An Englishman in Las Vegas. Trip report 17th - 20th November

Well you've entered this post and for that I'm very grateful but now
you need to decide whether it is worth continuing for this will be a
long report. I've read other peoples trip reports and found them both
informative and entertaining with the nuggets of information usually
buried in the small detail. I know some people like rambling and
others short and snappy. For my sins this will be a rambling piece
and thus I'll more than understand if you wish to hit the back button
and eradicate this message of banality and tedium. For those that
have chosen to persevere then thanks, grab a few teas or coffees and
get ready for a fun filled ride (well I thought it was). Please also
be aware that I get excited about even the smallest things so be
prepared for animated language when discussing things as trivial as
robes and bed sizes!

To gain a better understanding of me and to validate the credibility
of my opinions I am 34 years of age, male, single and of average
height, looks and build. For those who wanting an indication of
whether it's worth trawling through here's a quick summary.

Flight with Virgin, check in at Bellagio, Bellagio pool and Jacuzzi,
Caesars, Forum shops, Cheesecake factory, Ellis Island karaoke, Las
Vegas outlet centre, In 'n' out burger, Gun store, Top of the World
restaurant,
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Barry
Manilow at the Hilton, VIP table service at Pure, Caesars Palace,
Fashion Show mall, northern strip walk, freefall tandem parachute
jump, dinner at Morton's,
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Penn
& Teller at The Rio, check out, flight home.

Thursday. Check in

The trip was for a Christmas gift/do from the company I work for.
Eight of us went and it was brilliant. It had been booked about six
months previously and I'd used that time to research what I thought
was good and created a loose timetable so I'd know when, what and
where to go. The last two weeks had even seen the office filled in
the morning and evening with a playing of 'Time to say goodbye' as
I'd read that this was one the songs that accompanied the Bellagio
fountain show.

Thursday morning came with a 4.15 am wake up after a night where I
only really grabbed about an hour or two of sleep. I was excited but
think was more concerned about oversleeping, despite having three
different alarms dotted around the room to ensure I got up. Anyway I
picked up a close living work colleague, hooked up with some others
and after dropping off the car got a train down to Gatwick. We
checked in, got some currency from Travelex and equipped ourselves
with some breakfast. I'd been holding off on my intake of food before
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/blog/2006/02/24/you-cant-beat-vegas...>Vegas
just in an effort to keep trim but was adamant that in the land of
steaks and burgers the cuffs would come off. Hence the first
breakfast was a nice double egg, sausage, bacon, beans, toast,
mushrooms and chips feast washed down with two cups of tea. This was
getting good, the suitcase was handed over and thus no longer a
responsibility, my belly was full and content and we were getting
closer to going to Vegas. Final mooch around the shops and we boarded
the plane.

We were in a row of six towards the rear of the plane and I had an
aisle seat which suited me fine. I'd been looking forward to seeing
what the air stewardesses were like as I'd never travelled with
Virgin and they are legendarily supposed to be good looking. They
were and I tried my best, without being annoying, to be polite and
humorous to obtain a glimmer of warmth from them but alas to no
avail. C'est la vie but they couldn't dampen my enthusiasm. The plane
rumbled down the runway and lifted off to a loud 'whoooh' from myself
which received a stern look from my friend, Matt who was sitting next
to me. It was a bit loud and I admit probably was annoying for others
but this was the moment when Vegas was starting (bar landing of
course) and I couldn't contain my excitement. The flight proceeded ok
and I remained buoyant and bubbly throughout the 10 hour journey. The
food was enjoyable, braised beef with some nice pots, carrots and
broccoli and a profiterole dessert that was mucho yummy. I know some
think airplane food muck, but to me it's free and passes the time so
I was all for enjoying it. Tried to watch a film on the scratched and
poor resoluted screen, 'Land of the Dead' which was ok but a poor
entry in the zombie genre I feel. I also spent some time wandering
around the plane and looking out the window towards the rear. The
scenery was great, it might not have been stunning at some of the
points I looked out but it was just the size of the country that was
amazing. Wilderness would stretch as far as the eye could see yet
snowed over roads appeared to still have been cleared despite the
fact that only a few people might use them. The plane began its
descent and the scenery became even better as we flew over the
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/tours/hoover-dam-tours/>Hoover Dam
and
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/tour/lake-mead-lunch-cruise-+-hoove...>Lake
Mead.

We touched down and the first glimpses of the Luxor and Mandalay were
causing my excitement levels to peak in the red. We hurried off the
plane and then spent an eternity in the immigration queue. By the
time we got out of the queue I was the second to last person to go
through but I understand the need for security and wasn't hugely
fussed. Collected luggage and boarded the last shuttle to leave the
airport. Interesting drive with the driver seemingly oblivious to her
passengers and rambling with her co driver about the wayward ways of
her daughter. She connected with us when I excitedly pointed out a
motorcycle cop that looked like CHiPs and we all chatted on the
remainder of the journey. It did make us chuckle and I was busily
craning my head round to observe every different building and car
that went past. Got to the Bellagio and swung into the car port with
my excitement at virtual fever pitch. As we unloaded our suitcases
from the shuttle the fountain show started up (not that we could see
it from where we were) and the strains of 'Time to say goodbye'
wafted over us. I was amazed, the very song that I'd been playing in
the UK to prep us for the holiday was playing just as we arrived.

