neglected son, yearning for his father s attention... but dad is too
busy with his career. Dad doesn't lie to his son, doesn't flake out,
but is too busy dealing with a series of gory murders to spend
Christmas with the family.
MAN AND SNOWMAN:
In JACK FROST (1998) musician Jack Frost is reincarnated as a snowman
after his son plays a magic harmonica.
In JACK FROST (1996) killer Jack Frost is reincarnated as a snowman
after he gets splashed with top secret government DNA goo transported
in a tanker truck.
In BOTH versions of JACK FROST there is a touching, emotional scene
where the lonely son puts the eyes, nose, buttons and hat on the
snowman, unaware that it is alive! Really creepy stuff! You expect the
snowman to grab the kid at any minute!
JACK'S BACK:
In JACK FROST (1998) Henry Rollins plays a guy who freaks out when he
sees the walking, talking snowman, and spends the rest of the film
running through town acting crazy.
In JACK FROST (1996) F. William Parker plays a guy who freaks out when
he sees the walking, talking snowman, and spends the rest of the film
running through town acting crazy.
In JACK FROST (1998) the snowman is created by expensive computer
animation, but the black button eyes... black as coal, emotionless,
evil... make him look creepy.
In JACK FROST (1996) the snowman is some guy in a bad costume, but the
carrot nose and button eyes... cartoonish, obviously fake... make him
look silly.
JACK BE NIMBLE:
In BOTH versions of JACK FROST the snowman removes his head and holds
it up so that he can see through a high window.
THOSE MEAN BULLY KIDS:
In JACK FROST (1998) the son gets into a snowball fight with a gang of
bully snowboarder kids, and is saved when Jack Frost the snowman
pummels the lead bully kid with thousands of snowballs. Hooray!
In JACK FROST (1996) the son gets into a fight with a gang of bully
sledging kids, and is saved when Jack Frost the snowman cuts of the
lead bully kid s head with a sledge blade. Yech!
CRUEL SCENES (part 1):
In JACK FROST (1998) there is a scene where a dog rips off Jack
Frost's arm! A scene where Jack Frost is hit by a snowplow and dumped
into a snow bank! A scene where Jack Frost's head falls off, and he
makes a few smart-ass remarks before putting it back on.
In JACK FROST (1996) there is a scene where Jack Frost smashes a
woman's face into tree decorations until she dies! A scene where Jack
Frost shoves an axe handle down a guy s throat! A scene where Jack
Frost s head falls off, and he makes a few smart-ass remarks before
putting it back on.
In JACK FROST (1998) there is a creepy scene where Jack Frost
(snowman) follows the son around, stalking him, frightening him.
In JACK FROST (1996) there is a creepy scene where Jack Frost
(snowman) follows the son around, stalking him, frightening him.
JACK THE RIPPER:
In JACK FROST (1998) there is a terrifying scene where the son hangs
off the edge of a cliff! A frightening scene where bully kids are
smashed flat by a giant Indiana Jones snowball! A scary scene where a
bully kid rolls down a cliff!
In JACK FROST (1996) there is a really silly scene where a babe gets
naked and takes a bath... not knowing that the water in the tub is
really Jack Frost in his liquid state. Sort of Jack and Jill in a pail
of water...
NIPPING AT YOUR TOES:
JACK FROST (1998) has a suspense scene where the babelicious mom
(Kelly Preston) is about to discover the walking, talking, smart-ass
snowman is in her kitchen after noticing a big wet footprint/puddle on
the linoleum.
JACK FROST (1996) has a suspense scene where the babelicious mom
(Eileen Seeley) is about to discover the walking, talking, smart-ass
snowman is in her kitchen after noticing a big wet footprint/puddle on
the linoleum.
EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK:
In BOTH versions of JACK FROST a leaky kitchen sink in babelicious
mom's house figures into the plot.
THE SNOWMAN TALKS!
Sample funny dialogue from JACK FROST (1998) - "You the man!" "No, YOU
the man!" "No, I'm the SNOW man!" (Jack and his son bonding)
Sample funny dialogue from JACK FROST (1996) - "Hey! I can see your
house from here!" (Jack catapulted into the air)
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK:
In BOTH versions of JACK FROST no one seems to find anything unusual
or silly about a walking, talking, wise-ass snowman. It's as if this
kind of thing happens every day. In the big budget family film
version, the son has no problem believing in the talking snowman, but
needs to be convinced that it's his musician dad, Jack Frost,
reincarnated.
In the B movie horror version, the FBI and Sheriff have no trouble
believing that the talking snowman is killing people, or that it's
really serial killer Jack Frost reincarnated. The only characters who
think a talking snowman is a crazy idea are portrayed as crazy
themselves. Both films never try to come up with a rational
explanation for why a guy would be reincarnated as a snowman, instead
they try (and fail) to create a world where being reincarnated as a
snowman is a normal occurrence. (Yeah, that happened to my Uncle
Phil... my Uncle Harvey was reincarnated as an invisible rabbit...)
