OT: Letters to Santa
L.A.Power
This is definitely OT, but I'm feeling a lot of pressure these
days...and was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. A lot of
my contemporaries with toddlers are writing letters to Santa to be
published in the local newspapers, complete with lists of gifts the
toddler supposedly wants. I haven't done it because I think my
two-year-old doesn't really get the whole thing yet. Plus, I think it
would be nice for her to do it next year when she can contribute
something to the process, and get excited about it. Also, I never
thought my child should experience every single bit of childhood
before she's three. But, most people who ask me if her letter has
been published yet look appalled that I'm not doing this. They seem
to think I'm neglecting an honoured childhood tradition. Does anyone
else feel the pressure? Am I being a Scrooge?
Thanks.
L.A.
Ericka Kammerer
Nah, you're probably just bucking local tradition. I've
never lived anywhere that publishing Santa letters in the newspaper
was even done, much less traditional. Most likely, this isn't
about your child or their thoughts about your parenting. It's
probably just about your not jumping on the bandwangon and them
wondering why not--and maybe wondering what you think is wrong
with it/them.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Sue
to Santa. If you don't want her to participate, then that is your right. :o)
--
Sue
mom to three girls
"L.A.Power" <lpo...@mailcircuit.com> wrote in message
news:f48271be.0211...@posting.google.com...
Welches
papers to find out what the children want? I can understand why a child who
understands Santa etc. might want to write to him, but getting it printed
just sounds like newspapers profiting to me. When the time comes that they
want to write to him then find somewhere nice that will send a personalised
letter back (or arange with a friend to do so.) make sure it was
personalised though-my belief in him was ruined when our class at school
wrote to him and we received an identical letter back (in one big envelope
too) Even the handwriting was the same.
A 2 year old couldn't care less whether it was printed, even if they have
some idea what's going on, so it'll only be fore your benefit. Take her to
some nice party closer to Christmas where Ssanta will give her a present.
that will mean something to her.
Thinking of that-what sort of memory do children have at 1-2 years. Rachel
found a picture of a Christmas tree in a book and pointed to where our
Christmas tree was last year and said "Tree goes there". I think it's just a
fluke she chose the right place, dh isn't so sure. She's only just 2.
Debbie
JennP
"L.A.Power" <lpo...@mailcircuit.com> wrote in message But, most people who
ask me if her letter has
> been published yet look appalled that I'm not doing this. They seem
> to think I'm neglecting an honoured childhood tradition. Does anyone
> else feel the pressure? Am I being a Scrooge?
I don't think you are being a Scrooge. I think it's kind of silly for a two
year old to "write" a letter to Santa to be published in a newspaper.
They do this complete with wish list? That seems a little tacky since a
toddler really doesn't want much as far as material objects. If I asked
Matthew what he wanted for Christmas he might just look at me as if I had
four heads. He has no idea. It will all go over their head anyway. JMO, of
course.
JennP.
JennP
"Welches" <wel...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:6ytE9.2122$IH.1...@newsfep2-win.server.ntli.net...
> Thinking of that-what sort of memory do children have at 1-2 years. Rachel
> found a picture of a Christmas tree in a book and pointed to where our
> Christmas tree was last year and said "Tree goes there". I think it's just
a
> fluke she chose the right place, dh isn't so sure. She's only just 2.
I wouldn't be so sure either. IIRC, Rachel and Matthew are very close in
age. A few weeks ago we were taking a walk down the street and he said, "My
balloon fly away here". A year ago I bought him a balloon and as we were
walking away it came untied and floated away. We were in the same spot. I
was shocked since I never mentioned it again. You never know what they
remember.
JennP.
Tracey
My DD is 6, and we have never done the letters to Santa thing. What is the
point of writing and having these letters published in the paper? It seems
to only breed greediness (especially at such a young age where the children
don't have any concept of what is going on anyway).
Even now, my DD is not even able to tell me what she would like Santa to
bring for her. She just shrugs and says "I'll be happy with whatever he
brings me" (I love that btw!).
I'm with you.
JLD
ask me, it is sending the wrong message. Christmas is supposed to be about
giving and charity and love, not just the "I wants"
In canada children can write letters to Santa and get personalized responses
just by dropping a note in the postal box addressed to Santa Clause, North
Pole HOH OHO Canada with a return address. This is nice.
imo, it is your choice what you want your kids to do. Things we've done is
sponsor a family in need with children that are approximately the same age
and sex as ours so that our kids pick out the gifts. We've also gone around
and gathered up gently used toys that they've lost interest in and taken
them to gift charities. We've also gone singing carols with a group that
goes to the children's hospital.
