What's wrong with a girl RANT
Hamilton
(ICYnot) wrote:
> My parents and my grandma (father's mom) came up today for a visit. My
grandma
> kept referring to her great-grandson. I am only 15 weeks, and so of course
> have no idea what the baby is. I have had really strong feelings that it is a
> boy, but who knows if that is true. Finally, I got tired of it. I have heard
> her comment all my life about my poor dad with no sons (I am one of four
> daughters). So when she made some comment about her great-grandson, I looked
> at her and said "or great-granddaughter."
>
> She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and no
> great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not care
one way
> or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say something like
this.
> What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out about these stupid
comments
> my grandma made? I told her that there wasn't much I could do to have
one over
> the other, and besides, it was already decided now.
>
> Sorry, had to rant, but it made me and DH really upset, just as I know it made
> my parents upset every time they had a little girl and she started commenting
> that there was something wrong with my mom that she couldn't have boys. She
> doesn't believe that the male's sperm decides gender. The fact that my
mom had
> all girls (read, the inferior gender) is because there was something
wrong with
> her. My grandma honestly believes this! And now I get to hear all about it.
>
> I hope the next time they come visit, she stays at home!
>
> Okay, I feel better. Just had to rant about the stupid things my grandma said
> today!
Remember, your daughter will get to hear this too. If there is anything
you can do to get her to put a cork in it -- go for it. This is one of
those things that just fries my ass because I got to hear it all my life --
my sil finally shut my mother up when during one of my mother's 400th
tellings of how disappointed my father was to have a girl and then how
thrilled he was when my brother was born [my SIL's husband], my SIL looked
her straight in the eye and said 'do you know how terrible that makes me
feel as the 2cd of 4 girls?' My mother literally never listened to what
she was saying all those years.
I'd be inclined to protect my daugher by simply telling granny that
her son was obviously 'inferior' to have provided only X sperms and that
you find it odd that she a woman hates herself and women so much that
she can't look forward to a great granddaughter. [yeah, I know -- hopeless
case -- and wouldn't work -- just my vent.]
But seriously -- if you have a girl -- make it clear that you NEVER want
to hear this crap AGAIN and will not allow your daughter in her presence
if she is going to say such ugly and hateful things.
ICYnot
kept referring to her great-grandson. I am only 15 weeks, and so of course
have no idea what the baby is. I have had really strong feelings that it is a
boy, but who knows if that is true. Finally, I got tired of it. I have heard
her comment all my life about my poor dad with no sons (I am one of four
daughters). So when she made some comment about her great-grandson, I looked
at her and said "or great-granddaughter."
She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and no
great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not care one way
or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say something like this.
What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out about these stupid comments
my grandma made? I told her that there wasn't much I could do to have one over
the other, and besides, it was already decided now.
Sorry, had to rant, but it made me and DH really upset, just as I know it made
my parents upset every time they had a little girl and she started commenting
that there was something wrong with my mom that she couldn't have boys. She
doesn't believe that the male's sperm decides gender. The fact that my mom had
all girls (read, the inferior gender) is because there was something wrong with
her. My grandma honestly believes this! And now I get to hear all about it.
I hope the next time they come visit, she stays at home!
Okay, I feel better. Just had to rant about the stupid things my grandma said
today!
ICYnot
EDD 10-23-99
birgit_...@my-dejanews.com
> She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and no
> great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not care one
way> or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say something like
this. > What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out about these stupid
comments> my grandma made? I told her that there wasn't much I could do to
have one over> the other, and besides, it was already decided now.
I would think that in the U.S. (where I live) that the preference
(subconscious or otherwise) for boys would be long over. It doesn't seem to
be that way though, does it? I had several people - friends, acquaintances,
family express some kind of preference or wish for a boy before we knew the
sex.
Most just said stuff like "I just KNOW you are having a boy! I can tell by
your (fill in the blank: skin, hair, stomach, moods, weight gain, teeth,
morning sickness etc.)." Not one person said "I just know you are having a
girl!" Secretly, I was wanting a girl. I was annoyed by people who were
already talking about what a boy from my husband and I was going to be like
(athletic, active, handsome).
My husband's sister and cousin already had girls last year. Surprisingly, his
mother (who is from the Middle East) still wanted another girl to add to her
growing collection of grandchildren, but specified she would like the baby to
have blonde hair and blue eyes (okay, my eyes are blue and my hair dark
blonde, but I still think the odds are against us genetically - my husband
has blue- black hair and brown eyes).
When we got the ultrasound done that determined sex, suddenly most people
were excited it WAS a girl, so don't let this get you down right now.
Grandparents for the most part are excited to have grandchildren of any sex
and you and your husband don't care one way or another, you will be crazy
about your baby whatever sex it is.
Yes, annoyances towards other people creep in and creep out during pregnancy,
I think partly because we as parents to be feel ownership to the baby we
created and other people around us seem to be quite open about their
preferences (names, sex, methods of raising etc.) regarding this child and it
can get offensive when WE are the ones taking on all the responsibility. The
baby came from us, so it is natural to take comments about the baby as very
personal criticisms or compliments. There was a time when women who didn't
bear sons were blamed for being somehow flawed. I wonder if it has never been
fully erased from the psyche?
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mur...@my-dejanews.com
> my parents upset every time they had a little girl and she started commenting
> that there was something wrong with my mom that she couldn't have boys. She
> doesn't believe that the male's sperm decides gender. The fact that my mom
had
> all girls (read, the inferior gender) is because there was something wrong
with
> her. My grandma honestly believes this! And now I get to hear all about it.
>
> I hope the next time they come visit, she stays at home!
>
> Okay, I feel better. Just had to rant about the stupid things my grandma said
> today!
>
> ICYnot
> EDD 10-23-99
Hope you are feeling better! Well, you have just bumped into (1)
an older person's ignorance; and (2) some long-standing prejudice
about girls. Thankfully we have less of it than many other cultures,
but you will still encounter pieces of it from time to time. I have
two girls, and a few times have gotten comments along the order of
"Is this what you're settling for?" I just blow them off.
It's also surprising how many people think that you get "turns"
in having the different genders, that if you have had two boys,
surely you are more likely to have a girl the next time. Not
true at all, of course -- you have the same odds every time. And
of course you are correct -- what's done is done with you, lol.
Now that you are pregnant, of course, you will have to endure
idiot comments from a whole bunch of people, on everything from
how you should deliver to childrearing practices to people peering
into your eyes and announcing what type of baby you are carrying.
Just relax and enjoy.....
