WFRP: Gangs of Kaiserslautern
Poh Tun Kai
brilliant session of WFRP (or as we like to pronounce it, Woo-Frup).
Me, Kai, the GM. Ivan, Izhan, Adrian and Vin Tsen playing.
Ivan - the wily human hunter Hangolas, a deadly archer and slayer of
many elves.
Izhan - the smooth-talking elf rogue Torendil, a deadly archer and
slayer of many elves. By mistake.
Adrian - the profit-minded halfling baker Max "Underhill" Donald, a
burgher looking for extra fun and profit.
Vin Tsen - the flighty halfling courier Honey Clover, who transports
goods for profit and kills people for fun.
At some point Vin Tsen figured out that his character actually had a
pony for her starting equipment.
Vin Tsen: Kai, can I have a pony?
Kai: OK, fine, the pony's in the tavern with you.
Vin Tsen: I'll name it Buttercup!
Kai: The waitress goes nuts and starts chasing the pony around with a
saucepan.
Vin Tsen: Don't hurt my Buttercup!
Kai: The barkeep says "Don't mind Sara, she's been like that ever
since a pony killed her mother and father right in front of her when
she was but a wee lass."
Other Players: What?!?
BACKSTORY: Our little band of misbehavers was originally founded
during the Storm of Chaos, when a few assorted convicts (including
Hangolas and Torendil) were freed from a prison barge in Marienburg
harbour so that they could be sent as an expendable reconnaisance
party onto a battle-scarred sea hulk that had floated out of the Chaos
storm. They discovered a ship full of time-lost Iron Skull Marines
from a future version of the Empire which was eternally locked in war
with the forces of Chaos, and aided them in a sea battle against a
Chaos warship or two, before returning to the safety of land once
more, waving farewell to the Marines from the Future Empire as the
hulk floated back into the Chaos storm...
Some of the former convicts since then went on to solve a mystery
revolving around the mysterious disappearances of elves in
Marienburg's merchant quarter, with the help of some local allies in
the halfling community (Max and Honey Clover). The solution to the
mystery involved a charlatan's longevity potion, a Chaos thumb cult,
an unfortunate friendly fire incident/massacre with an allied elven
Kithband, and the horrifying secret recipe behind the city's most
popular meat pies.
Torendil: How horrible!
Hangolas: Only for you. It's not cannibalism unless it's your own
species! (munch munch)
But now, our "heroes" face their greatest challenge yet: The G.O.K.L.,
or GANGS OF KAISERSLAUTERN.
The group found themselves staking out the Milchstein tavern in
Marienburg (milk, beer and sausages in any combination imaginable) in
hopes of finding professional troublemaker Gunther Assmann, the man
who once hired a band of thugs to hit them in the face, so that they
could hit him in the face in return.
Surprisingly, when Gunther showed up, he didn't even remember them at
all (nothing personal, just business!); within minutes the party had
been hired to perform a simple security job for Gunther Assmann's
smuggling concern, in the seaside town of Kaiserslautern (yes, it's
actually a real German city, but I like the name and had to use it).
But they had to avoid alerting the local Gangs of Kaiserslautern, who
would surely ask for their cut of the profits. Hangolas and his
buddies immediately signed on, with Max Underhill using his haggling
skills to get mercenary danger pay of 25 silvers for a good two days'
work.
Hangolas: First we do the job and take his money...
Torrendil: ...then we whack him and take the goods for himself!
Hangolas: Exactly!
Ah, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay...where the villains are evil and the
heroes are EVILER. :)
The party took a head start to scout out the location before the
rendezvous with the smugglers, leaving the dubious comforts of
Marienburg on foot (except for the halfling Honey Clover on her pony).
Their trail led to the Bar of Kaiserslautern, wherein is served the
Beer of Kaiserslautern. Some successful Gossip checks uncovered the
fact that a local old fisherman named Rolf had found many strange
weapons from a shipwreck back during the time of the Storm of Chaos,
and was also ordering a lot of food from the local tavern, more than
he seemed to be able to consume himself.
As it turned out, old Rolf was harbouring a fugitive time traveller. A
time-lost and dying Iron Skull Marine chaplain named Eisenhammer, who
revealed to our heroes the secret fate of the Iron Skull Marines and
their battle-barge, which never made it home. Our heroes gained a new
quest, to find the surviving Iron Skull Marines from the future before
they murder Sara Konrad, the woman who will some day give birth to the
prophet Johann Konrad.
(at this point my players groaned again at my blatant theft of plot
elements from a certain James Cameron film. Ivan asked which one of
the PCs was going to be Kyle Reese and father a child on Sara
Konrad...)
And on top of that, they were confronted by the real power behind the
town, the Child Gang of Kaiserslautern, led by a six-year-old savant
named Karl, who warned them not to dishonour the memory of the dead
Marine Chaplain. Too late, since Hangolas had looted the Chaplain's
body seconds after he died, taking his golden symbol of Sigmar from
his neck.
Anyway, after burying the body, the party ended up requisitioning old
Rolf's cottage for the night - not that the terrified old man had any
say in the matter, when faced with four armed psychopaths who seemed
to believe the dying Chaplain's mad stories about time travel.
The next day, the day of the rendezvous (which would happen at night),
things got more insane. While scouting for a safer hiding place, to
avoid the attentions of the Gangs of Kaiserslautern, the party ran
into a handful of miserable Beastmen in the nearby woods, and a merry
little fight ensued...until Hangolas, late to the fight, showed up
wearing his massive horned Chaos Helmet (a souvenir from his adventure
aboard the sea hulk).