We entered the foyer and I just wandered through with my mouth open.
It was wonderful. Vibrant, classy, buzzing with people milling around
of different backgrounds and it smelt just so good with a mixture of
citrus and fresh cut flowers. It had such a great feel to it, like
you just wanted to sit down and take in all that surrounded you and
just watch the world go by. I could see the conservatory but didn't
want to venture in there while we were checking in and leave the
others. I could also see across the casino floor which looked a mass
of activity and combined with the pianist playing in the Petrossian
bar I confess to being pleasantly overwhelmed. We got our room
allocation and headed off through the casino to the lifts with myself
constantly circling as I tried to take everything in. Our room, that
I shared with a good friend and one of my directors, was on the 27th
floor, room number 103. What a great room, large and spacious with a
marble foyer, remote controlled drapes and nets (which I accidentally
shut as I thought it was a light switch), plenty of wardrobe storage
and a nice big TV. The beds were huge and comfy (certainly when I
flung myself onto them) and the view from the window was great. Ok I
wasn't looking over the strip but I was looking at the back of
Caesars and its pool, the Rio and the mountains in the distant and
the view became even better at night. Oh and did I mention the
bathroom. I clapped my hands together and laughed when I saw the huge
glass walled shower, the deep bath and the proliferation of big white
towels. Oh baby.

One of our party called the room and we agreed to head down to the
pool as we had discussed over that mornings breakfast. I slung on my
robe and shorts and off we went. What a fabulous pool. It shut at
5.00 pm and we got there at about 4.15 but those 45 minutes were
grand. The pool was lovely and warm, not too deep and lovingly
detailed with underwater lights and the pattern inset into the
tiling. Every time I drew breath I would look up at the hotel and
shake my head not believing that, yes here I was actually swimming in
the pool of the Bellagio. As the sky got darker the buildings
lighting played more of a part in its beauty and it grew even more
picturesque. We finished here and dived into the Jacuzzi. Well if the
pool was great then this was fantastic. Even warmer water and strong
bubbly jets that when you were close up to them gave you a great
tingly massage over one's tired limbs. God I felt so privileged
thinking wow, here I am reclining in a warm, oversized Jacuzzi
looking up at the Bellagio in the Nevada desert air.

I returned upstairs to get ready for our first night out in Vegas.
Matt had already showered and headed downstairs so I took the time to
crank up the Bellagio music channel (number 31) and jump in the
shower. I've not been to that many hotels so being able to take the
time to prepare for a night out with in a huge roomy shower, with
plenty of towels, no worries about how they would dry and some music
playing was a real luxury that I enjoyed savouring. Although I'd been
up nigh on 25 hours I felt great and that feeling of getting ready
for a night out seemed to banish all thoughts of jet lag. I was on
'going out time' and my body was fine with that. I dressed in black
velvet trousers and a nice white striped shirt and headed downstairs
to hook up with the others in the Petrossian bar. Everything felt so
right, the pianist was playing, people dressed for the evening were
milling around along with the odd newly wed couple and I felt
elevated to a very special club.

We had decided our first meal would be the cheesecake factory so we
left the hotel and wandered down to the strip to take in the fountain
show. They played some kind of 'I love America' song and the
fountains were great. They are like a tidy, clean firework display
with the same kind of whooshing sound and similarly eliciting 'oh's
and aah's' but without the smoke or debris. I left them feeling warm
inside and looking forward to seeing them again. We then walked to
Caesars. Blimey this place is massive and although it could be
construed as being a little tacky it has an ebullience and energy
that you can practically taste. From the strip it's huge and very
impressive and after passing through its doors it just seems to go on
forever. We managed to follow the signs through to the forum shops
and eventually found the cheesecake factory. The ceiling in the forum
was just mad. We all stopped and stared and tried to work out if the
ceiling was actually moving, it wasn't but it was so cool in how the
changing light was affecting the painted clouds. We booked a table
and split up to individually explore the mall with myself checking
out the exotic car place. You can't view the cars up close but there
is a fenced walkway around the edges and there are some cracking
motors including a few wonderful Ferraris, a lovely silver Lambo
Gallardo and a couple of Murcielagos.

Headed back to the cheesecake factory and got a table. The service
here was excellent. Warm, friendly and helpful. I'd been warned about
the huge portions so we settled for one chicken starter between the
eight of us which was very nice and then all seemed to have a
selection of burgers. I had the ranch burger which was big but I
wouldn't say absolutely massive. It basically had bun, burger, chunks
of steak, mushrooms, cheese and bacon slices (I'd asked for the
healthy inclusion of tomato and lettuce to be removed) and was very
tasty. The accompanying fries were very nice but I didn't think there
were enough of them. Being in the gambling town we started to bet
amongst the eight of us how old certain members of the staff were.
For every person we guessed another one would appear, we would ask
their name, get them to hold up the back and front of their hands and
then ask them to return in three minutes. Everyone would chuck in a
dollar to the pot, we'd all take turns and then relay them to the
staff. It sounds silly but it was fun and with the good nature of the
staff I think they enjoyed it as well. There was one poor girl though
called Rosa who worked on the front desk. She came round, showed us
her hands and then disappeared before returning 3 minutes later. We
went round the table with ages ranging from 26 to 34 only for her to
tell us she was 19!! Poor thing, she laughed with us but I hope she
wasn't insulted. I ordered the original cheesecake because there were
so many cheesecakes to choose from that I thought starting with the
original would be the best. The waiter gave a nod of approval as he
jotted down my request which made me smile. Two others ordered
cheesecakes but couldn't finish them. Mine was very nice but suddenly
my stomach began to close up and I couldn't finish it either (maybe
that's why they only gave a smaller portion of fries!!) The others at
the table began to goad me and started chucking in money to bet I
couldn't finish the cheesecake. The pot hit $46 and I just went for
it, who wouldn't? My glass of water helped and I even licked the
plate to demonstrate my victory. Stomach was a little tight but what
a sweet 46 bucks. We paid and left and two of our party had booked
the
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/tour/grand-canyon-picnic-descend-be...>helicopter
flight to the Grand Canyon starting at 5.00 am so they hit the sack
and the rest decided what to do.

