Do you need a passing score to go to Heaven?
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
grades or sports. Thus it would only make sense that you need a score
to go to Heaven. Something like: lying -5, supporting the war -10,
driving an SUV -30, living in Gated Community -40, cheating -50,
voting Republican -60, opposing universal healthcare -100, etc.
I see God keeping a tab on these things so the bad Christians don't
sneak in into his Heaven. This is not common knowledge, but wouldn't
this knowledge improve Christian behavior?
----------------------------------------------------
"Once upon a time in the jungle"
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
On Oct 19, 11:25 am, thea <thea.n...@gmail.com> wrote:
> God's scoring is so completely different than ours -- it is the most
> amazing *set free* portion of salvation.
> You see when Jesus died on Calvary to buy us back from Adam's sin in the
> garden -- our sins were
> forgiven past, present and future. We are the redeemed of the Lord --
> because Jesus purchased our
> pardons on Calvary.
> What a blessed existence to know that we have *no condemnation to them which
> are in Christ Jesus* Romans 8:1.
>
> So wonderful to know there is no score.
> When Christians today reach the Bema Seat Judgment - the only thing we will
> lose is the trash of this old
> world. Everything done for the Lord Jesus Christ -- and the most we can
> ever do is --
> *Thanking the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ continuously because
> this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning us.
> I Thessalonians 5:18.
>
> And so, I thank the God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ for sending
> salvation to all of us who believe that
> HE EXISTS.
> And, there is nothing I have to do to be *good enough.* Praise the Name of
> Jesus forever.
My dear Thea,
I don't think you want the bad Christians who kill, rape and drive
SUVs in Heaven. It ain't fair. And Heaven itself won't be safe
anymore.
Don't you want to walk in the woods (there must be woods in Heaven to
look pretty, right?) and be safe from sexual predators? How about
riding a bicycle in peace without those reckless SUV drivers who got a
license to kill making your life miserable?
You know what, I'll set the passing score real low: 500 out of 1000 so
you ain't alone up there.
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
<"WheresMyCheck"@UncleSamLoves.Mee> wrote:
> His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle wrote:
> > You know what, I'll set the passing score real low: 500 out of 1000 so
> > you ain't alone up there.
>
> Everyone drives a SUV in heaven.
That's a lie. Only the angels do.
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
<kingpin+n...@lumbercartel.ca> wrote:
I'm afraid not. Their technology is like 20 years behind.
They get free wings, but they want to be like Earthlings.
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
> On Oct 19, 8:13 am, "His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of
> you wanted to know what it takes, you'd know it by now. You present
> yourself as old enough. You should be striven. Not enough for
> you, oooh, what does it take. Ooh, no one cares.
>
> Get over yourself....
I get my info via Buddha, who tells me all these little secrets. He
doesn't like Jesus that much. He says Jesus is a dogmatic prick who
knows no wisdom at all.
Buddha says you can reach Nirvana with a banana.
Edward Dolan
news:c59f6f03-d4cb-4c7f...@g13g2000yqj.googlegroups.com...
TM is a poor crazy bastard who just posts on his one favorite subject -
hatred of motor vehicles because they interfere with his use of the roads.
His other favorite subject is attacking Christianity. If you respond to this
poor crazy bastard, then you are a poor crazy bastard too.
He likes to reference monkeys and other wild animals normally found only in
zoos because he is most likely a wild beast himself. I think he fornicates
with monkeys, but I can't prove it.
TM should confine himself to just one thread instead of proliferating them
like a poor crazy bastard. He is insane of course. I liken him to the
village idiot of olden times. The difference these days is that no one any
longer recognizes the village idiot because idiocy has become so widespread.
But I will be here to remind one and all of what a poor crazy bastard TM is.
It is mark of My Greatness that I can still recognize the village idiot even
if the rest of you can't.
Regards,
Ed Dolan the Great - Minnesota
aka
Saint Edward the Great - Order of the Perpetual Sorrows - Minnesota
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
for the poor-- where evidence even denies one.
