baby showers
BeansandRice
my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
--
_____________________________
Karen
mom to Ben 2.2.01
EDD 11.28.02
pictures at http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b31da39845f8
"The days run away like horses over the hills"--U2
slowly
> Hi all
>
> my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
> but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
> second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
> just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
>
We don't really do showers here in Australia, but how about telling her
you just don't need any baby stuff, so a shower wouldn't really be the
best idea. Instead, what about a nice lunch out or a fun girl's night
out? Perhaps emphasising that spending time with friends would be more
welcome while you have some free time before the baby's here.
If she really really insists, what about a book shower? I must admit I'm
of the opinion that you can never have enough books:)
--
Rob
EDD 14th June 2002
Cheryl S.
> my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
> but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
> second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
> just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
It's definitely the mainstream custom to only have a shower for the
first baby. I think it does also depend on the custom among your circle
of friends, and those who would be invited if she does throw you a
shower. Have there been showers for every baby for those people? If
so, I don't think you need to worry. I, though, would raise my eyebrows
at receiving a baby shower invitation for someone in your situation,
because that isn't done among my friends and family. Would your friend
be satisfied with having a tea party (or any kind of party, other than a
shower) in your honor instead? There would be nothing wrong with that,
since it doesn't involve gifts the way a shower does.
--
Cheryl S.
mom to Julie, 14 months
Not everyone who wanders is lost.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Sunshine Nospam
>
> my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
> but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
> second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
> just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
My sister-in-law just had her 3rd baby and had showers with all 3.
I thought it was a little strange but my husband said it was normal
for hispanic families. It's more or less an excuse to get together and
eat, LOL. You should really register for anything big although you
will probably need a double stroller. I would suggest making it co-ed
like a bbq or something. Register for pampers and smaller items. Play
games and have fun. There's nothing wrong with celebrating again, just
take the enphasis off of the gift giving.
Sunshine
EDD 8/10/02
--
Posted via Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG
Sue
happy, if you had a get together after the baby is born for a come see the
new baby?
--
Sue
"BeansandRice" <kgk...@NOSPAM.unity.ncsu.edu> wrote in message
news:acar5o$78i$1...@uni00nw.unity.ncsu.edu...
BeansandRice
wouldn't object to a party to celebrate Beeper's expected arrival, but I
don't want gifts. I feel better now!
Actually, I am the first and only one in my circle currently breeding, so I
am setting the precedent, I think
Ericka Kammerer
> Hi all
>
> my best friend is really twisting my arm to give me a baby shower for #2,
> but I told her that it is really not right to have a baby shower for the
> second one. isn't this right? especially since Ben is only 15 mo, and I
> just HAD a shower 1.5 years ago? What do you guys think?
You are correct, but there's absolutely no prohibition on
celebrating new babies. If she wants to do something, just make
it not a shower--throw a baby tea, luncheon, whatever, and
don't open the gifts that some of the guests may bring in front
of everyone (so that you don't embarrass anyone who doesn't bring
a gift). Celebrating babies is a *good* thing by anyone's standards.
Just don't throw the sort of party that requires people to bring
gifts and you've solved the dilemma.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Jenrose
HOWEVER... I think this should depend on several factors:
1. What is the age gap between the current baby and the last baby? Were any
further pregnancies planned? The last two showers I helped organize were for
a 5th baby (unplanned, much wanted, but they'd given all their baby stuff
away after the last baby...) and a 3rd baby (next youngest child was 20
years old...)
2. How much stuff does the mom need? If mom needs a double stroller and a
booster car seat for the older child, a shower might be a fun way to give it
to her if friends are so inclined, even if the babies aren't far apart.
3. Did she have a baby shower with her first baby? I didn't... the closest
we got was a "naming ceremony" when my daughter was 6 weeks old. But she was
the center of attention, not me, and it wasn't a baby shower in the usual
sense of the word. It also doubled as my parents' housewarming party. At the
time of her birth I was 21 and rapidly becoming a single mom--it was not a
planned pregnancy. I've since done foster parenting of a tiny infant, and
although people are wonderfully helpful, it's really not the same kind of
thing and although all the "stuff" happens, a shower doesn't. For me, that
image of being very pregnant and surrounded by people who are happy that I'm
pregnant wishing me well is an elusive dream. If I do get pregnant again, a
shower would be a healing thing.
4. Income is also a consideration. Both of the showers we did were for moms
on a budget--we wanted to help out as well as celebrate.
Organizing a shower for an "experienced" mom takes a little more creativity
and research than organizing one for a 1st time mom.
Here are some suggestions:
1. To find out what she needs (if there's a need for a traditional shower),
have someone who would have reason to ask her the following questions: "So
do you still have all the stuff?" I often follow this question with "I know
when my mom had my little sister, she'd given most of the stuff she'd had
with me away to friends already." Simple questions, such as "Are you going
to use cloth or disposables?" can lead you to great gift ideas. With one of
our recent showers, it was very easy for me to casually grill both "victims"
<g> and discover that one desperately needed tiny baby clothes, cloth
diapers, a car seat and a washer/dryer, while the other had everything
*except* usable cloth diapers and baby toys. Amazingly, we managed for the
first mom to provide her with several dozen diapers, a donated dryer and a
new washer, a new carseat as well as a bunch of other great little items.
