Miss Manners on wrong reasons to decline wedding invitations

[Lenona]

I have to say, I've never heard of the reason she quotes first (you'll
have to click to find out what it is) and I'd love to hear readers'
responses to her response.

Anyway, I thought the second reason, which IS listed below, was pretty
heart-breaking, too. Again, I'd love to hear readers' responses to her
last paragraph.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/columns-advice/miss-manners/article401431.ece

There can be valid reasons for declining a wedding invitation. For
example, that you used to be married to the bride or bridegroom and
would have trouble keeping a straight face while listening to that
person reciting lifetime vows.

Or that you don’t recognize any of the names on the invitation.

Or that attending a “dream” wedding in an exotic location would
require more money and time than you are able to spend on your own
dreams.

Or that it will be a show without substance—a rerun —because the
couple is already married.

Fortunately, such excuses do not have to be stated. The proper
negative response to a formal wedding invitation is simply that those
invited “regret that they are unable to accept the kind
invitation. . .”

Nor, since Miss Manners knows what you are thinking, is it strictly
necessary for those declining the invitation to send a present.A
wedding invitation is not an invoice, however much some who send them
contrive to make them appear so.

But she is disturbed at reasons Gentle Readers have given her for
feeling that they must decline invitations to weddings that they would
dearly like to attend..........

(snip)

...........Then there are those who decide not to attend when they
find a wedding is to be black tie. “I have enjoyed discussing my
friend’s wedding and have been eagerly looking forward to receiving
her wedding invitation,” writes another Gentle Reader. Yet she wants
to know how she can decline that invitation because “a black tie
affair can be very expensive for those who never engage in them. I
haven’t worn dresses in at least 15 years. My husband wore black tie
for our daughter’s wedding, and I wore very dressy separates. I
suspect my husband will only ever wear black tie again for our son’s
wedding.”

This breaks Miss Manners’ heart. Please—cut back on the money spent on
a wedding present, but don’t skip a friend’s momentous event. Surely
she would rather have you there—or overlook your faking it with those
dressy separates and a dark suit for your husband. Wouldn’t she?

(end)

Lenona.