Sorry for going on. I've been dismayed for a while that xmas has become a
retailers dream and a parents nightmare while there are so many out there
that wake up to nothing. Breaks my heart to even think about it.
Signed :
Sappy in Canada
"L.A.Power" <lpo...@mailcircuit.com> wrote in message
news:f48271be.0211...@posting.google.com...
Melissa
> Sorry for going on. I've been dismayed for a while that xmas has become a
> retailers dream and a parents nightmare while there are so many out there
> that wake up to nothing. Breaks my heart to even think about it.
I know what you mean. I am so tired to explaning that Chanukkah is actually
a minor holiday so no, I won't be going home for that holiday because I go
home for major ones (like Passover in the spring). I also won't be spending
a lot of time shopping because my family was never big on huge or lots of
gifts for this MINOR holiday. Last of all, no, it's not Jewish Christmas and
no, I don't think my children will miss out on anything not participating in
Christmas since it's not a Jewish holiday.
(Phew! I tend to rant about this every year, but it seems to be getting
worse, especially in LA, the materialistic capital of the world.)
--
Melissa (in Los Angeles)
EDD May 4, 2003
L.A.Power
I know! We recently passed my old doc's office, and DD started
shouting, "I don't want to see the doctor!" It's been at least a year
since we'd been there, and she's only two!
L.A.
L.A.Power
> never lived anywhere that publishing Santa letters in the newspaper
> was even done, much less traditional. Most likely, this isn't
> about your child or their thoughts about your parenting. It's
> probably just about your not jumping on the bandwangon and them
> wondering why not--and maybe wondering what you think is wrong
> with it/them.
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka
Thanks Ericka...you're always so sensible! My instincts tell me to
let my DD develop the Christmas spirit in her own way as she grows
up...rather than foisting a local tradition off on her and forcing her
to participate. In fact, I felt somewhat guilty when in a chat over a
Christmas storybook recently (one she'd picked out of her bookcase to
read), I asked her if Santa was coming to her house. She said yes,
and I asked "What will he bring?" And she said, "A new coat for
teddy!" Of course, we've gone and bought her a couple of gifts, but I
was humbled when she proved to be too innocent to demand things for
herself and instead wanted something for her best buddy!
L.A.
Welches
list of about 20 things to my parentsIL, dh and his other brother. They're
all things about twice what we're prepared to pay for them. She's even
provided catalogue references. It's like they're that much better of than we
are (2 incomes and a free house) that they have to expect better presents
because anything in our price band is not good enough. And they're so stingy
they don't even send dh a birthday present. Are we meant to contact them and
tell them what we've brought, like a wedding list.
I find it rather distasteful that they could do this. Fine, if we'd asked
(MIL may have done), but we haven't and actually I feel quite insulted. I
expect she was thinking how kind she was to provide everyone with a wish
list, but I just think it looks really grasping. I also wouldn't mind if
she'd phoned up and said "would you like to know what we like" but email
seems so tacky.
Debbie
Melissa
I have learned in my marriage that different families have very different
ideas about gifts. In my family, for example, I might ask my mother a
general question about what she'd like to get for her birthday and then,
several months later, send her something on the list or something totally
different. There is no price that's appropriate and sometimes we spend more
and sometimes less. In DH's family, OTOH, I'm expected to give exact
specifications of what I want (I mean exact, like what store, what color,
what size) or I go shopping with them. I like my way better (as does DH),
but I'm coming to realize that their way isn't wrong, it's just different
from what I expect. We're all getting used to each other still (I've been
married about 19 months).
Your BIL and his wife might just be used to a different set of customs in
their family. What you might do is talk to them and suggest that you were
thinking of spending smaller amounts on gifts this year (with the baby
coming, etc.) so you need a list or some ideas of things that cost about $X.
Depending on their customs, they might not be offended. HTH
JennP
> We've just been emailed a Christmas list from my BIL's wife. She's sent a
> list of about 20 things to my parentsIL, dh and his other brother. They're
> all things about twice what we're prepared to pay for them. She's even
> provided catalogue references. It's like they're that much better of than
we
> are (2 incomes and a free house) that they have to expect better presents
> because anything in our price band is not good enough. And they're so
stingy
> they don't even send dh a birthday present. Are we meant to contact them
and
> tell them what we've brought, like a wedding list.