With the other mom, our office took up a pool and bought her 4 dozen premium
cloth chinese prefolds, as well as sundry diaper-related supplies, stuffed
animals and sweet blankets.
2. Avoid common pitfalls. With a second or third-time mom, if she says she's
going to breastfeed and has done so successfully in the past, it is
completely unnecessary to shower her with formula related supplies.
Likewise, if she already knows she can't stand cloth diapers or loathes
disposables, it's very easy to figure this out ahead of time. If she says
she really does have everything she needs, consider a "service" shower. If
people have money they want to give, buy gift certificates for a full-body
massage, a postpartum doula, or take-in meals from a nice restaurant. If
they have time or cooking skills, find out if help around the house would be
welcome, or arrange for other families to bring by meals for the first few
weeks. Certificates for babysitting/playdates for older children would also
probably go over very well.
3. Consider a blessing-way type ceremony in lieu of a traditional shower.
This can be adapted to just about every religion I can think of, as well as
to people who are not religious. This gets away from the whole material gift
thing and moves into more of a "generousity of spirit" realm. Especially
when it is focused on positive thoughts and wishes for the coming birth and
new baby, it is so special to treat a mom to something like this.
My standard gift for any baby shower is a baby sling. I make my own, but
there are lots of good slings out there. I'm writing a how-to for making my
favorite sling which should be available soon. Don't worry about giving a
mom more than one sling/baby carrier. I found with my foster baby that I
couldn't have too many. Two for the wash and two to wear was the minimum, as
the sling I used was most comfortable with two slings crossed.
For moms who will cloth diaper, they can't have too many cloth diapers, but
be very careful about picking diaper covers and closure styles. We tend to
get picky. I, for example, have no use for velcro, but love pins and pull-up
pants. Others won't use pins, period and want velcro. I like the Chinese
Cotton prefolds for cloth diapers--very absorbant and a pleasure to use.
For a mom who is on a budget and needs baby clothes, consider a gift
certificate to a decent quality second-hand store. This will let her get
exactly what she needs, but more 'bang' for the buck. I find that give how
quickly most babies outgrow the small sizes, it makes little sense to buy
more than one or two special outfits new. A onesie is a onesie is a onesie,
and having been through the wash a few times doesn't really stop it from
being a onesie. You can also get more cute clothes for the money--I went
into my favorite second hand store, spent about $20, and came away with
about 8 complete winter outfits, including several microfleece coveralls and
one-piece sweatsuits, which normally run $10-$30 new.
Personally, although I have most of the clothing I would need for a "next
baby" (I'm not pregnant), and all the basic equipment, I would love to have
a shower for the shower's sake. For someone in my situation (Have all the
baby stuff except diapering supplies), the perfect shower gifts would
include lots of cloth diapers and new covers, as well as mama-caretaking
type gifts for the postpartum (my first postpartum was Terrible) like
massages and specifically, postpartum doula services. Especially if a mom
had postpartum depression the first time round (as I did), postpartum
caretaking like a doula, meals and massages can actually go a long way
toward preventing another bout of postpartum depression. And helping avoid
that could be the best gift any friend could ever give.
Jennifer Rosenberg
http://www.havingababytoday.com
"BeansandRice" <kgk...@NOSPAM.unity.ncsu.edu> wrote in message
news:acar5o$78i$1...@uni00nw.unity.ncsu.edu...
Ericka Kammerer
...lots of very kind and thoughtful stuff to do for experienced
mothers...
I think the key with a shower is not whether it's appropriate
to do nice things for mothers who've already had a baby. The question
is whether it's appropriate to *ask other people* to give the mother
gifts. *You* can always decide to do something nice, but you have to
be much more careful when you start asking *other people* to open their
wallets. If you have a group of people who get together and decide
they want to help a mother-to-be out, then they're completely at
liberty to do that. It's also perfectly fine for a family to get
together and decide to do something for a new mother. Where it
gets dicey is the typical shower scenario where you're sending out
a bunch of invitations asking people to bring a gift. Typically,
the host doesn't always know all of these people very well and hasn't
coordinated with them in advance to be sure they want to participate
in something like this. THAT'S when one has to be extra cautious.
You have to exercise restraint and realize that no matter how
generous *you're* feeling, everyone else might not feel the same
way. But if you happen to know these people well and you've all
coordinated and expressed an interest in helping the mother out
with gifts, then that's a no brainer--it's perfectly fine because
everyone has agreed. It's like the potluck situation--you can't
"invite" people to a potluck, but you can certainly organize a
potluck with your friends.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Daye
uttered:
>The "usual custom" says baby showers are only for the first baby.
With your permission, I am going to save this post. There are some
really thoughtful and caring ideas in here. My daycare provider (baby
is care one day a week) is about to have her second baby. I wanted to
get her something for the new baby, but wasn't sure. Now, I have tons
of ideas.