I said I just wanted to check out Ellis Island and see what the
karaoke was really like as I read reports that said it was a bit
dingy. The others said they couldn't let me go on my own so tagged
along. We headed off past Ballys to Koval Lane. As we proceeded
further down the road you could see it becoming less glamorous. We
didn't feel threatened but you could tell it wasn't as nice as the
strip. Then we saw it, right next to the 7-11 and I began to have
grave doubts. We continued on and strode in and wished we hadn't. We
didn't feel intimidated but it was definitely a locals place and was
a little cramped, dark and dingy. The guy singing was good but we
felt a little unnerved probably like the two backpackers did in the
film 'American Werewolf in London' when they walked into 'The
Slaughtered Lamb'. I quickly bought a round, $1 a beer, and we
vacated the establishment pronto. As I left I looked back and saw a
guy playing the slot machine wearing a baggy, stained white wife
beater vest and a pair of black, belt less trousers. Very
disappointed and we scuttled back to the strip as quickly as we
could. I was looking forward to going a little mad on our first night
but after pushing to go to such a shit hole my credibility for choice
of things to do was a little strained and I felt a little embarrassed
for pushing us to visit a dump. The people were ok and I'm sure if we
were more 'jeaned up' and fitted in more we would have seen real
locals enjoying themselves but as it was it was a jarring difference
to the world we had just been baptised to. We gambled a little bit in
the Bellagio casino. I put $100 down on the blackjack table and
played for about 25 mins losing about 30 bucks and then retired to
the room at about 2-30-3.00 ish.

Friday

Awoke around 8.00 ish, showered (still loving the ease of the shower)
and met the two who had gone on the
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/tour/vip-champagne-deluxe-the-premi...>helicopter
tour of the grand canyon the first thing in the morning. They'd had a
great time and thought the
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/tours/grand-canyon-tours/>Grand
Canyon stunning. We jumped in a cab and headed down to the Las Vegas
Outlet Centre. Ok place although it is a little 'low rent' which I'd
expected. The other two headed back to the strip after an hour as I
was still mooching around. I'd been to Canada/American about six
years previously and had kicked myself for not buying more items. I
had a really good look around but just couldn't find things that I
really liked. I then found myself fretting that I was trying to
convince myself that I should buy something for something's sake as
opposed to actually liking it. Wandered round the large Nike store
but couldn't find anything that really fired me up. Headed outside to
grab a taxi while I ummed and ahhed about whether to head to the
fashion show mall or check out In'n'Out burger.

I'd read a lot about this before going and was really looking forward
to checking it out, liking the idea of its refreshing simplicity.
Just selling only burgers, fries and drinks should offer a better
attention to detail as there are fewer things to distract from the
menu. The cab dropped me off at the one on
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Dean
Martin Drive and I had a nice chat with him en route. What a great
place In'n'Out burger was. It was busy and vibrant with a real
hubbub, energy and atmosphere to it. I loved the way they called
customers guests and I moved to the desk to order my food. Double,
double without the lettuce and tomato, fries and I wanted to order
something from the secret menu so I'd feel a little special and thus
went for a Neapolitan. Got my ticket and waited. How cool I thought
to be able to wait for your order while they prepped it. It also gave
me a good opportunity to do some people watching and bask in the
moment. My number was called and I collected my food. It's great that
it comes in those little red bucket tray things to prevent spillage
etc of chips and as it was a nice day I decided to eat outside.
Settled down with my shades on, jumper off, took a photo of it on my
phone as the camera was with another in the party and then took my
first bite. Oh god it was good. Yes the little wrapper wrapped around
the backside of the burger was a little greasy but we are talking a
burger here and you have to get a little dirty when enjoying a
burger. It was just so juicy and succulent with the chopped onions
and the toasted inside of the burger adding a little crunch. The
fries were great as well, hot and freshly cut and the Neapolitan
milkshake was excellent. Nice and thick so it took a fair chunk of
sucking and then it would offer at different times during its
consumption hit's of individual chocolate, strawberry and vanilla
almost like some kind of Willy Wonka chocolate bar. After this I hit
the store next door, keen to get some souvenirs especially now that
the meal had lived up to the hype and also because I remember seeing
Mikey wearing one in the film Swingers. Chose one for me my brother
and one for myself after trying them on and debating what sizes,
along with some key rings and a large handled mug.

