Free Form Joke Thread

[Don Johnson]

Any themes, genres or personal favorites welcome. Just read a doosy.

Question: How many climate scientists does it take to change a light
bulb?

Answer: None. There's a consensus that it's going to change, so
they've decided to keep us in the dark.

-Don

[ornamentalmind]

In keeping with the current genre:

Question: How many climate deniers does it take to change a light
bulb?

Answer: None. Due to skepticism and inaction, light bulbs, electricity
and science in general have died out since the planet became toast…so
all of humanity is dark…as in burned to a crisp!

[Slip Disc]

Adam's conversation with God

Adam: Lord, I'm so lonely here, can you create a companion for me,
one that will do everything for me, cook, clean, wash, sew, give me
many children and cater to my every need?
God: Sure I can, but it is going to cost you an arm and a leg
Adam: Oh, gee, an arm and a leg? Wow! What can I get for a rib?

[frantheman]

http://americanhell.com/index.php/195-elva-was-the-happiest-girl-in-the-world/

[Slip Disc]

http://funnyfree.net/funny_picture_1345.html

On Dec 12, 12:08 pm, Don Johnson <daj...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Slip Disc]

http://jokeboom.com/cartoon2.shtml

[ornamentalmind]

PC WARNING! 4 LETTER WORDS!
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html

> > > -Don- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[Lee]

Fave Tommy Copper joke?

A man walks into a bar, he goes Ouch! It was an iron bar.

On 13 Dec, 11:46, ornamentalmind <ornamentalm...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> PC WARNING! 4 LETTER WORDS!http://www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html

> > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

[frantheman]

Just like that!

[Lee]

Nope, NOT like that, like that!

[Alan Wostenberg]

A holiday pun from Maverick philosopher blogger http://bit.ly/6iI6vV :

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
foyer."

On Dec 12, 10:08 am, Don Johnson <daj...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Lee]

Bwhahahah, ohhh jees sweet my freind very sweet.

On 15 Dec, 06:26, Alan Wostenberg <awo...@gmail.com> wrote:
> A holiday pun from Maverick philosopher bloggerhttp://bit.ly/6iI6vV:

[1CellOfMany]

I have a different version of this joke:

An explorer (whom I call Rabbi Schulemann) is visiting an island where
the people are reputed to have a secret formula which helps them live
exceptionally long and healthy lives. No one will tell him what the
secret is to their long life.
One day, while he is walking on the beach, a huge bird flies
overhead. The natives in the village begin chanting "Fooo! Fooo!
Fooo!" and pointing at the sky. Just as the good Rabbi looks up to
see what they are pointing at, a huge pile of Foo poo hits him in the
face. He yells and runs toward the water to wash it off, but is
intercepted by one of the villagers who says, "Rabbi, this is the
secret! If the Foo shits, wear it!" Rabbi Schulemann lived to be 110
years old, and continued to explore the island of the South Pacific.

On Dec 13, 6:46 am, ornamentalmind <ornamentalm...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> PC WARNING! 4 LETTER WORDS!http://www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html

[dj Briscoe]

How funny you are not.  And no matter what they say they are smart..(chuckle):]

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[dj Briscoe]

Here is a Joke just up your alley:  What happens when you bred a Elephant and a chicken:?

You get a dead chicken with a rear end as big as a bus...(this joke to me is very not tastefull)

[dj]

Ok It Was Funny..mine was not.

On Dec 16, 10:19 am, dj Briscoe <sandsands.brisc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Here is a Joke just up your alley:  What happens when you bred a Elephant
> and a chicken:?
> You get a dead chicken with a rear end as big as a bus...(this joke to me is
> very not tastefull)
>
> On Wed, Dec 16, 2009 at 10:11 AM, dj Briscoe

> <sandsands.brisc...@gmail.com>wrote:

>
>
>
> > How funny you are not.  And no matter what they say they are
> > smart..(chuckle):]
>

> >> minds-eye+...@googlegroups.com<minds-eye%2Bunsubscribe@googlegroups­.com>

> >> .
> >> For more options, visit this group at

> >>http://groups.google.com/group/minds-eye?hl=en.- Hide quoted text -

[ornamentalmind]