> I find it rather distasteful that they could do this.
Ewww, that *is* really distasteful.
I call my SIL and ask if the kids have anything on their wishlists. She
would NEVER send out a list. The catalog references!!!!!! OMG!!! Good luck!
JennP.
JennP
"Melissa" <mhta...@attbi.com> wrote in message
news:uY5F9.133476$%m4.6...@rwcrnsc52.ops.asp.att.net...
> Your BIL and his wife might just be used to a different set of customs in
> their family. What you might do is talk to them and suggest that you were
> thinking of spending smaller amounts on gifts this year (with the baby
> coming, etc.) so you need a list or some ideas of things that cost about
$X.
> Depending on their customs, they might not be offended. HTH
I dunno, maybe I'm just a scrooge, but I can't think of any situation where
that would be an acceptable "custom".
JennP.
Melissa
I'm with you, but I'm getting used to the specific requests from MIL and
having to explain to her that no, we're not spending $500 on a mixer for you
since we were planning on spending $100. I find the whole thing about
demanding gifts repulsive, but that's what's expected in DH's family. Just
getting SIL to believe that I didn't care which of the brands of car seats
(within very specific parameters) I wanted and really didn't care about
color (other than it has to be dark) was an uphill battle. They can't be the
only ones like this so I'm betting that BIL's wife comes from this type of
family too.
JennP
> I'm with you, but I'm getting used to the specific requests from MIL and
> having to explain to her that no, we're not spending $500 on a mixer for
you
> since we were planning on spending $100. I find the whole thing about
> demanding gifts repulsive, but that's what's expected in DH's family. Just
> getting SIL to believe that I didn't care which of the brands of car seats
> (within very specific parameters) I wanted and really didn't care about
> color (other than it has to be dark) was an uphill battle. They can't be
the
> only ones like this so I'm betting that BIL's wife comes from this type of
> family too.
Although I've used (but never abused) them myself, I think maybe the popular
idea of gift registries have caused people to cross the line from providing
a helpful wishlist to outright greediness.
Sorry you have to go through that with your family. I hope it doesn't
detract from the spirit of the season.
JennP.
Judy
is so that she does not get the same thing as we did. But the real reason
is she must know before hand what she is getting and what everyone else is
getting. She says that is just how it is done. To me half of the fun of
getting stuff is to see the look on peoples faces when they open the gifts.
What my MIL still does with my SIL is take her shopping and lets her try on
all the clothes and than gets them for her. Than on Christmas morning when
the stuff is opened it is oh we got this at so and so shop and paid this
much for it. I have told my MIL that that is no fun when you know what all
you are getting.
Judy
Bob Carlson
(and in my price range) and get them that. Or maybe find something
similar to what's on the list, but within your price range. After all,
they need to recognize your situation also. And if in the end they are
upset, well, they'll get over it. I don't want that to sound callous,
but I've had my own share of disagreements with my in laws and they
all blow over if given enough time. Besides, what type of a person
gets mad because someone gives them a present that only cost half of
what the person wishes. It's a GIFT after all.
Bob Carlson
http://www.MadisonsScrapbook.com
The story of Madison trying to raise her preoccupied father
Ericka Kammerer
> My MIL wants to know exactly what we got for everyone and all. She says it
> is so that she does not get the same thing as we did. But the real reason
> is she must know before hand what she is getting and what everyone else is
> getting.
If people ask me for ideas for the boys, I do ask that they
let me know if they got anything on the list that would be
problematic with duplicates. I have a really tough time coming
up with ideas, so I can't keep coming up with discrete lists for
everyone who asks! I don't care what people get, or if it's not
on the list, or if it's a duplicate of something that isn't a
problem (like Legos) but I feel bad if someone asks me for an idea only
to give it to the kids (thinking they've hit a home run) and find
out the kids already have it.
Best wishes,
Ericka
Nevermind
I think it's AWFUL. Even if one's own family (such as the family of
your BIL's wife) does it for some convenience reason, noone should
ever assume that anyone outside that family (like you guys) would want
to be sent such a list of demands. What does your MIL think? The least
they could do is list things in various price ranges and not assume
that you're willing to spend $X on them. If it were me, I'd try to
find the courage to just get whatever had been in my mind before
receiving the list. Maybe that'll give a hint that you don't want or
need such a list next year.