In JACK FROST (1998) the son tells the bully that the talking snowman
is his dad, and the bully JUST BELIEVES HIM! Then, for some dumb
reason, becomes the son's friend/helper! Huh?
In JACK FROST (1996) a scientist tells the FBI agent that the talking
snowman is the serial killer, and the FBI agent JUST BELIEVES HIM!
Then, for some dumb reason, the FBI agent and scientist team up to
capture the snowman! Huh?
I'M MELTING:
In JACK FROST (1998) Jack's days are numbered because a warm front is
moving in, melting the snow on the town's streets. In one scene, the
son threatens Jack Frost with a hair dryer... really sick, if you
consider it s his reincarnated dad!
In JACK FROST (1996) they filmed someplace where there wasn't any snow
on the streets in the first place... but they spread around some white
"snow blankets" to make it look like winter. It looks like it's about
80 degrees in most of the scenes. You wonder what effect heat has on
Jack Frost. In one scene, the Sheriff threatens Jack Frost with a hair
dryer... really confusing if you consider that Jack Frost has the
power to turn into water in order to sneak under locked doors, then re-
freeze himself into a snowman. If they blast him with hair dryers, why
doesn't he just use his re-freezing powers.
JACK IN THE BOX:
In JACK FROST (1998) the son tries to keep Jack from melting by
jamming him inside the kitchen freezer... almost caught by mom when
she notices the melting ice cubes.
In JACK FROST (1996) Jack gets the drop on some teenagers by jamming
himself in the kitchen freezer... then attacking when they look for
ice cubes.
JACKING OFF:
In the late JACK FROST (1998) the snowman gets knocked to pieces, and
re-assembles himself WRONG! Head in the wrong place, arms in the wrong
place, etc. Of course, he makes a wise-ass remark about it.
In the early JACK FROST (1996) the snowman gets knocked to pieces, and
re-assembles himself WRONG! Head in the wrong place, arms in the wrong
place, etc. Of course, he makes a wise-ass remark: "Look, I'm a
Picasso!"
CRUEL SCENES (part 2):
In JACK FROST (1998) in a tender, touching scene, the son slams holes
in his reincarnated snowman dad with hockey pucks - about a dozen
holes - you can see right through all of them! But Jack scares the
hell out of his son by sneaking up behind him and yelling BOOOO! a
couple of times as revenge. Jack Frost ties a dog to a sledge and
WHIPS IT as if it s a dog team! But still, Frost MELTS in the heat -
sizzling across a hot asphalt parking lot... losing many of his
precious bodily fluids! And, did I mention the son trying to melt his
ass with a hair dryer?
In JACK FROST (1996) they use hair dryers to melt half of Jack's head
off, stab him with ice picks, throw him out a window, run over him
with a car, and toss him in a furnace. Actually, nothing in the horror
movie version holds a candle to the cruel, evil, sick stuff that
happens in the family film version!
I ONLY HAVE ICE FOR YOU:
In the later FROST, the son gets his snowman dad into the mountains
before he melts. But snowman dad tells the kid that his job on earth
is over (I guess he scared the crap out of enough people) and it s
time for him to move on. But Jack has seen Spielberg s E.T. in his pre-
snowman days, so he tells his son, "If you ever need me, I'll be right
here," and touches the kid's heart. Then there s a bunch of special
effects and the snowman seems to blow away... up to heaven!
In the early FROST, they kill him by forcing him into a pick-up truck
bed filled with anti-freeze. Jack dissolves, his arm falls off, and
other fake looking effects happen and the snowman melts away... down
to hell!
CONCLUSIONS:
BOTH versions of JACK FROST end with white credits on a black
background, with cute little cartoons of snowmen in the margins. I
swear - it's the exact same credit sequence! (Only the names were
changed to protect the guilty!) Both end title rolls have jokes hidden
in the credits, with the family film claiming that "No Snowmen Were
Harmed In The Making Of This Film".
Come on! Of the two JACK FROSTs, the family comedy provides more
horror and cruelty, while the horror version is actually funnier! The
horror version actually has better family values, and more characters
with more morals! It s a strange, strange world we live in, Master
Jack!
- Bill
Free Script Tips Every Day:
http://www.ScriptSecrets.Net
Betterduck
> Come on! Of the two JACK FROSTs, the family comedy provides more
> horror and cruelty, while the horror version is actually funnier! The
> horror version actually has better family values, and more characters
> with more morals! It s a strange, strange world we live in, Master
> Jack!
In Jack Frost: He's Chillin' He's Killin' where is his carrot during
the bathtub scene?
Ahhh hahhhhhh.
BD
Your Mom
> I ONLY HAVE ICE FOR YOU:
This pretty much made my day.