Lynne
Burnette
My mother has 3 grandsons that she loves dearly. My child will probably
be her last. She would very much like to be able to shop in the vast
girls' clothing section rather than the dinky boys' section for a
change. My son really wants a sister more than a brother. He used to
pray for a sister until I told him that we have to love whatever God
sends us. Now he just thanks God for the baby every night and tells
people he will be happy with whatever I have. As for me, I would dearly
love to be able to name a child after my grandmother (Mary for a boy
just doesn't cut it) and buy some barbies for someone other than my god
daughter.
Least I have alarmed everyone, if we have a son, everyone will love it,
not be disappointed and we're all tactful enough that no one will tell
him that Grandma just really wants to buy some dresses. And yes we are
mulling over boy's names as well. So far Alexander is in the lead for a
boy.
Lisa
Tara Danielle
> doesn't believe that the male's sperm decides gender. The fact that my mom
had
> all girls (read, the inferior gender) is because there was something wrong
with
> her. My grandma honestly believes this! And now I get to hear all about it.
>
> I hope the next time they come visit, she stays at home!
>
> Okay, I feel better. Just had to rant about the stupid things my grandma said
> today!
>
> ICYnot
> EDD 10-23-99
Hi
First, I'd send her some loiterature on how the man -- her son -- determines
sex. Include some on how baby girls are treated in China. Mention that you
were hoping for a girl, except for the small chance it might turn out like
HER. Maybe do all this and don't mail it :-)
Tara
lisa elliott
anything like my grandmother--good luck. My grandmother only had 1
kid--my dad. His whole life (even to this very day) she bemoans the
fact that he was not a girl. She has told him repeatedly that all she
asked for was one little girl and God gave her a stinkin' (her word, not
mine) boy. He's heard this over and over for 50-some years. Their
relationship is not a good one. I'm her only granddaughter, and my
parents tell me that she used to say I was the daughter she never had.
She spoiled me silly. I used to love it, but now that I am older and a
mother, I can see how this upset my mother. I imagine it upset my dad,
too. My grandmother never really wanted muh to do with my younger
brother, either The weird thing is, for all her dislike of boys, she
doesn't care much for my daughter, but is crazy about my son. I'll tell
her how Emory did such-and-such, and she'll tell me that's fine, but
that she'll just never be another Brendon. Or, I'll give her pictures of
the kids and she'll comment on how Emory will never be as cute as
Brendon. I'm trying to nip this in the bud before Emory gets old enough
to notice the favoritism (she'll be 2 this month). I try to point out
the things that both of them do, which are quite different seeing how
there are 5 years between the kids. She still makes comparisons.
So, while I say you ought to try to get your grandmother to stop this, I
don't have any concrete suggestions. Is your grandmother the type of
person that you can sit down and have a talk with?
Lisa
The very first time I saw your face, I thought of a song and quickly
changed the tune. The very first time I touched your skin, I thought of
a story and rushed to reach the end too soon.----The Cure
Sammk
>said
>today!
>
you could remind her that she is one... (a girl)
ha.
a.
Marie
angela
lisa elliott <lisae...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:12453-37...@newsd-164.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
> I would try to get your grandmother to cut it out, but if she is
> anything like my grandmother--good luck. My grandmother only had 1
> kid--my dad. His whole life (even to this very day) she bemoans the
> fact that he was not a girl.
My grandmother did more or less the same to my father - until he was 3, she
dressed him like a little girl, and he always heard how she wanted a girl,
and got....a third boy. I don't think he's ever forgiven her this.
But my grandparents, oddly, are not my problem with this pregnancy. It's my
mom.
First, she wished twins on me, which I'd told her repeatedly was not
something I wanted. (Guess what?) And she's been wishing a boy on me ever
since before I had my first baby, a girl. (She used to wish boys on my SIL,
too. Until I tore into her one day and said "Would you just stop it! You're
going to love that baby just as much if it's a girl, and it's too late now,
so just stop it!" And she did. After getting all defensive, mind you.)
She hopes these twins I'm carrying are boys, naturally, because she doesn't
have any grandsons. But we haven't had the sex determined, and we're not
going to, and if they turn out to be boys and she plays favorites - them
over my firstborn girl - I will take her apart into little pieces. If they
turn out girls, well, she'll have six granddaughters, and she can just cope!
I have no idea what's so essential about having a grandson, esp. when he
won't "carry on the family name". It's not like my daughter doesn't carry
all the necessary genes. ;)
--angela
Pamela A. O'Keefe
was who suggested telling Grandma that if she doesn't knock it off, she
can forget about visiting. Maybe not to that extreme, depending on
your tastes and choices, but I could certainly imagine, in our family,
if something like that were to occur, the contact w/ that relative
would be severely curtailed, limited only to family gatherings where we
would inevitably run into each other. Cold and cordial, that's my
suggestion.
Good luck.
Later,
Pam
Russell2be
daughters, is VERY involved in that kids' upbringing. I've already hinted to
her as to what will be the "written law", etc...she's not raising my kid or
trying to take over. Don't get me wrong, I have a great relationship with her
but she is controlling.
She started suggesting some things, and i just said to her: "that sounds,
great...but I'm really looking forward to raising a child with your son and I
plan to do this and that (I explained some of the rules I had growing up, and
that I intended to do the same)...and so on.." she hasn't brought it up since
and now she's wonderfully helpful.
Tecia
>but specified she would like the baby to
>have blonde hair and blue eyes (okay, my eyes are blue and my hair dark
>blonde, but I still think the odds are against us genetically - my husband
>has blue- black hair and brown eyes).
Completely irrelevant speculation here, but I thought you might be
interested to know that my DH is of Asian origin and has the same
colouring as your DH's, and my colouring is the same as yours. All four
of our children have exactly the same colouring: blonde hair (a bit lighter
than mine but not like "white" blonde") and very very dark brown eyes
(and olive skin).
(Your chances of blue eyes are almost non-existent, I think - brown is
always dominant over blue, and your husband would have two brown
genes is he's 100% middle-Eastern heritage).
--
C
Mama to Peter (2.5), Isabel (13 months)
Georgia and Anna (14 weeks)
Liana
to visit yesterday. She asked for a picture of our dog to put in her
new locket opposite her cat. I am sitting there thinking "she's about
to have a great-grandchild in July and she wants a picture of the
DOG!". I know she is excited about the baby, but I thought it was
pretty funny to want put a picture of her great-granddog in her locket.
Guess that is what I get for having a dog that everyone loves. ;)
Liana
EDD 7/11/99
Mary G.
is, and if she has questions, to talk to your husband, since he is the guy
who supplied the Y or the second X.
Mary G
Michelle Haines
On 3 May 1999, ICYnot wrote:
> She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and
> no great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not
> care one way or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say
> something like this. What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out
> about these stupid comments my grandma made? I told her that there
> wasn't much I could do to have one over the other, and besides, it was
> already decided now.