I'd called some of the gang earlier and we agreed to meet at the Gun
store on east Tropicana at 2.00pm to fire some guns on their range. I
then had the task of getting across town and finding a cab. Needless
to say there weren't any at In'n'Out so I struck out towards the
strip to find a cab. Crossing the crossroads junction by the burger
place must have taken me about 15 minutes. It's never entirely clear
when you get a green man or walk signal how other cars can still turn
into the road and it also seemed to take an age for the lights to
change. Not a great deal of people walk I think. Anyway got across
the road and over the interstate bridge, ducking past a homeless
tramp who'd obviously lost it all on 'red' but didn't get a chance to
douse me in an alcohol cloud while demanding money. Hurried down to
the Excalibur (closest hotel) and jumped in a cab which then pulled
round to the front of the hotel and said he had to wait until the cab
in front had moved. I said fine I'll get in the cab in front and even
though he'd only carried me about 10 metres told me I had to pay the
standing charge of $3. I bundled into the next one and asked him to
head to the gun store. He seemed a bit morose but I tried to jolly
him along by talking about In'n'Out burgers (my fallback conversation
piece with any cab driver it now seemed!) and how busy a day he was
having. He dropped me off at the store with a fare of $12.00 and I
gave him $15.00. No gratitude so I asked him if that was ok to which
he replied that another dollar would make him happy. I responded that
I'd made him laugh on the journey and he should be happy with that.

Wandered in and was like a kid in a sweet shop. Machine guns hanging
on walls, handguns in cabinets, non politically correct paper targets
on the wall, what bliss! The other guys arrived, I presented my
coupons and requested my guns. Two 25 bullet belts for the SAW, two
30 round magazines for the M15 and 50 rounds for a Beretta 92F. The
staff, or at least one of the main guys, wasn't particularly
friendly. I understand that safety is paramount but when someone is
spending money and is just demonstrating excitability I don't think
it hurts to smile. I did ask if we could join the belt of bullets for
the SAW together and then wrap them round my forearm as I fired the
gun into the ceiling with one hand, he gruffly responded that doing
that would take my arm off.

We went onto the range and started firing the machine guns. The SAW
was wicked. Set up on a tripod with a laser sight and the belt in, it
was joy to squeeze off a few rounds, puncturing the Osama paper
target and kicking up the sand behind. As we grew more confident we
fired longer bursts and the noise was fantastic. Next up was the M15.
I had asked for the M4 carbine to which they feigned ignorance, even
when I said the gun that de Niro fired in heat. Now this was a nice
gun. Pulled in tight to the shoulder, the noise was deafening and the
way the bullet casings ejected from the gun bouncing off the wall and
onto the floor or onto me and the gun smoke drifted up through the
holes in the barrel handle was just great.

Finally it was time for the Beretta. They seem to give you a lot more
freedom with the handguns and basically gave a quick demo and said
off you go. We had to individually load the magazines and even though
the mag in the Beretta holds 15 rounds I could only push down 10.
Call me weak but Jesus the spring on it was amazingly tough. I was
pushing so hard to get the 11th bullet in that it felt like days at
school when you played outdoor sports in winter and upon coming back
in couldn't do up your shirt because your fingers were so cold and
numb. In the end, and after ridicule from friends who I later
discovered had had a similar problem, I settled on 10 bullets a clip
and got stuck in shooting down range. I tried to adopt a million cop
positions that I'd seen on telly and tried aiming but wasn't sure if
I was hitting anything with the way the gun was riding up and to the
right. In the end I thought to hell with it and just pretended I was
either Martin Riggs or John McLane. I loved having a full clip (ok
2/3rds full), leaning the hand gun to the side, slamming in the clip,
depressing the slide release, it chunking forward to chamber a round
and then firing off 10 shots in quick succession. Granted I probably
hit nothing but it did fulfil many Hollywood action fantasies. Fun
was over and I put the gun down with the mechanism open as they had
handed them to us. Turned to the instructor who told us to take the
handguns back round into the shop. Turned to pick my one up,
foolishly grabbing over the top and accidentally hit the release
latch snapping it shut on my finger. My friends naturally laughed
until the blood dripped off my finger where they then expressed
concern. The instructor started to attend to it before asking me to
come round to the shop side where he had some tape etc. I quickly
slapped a little blood on my target as a reminder before washing it
down in their toilet and getting him to bandage my war wound or
'Beretta's kiss' as I decided to call it.

We hopped on a bus back to the strip and started chatting to this
nice older chap about his guns, life history and sister who used to
be in the CIA. I stopped into New York, New York for a quick go on
the Manhattan express which was ok. It wasn't awesome but it offered
some thrills particularly the inverted loop which was quite novel. I
think $9.95 would be a more accurate price for it. Anyway wandered
back up the strip finding a large, clean chemist that was a great
find stocking reasonably priced drinks etc. Picked up some plasters
and water and hurried up towards the Bellagio. I've got to say that
this was one of my favourite times of the day. Just as the sun was
going down and the lights coming on there was a sense of magic in the
air, a palpable tingling of expectant energy that you could almost
eat with a spoon. It was like the strip was slowly coming alive, like
a good friend waking up and wanting to party. Got back to my room for
a quick shave (slightly more difficult with my bandaged finger) and a
shower. Slipped into a dark blue suit with a pink shirt and headed
down to the foyer. Hooked up with everyone and jumped in two cabs to
zing over to the Stratosphere. Traffic was heavy but not immovable
and we were only a few minutes late.