Luckily we have the Wisdom of the Jungle to give us a practical
solution: EVERY SPECIES NEEDS ROOM. The lion sets up the rules --
through advertising and peer pressure as well as economic pressure--
so the monkeys must be like them.
So let's say the fat cats want their space, fine. We the monkeys need
our own. Can you believe it that I can't even use my bicycle on your
predatory roads where your SUVs rule supreme? I'm sure you do. It's a
jungle out there.
Anyway let's turn to the heavenly issues...
On Oct 19, 8:43 pm, Dave Head <rally...@att.net> wrote:
> On Tue, 19 Oct 2010 08:17:08 -0700 (PDT), "His Highness the
> TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle"
>
> <comandante.ban...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> >Everything rewarding needs a score: the Credit Report, your school
> >grades or sports. Thus it would only make sense that you need a score
> >to go to Heaven. Something like: lying -5,
>
> OK.
>
> >supporting the war -10,
>
> Allowing 100,000 Iraqi kids to die every year from the effects of
> economic sanctions which were ended by the war: -100.
Wow, I'm speechless by your honesty. You must be a Libertarian, not a
sneaky Republican. The war was stupid. Libertarians advocate true Law
of the Jungle, which only works for some. In other words, the State
may be a necessary evil.
>
> >driving an SUV -30,
>
> eh... naw...
See, here we have the concept of your freedom infringing on my freedom
to have a level field (all cars must balance out its defenses) or
space (for my bike). That's evil in my heaven.
>
> >living in Gated Community -40,
>
> What's wrong with that? Trying to protect yourself? You're SUPPOSED
> to protect yourself, to the best of your ability. Where do you get
> this stuff?
Not by letting the jungle sink into chaos, often created by your own
blind policies, such as the Prohibition of Drugs. You are the very
people who can change the world and you hide behind walls? You tell
the politicians and lawyers --who live in your community-- that we
need SAFETY and SPACE for bicycles.
>
> >cheating -50,
>
> OK.
>
> >voting Republican -60,
>
> Voting democrat and hastening the collapse of the economy: -600.
Let's face it. He can't change the world by himself. And he inherited
a broken country with an unpaid war, thanks to the Republican/
Christian philosophy of "NO TAXES!"
Someone like Chavez can, but then he turns out stupid. That's why we
have a Wisdom of the Jungle now... ;)
I give voting Democrat the same score as voting Republican.
>
> >opposing universal healthcare -100, etc.
>
> Supporting the instrument, universal health care, that will not only
> destroy quality health care within the USA, but contribute greatly to
> the aforementioned impending economic collapse. -1000.
Again, he's limited by the Medical Industry and others who don't care
about 45 million American getting healthcare, such as the Religious
Right.
It's a very complicated issue in the POLITICAL JUNGLE to know who's
who.
>
> >I see God keeping a tab on these things so the bad Christians don't
> >sneak in into his Heaven. This is not common knowledge, but wouldn't
> >this knowledge improve Christian behavior?
>
> Yep, if you do it right...
The Religious Right will make sure they don't get it right.
Edward Dolan
news:a6350e20-8fdc-4858...@w19g2000yqb.googlegroups.com...
> I'm afraid we are going to need TWO HEAVENS --one for the rich, one
> for the poor-- where evidence even denies one.
>
> Luckily we have the Wisdom of the Jungle to give us a practical
> solution: EVERY SPECIES NEEDS ROOM. The lion sets up the rules --
> through advertising and peer pressure as well as economic pressure--
> so the monkeys must be like them.
>
> So let's say the fat cats want their space, fine. We the monkeys need
> our own. Can you believe it that I can't even use my bicycle on your
> predatory roads where your SUVs rule supreme? I'm sure you do. It's a
> jungle out there.
I am fed up with your animal metaphors. How about I liken you to your god
damn fucking monkeys myself? Yea, I think you are really into monkeys. What
is there about them makes you want to fornicate with them? I think the rest
of us would like to know about the depths of your depravity.