If it is really bothering you guys, you can tell her, or send her a note
stating -- aspolitely and diplomatically as posible -- that whatever sex
this baby is, it will be loved and cherished as a person, and if that is
impossible for her, she is invited to either stay home or keep her
opinions to herself. Maybe harsh, but I've had to get it across rather
firmly to my in-laws that there are things they Do Not Say around my
children, period, end of discussion. If she gets on your case about
respecting your elders, calmly state make to her that respecting your
elders does not mean allowing them to treat you or your husband or your
children with disrespect.
Michelle
Flutist
Goraidders
maddening. I got very irritated when people kept asking which one I wanted a
boy or girl. And they did not seem to think I was being honest when I said it
did not matter. Or they would say well what does Mike(dh) want.
Nancy Garvie
You know, it's an interesting thing. Girls are extremely scarce in my
father's side of the family, and therefore, longed for. In fact, I'm
currently the only living female born into the family (i.e. all others
females are married into the family) Boys are just predominant - I
don't know that there's a real reason for it, I just know that it
happens to be this way - we've done a family survey and family
tree....the last female born to my family was over 100 years ago. My
grandmother told my Mom that she'd never, ever have a girl..and my Mom
was sure I was a girl.....so the first thing my Mom said after delivery
was "Is it a boy or a girl?"....and then "YES!! I proved her wrong!!!"
*LOL*
I don't mind this...makes me feel kind of special! :o)
Nancy
(yet another non-pregnant m.k.p. groupie who only recently "got up" the
courage to post)
ICYnot wrote:
>
> My parents and my grandma (father's mom) came up today for a visit. My grandma
> kept referring to her great-grandson. I am only 15 weeks, and so of course
> have no idea what the baby is. I have had really strong feelings that it is a
> boy, but who knows if that is true. Finally, I got tired of it. I have heard
> her comment all my life about my poor dad with no sons (I am one of four
> daughters). So when she made some comment about her great-grandson, I looked
> at her and said "or great-granddaughter."
>
> She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and no
> great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not care one way
> or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say something like this.
> What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out about these stupid comments
> my grandma made? I told her that there wasn't much I could do to have one over
> the other, and besides, it was already decided now.
>
> Sorry, had to rant, but it made me and DH really upset, just as I know it made
> my parents upset every time they had a little girl and she started commenting
> that there was something wrong with my mom that she couldn't have boys. She
> doesn't believe that the male's sperm decides gender. The fact that my mom had
> all girls (read, the inferior gender) is because there was something wrong with
> her. My grandma honestly believes this! And now I get to hear all about it.
>
> I hope the next time they come visit, she stays at home!
>
> Okay, I feel better. Just had to rant about the stupid things my grandma said
> today!
>
> ICYnot
> EDD 10-23-99
Hamilton
<Pine.SOL.3.95.990503...@isis.netherworld.com>, Michelle
Haines <mha...@netherworld.com> wrote:
> On 3 May 1999, ICYnot wrote:
>
> > She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and
> > no great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not
> > care one way or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say
> > something like this. What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out
> > about these stupid comments my grandma made? I told her that there
> > wasn't much I could do to have one over the other, and besides, it was
> > already decided now.
>
> If it is really bothering you guys, you can tell her, or send her a note
> stating -- aspolitely and diplomatically as posible -- that whatever sex
> this baby is, it will be loved and cherished as a person, and if that is
> impossible for her, she is invited to either stay home or keep her
> opinions to herself. Maybe harsh, but I've had to get it across rather
> firmly to my in-laws that there are things they Do Not Say around my
> children, period, end of discussion. If she gets on your case about
> respecting your elders, calmly state make to her that respecting your
> elders does not mean allowing them to treat you or your husband or your
> children with disrespect.
>
> Michelle
> Flutist
It might be helpful in the 'respect your elders' argument to think of
this blatant uglyness towards the child as being in the same class
with racist commments. I would not allow my kids to be around relatives
no matter how close who used the N word around them or continuously made
racist remarks -- nor would I allow them around a relative who suggests
that they were unwanted because they were girls [or boys.] This is very
corrosive to a child.
mur...@my-dejanews.com
Tecia <te...@tecia.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
> Completely irrelevant speculation here, but I thought you might be
> interested to know that my DH is of Asian origin and has the same
> colouring as your DH's, and my colouring is the same as yours. All four
> of our children have exactly the same colouring: blonde hair (a bit lighter
> than mine but not like "white" blonde") and very very dark brown eyes
> (and olive skin).
>
> (Your chances of blue eyes are almost non-existent, I think - brown is
> always dominant over blue, and your husband would have two brown
> genes is he's 100% middle-Eastern heritage).
>
> --
> C
> Mama to Peter (2.5), Isabel (13 months)
> Georgia and Anna (14 weeks)
I think you are mostly right, but don't bet on it -- I have very dark
brown hair and brown (slightly hazel) eyes and my husband, who is
half Finnish, has those blue-green eyes so many Finns have and blonde
hair. Guess what? We have a light-reddish blondish brown haired,
blue-green eyed daughter, and a green-eyed blonde. So much for for
the dark stuff. But yeah, I still think it's more likely that Bergit's
baby will have darker coloring than light.
Lynne
Tara Danielle
hami...@htljn.com (Hamilton) wrote:
> It might be helpful in the 'respect your elders' argument to think of
> this blatant uglyness towards the child as being in the same class
> with racist commments. I would not allow my kids to be around relatives
> no matter how close who used the N word around them or continuously made
> racist remarks -- nor would I allow them around a relative who suggests
> that they were unwanted because they were girls [or boys.] This is very
> corrosive to a child.
>
Yeah...how do you handle THAT mess? Relatives on one side say completely
racist things all the time -- the kicker -- without even realizing it. If
someone is saying things that are racist w/out the N word how the heck do you
give them guidelines? IE they use the phrase "white trash" and bad terms for
certain races. Definitely objectionable. And my DH says they don't around
kids but he's wrong -- I hear them. ???
Bye,
Tara
Aimeelou1
to have one at all. So far just one girl. If we get pregnant again, I'm sure
everyone will assume we want a boy to "even it out" sort of thing. Deep down,
I'd love to have another girl.
Luckily, I don't have problems with any family members pushing one or the other
though. Just my experience around friends and stuff. All the guy friends want
boys just like them! (thumping on chests as they say it).
I feel lucky that I have a husband that has never even slightly hinted around
for having a boy. He would also like more girls.
Circe
<19990503213648...@ng-fb1.aol.com>...
> I got very irritated when people kept asking which one I wanted a
>boy or girl. And they did not seem to think I was being honest when I said
it
>did not matter. Or they would say well what does Mike(dh) want.
