To answer the thread title
"How can i periodically load the XML file into the map page"
use javascript
http://www.w3schools.com/js/js_timing.asp
but for
> My xml file updates with the changes to the data base how can I update
> the map when the xml changes.
you don't have a way of informing the map client that the database has
changed, so you will have to do as above instead and periodically
check from the client end.