"Ask Amy": What do you owe to parents while you're in school?
leno...@yahoo.com
Lenona.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-1010askamyoct10,0,295793.column
Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old man who has spent large portions of the
last few years out of school and working part time because of an
arrangement I've had with my parents to help them by baby-sitting my
two siblings, who are 10 and 4.
Recently I was offered a full-time position at a local company, and I
intend to take it. Now my mother has decided to demand money from me
when I start this job. I've never asked her for a dime for baby-
sitting! But now that I have a full-time job, she is insisting on my
"chipping in around the house."
My mother does not help me pay for school, car or any other bills. I
believe it is completely unfair for her to ask for money after years
of offering me no economic assistance whatsoever and knowing full well
that I have to pay for school on my own. I've been as selfless as
possible when she's needed me, but I have to take a stand for my own
needs. What should I do?
-- Disheartened
Dear Disheartened: Viewed from another perspective, your mother might
feel that providing child care for siblings is an unpaid family duty
(like other family obligations) that comes along with being a member
of a family that happens to have young children. I agree that if your
folks deliberately stifled your progress to get you to be a live-in
manny, it was unfair of them and generous of you.
Now that you are 21 and taking such commendable steps with your life,
use your new maturity to negotiate with your mother. What exactly does
"chipping in around the house" entail? Does it mean contributing
toward the cost of groceries and utilities, or does it mean paying for
baby-sitting services out of your pocket now that you aren't around to
provide these services for free?
You need to work out exactly what will be expected of you. Your mother
wasn't businesslike with you in the past; you need to be businesslike
now.
Anthony Matonak
> Your opinions?
... snip ask amy...
Summary... A 21 year old boy has spent his entire life living at
home and has, for the past few years, worked out a barter arrangement
with is parents for room and board. He wants to break this agreement,
work full time and not pay them dime one for room and board. He feels
this is fair because they owe him free room and board no matter how
old he gets.
My opinion? At 21 he should grow up, move out, pay his own bills
and stop being a burden on his parents.
Anthony
Clisby
Yep. He paid for his room and board by babysitting his siblings. If
he's no longer going to do that, he needs to pay for it some other way -
or move out, and pay all his own bills. A few months of paying rent
might enlighten him about that "no economic assistance whatsoever" he
got while living at home.
Clisby
Lou
<leno...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1192222493....@t8g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> Your opinions?
> Lenona.
>
>
>
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-1010askamyoct10,0,295793.column
>
> Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old man who has spent large portions of the
> last few years out of school and working part time because of an
> arrangement I've had with my parents to help them by baby-sitting my
> two siblings, who are 10 and 4.
>
> Recently I was offered a full-time position at a local company, and I
> intend to take it. Now my mother has decided to demand money from me
> when I start this job. I've never asked her for a dime for baby-
> sitting! But now that I have a full-time job, she is insisting on my
> "chipping in around the house."
>
> My mother does not help me pay for school, car or any other bills. I
> believe it is completely unfair for her to ask for money after years
> of offering me no economic assistance whatsoever and knowing full well
> that I have to pay for school on my own. I've been as selfless as
> possible when she's needed me, but I have to take a stand for my own
> needs. What should I do?
If you're really 21, you're an adult. Start paying your own way. Your
mother probably considers that she has been offering you considerable
economic assistance by providing you with a place to sleep, meals, and I'll
bet sevices like cooking and laundry. If you don't want to pay your mother,
get your own place, pay someone else, and start doing for yourself.
Melissa
> Lenona.
>
>
>
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-1010askamyoct10,0,295793.column
>
> Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old man who has spent large portions of the
> last few years out of school and working part time because of an
> arrangement I've had with my parents to help them by baby-sitting my
> two siblings, who are 10 and 4.
>
> Recently I was offered a full-time position at a local company, and I
> intend to take it. Now my mother has decided to demand money from me
> when I start this job. I've never asked her for a dime for baby-
> sitting! But now that I have a full-time job, she is insisting on my
> "chipping in around the house."
>
> My mother does not help me pay for school, car or any other bills. I
> believe it is completely unfair for her to ask for money after years
> of offering me no economic assistance whatsoever and knowing full well
> that I have to pay for school on my own. I've been as selfless as
> possible when she's needed me, but I have to take a stand for my own
> needs. What should I do?
>
We raised 4 kids. They all got the same offer. Live at home and go to
school, and all meals etc. would be provided. Move away to go to school, and
we'll help as much as we can, but you'll have to work part-time because we
can't afford to put 4 kids through college. Our 3 sons all moved away
during a 6 month span. The oldest was 23 at the time, and had been working
full time since High School. He paid "rent" all those years (he had an
excellent well paying job) When he left, he was paying us $300 a month, and
it was going to be increased. Second son also paid a small amount of rent
(he was 20 when he left), mostly based on how much he was making (not nearly
as much as the older son)
Personally, I think if a 21 year old is taking a full time job, they should
be paying something to live at home. Think about all the perks...washer &
dryer, internet use, free TV, phone (land line possibly), food in the frig
etc. Even a token amount of "rent" wouldn't come close to what it costs to
actually live on your own and pay for all those "perks".
Melissa
goa...@fractious.net
> http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-1010askamyoct10,0,295793.column
>
> Recently I was offered a full-time position at a local company, and I
> intend to take it. Now my mother has decided to demand money from me
> when I start this job. I've never asked her for a dime for baby-
It wasn't clear if this guy is living in his mom's house
or not. If he's living in her house and has a full time
job outside the house, he should be paying rent.
--
Chloe
news:yob8x67...@panix2.panix.com...
I think a reasonable way to base "rent" for an immediate family member is to
estimate the amount expenses increase as a result of the individual living
there and base the charge on that. IOW, if mortgage payments would be the
same regardless, I can't see charging a prorated portion, especially for
someone who's going to school and will presumably leave the nest in a few
years. However, if the family requires a larger home than they would
otherwise, then it would be reasonable to charge them. Certainly an employed
family member should be paying for every cent of the groceries they consume,
and covering a prorated portion of the utilities.
Dawn
And maybe that was what his mom was hinting at by now charging him
rent.
Dawn, whose oldest kids moved out before the "rent days".
Lou
"Chloe" <just...@spam.com> wrote in message
news:4710cb57$0$32475$4c36...@roadrunner.com...
market price, presuming there is one, for renting a room out to someone
who's not related. Here in NJ, that would be anywhere from $500 to $1,000
month for a furnished room. That would cover utilities (water and
electricity, not phone service or internet access), allow kitchen
privileges, and use of a bathroom. Not covered in that would be laundry
(probably not even use of the washer and dryer), food, or cooking services.
On the other hand, a paying boarder wouldn't normally be expected to do
chores around the house. An adult with a full time job should be expected
to pull his own weight.
Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to reply
> Your opinions?
> Lenona.
His mother was not businesslike with him in the past. She was his mom
and helping him out. Even Dear Abby says that adult children living in
their parents' home should pay their parents some percentage like a
fourth or a third of their income for room and board. Just because she
gave him a free ride in the past doesn't mean she is obligated to do it
forever.
"Chipping in around the house" to me sounds like she wants him to do
other chores other than babysitting. Sounds more than reasonable to me.
And if he thinks she offered him no economic assistance at all for those
years, he needs to move out and find out exactly how much economic
assistance she did offer.
--
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your
work with excellence.
Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to reply
> On the other hand, a paying boarder wouldn't normally be expected to do
> chores around the house. An adult with a full time job should be expected
> to pull his own weight.
People who rent rooms and/or share houses around here are indeed
expected to help with chores.