Amen!
Our eldest is a boy. This was very much welcomed by my MIL since she has 1
other grandson and 5 granddaughters (and the grandson was the first -- there
are 27 years between him and my son). On *my* side, it made absolutely no
difference to anyone, since my sister already had a boy and a girl, so
whatever we got, the ratio was going to become "uneven".
I *do* understand my MIL's desire for a grandson -- it would be something
"different" (yes, of course, all children are individuals and thus
"different" from one another, but I think you see what I mean). And she'd
probably be perfectly thrilled with another grandson this, since she has so
few. But I think she would have loved a granddaughter just as much.
This time, many (even most) people assume I must want a girl. I can't for
the life of me imagine why I should care one way or the other. I want a
*child* -- the genitalia with which that child is equipped couldn't matter
less to me!
Which brings me to the real point of this post. What's with people who are
trying to conceive another child solely for the purpose of "getting" a child
of a particular sex?
I don't intend to sound judgmental, but I cringe every time I see a "How Do
I Conceive a Boy/Girl" thread. It just strikes me as entirely backwards to
conceive a child because you want a child of a specific gender. If you
really feel you *must* have a child of a certain sex, it seems much more
logical to me to *adopt* one whose gender is already known than to run a 50%
risk of getting something you don't want (with the potential of making the
child feel badly later in life when he/she learns he/she has the "wrong"
gender).
Be well, Barbara (Julian's and ?'s mom)
Hamilton
<tara_d...@my-dejanews.com> wrote:
> In article <hamilton-040...@host-209-214-112-140.bna.bellsouth.net>,
> hami...@htljn.com (Hamilton) wrote:
>
> > It might be helpful in the 'respect your elders' argument to think of
> > this blatant uglyness towards the child as being in the same class
> > with racist commments. I would not allow my kids to be around relatives
> > no matter how close who used the N word around them or continuously made
> > racist remarks -- nor would I allow them around a relative who suggests
> > that they were unwanted because they were girls [or boys.] This is very
> > corrosive to a child.
> >
>
> Yeah...how do you handle THAT mess? Relatives on one side say completely
> racist things all the time -- the kicker -- without even realizing it. If
> someone is saying things that are racist w/out the N word how the heck do you
> give them guidelines? IE they use the phrase "white trash" and bad terms for
> certain races. Definitely objectionable. And my DH says they don't around
> kids but he's wrong -- I hear them. ???
One of the things I love about my FIL is that although he grew up in
the very racist American south and in a family and community where racist
talk was commonplace, he knew that this wasn't very desirable and
consciously raised his 8 children not to be racists. And they aren't --
although he himself still holds very racist views.
You can't change what they think -- but you can insist that they don't
make disparaging remarks about racial or ethnic groups around your kids --
I think it is one of the behaviors that merits turning your back and
taking your kids away from them as long as it takes. You wouldn't let
them drive your kids without car seats; insist that racist talk is in the
same damaging category. No arguments. Just do it.
Tolleman and Rachel
>I don't intend to sound judgmental, but I cringe every time I see a "How Do
>I Conceive a Boy/Girl" thread. It just strikes me as entirely backwards to
>conceive a child because you want a child of a specific gender. If you
>really feel you *must* have a child of a certain sex, it seems much more
>logical to me to *adopt* one whose gender is already known than to run a
50%
>risk of getting something you don't want (with the potential of making the
>child feel badly later in life when he/she learns he/she has the "wrong"
>gender).
I think you misunderstand most of these posts. Some of them, like the one a
few months back about how the person "couldn't picture herself with anything
but a daughter", are really that way. But there are others of us who do,
yes, have a preference. Boys and girls ARE different, in more than just
their genitalia. I, for example, have a son who is the light of my earthly
life. If I have another son that will be fine. But I do sorta hope this
baby is a girl, because I would love to have the opportunity to raise a girl
(into a woman) as well as a boy (into a man). And this will probably be our
last child.
If the baby is a boy, we will be just thrilled with that. That has a way of
happening to most people when they find out the genders of their children.
But if I could have had a choice ahead of time (for free -- I know I could
have paid a few thousand dollars for a procedure that would have given us a
better chance of having a girl), I would have chosen to have a girl this
time. If we have a boy he will not grow up feeling like the alternate
choice.
And by the way, most adoption agencies will not allow you to choose the
gender of the child you adopt.
Rachel
Hamilton
<nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
I have no problem with secret longings -- BUT people who are asking
'how can I have a boy' or whatever are unlikely to be keeping this
choice in their hearts. Chances are there whole families are hearing
about it AND the child born will most certainly hear about it someday.
'Oh your parents were so thrilled aas they were try8ing like crrazy to
get a girl, Candace.' OR 'you were certainly a surprise as your parents
were tyring like crazy for a girl, Tom' It is difficult to care and
not show it in ways that will hurt your child if it is the 'wrong'
choice.
Joyce C.
"Boy or girl?" my answer: "Yes"
It discombobulated them enough to throw them off.
Joyce
Tana
reading all the posts to this thread and started thinking that I shouldn't
have said in another post that I was hoping for a boy.
The reason that we wanted a boy so bad is so I can name him after my
grandfather who passed away in June. My grandparents had two daughters, one
of which is my mom. A few years back there were some very serious problems
that led to the two sides of the family not speaking to each other. I am
the only person from my side that communicates with my aunt and her family.
I still dislike what they did to my family and I have little respect for her
children, several of which are drug-addicts, thiefs, etc. Thr problem is
that as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted to name the baby
after my grandfather. He and I were very close, and I miss him sooo much.
But, I am very aware that if I had a girl and one of my cousins were to have
a boy before I could, they would use the name just to beat me to it.
So, that's the reason I am so happy that I found out yesterday that it's a
boy.
Tana (mommy to Scott Charles, due 10/8/99) The Charles is my grandfather.
ICYnot wrote in message <19990502212029...@ng-cr1.aol.com>...
>My parents and my grandma (father's mom) came up today for a visit. My
grandma
>kept referring to her great-grandson. I am only 15 weeks, and so of course
>have no idea what the baby is. I have had really strong feelings that it
is a
>boy, but who knows if that is true. Finally, I got tired of it. I have
heard
>her comment all my life about my poor dad with no sons (I am one of four
>daughters). So when she made some comment about her great-grandson, I
looked
>at her and said "or great-granddaughter."
>
>She got all upset and said she already had two great-granddaughters and no
>great-grandsons, so this had better be a boy. I personally do not care one
way
>or the other, but it still made me mad that she would say something like
this.
>What if we do have a little girl, and she finds out about these stupid
comments
>my grandma made? I told her that there wasn't much I could do to have one
over
>the other, and besides, it was already decided now.