Thanks,
Daye
Jenrose
style showers. One was a group of parents and teachers at the mom's older
kids' school. Another was coworkers, etc.
Jen
"Ericka Kammerer" <e...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:3CEBBB10...@comcast.net...
Ericka Kammerer
> Huh. See, the showers I've been involved in recently were all "one group"
> style showers. One was a group of parents and teachers at the mom's older
> kids' school. Another was coworkers, etc.
Many are--it still all depends on how it plays out.
At many workplaces, coworkers are starting to dread all the showers.
They feel like they *have* to participate because they don't want
to play favorites at the office and yet, they're really not excited
about coughing up money all the time either. At some offices,
the dreaded envelope comes around several times a week--that can
get expensive for those on a tight budget fast! Same thing with
the other parents at the school. They get hit up out of the blue
for all sorts of stuff, and don't want to seem antisocial or
alienate the mothers of their children's friends, so they go along
anyway. It's not that people don't like the guests of honor
or that they don't like babies or celebrations. It's just that
you can get roped in to a *lot* of showers if you're going
to showers not only for your close friends and family, but
also all kinds of acquaintances--especially during certain
stages of your life.
On the other hand, when everyone knows each other and
they all *want* to throw a shower and they do it in a way that
is sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to participate
in this sort of thing, then it's a very different situation.
You have to be very cautious with these kinds of groups. When
you're talking about the typical group of shower guests where
they're all close family and friends of the mother-to-be, then
the host can presume that these people are intimate enough
friends of the mother-to-be that they would generally welcome
an invitation to a shower. Outside those boundaries, you
have to exercise some more discretion. Some other groups
are very tight-knit, and they're usually safe territory
too, but when you move on to groups that include people
who are just acquaintances, you have to be much more careful
and it's usually a good idea to feel things out ahead of
time and make sure you're not putting potential guests in
an awkward position where they will feel that it's
inappropriate for them to simply decline the invitation.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Jenrose
families"--the mom volunteers all the time, plus the other 4 kids all attend
the same school, etc. We wanted to do something for her together.
At work, this is the first "staff baby" in years. The hat doesn't pass often
in either place. I work for a small company.
Jen
"Ericka Kammerer" <e...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:3CECDCD7...@comcast.net...
Ericka Kammerer
> At the school, the family involved was one of the school's "pivotal
> families"--the mom volunteers all the time, plus the other 4 kids all attend
> the same school, etc. We wanted to do something for her together.
>
> At work, this is the first "staff baby" in years. The hat doesn't pass often
> in either place. I work for a small company.
Right--I'm not saying that either were inappropriate.
I'm just saying that you have to apply discretion and take the
situation into account. While it may seem like common sense,
apparently it isn't as more and more people appear to be
throwing "iffy" showers. People just can't assume that
any particular shower situation is appropriate on the face
of it. You have to look at the situation and ask if there's
really cause to believe that the guests would be ready,
willing, and able to participate before sending out those
invitations. Unlike you, some people don't do that.
As an example, I also work for a small-ish company.
There are probably about 50 people in the headquarters office.
It's small enough that everyone knows everyone else and the
gossip mill works overtime, but big enough that it's beyond
that "family-sized" stage. They have a monthly corporate
lunch event where all the birthdays and such are recognized.
However, *some* people get things like birthday parties or
baby showers or whatever--usually based on how popular they
are, or whether they're close friends with one of the
company social butterflies. That's lovely for those who
are in that situation, but as you might imagine, it doesn't
play all that well when several months later someone *else*
has a baby and there's no shower forthcoming. It would be
one thing if these baby showers were private (i.e., a group
of social friends at work did something during their lunch
hour), but if they involve passing the hat/envelope around
the whole company, then things should be more equalized
(as they apparently are at your company). Many people
tend not to think about these things. They're just having
fun doing something nice for someone--which is a laudable
thing! It's just that it's a little more complicated than
some people think.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Rose Kish
This is how my baby shower came about at work. I was at a publishing
firm in NYC for many years. My closest friend in the department sent
around a shower card with a memorandum that they were throwing me a
surprise shower in the conference room. People were to sign the card and
the option to donate money if they wish. So it was all very cool, nobody
was pressured to donate if they didn't have the cash.
When I walked into the conference room, they presented me with the card,
and a Kids-R-Us gift certificate. I was totally blown away. But you
know, I was more blown away that so many people made an appearance. We
had some cake and soda and chatted the rest of the afternoon away.
People came and went and nobody felt awkward as they usually do at
office occassions. It was great and the best party I ever had.
Two other women on our floor were pregnant at the same time. One woman
had a shower with her just her department. Another woman was a manager,
so she had a party with the other managers. I think alot depends on the
climate of each department and where managers stand on protocol about
parties. Plus, you want the person you're throwing it for to feel
comfortable.
Jenrose
Glad it was useful.
Jen
"Daye" <bren...@labyrinth.net.au> wrote in message
news:3cec0fad...@News.CIS.DFN.DE...
Daye
uttered:
>Save away!
>Glad it was useful.
Thank you, Jen!!
Daye