Al Qa'eeda to go on strike
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gusdaq
May 31, 2012, 10:14:58 AM5/31/12
to GPPS (General Politics People and Society)
Al Qa'eeda to go on strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
next
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an
agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by
25%
this April from 72 to only 54 . The rationale for the cut was the
increase
in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent
shortage
of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs
(or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to
its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working
themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to
be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently
resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained,
"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
virgins in the
afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying
people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3000 of
my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex,
Glasgow and Doncaster stated that they would be unaffected as there
are no virgins in these areas anyway.
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely
put
down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.
Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen
on
going to paradise.
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
next
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an
agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by
25%
this April from 72 to only 54 . The rationale for the cut was the
increase
in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent
shortage
of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs
(or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to
its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working
themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to
be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently
resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained,
"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
virgins in the
afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying
people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3000 of
my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex,
Glasgow and Doncaster stated that they would be unaffected as there
are no virgins in these areas anyway.
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely
put
down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.
Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen
on
going to paradise.
Affa
May 31, 2012, 11:20:32 AM5/31/12
to gpn-general-po...@googlegroups.com
On Thursday, May 31, 2012 3:14:58 PM UTC+1, gusdaq wrote:
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely
put
down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.
Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen
on
going to paradise.
LOL ........... That is funny
Anthonychng
May 31, 2012, 11:27:21 AM5/31/12
to GPPS (General Politics People and Society)
Maybe some of them have seen what their women look like when they take
their tents off ....and don`t want to be saddled with something like
that for all of eternity. You mention (amongst others) that Essex
has no virgins. Maybe where you come from people are not so bright
and it takes them much, much longer to puzzle out the facts of life!
their tents off ....and don`t want to be saddled with something like
that for all of eternity. You mention (amongst others) that Essex
has no virgins. Maybe where you come from people are not so bright
and it takes them much, much longer to puzzle out the facts of life!
Briar
May 31, 2012, 1:47:25 PM5/31/12
to GPPS (General Politics People and Society)
All very amusing and I love you guys making fun of them, but here is
something even funnier - the truth is, lil ole Mayhem-mad, the
illiterate camel driver, was from Syria, and back in those days, the
people there spoke a language called Syriac, related to but different
from modern Arabic. So when he was dictating his tales the person
writing down his story about what people who died spreading the word
of the new religion he was inventing could look forward to in the
Afterlife, what he actually was talking about were 12 little sundried
white grapes, otherwise known as raisons - the arabic-speaking
inhabitant of Mecca he was telling it all to got the similar word in
Arabic for a young unattached girl down by mistake. A lot of suicide
bombers would be horribly disappointed if there was an afterlife, but
of course that is just a figment of their founder's imagination, like
so much else in his book, the best use of which I have yet heard is
for toilet paper if caught short in the desert.
The Talmud and Torah and the Bible of the christinsane are equally
riddled with mistranslations and nonsense, so followers of the related
religions that use these need not feel so smug and superior. Their
books too are about as useful if caught short in the desert BTW.
Who is left to sort out then? Sikhs? Buddists ? Confused
Confucians ? Believers in the god Mammon ?
Put not thy trust in ancient prophets, but trust in the scientific
proofs derived from experiments and the calculations of mathematics,
for they alone tell us the Truth.
> > going to paradise.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
something even funnier - the truth is, lil ole Mayhem-mad, the
illiterate camel driver, was from Syria, and back in those days, the
people there spoke a language called Syriac, related to but different
from modern Arabic. So when he was dictating his tales the person
writing down his story about what people who died spreading the word
of the new religion he was inventing could look forward to in the
Afterlife, what he actually was talking about were 12 little sundried
white grapes, otherwise known as raisons - the arabic-speaking
inhabitant of Mecca he was telling it all to got the similar word in
Arabic for a young unattached girl down by mistake. A lot of suicide
bombers would be horribly disappointed if there was an afterlife, but
of course that is just a figment of their founder's imagination, like
so much else in his book, the best use of which I have yet heard is
for toilet paper if caught short in the desert.
The Talmud and Torah and the Bible of the christinsane are equally
riddled with mistranslations and nonsense, so followers of the related
religions that use these need not feel so smug and superior. Their
books too are about as useful if caught short in the desert BTW.
Who is left to sort out then? Sikhs? Buddists ? Confused
Confucians ? Believers in the god Mammon ?
Put not thy trust in ancient prophets, but trust in the scientific
proofs derived from experiments and the calculations of mathematics,
for they alone tell us the Truth.
>
> - Show quoted text -
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