Jesus & McDonald's
dbr...@world.std.com
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995
From: Eveline Lubbers <ev...@xs4all.nl>
Copyright violation for the sake of the case:
greetings from Amsterdam!
McDonald's Saw That It Was Good
Jesus cam back and he went to McDonald's. "I've analyzed the
data," Jesus said, "and saw that of all the corporations on
earth you are the one that reaches more people more places
than anyone else, including Federal Express. Therefore, I have
decided to begin spreading my message through you."
"What's the message?" the public-relations director
asked, eyeing suspiciously the besandaled dude with the beatnik
beret.
"The same old one," siad Jesus. "Love."
"And how do you propose going about this, mister?" the PR
head hissed, suspecting that a vegetarian might be hiding
under Jesus' slightly unsanitary appearance.
"Well, it's true," Jesus said, reading his mind, "that I
personally don't scarf down scoops of cow, not even two for
two bucks, but distribution's distribution and this is the
best means to convey my message of love, especially to teen-
agers, who seem to congregate here far more than in churches.
What I propose is that we give away a condom in every burger."
The PR man considered briefly the difficulties involved
in buying all the American rubber companies back from the
Japanese. It wasn't cost efficient. "I don't think so," he
said.
"Maybe you don't understand my message," said the Savior.
"I didn't meen putting a condom <in> every burger, but <next>
to it, in the box."
"I know," PR said, "now get outta her. Try Burger King."
"Okay." Jesus sighed. "I see that things haven't changed
much in two thousand years. People are more selfish than
ever. Can I at least take a picture of this place to take back
to the Heavenly Father to show him what the new places of
worship look like?"
"Now, that's a definite no-no!" PR said. "We have a firm
policy about that. No pictures in McDonald's."
Sadly, Jesus put the Polaroid back in his knapsack. He'd
hoped to make the Second Coming a gentler affair. Now he'd
havo to go by the Book. Bring on the Apocalypse.
Copied for McLibel only, from:
Zombification, stories from National Public Radio,
by Andrei Codrescu, a Romanian living in the United States.
Picador USA ISBN 0-312-11933-X
Only $ 12,- for 300 pages of stories like this!
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