"Welches" <wel...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message news:<Lh5F9.438$lw4.120279@newsfep2-gui>...
Mara
news:Lh5F9.438$lw4.120279@newsfep2-gui...
> We've just been emailed a Christmas list from my BIL's wife. She's
sent a
> list of about 20 things to my parentsIL, dh and his other brother.
They're
> all things about twice what we're prepared to pay for them. She's
even
> provided catalogue references.
She WHAT??????!!!!!
<picks jaw up off floor>
Mara
Linz
> I call my SIL and ask if the kids have anything on their wishlists.
> She would NEVER send out a list. The catalog references!!!!!! OMG!!!
> Good luck!
Well, indeed.
I asked a friend recently for some ideas for her kids for Christmas. She
said that as usual I couldn't go far wrong with books (and gave me the ages
they're reading at) but they'd far rather see us if that was possible.
I'm going to try to manage both.
Welches
> the
> > only ones like this so I'm betting that BIL's wife comes from this type
of
> > family too.
>
BIL was making a fuss about this last year for most of Christmas day (or it
felt like that) DH's mother does ask, but only in the general sense, and
certainly we've never asked his brothers for ideas, nor given them ideas
ourselves. If we'd asked for ideas then I wouldn't have minded (although the
price would have been off-putting) I also felt it was a bit of a cheek from
BIL's wife, I'd have minded less if it was from BIL (I know he's got not
subtlety or tact!!!:-) )
> Although I've used (but never abused) them myself, I think maybe the
popular
> idea of gift registries have caused people to cross the line from
providing
> a helpful wishlist to outright greediness.
>
That's what I felt Jenn. Dh felt the same way too, which I was quite pleased
about because I thought he might suggest we did the same, which I wouldn't
have been happy with. But even if we did give suggestions then we only give
vague ideas and particularly with dh's family I'm careful to give ideas that
have a range of prices if we're asked for ideas.
I did think of a response either:
"You must have sent us this by mistake-we didn't ask for ideas"
Or (I thought it was quite funny)
"Do we send the list back to the bride's mother when we've chosen our gift?"
But I'm not doing anything actually. I'm keeping quiet-aren't I being good
;-)
Debbie
Welches
Bob Carlson <con...@MadisonsScrapbook.com> wrote in message
news:ca0a3bf3.02112...@posting.google.com...
> Silly boy that I am, I'd just think of present that I though was nice
> (and in my price range) and get them that. Or maybe find something
> similar to what's on the list, but within your price range. After all,
> they need to recognize your situation also. And if in the end they are
> upset, well, they'll get over it. I don't want that to sound callous,
> but I've had my own share of disagreements with my in laws and they
> all blow over if given enough time. Besides, what type of a person
> gets mad because someone gives them a present that only cost half of
> what the person wishes. It's a GIFT after all.
>
We've got them some really nice things that they've seemed genuinely pleased
with (and subsequently used) and received some pretty useless presents in
return. (would you buy someone some fridge magnetic poetry when the only
fridge they have is in the corner on the floor (not above work top height)
in a kitchen where the total floor space is less than 2 m x 1 m) (Then there
was the year they bought everyone candles and proudly told everyone that all
their Christmas shopping had taken less than an hour.)
I don't think present giving is their speciality!
Debbie
JennP
> I did think of a response either:
> "You must have sent us this by mistake-we didn't ask for ideas"
> Or (I thought it was quite funny)
> "Do we send the list back to the bride's mother when we've chosen our
gift?"
> But I'm not doing anything actually. I'm keeping quiet-aren't I being good
> ;-)
> Debbie
Yes, you are being quite good. I'm impressed. I'd have a very hard time
keeping my big mouth shut! ;)
JennP.
Welches
only 20 minutes away. Getting hold of them on the phone is nearly impossible
as they don't seem to answer it even if they're in and usually don't respond
until you've left half a dozen messages. Bil does phone here occasionally.
The conversation goes like this:
"Hello, it's **** here"
"Hello, brother-what do you want?"
Because he only even phones if he wants something.
Just keeping my fingers still...
Debbie
Welches
>
> Bob Carlson <con...@MadisonsScrapbook.com> wrote in message
> news:ca0a3bf3.02112...@posting.google.com...