Went into the stratosphere and took the long walk to the elevator,
which did seem an age away. Up the lift and out into the restaurant.
A few steps down, greet the waitress and 'Oh my god, check out that
view!' It stopped all of us in our tracks as we each saw it for the
first time. Now that view really is something else. Over 800 ft up,
looking down over a plethora of street lights and buildings. We were
shown to our table of eight and I was sitting right on the end next
to the glass. The view man just had me humbled, I'm quite chatty (as
you can probably tell) but I was content to just sit there and just
watch <http://www.paradisefoundtours.com>Las Vegas circle by me. In
the distance I spotted a strange orange light and realising what it
was watched as the moon slowly rose up over the mountains in the
distance, amazing. The food arrived and I ordered Portobello
mushrooms, the New York steak with maitre'd butter (unfortunately it
had garlic in it) and shared the chocolate stratosphere tower desert.
The food was good, granted it wasn't outstanding but I've a simple
palette and was content to eat anything whilst enjoying the view. The
service was also warm and friendly and we didn't get any hassle from
the woman who offers to take your photograph (I say this because I've
read people complain about her being pushy). We settled the bill. I'd
didn't see it but I'm sure it was big and grabbed a couple of cabs to
the Hilton.

Some of our party weren't too keen on seeing
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Barry
Manilow but I was looking forward to it and if nothing else at least
it was a
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/>Las Vegas
show. We had picked our tickets up earlier in the day and made our
way into the auditorium. I was surprised to see people as I entered
waving luminous green glowsticks. I've done my share of proper
clubbing and I couldn't imagine Barry belting out a couple of rave
anthems. We sat down and proceeded to look at the rest of the crowd
whilst we waited for it to start. Predominantly older (35-50) females
with some already standing up and jigging to the piped music, there
were also a few guys standing up and attempting to cut some moves but
these were obviously guys who dance once every year at a wedding or
gathering. It was all good fun and I was happy to see people enjoying
themselves. The beginning started to build and 'Right here, right
now' started coming through the speakers. You could feel the
anticipation rise as the bass became more thumping, they started to
mix the track with 'I see you baby, shaking that arse' whilst the
screen on the stage started to flash up images of Barry and his album
covers, the mixing between the two became more feverish and the
lights began to twirl and by this point the atmosphere was reaching
fever point with audience hands going in the air and people whooping
and clapping. The montage ended with a voice saying 'I'm
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Barry
Manilow's biggest fan in the USA' there was a crash and Barry walked
out singing 'the miracle is you'. The crowd went utterly apeshit and
I admit so did I. It was one of the best build up and entrances I'd
seen in a long time. Barry was very good. He was funny, self
deprecating and offered up some interesting stories about his launch
to fame. When he performed Mandy the screen showed him playing when
he was 23 and about a minute into it Barry drifted onto stage on his
piano singing in perfect unison with his earlier recording. It was a
good section and a stand out moment for many in our party.

Later he performed a number to the left hand side of the stage and
chatted to a woman in the VIP audience who was from the UK which
elicited roars from us and also from other Brits within the audience.
He went on to talk about how he wrote commercials before he became a
star including ones for McDonalds and the classic' Dr Pepper, so
misunderstood'. He would change after every song into a new jacket
and I've got to say that most, if not all of them, were pretty damn
funky. Before too long he started Copacabana which got everyone up
dancing (including ourselves) and clapping. A gantry came down from
the ceiling which Barry and his dancers marched up and continued
dancing to Copacabana to. It was quite cool as he was right above the
stalls and almost level with us who were up in the circle. He
finished in a blaze and swept off the stage before returning to
perform 'one voice' virtually acappella. The lights shut down, the
large M that framed the stage turned green, tiny little green lights
embedded in the walls of the theatre came on and everyone started
waving their glow sticks. It was quite a sight and Barry finished the
song with the audience singing with him. The show finished to
thunderous and deserved applause and we all poured out of the hotel
to be greeted with the mother of all taxi queues.

One of our gang disappeared and then came back telling us to follow
him. He'd managed to find this 10 seater mini van that was decked out
like a stretch limo with neon and leather seats etc. I believe it was
called a land yacht. It has the radio playing but seemed only to be
playing adverts. It didn't matter though as we weren't queuing
anymore and were heading down the strip. We went past the mirage as
the volcano blew and it looked quite cool what with the fire and
water spraying everywhere. Pulled up at Caesars as five of us were
going on to Pure and the others were content to walk back to the
Bellagio.

Met Vegas VIP from the <http://www.lvol.com/>LVOL board, who had
arranged our VIP entry and table service to Pure, next to the sport
book area, introduced him to the guys and then attempted to push up
to the bouncers. The general admission queue looked ridiculous and
must have meant at least a 2 hour wait. Considering what we were
going to pay for the table service I was glad the place was popular.
We managed to get to the bouncers, Vegas VIP cleared our entry and
then they asked for photo ID. I went to pull out my driving license
and it wasn't there, panic!! Oh god where is that? The others
admitted they didn't have ID either so we moved away from the
entrance. Vegas VIP was concerned that our table might be bumped so
we all agreed to race back to the Bellagio and grab some ID. En route
back I realised that after my Beretta's Kiss I must have left my
license at the Gun store and that I'd have to use my passport.
Hurried back to the room, grabbed passport, slapped on a little more
eau de toilette, put a new plaster over my wound and raced back to
<http://www.igoclubs.com/clubs.html>Pure. Pushed to the front again
and the bouncers thankfully remembered us and through the braided
rope we went. Pure's VIP guy met us, introduced himself and ushered
us through. We were told that due to our late arrival we had been
bumped up to the patio and I feared it would affect our evening.