A great bit of historic iconoclasm and it has a great beat too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cb_9uH-ELJE

> > >>http://groups.google.com/group/minds-eye?hl=en.-Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

[dj Briscoe]

O Ye Of Little Faith. And lack of understanding:  Now what.  Years ago when this came out:  I watched about ten seconds of it, and now I only watched three seconds of it.  What else do you have to spread the Christmas Spritit..Lets say if there really is A God:  They are already dead.    Ho-Ho_Ho:  And Lets say if there is really a Santa Clause they would get no gifts....you just like for me to make my famous comments:]  I do not get offended of much:}0
Now let me ask you a personal question?  Are you Gay?

 

 

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[ornamentalmind]

Me, gay? Of course!

▸ adjective: given to social pleasures often including dissipation
("Led a gay Bohemian life")
▸ adjective: full of or showing high-spirited merriment ("When hearts
were young and gay")
▸ adjective: offering fun and gaiety ("Gay and exciting night life")
▸ adjective: bright and pleasant; promoting a feeling of cheer ("A
gay sunny room")
▸ adjective: brightly colored and showy ("A dress a bit too gay for
her years")

On Dec 18, 11:05 am, dj Briscoe <sandsands.brisc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> O Ye Of Little Faith. And lack of understanding:  Now what.  Years ago when
> this came out:  I watched about ten seconds of it, and now I only watched
> three seconds of it.  What else do you have to spread the Christmas
> Spritit..Lets say if there really is A God:  They are already dead.
> Ho-Ho_Ho:  And Lets say if there is really a Santa Clause they would get no
> gifts....you just like for me to make my famous comments:]  I do not get
> offended of much:}0
> Now let me ask you a personal question?  Are you Gay?
>
> On Fri, Dec 18, 2009 at 10:38 AM, ornamentalmind

> <ornamentalm...@yahoo.com>wrote:

> > > > >>http://groups.google.com/group/minds-eye?hl=en.-Hidequoted text -

>
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[Chris Jenkins]

Where as I just like to have sex with men.

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[ornamentalmind]

*** quietly archives this admission to be used as blackmail when Chris
applies to join the military ***

*** something I have no doubt he will be eternally grateful for! ***

On Dec 18, 11:12 am, Chris Jenkins <digitalprecip...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Where as I just like to have sex with men.
>

> > > >http://groups.google.com/group/minds-eye?hl=en.-Hide quoted text -

[Chris Jenkins]

*laughing* Please do, Bill. If I've ever lost my mind to that degree, I'll need some fabulous intervention.

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[dj Briscoe]

I hope I did not offend..This is the first time I ever ask a personal question like this one...I do not what got into me...I geuss I would like to know a little personal.  I think we all would and would not admitt it.

[Chris Jenkins]

It would only offend if being gay is offensive...and to anyone whom that is the case for, I say...fuck that guy!

Pardon my language...I hope I did not offend. ;)

[ornamentalmind]

DNFTT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)

On Dec 18, 11:31 am, dj Briscoe <sandsands.brisc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I hope I did not offend..This is the first time I ever ask a personal
> question like this one...I do not what got into me...I geuss I would like to
> know a little personal.  I think we all would and would not admitt it.
>
> On Fri, Dec 18, 2009 at 11:27 AM, Chris Jenkins

> <digitalprecip...@gmail.com>wrote:

>
>
>
> > *laughing* Please do, Bill. If I've ever lost my mind to that degree, I'll
> > need some fabulous intervention.
>

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[Chris Jenkins]

*laughing* 

Indeed.

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[dj Briscoe]

I am not offended on the language:[  we could make a new thread on offenses of language and see it we could make it out of a hypotheses theory and not a scientific of science theory.  What do you think?(just kidding) and a ha ha.  thanks..dj

[archytas]

You swine Jenkins. Your language and admitted perversions mean I
shall have to retire to a dark room all day to recover. Well, it is a
bit dark down the pub. Which has moved from being a failed gay bar to
a BNP refuge without me noticing much. It would be PC to be able to
say I preferred the gays, but I didn't. I have long been intrigued by
Orwell's idea that only honest toil protects from news and double
speak, leaving one blustering profanities on hearing the likes of Bush
and Blair speak. I can only assume he didn't drink Stella Artois in
serious quantities or do any seriously hard graft.