> > Silly boy that I am, I'd just think of present that I though was nice
> > (and in my price range) and get them that. Or maybe find something
> > similar to what's on the list, but within your price range. After all,
> > they need to recognize your situation also. And if in the end they are
> > upset, well, they'll get over it. I don't want that to sound callous,
> > but I've had my own share of disagreements with my in laws and they
> > all blow over if given enough time. Besides, what type of a person
> > gets mad because someone gives them a present that only cost half of
> > what the person wishes. It's a GIFT after all.
> >
> I think I'm ignoring the list on principle as well as price!
want a green (to match their lounge)modern landscape painting. DD (aged 2)
did some lovely green painting today. We're going to scan it, print it out,
put a loopy initials in the corner and frame it, and that'll do. It can be a
limited edition too!
Any more buyers..?
Debbie
Naomi Pardue
>having to explain to her that no, we're not spending $500 on a mixer for you
>since we were planning on spending $100. I find the whole thing about
>demanding gifts repulsive,
In our family, (for Hanukkah), we do give and receive pretty specific lists
(yes, right down to catalog references sometimes)
). I like that, since I'd rather both give, and get, a gift that will be liked
and used, rather than something that we THINK they might like. (I don't like
close to my extended family, so it's rare that I'd see an item and think "Oh,
I'm sure that X would just LOVE that." I have no way of knowing if they
already have it, or could really use it.
But gift lists ARE provided with a wide range of items in a variety of price
ranges, and, of course, there is no belief that, just because Shaina has 30
items on her list, that she really expects to get all 30, and certainly not
from any single person.
We also e-mail each other, as we buy stuff for the kids, letting each other
know what was bought, to avoid duplication.
For the adults, gifting has gradually decreased. When the first neices and
nephews began to appear, I suggested to my siblings (I have 3), that we start
doing a name-draw for the adults, since I would rather be able to spend,
say,$50 on one sibling/spouse, than $15 each on all 3. That was agreed to, and
it worked ok for a while. But as it's gotten harder and harder to think of
gifts (we're adults, after all, and if we want/need things, we can usually buy
them ourselves... and if it's something that WE can't afford, our sibs probably
can't afford it either, or we can't justify asking for it from them). So this
year, we decided to drop the adult gift exchange. I still get stuff for the
kids, of course, and my parents still want to be able to get stuff for us
(meaning that we have to get stuff for them.... not too difficult for my mom,
but damn near impossible for dad ... I broke down and actually got him a gift
certifcate this year .. something I HATE doing, because he's SOO hard to buy
for), but it did simplify things greatly.
(On DH's side of the family, we go to his mom's for Christmas each year. She
buys tons of stuff for both us and the kids, and we will get something for her
and my SIL/BIL and, of course, my neice ... but then, I guess Christmas is
usually a more 'gifty' holiday than Hannukah, though I keep encouraging her to
cut down on teh sheer bulk of gifts she gets for Shaina. (I'd much prefer a few
biggish things than 20 small gifts just so there can be lots of packages under
the tree. At least she's finally gotten away, somewhat, from the belief that
she has to buy identical gifts for both Shaina and her cousin (20 months
younger, with very different interests and preferences) lest one be jealous of
the other... a practice that had resulted in each child receiving numerous
totally inappropriate gifts.
Naomi
(either remove spamblock or change address to npa...@indiana.edu to e-mail
reply.)
Kathy Cole
wrote:
> We've just been emailed a Christmas list from my BIL's wife. She's
> sent a list of about 20 things to my parentsIL, dh and his other
> brother. They're all things about twice what we're prepared to pay
> for them.
That's an odd custom, and strikes me as being extremely tacky (not
necessarily that catalog references, where that specificity might
actually be needed, but the dollar figures involved).
When I'm asked for lists of things the kids want, I don't hand them out
without filtering the items they want that strike me as excessively
expensive. There's not much gifting among the adults in our families.
I will say I got bitched at for all the items on the baby registry for
my youngest being 'too cheap', so you can't satisfy some people.
Iuil
"Welches" wrote
> > I think I'm ignoring the list on principle as well as price!
> Actually I've changed my mind on that. The first thing on the list is they
> want a green (to match their lounge)modern landscape painting. DD (aged 2)
> did some lovely green painting today. We're going to scan it, print it
out,
> put a loopy initials in the corner and frame it, and that'll do. It can be
a
> limited edition too!
> Any more buyers..?
> Debbie
<snort>
I love it!
Jean
--
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