I needn't have worried. The view from the patio was just fantastic,
especially as we were positioned more at the end of the VIP area and
the warmth from the heaters kept the chill at bay. We were
overlooking the strip with Bally and Paris in full view and views
towards the Venetian and Bellagio Lake. The VIP area on the patio was
very special. Braided rope border, some fancy pit with open flame to
provide additional warmth and our very own VIP waiters and security.
We did feel a little like we were in a goldfish bowl at the beginning
as there were lots of people on the main patio but only about three
parties, including ourselves, in the VIP area. The bouncers also said
that if there were any ladies that we liked the look of in the main
club that we could invite them back into the VIP or they could go and
request their company for us. I loved it and relaxing on those comfy
sofas, looking at that fabulous view with a drink in hand and
knowledge that we had our own table laden with mixers and more
alcohol was wonderful and made the financial outlay for the privilege
worthwhile. A friend and I headed downstairs at one point to have a
look around. We saw some girls performing in the pussycat dolls
lounge which was entertaining. At one point there were five scantily
clad girls on the stage, one in an oversized champagne glass and two
more swinging from fur lined swings suspended from the ceiling!

Jim, our chief security guy, was really great. Polite, professional,
always smiling and a really nice guy to talk to. Holly Voss, not our
waitress but I think the main one, was also amazing. Incredibly
attractive, classy, friendly and with such a pretty face that I just
had to tell her in a non arsehole, purely complimentary way. She then
astonished me by starting to talk to me, admitting to liking my
accent and even asked for my email address. I think to be fair she
was being typically American and just very friendly but someone
looking as good as that doesn't normally just come out and say they
want to talk to me so I confess to being quite bowled over. I did
tell her that I thought her name was false though as I couldn't
imagine such a pretty woman being paired with a name that sounded
like it belonged in a James Bond film. For the remainder of the
evening I addressed her as Sharon Brown and we'd laugh together when
she walked past and would pull a typical waitress 'drop the hip, hand
on waist' pose. She gave me her business card which had her email
address on it but then seemed to cool towards me as the evening
progressed. It was a shame but being able to chat to a grade A
stunner whilst in the VIP area of an amazing club felt damn good and
I was grateful.

It was still great up there though and with the 2 one litre bottles
of vodka disappearing down our necks our mood was all good. I felt
brilliant even to the point of telling a very good looking woman, who
arrogantly knew she was, that she had a lovely face but quite
possibly the biggest big toe I'd ever seen and maybe open toed
sandals weren't the best thing. She knew I was being cheeky and non
malicious but it did make her laugh and that was the point of it I
guess. The people that I met that night seemed so friendly and
approachable whether it was Jim, the guys working in the toilet or a
host of others who came into the VIP area that I was finding the
whole American nightclubbing experience incredibly addictive. To this
end I must also add that I wasn't acting all arrogant and pretentious
for being in VIP area, so please don't think of that me. I know my
roots and was just keen to be feeling special for once. Unfortunately
upstairs had to close at 4.00 am and we took up station on the dance
floor downstairs for the last 45 mins. I seemed to be flying now and
was chatting to everyone and managed to learn the two best names in
the club. Von for a guy, who was this black bouncer, what a wicked
name and Cheyenne for a girl who was dancing on the dance floor. What
cracking names. We ended up leaving the club when the whole thing
chucked out and looking back now I wish we had gone on somewhere
else. I was pumped to the max, still had plenty of chewing gum left
and was in a talkative mood. Tiredness was beginning to kick in
though and we retired to one of the Bellagio bars for a couple of
late night glasses of baileys. I foolishly, and probably drunkenly,
ripped up Holly's card wanting to protect myself from making an idiot
of myself in emailing her when I got back home but maybe this wasn't
one of my best decisions. Headed up to my room and hit the sack at
around 6.00ish.

Saturday

Got up at 8.30 feeling a little tired but a good blast in the shower
brought me back. I had a busy day, it being the last full one and I
couldn't afford to hang around. Dressed and out to nip down to the
gun store (I'd phoned ahead to check they had my license) to collect
it before asking the cab to then run me on to the fashion show mall.
Wandered around picking up some jeans and t-shirts for myself and
relatives then popped over to the Wynn to grab some dollar chips for
folks back at home before walking back to the hotel. The weather was
great, warm and sunny but not too hot. Dropped my things in my room
and met two of my crew in the foyer. We walked down to the boardwalk
hotel to be picked up and taken to jean airport for a tandem freefall
parachute jump that we were doing with Vegas extreme skydiving.

I was in good spirits, not really nervous despite the forms we had to
fill in and the blunt, but necessary, warnings that we could die
doing this and there was no insurance cover. Yeah whatever I thought.
I had some good verbal tussles with the driver and was labeled the
trouble maker but it was good natured banter and maybe took some of
the other people's minds off what was coming. Arrived at the centre
which was run by Dale, an ex royal marine. A nice guy but I think he
was a little stressed with being let down by others and his military
abruptness came out a little. He was somebody I would love to have
talked to in more detail. Put on my jumpsuit which I loved. It was
quite snug, pulling in at all the right places and I wouldn't have
minded wearing it under my clothes if I went out that night! We had
to wait for a couple of hours while others had their jumps etc but I
was ok with this. As the jump drew nearer they put me in the harness,
which I might add also looked wicked and made me feel like a fighter
pilot (I told you I get excited about small things) and was
introduced to my tandem jumper, Frank. What a great guy he was and I
was keen to talk to him as I wanted him to understand how much I had
been looking forward to this. I love sharing things with people and
although I know that he had done this a million times before I wanted
him to know that it was special to me and the reasons why. We went
through the basic maneuvers and then Frank and I and Neil (the other
guy from my party that I was doing this with) and Jim walked out to
the plane. We hopped in and took up our position for the flight.