And your attacks on Christianity are truly mind boggling. How would an idiot
like you know anything about anything so abstract as religion. You are
strictly a concrete knower, one who knows about monkey asses and penises and
not much else.
If there is a God, let us hope that He will consign you to Hell from whence
you came. Yea, I pray every day that some motorist there in Florida will
take you out of your misery. And the sooner the better!
Fucking Regards,
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
<kingpin+n...@lumbercartel.ca> wrote:
> On Wed, 20 Oct 2010 07:47:42 -0700, His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the
> Spirits of the Jungle <nolionnoprob...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > I'm afraid we are going to need TWO HEAVENS --one for the rich, one
> > for the poor-- where evidence even denies one.
>
> > Luckily we have the Wisdom of the Jungle to give us a practical
> > solution: EVERY SPECIES NEEDS ROOM. The lion sets up the rules --
> > through advertising and peer pressure as well as economic pressure--
> > so the monkeys must be like them.
>
> next to them (and a big tall fence to block this won't be enough either
> because it probably won't block the smell)! Will Jesus be using his super
> carpentry powers to build this fence?
First of all, thank your for your Wit and Wisdom which are very
important to build any Utopian enterprise.
Jesus or no Jesus, we can build as many Heavens or Utopias as you
like. As you know, only a tyrannical God would want a Heaven that fits
everybody.
The monkey says, "No way!" and starts throwing shit around.
>
> > So let's say the fat cats want their space, fine. We the monkeys need
> > our own. Can you believe it that I can't even use my bicycle on your
> > predatory roads where your SUVs rule supreme? I'm sure you do. It's a
> > jungle out there.
>
> Bicycles? This reminds me of a South Park episode where Satan visited
> God and saw a whole bunch of Mormons on bicycles (a few were wearing
> helmets too) wearing white dress shirts and ties -- they were a very
> friendly bunch, and they even welcomed Satan to join them in their arts
> and crafts activities.
Satan always uses innocent people to attract people to his camp.
That's an old trick of him. He uses the blind, the dying kids in
Africa, whatever, to engross his personal bank account, because IT'S
ALL ABOUT MONEY & CONTROL.
>
> > Anyway let's turn to the heavenly issues...
>
> Do you know if Heaven has a foundation strong enough to support all the
> fences and moats and castle walls that people are going to want to have
> built? And if so, who will pay for the building materials, or do the
> inhabitants pay taxes for this? Yikes, what a can of worms!
>
> [End of reply.]
The terrestrial issues are not important in Heaven. He wishes a
castle, there goes the castle. ZERO TAXES! Can you believe it? That's
the way capitalism ought to be: no taxes to pay for corrupt government
or services of any kind. You lose a leg in an accident, and you fix it
up yourself with the help of the neighbors.
I hope you can see the monumental task ahead of us. ;)
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
<kingpin+n...@lumbercartel.ca> wrote:
> On Wed, 20 Oct 2010 09:21:05 -0700, His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the
> Spirits of the Jungle <nolionnoprob...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Oct 20, 11:17 am, "Randolf Richardson (Lumber Cartel, local 42)"
> > <kingpin+n...@lumbercartel.ca> wrote:
> >> On Wed, 20 Oct 2010 07:47:42 -0700, His Highness the TibetanMonkey &
> >> the Spirits of the Jungle <nolionnoprob...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >> > I'm afraid we are going to need TWO HEAVENS --one for the rich, one
> >> > for the poor-- where evidence even denies one.
>
> >> > Luckily we have the Wisdom of the Jungle to give us a practical
> >> > solution: EVERY SPECIES NEEDS ROOM. The lion sets up the rules --
> >> > through advertising and peer pressure as well as economic pressure--
> >> > so the monkeys must be like them.
>
> >> Since the monkeys like to throw messy material around, I don't
> >> want to be next to them (and a big tall fence to block this won't be
> >> enough either because it probably won't block the smell)! Will Jesus
> >> be using his super carpentry powers to build this fence?