>
Sgt. McGehee
Our daughter doesn't look like me AT ALL - totally blonde with blue eyes.
We figured she'd have brown eyes (always thought brown was dominant - guess
I didn't pay enough attention in Biology class) and probably red hair.
Anyway, it's interesting to see what a neat combination we make.
Later, Sophie
mom to Charlotte (10 months) and baby #2 due 11/10/99
Barbara MacRae
>I hear ya! what's the big deal with having a boy. I have absolutely no desire
>to have one at all. So far just one girl. If we get pregnant again, I'm sure
>everyone will assume we want a boy to "even it out" sort of thing. Deep down,
>I'd love to have another girl.
When I was pregnant with my second baby, it was amusing at first
and later on kind of annoying how many people said "Oh, I hope
you get your boy this time", or some variation on that comment,
as if I was only having another in the hopes that the heinous
mistake of having a daughter could be corrected this time around.
Well, I wanted girls, both times, and was thrilled when the
u/s showed #2 was another daughter. And yet people insisted on
being *sympathetic*! One friend of my mom's, when I said it
was a girl and how happy we were abou that, actually patted my arm
and said "Oh, I'm glad you can put a happy face on your disappointment".
My mom, who knew I was about ready to kill her friend, swooped in and
dragged her off to safety, otherwise I would not have been
responsible for the carnage that followed. I can't BELIEVE people
put their gender trips on others, and yet it's such a common
thing in our culture, this "ideal" of two kids, a boy and a
girl. Bizarre.
-Barb, mama to Olivia 12/14/93, & Ruby 7/28/98
Sgt. McGehee
see a "How Do
>I Conceive a Boy/Girl" thread.
I agree. I had a friend who wanted a girl..so she could put her in
pageants. I found that very creepy and asked her does she want a girl or a
baby?
However we are honest when people ask us about this baby. Yes we would like
a boy. But we get whatever we get and we didn't get pregnant "to have a
boy". We got pregnant to have another child. And the gender didn't matter
enough last time (or this time) for us to bother finding out what "it" is.
Just my opinions.
Sgt. McGehee
we want the "perfect" one girl and one boy type of family.
Later, Sophie
mom to Charlotte (10 months) and baby #2 due 11/10/99
and who used to want 4 boys!
Mary K Rees
Sgt. McGehee <sgt_m...@usmc.net> wrote in message
news:0EJX2.1285$9d4....@monger.newsread.com...
> Yep, I have brown hair and brown eyes. My husband is blonde with blue
eyes.
> Our daughter doesn't look like me AT ALL - totally blonde with blue eyes.
> We figured she'd have brown eyes (always thought brown was dominant -
guess
> I didn't pay enough attention in Biology class) and probably red hair.
Does either one of your parents (or grandparents) have blue eyes? If that
is the case you could have gotten one blue eyed gene and one brown eyed
gene. The brown would be dominant, but you would still have the blue to
pass down to your child. Since your husband has blue eyes, he would have
two blue eyed genes and would therefore pass down a blue. So that is the
reason that brown eyed parents have blue eyed children.
My mom has brown eyes and of her five children, only one of us has brown
eyes and he's the youngest of us.
Mary
mother to ??, due 11/07/99
Michelle Haines
On Tue, 4 May 1999, Tara Danielle wrote:
> Yeah...how do you handle THAT mess? Relatives on one side say completely
> racist things all the time -- the kicker -- without even realizing it. If
Ug. My husband's grandfather make Oriental racist jokes about my daughter
liking to eat rice, and everyone was on MY case because I was offended and
upset. "Oh, he was just kidding...." Like I care that he was just
kidding, it's still a poor attitude to give to a child.
Michelle
Flutist
Tracybob1
<nancy....@utoronto.ca> writes:
>You know, it's an interesting thing. Girls are extremely scarce in my
>father's side of the family, and therefore, longed for.
And my family is almost all girls, and everybody was still thrilled to hear I'm
having one. :-)
Tracy
--
My address is a spam block... remove the word "remove" to email me :-)
Sgt. McGehee
eyes?
My mother-in-law and father-in-law both have blue eyes. My dad has brown
and my mom has green. My grandmother (mom's mom) has blue eyes too. Okay,
I think I get it now. Hehe.
Thanks, Sophie (who should have paid attention in school)
mur...@my-dejanews.com
blondes scattered in the family. I knew I wasn't *pure*
dark, but it's surprising how many people assumed
that my kids would be dark-headed. Not! People are such interesting
mixes that just about anything can pop up. A friend of mine is a
Native American (not full-blood) and she married a man with strawberry-
blond hair. Both her kids have brilliant red hair! She says she used
to get a lot of "are they yours?" questions.
Lynne
Sgt. McGehee
>blondes scattered in the family. I knew I wasn't *pure*
>dark, but it's surprising how many people assumed
>that my kids would be dark-headed. Not! People are such interesting
>mixes that just about anything can pop up. A friend of mine is a
>Native American (not full-blood) and she married a man with strawberry-
>blond hair. Both her kids have brilliant red hair! She says she used
>to get a lot of "are they yours?" questions.
>Lynne
Wow, that's neat. Yeah I guess I just look like the baby sitter or
something. Hehe. My husband has red in his facial hair (not that he can
grow it, being in the military) and I have some red in my hair (the majority
of the red is courtesy of Clairol!). So we figured we'd get redheaded
children. Maybe the next one?
Sophie
Tracybob1
<sgt_m...@usmc.net> writes:
>Yep, I have brown hair and brown eyes. My husband is blonde with blue eyes.
>Our daughter doesn't look like me AT ALL - totally blonde with blue eyes.
>We figured she'd have brown eyes (always thought brown was dominant - guess
>I didn't pay enough attention in Biology class) and probably red hair.
You paid attention, but maybe only got half of it. ;-) You get a gene for hair
color from your mom and a gene from your dad. You probably got a blonde gene
from one parent and a brown gene from the other. And you had brown hair, since
the brown was dominant. But you passed on your "hidden" blonde gene to your
daughter, and she also got a blonde gene from your husband, so she has blonde
hair. Same thing with eye color.
But just out of curiosity, why'd you expect red hair?
RNR
----------<sgt_m...@usmc.net> wrote:
>Yep, I have brown hair and brown eyes. My husband is blonde with blue eyes.
>Our daughter doesn't look like me AT ALL - totally blonde with blue eyes.
>We figured she'd have brown eyes (always thought brown was dominant - guess
>I didn't pay enough attention in Biology class)
Yes, brown is dominant, which means that you could have been carrying genes
for a lighter color. Also, eyecolor isn't as simple as the 2 gene cross they
have you do in HS biology. Also with hair color and height, etc. I think skin
color was a result of 6 genes, I can't remember now. So you see there would be
64 different individual genes that could vary the color.