Frank and I were going to be the first ones out which pleased me and
thus we were closer to the open door. I watch fascinated and at close
hand as we took off and slowly made our ascent. It was so cool just
looking through the door at the world below, particularly as the sun
was setting and it was going to be their last jump of the day. We
continued climbing which was fine by me as I wanted the maximum
height for the maximum freefall. As we got closer to the jump point
Frank would lean through the opening and check our relativity to the
drop zone. To be honest this was the only time I felt unnerved. I
didn't mind the idea of jumping but didn't fancy the idea of tumbling
out whilst just looking over the edge. Frank was a great guy and my
total confidence in him removed any thoughts of fear or worry that I
might die. We got to the point and shimmied over to the open edge.
Frank positioned himself on the lip of the plane with me in his lap.
My feet were tucked right back so they were under the fuselage and
touching the skin of the plane. My hands were folded over my chest
and my head right back into his shoulder. I think he said something
and then . . .

Whoosh we were out of the plane and falling towards the ground at a
fast rate of knots. I thought my mind might turn to mush but he
tapped me on the shoulder and I extended my arms as I'd been told.
Man what a rush. The wind was just racing past my ears yet the ground
didn't seem to be approaching. We were over a road and my eyes became
fixed on this white lorry trundling along the road. It seemed so
surreal that this lorry was just ordinarily driving along the road
yet I was extra-ordinarily racing down through the sky towards it. At
one point Frank dropped his shoulder and we seemed to race down in a
swoop which was amazing. Then just as suddenly the parachute opened,
my nuts were rammed up through my stomach and the roar was
immediately replaced by an amazingly peaceful silence.

Frank calmly asked me what I thought and it was all I could do to
stumble together a few words like amazing and incredible. It was so
wonderful to look down at my feet as a point of reference and then
see the ground a further 2,500 ft below them. We took our time coming
down with a couple of fast spins just for fun. Frank had to unclip
the two lower clasps before we could land to allow me to lift my feet
up and this was a little unnerving. From taking an age to arrive
suddenly the gravel drop zone came racing up and we slid in on our
arses. I just sat there, awed by what I'd just done while my ears
literally seemed to gurgle as the pressures within or whatever fought
to rebalance themselves. Frank pulled me up and I threw my arms
around Neil who had landed just before me. It was great to have had
someone else to share it with. The van pulled up to take us back and
I admit to being quite muted on the way back to the airport. We got
out of our flight suits and signed the visitor's book. I could only
think of one word to say amazing but then as I walked away more words
came jumbling out which I attempted to put down. I shook hands again
with Frank and thanked him for everything. I gave him a $50 tip but I
wasn't sure what the going rate was and to be fair was still in a bit
of a daze. The journey back to the hotel was quite somber as I was
reflecting on and replaying what had happened as well as trying to
rebalance my ears which were acting a little funny. Chatted to a
lovely couple on the way back who were also staying at the Bellagio
but were off to see the UFC fight at the MGM grand.

We had booked
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/las-vegas-sh...>Penn
& Teller for that evening and also had to get some grub in before
then, especially as I hadn't eaten all day. Booked a table for 8 of
us at 7.00pm at Morton's steakhouse and jumped in the shower. I blew
my nose when I came out and then had the mother of all nose bleeds. I
don't know if my blood pressure was all over the place but this just
wouldn't stop despite tipping my head back, pinching my nose etc.
During this I was trying to wash my teeth, apply wax to my hair,
scent up and get dressed without any spillages. Eventually it stopped
after about 25 minutes but I still had to walk down to the foyer
dabbing my nose in case of leakage, how attractive! Got 2 cabs over
to Morton's and what a great place this was. Old world charm, nice
atmosphere, felt a bit gangster but in a nice way. Our waiter was
truly superb and offered some of the best service I've ever
experienced. He was funny and understanding, showed us all the
different kinds of steak we could have, talked about the other
ingredients and vegetables used and offered advice on how many side
dishes we should get so we didn't go over. We also ordered two of
their famous hot chocolate sponges as you had to get the orders in
early. The main course arrived (we skipped starters due to time
constraints) and we tucked into to a number of huge, tasty and
succulent steaks. I also had creamed spinach, mushrooms and lyonnaise
potatoes which were all very nice indeed. Time was running out and we
requested the bill and considered leaving the dessert until it
arrived. Oh golly, this was good. Hot chocolate sponge exterior with
warm chocolate sauce oozing out when your spoon punctured it. All
this on a crisp biscuit base and a scoop of haagen daaz vanilla ice
cream. We might have been stuffed but many of us found the room for
it within us. Paid the bill which wasn't bad, about $70 each
including tip, and all of us agreed that it was the best meal we had
eaten in Las Vegas. I deliberately stopped the waiter and told him
how impressed I was with his service and how I'd never met a waiter
who was more informative about his food or passionate about his
guests having a nice, filling meal. The restaurant had called us two
cabs and we blasted over to the Rio.