>
> > First of all, thank your for your Wit and Wisdom which are very
> > important to build any Utopian enterprise.
>
We are almost there. Like Johnny Walker says, "A 1000 mile trip starts
with a first step."
>
> > Jesus or no Jesus, we can build as many Heavens or Utopias as you
> > like. As you know, only a tyrannical God would want a Heaven that fits
> > everybody.
>
> Well, if people have trouble getting along for long periods of time,
> could this eventually result in a whole bunch of isolated Heavens? That
> could be very lonely.
We can build as many Heavens as we want, but not as many as the 100
Christian sects need to accommodate their own people. We do need one
for the GAY PEOPLE definitely since we won't be campaigning against
them like the Christians do to divert attention from the real issues.
>
> > The monkey says, "No way!" and starts throwing shit around.
>
> I thought they threw it around anyway. At the very least, speaking
> monkeys might provide excellent proof that evolution is possible even in
> Heaven.
If you pay attention, though, you'll see that only THOSE IN THE CAGE
throw shit around. The reason is they are BORED and sick of all the
BS. Conditions in the zoo and are not as good as they are claimed to
be...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3AAdkfiamU
>
> >> > So let's say the fat cats want their space, fine. We the monkeys need
> >> > our own. Can you believe it that I can't even use my bicycle on your
> >> > predatory roads where your SUVs rule supreme? I'm sure you do. It's a
> >> > jungle out there.
>
> >> Bicycles? This reminds me of a South Park episode where Satan
> >> visited God and saw a whole bunch of Mormons on bicycles (a few were
> >> wearing helmets too) wearing white dress shirts and ties -- they were a
> >> very friendly bunch, and they even welcomed Satan to join them in their
> >> arts and crafts activities.
>
> > Satan always uses innocent people to attract people to his camp.
> > That's an old trick of him. He uses the blind, the dying kids in
> > Africa, whatever, to engross his personal bank account, because IT'S
> > ALL ABOUT MONEY & CONTROL.
>
> Why blind people? Oh, right, masturbation leads to blindness.
I just worked with a blind Haitian guy who ran a nonprofit aid
organization... It was ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, but his blindness opened a
lot of doors for him. The same for Christian organization giving aid.
>
>
>
> >> > Anyway let's turn to the heavenly issues...
>
> >> Do you know if Heaven has a foundation strong enough to support
> >> all the fences and moats and castle walls that people are going to want
> >> to have built? And if so, who will pay for the building materials, or
> >> do the inhabitants pay taxes for this? Yikes, what a can of worms!
>
> >> [End of reply.]
>
> > The terrestrial issues are not important in Heaven. He wishes a
> > castle, there goes the castle. ZERO TAXES! Can you believe it? That's
> > the way capitalism ought to be: no taxes to pay for corrupt government
> > or services of any kind. You lose a leg in an accident, and you fix it
> > up yourself with the help of the neighbors.
>
> > I hope you can see the monumental task ahead of us. ;)
>
> ... Now it feels like a few steps backwards!
It's like Johnny Walker's steps: One forward, two back and then to the
sides. But try not to drink and drive.
His Highness the TibetanMonkey & the Spirits of the Jungle
> On Oct 19, 11:40 am, "Shit4Brains" <ilbeba...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > You need a perfect score to go to heaven.
>
> Then you WON"T be going anywhere nearn to your imaginary pearly grates
> Why?
> Your Abortion
> Your Divorce
> Your Cocksucking
> And who know what else you're done
I don't think even Gandhi got a perfect score. He slapped his wife,
and didn't fulfill his marital duties.
Who said chastity is good, but the Christians? Well the Tibetan monks
too, which is why I decided to become a Tibetan Monkey.
Edward Dolan
news:c0ae77e4-88c0-4f22...@c20g2000yqj.googlegroups.com...
Just keep talking to yourself, you dumbass. No one on these newsgroups will
even give you the time of day. What a fucked-up asshole you are!