Regards,
Ranee
When the facts are on your side, argue the facts.
When the law is on your side, argue the law.
When neither is on your side, bang the table and insult your opponents.
RNR
>She says she used
>to get a lot of "are they yours?" questions.
I cannot believe that people have this kind of nerve!
A friend of mine is white, married to a half-black man, their second child
is lighter and has blue eyes and "white" features, people asked her if her
husband was the father! Don't people know what they're asking?
Sgt. McGehee
that Pregnancy Induced Stupidity someone mentioned in another thread! (I
tell my husband I'm busy making a boy when I get airheaded.)
Tracybob - you're right - I have a blonde mom and my dad has brown hair.
Okay so from my hidden blonde gene and my husband's obvious blonde gene. We
get a blonde baby.
I expected red hair apparently because I have no idea how genes work! Hehe.
I guess because I have some red in my brown hair and my husband, when he can
have facial hair, it's totally red. So I guess we thought blonde and brown
would make red.
Does this mean we'll always have blonde children?
But Ranee said eye color isn't so easy. So there's no telling what eye
color our next baby will have?
Thanks for the Biology lessons. I swear I'm not an idiot REALLY!
Interesting stuff.
Later, Sophie
Liana
<sgt_m...@usmc.net> wrote:
> Wow, that's neat. Yeah I guess I just look like the baby sitter or
> something. Hehe. My husband has red in his facial hair (not that he can
> grow it, being in the military) and I have some red in my hair (the majority
> of the red is courtesy of Clairol!). So we figured we'd get redheaded
> children. Maybe the next one?
>
> Sophie
> mom to Charlotte (10 months) and baby #2 due 11/10/99
Red hair is the most recessive of all hair colors. In other words, two
blonde parents can have a red-headed child, but not the other way
around. Hair color also appears to be a multi-gene trait (think about
all the variation in what is considered "blonde" for example). My
mother was jokinly accused of having a child with the mailman because
both she and dad have/had dark hair and I have red hair. Although,
apparently my mother was born with blonde hair and as she aged it
darkened. By grade school, it was a dark brown, so who knows what genes
for hair color she carries. I also am hoping for a red-headed child as
DH has red highlights in his brown hair. We'll see. :)
While we're talking hair color.....has anyone else noticed dramatic
changes in their hair color during pregnancy? A friend of ours asked me
if I had dyed my hair it is so obvious. As I have aged, my red hair has
gone to more of an auburn/reddish brown. Since I have been pregnant, it
has been getting redder (YEAH!).
Liana
EDD 7/11/99
Joyce C.
almost black. Really odd.
Joyce C.
mur...@my-dejanews.com
"RNR" <am...@teleport.com> wrote:
> ----------
> In article <7gpgof$eos$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, mur...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> >She says she used
> >to get a lot of "are they yours?" questions.
>
> I cannot believe that people have this kind of nerve!
> A friend of mine is white, married to a half-black man, their second child
> is lighter and has blue eyes and "white" features, people asked her if her
> husband was the father! Don't people know what they're asking?
>
> Regards,
> Ranee
>
just blurt things out without thinking. They don't really mean
to be insensitive. Like when people find out
that you are having a medical procedure and have to tell you
about people dying on the operating table, or who have to regale
a pregnant woman with the horror story about their friend's sister's
cousin who was pregnant almost forever -- you know. My responses
have nearly always been based on what I perceive the person's
intentions to be. If I think they're just having a temporary
brain attack, I figure it's got to come out somewhere.....
Nyoka Koleda
>It's also surprising how many people think that you get "turns"
>in having the different genders, that if you have had two boys,
>surely you are more likely to have a girl the next time. Not
>true at all, of course -- you have the same odds every time. And
>of course you are correct -- what's done is done with you, lol.
Actually, I think its just the opposite. Boys seem to run in my dh's
family (out of 11 gchildren 9 "count" - of those 9, only three are
girls) I was expecting to have 3 boys.
And why the boy thing anyway. My sister has one boy and one girl.
Her dh has two girls (one from a previous marriage and one with my
sister). She's now pregnant with twins. Upon hearing that the
heartbeats indicated girls he says the have to try again. (My sis
says no, she's getting her tubes tied)
Nyoka
(mom to Trevor (3)
and Lauren 10/11/98
make money surfing the web - ask me how.
(reply to wannabelc at mediaone dot net)
Barbara MacRae
[...]
>Her dh has two girls (one from a previous marriage and one with my
>sister). She's now pregnant with twins. Upon hearing that the
>heartbeats indicated girls he says the have to try again.
Just a note, there is no evidence to support the old "girls have one
speed of heartbeat, boys another" wives tale. Just like any other
sex predictor of this type, it's right about half the time. %^)
-Barb, who has two girls who had totally different heartbeat rates in utero...
Tracybob1
hami...@htljn.com (Hamilton) writes:
>I have no problem with secret longings -- BUT people who are asking
>'how can I have a boy' or whatever are unlikely to be keeping this
>choice in their hearts. Chances are there whole families are hearing
>about it AND the child born will most certainly hear about it someday.
>'Oh your parents were so thrilled aas they were try8ing like crrazy to
>get a girl, Candace.' OR 'you were certainly a surprise as your parents
>were tyring like crazy for a girl, Tom' It is difficult to care and
>not show it in ways that will hurt your child if it is the 'wrong'
>choice.
I agree. I'd hate to be girl #3 who is always being told how much her parents
wanted her to be a boy. Or vice versa. There's nothing wrong IMHO with
*wanting* a girl or boy, especially since you tend to fall in love with
whatever you end up with, but people should realize that saying "I really
wanted something else" will probably get back to the child. And what *really*
ticks me off is that perfectly fertile people post to the infertility
newsgroups saying things like "we already have two boys, and we really want a
girl, does anyone know how we can conceive a girl?" That's just rude! >:-(
BTW, we would have been thrilled with either. :-)
Tecia
> What's with people who are
>trying to conceive another child solely for the purpose of "getting" a child
>of a particular sex?
>
>I don't intend to sound judgmental, but I cringe every time I see a "How Do
>conceive a child because you want a child of a specific gender.
I'm not sure if that's what most people are doing, though. I would have
thought that most people wanted a baby, but had a preference about
gender. I don't think if you DO have a preference, that's anything to feel
guilty about. And I think there's practically a 100% guarantee that when
it arrives you'd be thrilled with *whichever* it was.
I would *love* to have another little boy...and might even go so far as
trying to increase the odds of that, when the time comes. But if we have
another girl, would I mind? Of course not!