I'd said to our driver that we needed to get to the Rio for 9.00 and
as it was 8.52, he pulled out some crazy stuff including turning
right when greeted by a set of red traffic lights and then driving
through a car park and popping out ahead of the aforementioned
lights. It was like some kind of getaway driving and hugely
entertaining. He even had time to show us en route a portfolio of
girls at a gentleman's club that he knew and promised he could get us
into. His description of the girls and the proximity to which you
could get to them was pretty graphic and almost put me off the
thought of women for about an hour or so. He got us there on time and
we raced through the casino and hotel to the theatre, which typically
when running late, was right at the very back of the hotel. Everyone
had gone in and Penn & Tyler had just come on as we settled into our
seats. I've got to say that they were very good to begin with. The
tall one did a witty monologue about his smashed bottle juggling
routine but then the show did become very talky and a little bogged
down. I know they pride themselves about not doing
<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-show-tickets/>a Vegas
style show but I think it could have done with some flashes and bangs
to keep me more awake.

After the huge meal, adrenaline comedown after the jump, the darkened
theatre and lack of on stage action I do confess to dozing off for
about 20 minutes and missed the end of the show. Left the show and
had a quick drink in the casino before cabbing it back to the
Bellagio. A couple of the party rained off for the night. One of the
party crew was asleep in bed and Matt was feeling the effects of a
bad cold and we had the frustrating do we really go to town and have
a final bender or play it safe dilemma. I was up for going mad,
though was beginning to feel a little drained, but didn't want to
force my wishes on others. My room mate and I seemed to mooch around
and skirt the issue of going silly, trying to get into Light or
heading over to the Empire Ballroom but we couldn't seem to get
going. Whilst he settled down for some gambling with two others I
went for a meander and wandered round Caesars before heading up strip
to take a look at the Venetian. Discovered the karaoke at the
imperial palace which frustratingly was what I wish we had gone to on
the Thursday. Right on the strip, with a bona fide room for it, a
little stage, an appreciative audience and a bar, damn it! Wandered
around a little more and as it had got to three and it seemed nothing
was going to happen decided to retire for the night. It was a poor
end to my time in Vegas but I wasn't prepared to go to a club on my
own and I was feeling the first strains of tiredness.

Sunday

Up at 8.30 and started packing the case, quick shower and popped to
the Caesars and Bellagio shops for some final bits and pieces and
then seemed to just mull around while we waited to check out. Made
the classic error just as I left the room in noticing for the first
time all the sweets and savories on top of the mini bar and then
picked up the cashews to show my room mate. 'Hey look, Bellagio
cashew nuts' I said just as the machine clicked and charged the room.
Nice work, though I did at least get some Bellagio nuts, to go with
the slippers which are about four sizes too small. We checked out,
keeping the door key card for posterity. It's now nicely positioned
in my wallet waiting for someone to comment on it! We waited at the
taxi rank which was immense and would you believe it but the fountain
show started up and 'Time to say goodbye' came on over the speakers
again. Wow she greeted us and waved us away. To avoid waiting we
crammed eight people and our luggage into a stretch limo with the
bulging boot tethered down and drove to the airport. Checked in but
with three hours to the flight time I wasn't done with Vegas so
grabbed a cab back to the strip. Popped into the Adidas store which
was just up from the MGM and grabbed a few tops before walking to the
In'n'Out burger. I just had to get my one last fix. Double, double
again with the guy behind the counter wanting me to quote him a line
from Wallace and Gromit in my English accent. Got myself a soft drink
and only then noticed the fact that you could refill as many times as
you wanted. How great but the real coup de grace was not the free ice
on tap but the little plastic pot of sliced lemons, how civilized. I
love a slice of lemon with my coke and enjoyed it immensely with my
burger and fries. Grabbed another Neapolitan to enjoy on the walk
back to the strip where I hoped to get a cab to the airport and lo
and behold managed to grab one which was stopped at the traffic
lights. Made the flight with plenty of time and it was pretty
uneventful. Didn't get any sleep on it, watched The Fantastic Four,
which I've seen before but enjoyed, landed at 11.30 and straight back
into the office, though the afternoon wasn't the hardest that we've
ever had. Came down with a bad cold, caused mainly due to being run
down but managed to get some major shut eye this weekend and am
coming through the other side. Getting a cold though is a worthy
price to pay though for <http://www.paradisefoundtours.com>living the
dream in Vegas.

Well I hope that hasn't been too boring for those who braved managing
to read it all the way through. I wish I could say there was a prize
for battling through it but there isn't I'm afraid bar that of being
able to witness Vegas through the eyes of an average, excitable
English male.

For my sins I just wanted a good and detailed account of the trip
written down when it was all still so fresh in my mind and also so I
could email it to friends and family so they could, if interested,
get<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com> a real taste of Vegas.

Highs for me.

  Bellagio and the accommodation
  The Pool and Jacuzzi at the Bellagio
  In 'n' out Burger
  Gun store
  Stratosphere view
  Manilow
  VIP @ Pure (thanks again Vegas VIP)
  Freefall jump
  Morton's steakhouse

  Thanks again and I hope it made some of you smile.

Paradise Found Tours maintains a website
for<http://www.paradisefoundtours.com/las-vegas-tours/> Las Vegas at
http://www.paradisefoundtours.com. The site provides information for
Grand Canyon tours, special news, fees and other pertinent
information.

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