Message from discussion
baby showers
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From: "Jenrose" <jenr...@nospamefn.org>
Newsgroups: misc.kids.pregnancy
Subject: Re: baby showers
Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 00:39:43 -0700
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The "usual custom" says baby showers are only for the first baby.
HOWEVER... I think this should depend on several factors:
1. What is the age gap between the current baby and the last baby? Were any
further pregnancies planned? The last two showers I helped organize were for
a 5th baby (unplanned, much wanted, but they'd given all their baby stuff
away after the last baby...) and a 3rd baby (next youngest child was 20
years old...)
2. How much stuff does the mom need? If mom needs a double stroller and a
booster car seat for the older child, a shower might be a fun way to give it
to her if friends are so inclined, even if the babies aren't far apart.
3. Did she have a baby shower with her first baby? I didn't... the closest
we got was a "naming ceremony" when my daughter was 6 weeks old. But she was
the center of attention, not me, and it wasn't a baby shower in the usual
sense of the word. It also doubled as my parents' housewarming party. At the
time of her birth I was 21 and rapidly becoming a single mom--it was not a
planned pregnancy. I've since done foster parenting of a tiny infant, and
although people are wonderfully helpful, it's really not the same kind of
thing and although all the "stuff" happens, a shower doesn't. For me, that
image of being very pregnant and surrounded by people who are happy that I'm
pregnant wishing me well is an elusive dream. If I do get pregnant again, a
shower would be a healing thing.
4. Income is also a consideration. Both of the showers we did were for moms
on a budget--we wanted to help out as well as celebrate.
Organizing a shower for an "experienced" mom takes a little more creativity
and research than organizing one for a 1st time mom.
Here are some suggestions:
1. To find out what she needs (if there's a need for a traditional shower),
have someone who would have reason to ask her the following questions: "So
do you still have all the stuff?" I often follow this question with "I know
when my mom had my little sister, she'd given most of the stuff she'd had
with me away to friends already." Simple questions, such as "Are you going
to use cloth or disposables?" can lead you to great gift ideas. With one of
our recent showers, it was very easy for me to casually grill both "victims"
<g> and discover that one desperately needed tiny baby clothes, cloth
diapers, a car seat and a washer/dryer, while the other had everything
*except* usable cloth diapers and baby toys. Amazingly, we managed for the
first mom to provide her with several dozen diapers, a donated dryer and a
new washer, a new carseat as well as a bunch of other great little items.
With the other mom, our office took up a pool and bought her 4 dozen premium
cloth chinese prefolds, as well as sundry diaper-related supplies, stuffed
animals and sweet blankets.
2. Avoid common pitfalls. With a second or third-time mom, if she says she's
going to breastfeed and has done so successfully in the past, it is
completely unnecessary to shower her with formula related supplies.
Likewise, if she already knows she can't stand cloth diapers or loathes
disposables, it's very easy to figure this out ahead of time. If she says
she really does have everything she needs, consider a "service" shower. If
people have money they want to give, buy gift certificates for a full-body
massage, a postpartum doula, or take-in meals from a nice restaurant. If
they have time or cooking skills, find out if help around the house would be
welcome, or arrange for other families to bring by meals for the first few
weeks. Certificates for babysitting/playdates for older children would also
probably go over very well.
3. Consider a blessing-way type ceremony in lieu of a traditional shower.
This can be adapted to just about every religion I can think of, as well as
to people who are not religious. This gets away from the whole material gift
thing and moves into more of a "generousity of spirit" realm. Especially
when it is focused on positive thoughts and wishes for the coming birth and
new baby, it is so special to treat a mom to something like this.
My standard gift for any baby shower is a baby sling. I make my own, but
there are lots of good slings out there. I'm writing a how-to for making my
favorite sling which should be available soon. Don't worry about giving a
mom more than one sling/baby carrier. I found with my foster baby that I
couldn't have too many. Two for the wash and two to wear was the minimum, as
the sling I used was most comfortable with two slings crossed.
For moms who will cloth diaper, they can't have too many cloth diapers, but
be very careful about picking diaper covers and closure styles. We tend to
get picky. I, for example, have no use for velcro, but love pins and pull-up
pants. Others won't use pins, period and want velcro. I like the Chinese
Cotton prefolds for cloth diapers--very absorbant and a pleasure to use.
For a mom who is on a budget and needs baby clothes, consider a gift
certificate to a decent quality second-hand store. This will let her get
exactly what she needs, but more 'bang' for the buck. I find that give how
quickly most babies outgrow the small sizes, it makes little sense to buy
more than one or two special outfits new. A onesie is a onesie is a onesie,
and having been through the wash a few times doesn't really stop it from
being a onesie. You can also get more cute clothes for the money--I went
into my favorite second hand store, spent about $20, and came away with
about 8 complete winter outfits, including several microfleece coveralls and
one-piece sweatsuits, which normally run $10-$30 new.
Personally, although I have most of the clothing I would need for a "next
baby" (I'm not pregnant), and all the basic equipment, I would love to have
a shower for the shower's sake. For someone in my situation (Have all the
baby stuff except diapering supplies), the perfect shower gifts would
include lots of cloth diapers and new covers, as well as mama-caretaking
type gifts for the postpartum (my first postpartum was Terrible) like
massages and specifically, postpartum doula services. Especially if a mom
had postpartum depression the first time round (as I did), postpartum
caretaking like a doula, meals and massages can actually go a long way
toward preventing another bout of postpartum depression. And helping avoid
that could be the best gift any friend could ever give.
Jennifer Rosenberg
http://www.havingababytoday.com
"BeansandRice" <kgk...@NOSPAM.unity.ncsu.edu> wrote in message
news:acar5o$78i$1@uni00nw.unity.ncsu.edu...
> Hi all
>
> my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
> but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
> second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
> just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
>
>
> --
> _____________________________
> Karen
> mom to Ben 2.2.01
> EDD 11.28.02
>
> pictures at http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b31da39845f8
>
> "The days run away like horses over the hills"--U2
>
>
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