--
C
Mama to Peter (2.5), Isabel (13 months)
Georgia and Anna (14 weeks)
Michelle Haines
On Wed, 5 May 1999, Liana wrote:
> Red hair is the most recessive of all hair colors. In other words, two
> blonde parents can have a red-headed child, but not the other way
> around. Hair color also appears to be a multi-gene trait (think about
Our kids have weird hair. I'm very, very blonde. My husband had nice
dark brown hair with red highlights. Katrina started out medium brown,
then went red, now she's blonde. Xander started out dark brown, and by
the time he was five months old (same age Katrina was a red-head), he was
a beautiful auburn haired boy. We were hoping he'd stay a redhead. Ah
well.
They both have the same lovely blue eyes, of course, since both Kirk and I
are blue-eyed.
Michelle
Flutist
Cathy Barr
: I agree. I'd hate to be girl #3 who is always being told how much her parents
: wanted her to be a boy. Or vice versa. There's nothing wrong IMHO with
: *wanting* a girl or boy, especially since you tend to fall in love with
: whatever you end up with, but people should realize that saying "I really
: wanted something else" will probably get back to the child.
Well, speaking as girl #3, I gotta say that this really has never
bothered me. I'm 36 yo and have known my whole life that my parents
(esp. my mom) really wanted me to be a boy. I even know what my name was
supposed to be - Daniel. But I also know that my mom and dad have always
loved me for who I am and have never tried to make me be something I'm
not. Incidently, I also know that my parents (and both my sisters, esp.
one of them) really wanted at least one (and preferrably both) of my twin
boys to be girls. This is because, although my parents had 3 daughters,
they have 9 grandsons, and one of my sisters has 5 sons and no
daughters. But, again, this doesn't really bother me. Yes, they wanted
my boys to be girls, but they're not, and they are now loved for who they
are. Really, there are far bigger things in life to worry about than the
fact that some people wanted you to be a different sex before you were
born!
Cathy (daughter #3) - Mom to Conor and Liam (grandsons #10 and #11)
Tara Danielle
cb...@uoguelph.ca (Cathy Barr) wrote:
> Tracybob1 (trac...@aol.comremove) wrote:
> : I agree. I'd hate to be girl #3 who is always being told how much her
parents
> : wanted her to be a boy.
>
> my boys to be girls, but they're not, and they are now loved for who they
> are. Really, there are far bigger things in life to worry about than the
> fact that some people wanted you to be a different sex before you were
> born!
>
> Cathy (daughter #3) - Mom to Conor and Liam (grandsons #10 and #11)
>
HI I had a boy name til I was a girl too. And I want a boy but will love
any baby and raise them as the individual they are. And I don't think anyone
knows I want a boy, except DH and our moms. (I want a boy cuz I can't stand
other people's girls age 11-19 and worry about how to deal with a moody girl,
wedding costs, sex/rape, etc. issues that don't come up as much with boys.
But if it's a girl obviously we'll deal with each thing as it's time.) Bye,
Tara
Tracybob1
<sgt_m...@usmc.net> writes:
>I expected red hair apparently because I have no idea how genes work! Hehe.
>I guess because I have some red in my brown hair and my husband, when he can
>have facial hair, it's totally red. So I guess we thought blonde and brown
>would make red.
IIRC, I learned in a heredity class that red hair is inherited separately from
the actual hair color. So you inherit light hair or dark hair, *plus* red. So,
while I have dark reddish hair, I could have a child with strawberry blonde
hair if she inherited red from me and blonde from her father's side.
>Does this mean we'll always have blonde children?
Nope, cause you've still got that brown-hair gene you can pass on.
Tracybob1
>Well, speaking as girl #3, I gotta say that this really has never
>bothered me. I'm 36 yo and have known my whole life that my parents
>(esp. my mom) really wanted me to be a boy. I even know what my name was
>supposed to be - Daniel. But I also know that my mom and dad have always
>loved me for who I am and have never tried to make me be something I'm
>not.
And that's great. What's sad is the girl who hears "we wanted you to be a boy"
her whole life (from parents and/or grandparents). I am girl 2 of 3, and none
of us have ever felt like we were "supposed" to be anything other than what we
were. But I've known others who weren't as lucky as you and I.
Hamilton
trac...@aol.comremove (Tracybob1) wrote:
hell, I have a younger brother and STILL get to hear the story about how
my father longed for a son when I was born -- and have heard it for
many decades. [never from my father, I might add -- for all I know, he
was actually thrilled with a daughter -- my mother always 'interprets'
his experiences for the rest of the family -- and now that he is dead
I'll never know])
Kaleralee
you're going to say, just to help keep you on track and prevent you from losing
your cool. Something like "If you have these feelings, I'm going to ask you to
keep them to yourself. I don't want to hear them and I never, ever want my
children exposed to them, whether I have a boy or a girl. I would rather have
my children not know their grandmother than have them hurt by hearing Grandma
say that little girls aren't as good, and I also never want any sons of mine
hearing that they're more valuable because they're male."
Another possibility, and less blunt (but a little passive-aggressive) is, if
it's your in-law saying these things, to say "Gee, I'm really grateful my
parents didn't feel that way about having me. It would have made me feel
terrible to hear they didn't really want me just because I'm a girl."
And, if it's (god forbid!) one of your parents saying it, being blunt and
saying "It's always made me feel terrible and worthless to hear you say that
you wanted a boy instead of me. I hope you won't make my child feel the same
way, because I don't want them growing up feeling like they don't mean as much
to you just because of their gender."
Parents don't like being reminded of their failures as parents, but if there's
a possibility that they'll continue their bad habits with YOUR children, you
have to nip it in the bud.
-Kalera
Kaleralee
In article <LlwtEVAL...@tecia.demon.co.uk>, Tecia wrote:
>Completely irrelevant speculation here, but I thought you might be
>interested to know that my DH is of Asian origin and has the same
>colouring as your DH's, and my colouring is the same as yours. All four
>of our children have exactly the same colouring: blonde hair (a bit lighter
>than mine but not like "white" blonde") and very very dark brown eyes
>(and olive skin).
>
>(Your chances of blue eyes are almost non-existent, I think - brown is
>always dominant over blue, and your husband would have two brown
>genes is he's 100% middle-Eastern heritage).
You never know... this a bit different, but my father is 3/4 American indian
and 1/4 black, and yet my half-brother Leon, whose mother is black, has the
most beautiful light-blue/green eyes. Lucky boy! I wish I'd gotten THOSE genes!
