OT: Famous World Ideologies,as Explained by Reference to Cows
Mario Orsolic
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government
gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all
share the milk.
Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one
works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
black market.
Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all
the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
market.
Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.
British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The
government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes
both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it
requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Enviromentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but
no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
....A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor, who doesn't
have one, and make him join your church.
....A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes both and gives the milk it to your
neighbors.
....A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
....A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel stupidly
righteous.
....A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
....A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You
join the underground and start a campaign of overthrow the government.
....A TERRORIST:
You don't have any cows, so you blow things up.
....DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
gift from your government.
....CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
....SOCIALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
....AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
....A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
....A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
....A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.
....AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
....A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
....A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you are not sure. You take a nap.
....A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing
them for others.
....A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
....AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
....A TALIBAN:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they
are stolen. You blame the godless American infidels.
Pozdfrav, OrMar ...
Dujma
<mario....@softhome.net> wrote:
Kad je vec OT thread bacit cu ja nesto :))
Na licitaciji za farbanje broda Queen Merry, posao dobije Mujo & co iz
Doboja. Dolazi nadzorni organ da provjeri kako je pofarbano, gleda
komisija
kvalitetu boje, koliko slojeva itd, sa obale sve OK. Sjednu u camac da
vide
drugu stranu, kad ona uopce nije pofarbana.
* Jel' umijete vi, mr. Mujo, da citate ugovor?
* Jes vala, umijem.
* Pa sto ste pofarbali samo jednu stranu?
* A jel' umijete VI da citate ugovor: lijepo pise da "farbanju broda
pristupaju, sa jedne strane, Mujo & co iz Doboja, a sa druge strane
investitor". Il' farbajte svoju stranu, ili da pisemo neki aneks!
--
**********************
Domagoj Dujmovic
Croatia, Zagreb
**********************
Mario Orsolic
news:7mekeugrrknojq0lb...@4ax.com...
In the wake of the Federal anti-trust suit against Microsoft, Sony has
announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new
portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error
messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows 95, 3.1, and DOS operating
systems, Sony's chairman, Asai Tawara, said, "We intend to capture the high
ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been, until now, an
operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we
have replaced the usual impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages
with our own Japanese haiku poetry.
The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new error messages:
---
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
---
---
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
---
---
The Web site you seek
cannot be located
but endless others exist...
---
---
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
---
---
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
---
---
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
---
---
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
---
---
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
---
---
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
---
---
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
---
---
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
---
---
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
---
Pozdfrav, OrMar ...
Andrej
"Mario Orsolic" <mario....@softhome.net> wrote in message
..........
> Yesterday it worked
> Today it is not working
> Windows is like that.
> ---
> Three things are certain:
> Death, taxes, and lost data.
> Guess which has occurred.
> ---
:)))))))))))))))))))
Odlicno :)
i slovenci su imali nesto slicno,
"humani interface" jos prije postojanja windowsa
... doista, poruka je glasila
---
"Zmotil sam se, preiskusaj se enkrat"
:)))))
@ndrej
Brut
--
,,,,
( / 0. .0 \ )
(~~~)
'''''''
Brut
Slaven
> ---
>Three things are certain:
>Death, taxes, and lost data.
>Guess which has occurred.
>---
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Shile
1. Prosjecni troskovi rehabilitacije tuljana nakon izlijevanja ulja na
tankeru Exxon Valdez na Aljasci su iznosili 80.000 USD dolara.
Prilikom svecane ceremonije pustena su dva tuljana ciji su troskovi
spasavanja bili najvisi. Zivotinje su pustene nazad u divljinu uz
odobravanje i aplauz prisutnih promatraca. Minutu kasnije, na ocigled
sviju tuljane je pojeo kit ubojica.
2. Studentica psihologije u New Yorku iznajmila je spavacu sobu viska
jednom stolaru s namjerom da mu konstantno zvoca i dosadjuje i
promatra njegove reakcije. Nakon nekoliko tjedana dodijavanja, covjek
je otkacio i izlemao ju sa sjekirom nakon cega je trajno ostala
mentalno retardirana.
3. Zena je stigla kuci i nasla muza u kuhinji kako se nekontrolirano
trese, drzeci u ruci nesto sto je licilo na zicu koja se pruzala od
njegovog pojasa do elektricnog lonca za kavu. U namjeri da ga odvoji
od strujnog kruga maznula ga je sa drvenim stapom kojeg je nasla kraj
vrata, slomeci mu pritom ruku na dva mjesta. A sve do tada covjek je
sretno slusao svoj walkman.
4. Dva aktivista za prava zivotinja protestirala su protiv okrutnosti
slanja svinja u klaonicu u Bonn. Odjednom su se svinje /dvije tisuce
njih/ oslobodile iz ograde i u stampedu pregazile dvojicu bespomocnih
aktivista na mrtvo.
5. Iracki terorist Khay Rahnajet nije platio dovoljno postarine na
pismo bombu. Pismo bomba mu je vraceno s naznakom "vratite
posiljaocu". Zaboravivsi da je to bomba, otvorio je pismo i raznio se
u komade.
:-)))
--
Prodajem Alfu 145 2.0 Quadrifoglio
Slike na http://www.pbase.com/shile/alfa
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sinisa Sisko, UIN: 4845326
sh...@hi.hinet.hr
Sasa Cikes
news:aceg38$2vio$4...@as201.hinet.hr...
vidim da neko pazljivo prati Mr. ORSM-ov sajt :)
--
Pozdrav,
S.C.
"Non sibi sed omnibus"
cose
Dana Tue, 21 May 2002 13:06:37 +0200, "Mario Orsolic"
<mario....@softhome.net> rece:
> Real World Communism
>You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
>who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one
>works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Totalni ali dobar OT. :))
--
Kresimir Kos
"I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change"
Slaven
>Nekoliko "istinitih" pricica, skinutih sa Oprah Show:
>
>1. Prosjecni troskovi rehabilitacije tuljana nakon izlijevanja ulja na
>tankeru Exxon Valdez na Aljasci su iznosili 80.000 USD dolara.
>Prilikom svecane ceremonije pustena su dva tuljana ciji su troskovi
>spasavanja bili najvisi. Zivotinje su pustene nazad u divljinu uz
>odobravanje i aplauz prisutnih promatraca. Minutu kasnije, na ocigled
>sviju tuljane je pojeo kit ubojica.
>
>4. Dva aktivista za prava zivotinja protestirala su protiv okrutnosti
>slanja svinja u klaonicu u Bonn. Odjednom su se svinje /dvije tisuce
>njih/ oslobodile iz ograde i u stampedu pregazile dvojicu bespomocnih
>aktivista na mrtvo.
>
>5. Iracki terorist Khay Rahnajet nije platio dovoljno postarine na
>pismo bombu. Pismo bomba mu je vraceno s naznakom "vratite
>posiljaocu". Zaboravivsi da je to bomba, otvorio je pismo i raznio se
>u komade.
>
>:-)))
Ova tri su cista ironija... i to vrloo crna.... mrak... :)))))))
Shile
Sasa Cikes
>
> Come again?
> :-)
>
naime, Mr. ORSM je na svom sajtu prvi objavio te prichice :)
Shile
> > Come again?
> > :-)
> naime, Mr. ORSM je na svom sajtu prvi objavio te prichice :)
> http://www.orsm.net
"Prvi na internetu", jebeno nezahvalan pojam. Ne bih se bas samo tako kitio
njime. ;-)