On 18 Dec, 20:03, dj Briscoe <sandsands.brisc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I am not offended on the language:[  we could make a new thread on offenses
> of language and see it we could make it out of a hypotheses theory and not a
> scientific of science theory.  What do you think?(just kidding) and a ha
> ha.  thanks..dj
>
> On Fri, Dec 18, 2009 at 11:39 AM, Chris Jenkins

> <digitalprecip...@gmail.com>wrote:

>
>
>
> > It would only offend if being gay is offensive...and to anyone whom that is
> > the case for, I say...fuck that guy!
>
> > Pardon my language...I hope I did not offend. ;)
>

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[dj]

Here is to Slip:[[[[[[[ I was just twenty-two
and learning to hold my tongue
hidden that I was
Oh what A fool I was
My Images were so Grand
And now that I am disposed
Of my Youthful rights
I must Say
Here Is to All And One
With A Dirty mouth I Have
I am In disposed

On Dec 12, 1:56 pm, frantheman <francis.h...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> http://americanhell.com/index.php/195-elva-was-the-happiest-girl-in-t...

[archytas]

My Rag Mag favourite was always 'Why do the French smell'?
'So even the blind can hate them'.

[Don Johnson]

Reminds me of one of my favorite Monty Python jokes.

Servant to his master, excitedly reporting the attack of the castle,
"Lord, the peasants are revolting!' The opulent royal wipes the wine
and grease of his chin, laughs out loud as bits of goose spray out of
his open maw and replies, "Your telling me, they stink on ice!"

I forget what movie that's in. Help me out here Fran.

-Don

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[frantheman]

Holy Grail?

[dj]

Well -I don't mean to be a troll! But it is kind of nice to know
somewhat of a person you are having a conversation with.
Don't you think?

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[1CellOfMany]

Old Jebadiah is on his deathbed, not expected to survive the night. He
smells chocolate chip cookies baking, his favorite treat in the
world. Thinking his dear wife Ester has made these out of love for
him, he climbs into his old power chair and navigates to the kitchen.
Just as he is reaching for the cookies cooling on a plate on the
counter, Ester comes up behind him. "Get away from those, Jeb! Those
are for the funeral!"

On Dec 19, 7:28 pm, Don Johnson <daj...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Reminds me of one of my favorite Monty Python jokes.
>
> Servant to his master, excitedly reporting the attack of the castle,
> "Lord, the peasants are revolting!'  The opulent royal wipes the wine
> and grease of his chin, laughs out loud as bits of goose spray out of
> his open maw and replies, "Your telling me, they stink on ice!"
>
> I forget what movie that's in.  Help me out here Fran.
>
> -Don
>

[Lee]

Infact that little gem comes not from Monty Python but from the mind
of Mel Brookes and can be found in the film 'History of the World
part 1'

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[Don Johnson]

Thanks! Anther fav. from the 80's.

-Don

[Matthijs]

There is a man waiting on the bus.
So the bus drives says: please come down now!

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[Slip Disc]

A Pig walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables,
and starts reading his paper. The bartender is a bit shocked by all
this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the Pig, who gives a
ten dollar bill for it.
Now the barman figures the Pig isn't that bright, so he decides to
pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the Pig
with 1 dollar. The Pig doesn't say a word. The Pig eventually finishes
his beer and goes up to the bar to order another.
The bartender says to him, "Y'know, we don't get many Pig in here."
To which the Pig replies, "At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"

On Dec 18, 1:58 pm, Chris Jenkins <digitalprecip...@gmail.com> wrote:
> *laughing*
>

> Indeed.

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[Slip Disc]

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into
the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse
Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play
along with him.
"It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing
home with his penis hanging outside his pants.
Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your
penis died?"
"It did," he replied. "Today is the viewing!"

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