-Kalera
Kaleralee
In article <19990503213648...@ng-fb1.aol.com>, gorai...@aol.com
wrote:
>I am so sorry to hear that you had to listen to that. Must have been very
>maddening. I got very irritated when people kept asking which one I wanted a
>boy or girl. And they did not seem to think I was being honest when I said it
>did not matter. Or they would say well what does Mike(dh) want.
People keep asking me that too, and it's pretty annoying. Our first is a girl
(and ya know, we JUST HAPPENED to have been kinda hoping for a girl, but
overall the fact that she was HEALTHY was most important!) so of course now
everyone asks us if we're "hoping for a boy this time". Just to be annoying,
we've decided to tell everyone "A second girl would be so much fun, but a boy
would be nice too" just to hedge our bets. Boys get societal favoring, and if
we have a boy everyone will assume that "that's what we wanted" just because we
already have a girl, so we figured it's not too early to plant the idea that we
would be favorable to a girl. Girls DO run heavy on my husband's side... and we
really would be charmed as heck to have a second daughter, but of course, a boy
would be darling too. (And a boy would appease my FIL's well-hidden hankering
for a grandson... he LOVES his little J.C., but I can tell he's tickled that we
want to name a boy after him, so I hope that if we have any boys it's while
he's still living.)
-Kalera
Kaleralee
In article <hamilton-040...@host-209-214-113-44.bna.bellsouth.net>,
hami...@htljn.com wrote:
>I think it is one of the behaviors that merits turning your back and
>taking your kids away from them as long as it takes. You wouldn't let
>them drive your kids without car seats; insist that racist talk is in the
>same damaging category. No arguments. Just do it.
Speaking of car seats... my dad is an older fellow, and no matter how many
times we tell him "We CAN'T go to such-and-such with you, we don't have the car
seat" he says something like "well you can just sit in the back and hold her in
your lap". He just doesn't get that it's terribly dangerous to have an
unsecured baby in the car! SO may fender-benders happen because of someone
else's careless driving, and even though the adults may not be hurt, the baby
could be badly injured. I'm really grateful for Oregon's child safetly seat
law, whenever someone tries to convince me to let them take me and Juliet
somewhere, and they won't accept that it's too dangerous, I can usually
dissuade them by telling them that the ticket for being caught with an
unsecured infant is HUGE. The few times that hasn't worked, I've had to step on
some toes by just refusing, and it baffles me how people can totally FAIL TO
UNDERSTAND a mother's refusal to put her baby in danger!
This is going to get even harder when we have two babies, because we don't have
a car and getting places as a family is already a challenge.
-Kalera
Kaleralee
In article <19990504231656...@ngol03.aol.com>,
trac...@aol.comremove wrote:
>>You know, it's an interesting thing. Girls are extremely scarce in my
>>father's side of the family, and therefore, longed for.
>
>And my family is almost all girls, and everybody was still thrilled to hear
I'm
>having one. :-)
>
>Tracy
I came from a family of all girls, (except my half-brothers who I was not
raised with) and my mom just about flipped when she found out my first was
going to be a girl... she was so happy! MIL was pleased as punch, too, being
the first of five girls and one boy. I think she also wanted to rub her
father's nose in it, because he never wanted all those girls.
I think that one of the reasons boys are so valued in Western culture is that
the boys are the ones traditionally responsible for taking care of parents in
their old age. The boys stayed with their parent's family, inherited their
property, and brought their wives to live with them and raise children. The
girls left to live with their husbands, presumably on his family's land. My
family has retained many of our indian values, and on both sides it's
traditional for the men to go live with their wife's family, and he joins his
wife's band or clan. Therefore, having girls secures the parent's old age.
Obviously, it doesn't still work this way for either culture, but both
traditional biases are hard to leave behind. I remember feeling like "oh good,
now that we have our girl it doesn't matter what we have next" which is really
just as sexist an attitude as feeling the same way for a boy. I really think I
would have treasured a boy just as much... at least, I really hope so.
-Kalera
Michelle Spina
whatsoever with letting her kids sit in the car on someone else's lap. I remember
that she did this with her first child, and the last time we visited her she did it
again with her second child. I felt terrible about it, but also felt that it wasn't
my business to say something. If it was my own sister, I would have spoken up, but
I just didn't feel comfortable butting in on my in-laws.
It does blow my mind though - I really don't understand why this doesn't bother
her... It's not a "normal" thing - I know that they do have car seats. This has
always come up when they suggest that we all pack into one car instead of taking
two. I should have just insisted that we take two cars so that the kids could be in
their car seats... Next time!
m.
Kaleralee wrote:
--
=============================
Michelle S. Spina
Spoken Language Systems Group
MIT Lab for Computer Science
http://www.sls.lcs.mit.edu
=============================
Kaleralee
insist on taking a separate car, and if she asks why just say "I feel so bad
taking up the space for their car seats. What if someone rear-ended us?" or
something like that. Maybe it will help her think of the possible consequences
of not securing her kids properly.
A few months ago, my mother-in-law's car was rear-ended while they were driving
with my daughter, who was not even quite a year old then. Luckily, my
mother-in-law is as fanatical as I am about keeping her properly buckled up,
and no one was hurt. It wasn't my in-law's fault... the other driver just
wasn't paying attention! It just goes to show that these things can happen to
anyone, and if my baby hadn't been in a car seat, she could have been flung to
the floor or hit the dashboard, and it could have been a horrible tragedy
instead of a minor "oops" with nothing more than a little fender damage.
In article <37408641...@sls.lcs.mit.edu>, Michelle wrote:
>I've had to deal with the reverse of this problem. My sister-in-law has no
problems
>whatsoever with letting her kids sit in the car on someone else's lap. I
remember
>that she did this with her first child, and the last time we visited her she
did
>it
>again with her second child. I felt terrible about it, but also felt that it
wasn't
>my business to say something. If it was my own sister, I would have spoken up,
>but
>I just didn't feel comfortable butting in on my in-laws.
>
>It does blow my mind though - I really don't understand why this doesn't
bother
>her... It's not a "normal" thing - I know that they do have car seats. This
has
>always come up when they suggest that we all pack into one car instead of
taking
>two. I should have just insisted that we take two cars so that the kids could
be
>in
>their car seats... Next time!
>
>m.
Manu
whatsoever with letting her kids sit in the car on someone else's lap. I
remember that she did this with her first child, and the last time we
visited her she did it again with her second child.
My sister has a permanent scar on her face, due to the fact that she was
fussying on her carseat behind, and my mom took her in her lap to calm her
since they were almost arrived home. They had a bad accident and my mom and
sister were seriously injured. But she could have died from that.
Just tell your SIL this. And you may add: "Oh you don't need any airbag for
the passenger I see... you have your child!" (though it may actually lead to
a fight...)
--
Manu
vysh...@gmail.com
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