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
Beastman: Oink? (stares at newcomer in confusion)
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!! (waves his axe)
Beastman: FOR CHAOS!!!
Hangolas: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! (points towards town)
Beastman: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!! (turns
around and follows Hangolas towards town)
This left the rest of the party standing by themselves, looking
confused. They decided to follow along with Hangolas' insane plan and
trailed behind at a safe distance.
The Beastman reached a burned-out ruin at the edge of town.
Beastman: Hey guys! We're attacking Kaiserslautern!
Two goat-headed Beastmen: We are?
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
Two goat-headed Beastmen: Who's he?
Beastmen: Some Chaos sorcerer, I guess. He's got the helmet and
everything.
Two goat-headed Beastmen: He must be in charge, then.
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
All Three Beastmen: FOR CHAOS!!!
Hangolas: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! (points towards town)
All Three Beastmen: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
(turn around and follow Hangolas towards town)
(rest of the party follow at a safe distance)
Hangolas and his three Beastmen reached a little stone bridge.
Beastmen: Hey ogre! We're attacking Kaiserslautern!
(a pustule-covered Mutant Ogre appears from under the bridge)
Mutant Ogre: We are?
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
Mutant Ogre: Who's he?
Beastmen: He's in charge.
Mutant Ogre: The gangs beat us last time.
Beastmen: Maybe his sorcery will help us this time!
Hangolas: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!!
Beastmen and Mutant Ogre: FOR CHAOS!!!
Hangolas: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! (points towards town)
Beastmen and Mutant Ogre: ONWARD TO KAISERSLAUTERN!!! FOR
CHAAOOOOOSSS!!! (turn around and follow Hangolas towards town)
(rest of the party follow at a safe distance, trying not to laugh too
loud)
Hangolas and his Chaos Horde reached a little pumpkin farm.
Hangolas: ATTACK! FOR CHAOS!!! (points at pumpkin patch)
Beastmen and Mutant Ogre: FOR CHAAOOOOOSSS!!! (charge)
Hangolas: THAT'S IT! KEEP AT IT! And excuse me while I go hide behind
this ridge... (meets up with the rest of the party behind a ridge)
(sounds of rending and spattering as the Chaos Horde destroys every
pumpkin in the farm)
Farmer and Farmer's Wife: Oh No! They are destroying our Prize
Pumpkins! Who will help us in our time of need?
Torendil: Now do we come to their rescue?
Hangolas: Not yet.
Gangs of Kaiserslautern: Avast Chaos marauders, we have come to stop
you!
Beastmen and Mutant Ogre: FOR CHAAAOOOOOSSS!!! (charge)
Gangs of Kaiserslautern: Kill the mutants! (charge)
(sounds of fighting)
Torendil: Now do we come to their rescue?
Hangolas: Not yet.
Beastmen: Ow my Wound Points!
(OK, not really) :)
Beastmen: They are killing us! Retreat!
(Beastmen retreat over the ridge)
Beastmen: Help us, great Chaos Sorcerer!
(Hangolas takes off his Chaos helmet and puts on a Puritan Witch-
Hunter's hat)
Hangolas: SLAY THE MUTANTS, MY FELLOW WITCH-HUNTERS!!! (points at the
Beastmen)
Torendil, Honey Clover, Max: SLAY THE MUTANTS!!!
(sounds of shooting and slaughtering)
Presently, the triumphant Witch-Hunter and his retinue arrived at the
farm to find the Ogre dead, and several members of the Gangs of
Kaiserslautern injured, and thus their effective numbers depleted,
just as Hangolas had hoped.
Hangolas: We Witch-Hunters have come in the nick of time, it seems!
Gangs of Kaiserslautern: Hang on, you're really Witch-Hunters? Thought
I saw some of you at the Bar of Kaiserslautern the other day...
Hangolas: (brandishes golden Hammer of Sigmar which he stole from the
Chaplain's corpse): WE WERE UNDERCOVER! DO YOU DOUBT ME? ARE YOU A
HERETIC?!?
Farmer's Wife: Oh, no, of course not! Greetings, heroic Witch-Hunters!
You have saved us!
Farmer: Oh, and we're really really faithful and not heretics at all,
unlike that Farmer Pieter down the road who owes me money and
everything.
Hangolas and his party did the whole Dogs in the Vineyard act, and
although Torendil didn't make his Charm roll, Hangolas was on such a
roll that they just carried on through the town on sheer chutzpah.
After ordering a curfew and warning the townsfolk to stay indoors
during the night, the Witch-Hunters of Kaiserslautern marched off to
the shore to meet their employer Gunther and report to him that the
smuggling operation that night would see no interference from the
Gangs of Kaiserslautern...
Izhan Ilhan
funnier :)
Fish
fellowhoodlum
quite a few.
fellowhoodlum
Also I would like to reiterate what I said about certain games turning
players into sociopaths. This is one of them. Hard decisions harden
players to some point beyond human decency. Sigmar knows we have many
PCs' worth of derangments accumulated through the years :O
Izhan Ilhan
the whole world is basically a cesspit of violence, corruption and
malice. To get by, the PCs have to be able to do the same sort of
stuff, albeit on a lesser scale, and should try not to lose sight of
the fact that we are supposed to be the HEROES of the story. We are
not supposed to engage in chile murder and really low crimes of that
sort. A little larceny and theft is fine, but really, child killing is
beyond the pale. Also - Chaos is a bad thing!
On the other hand, there are games that really reward the heroic
player, one who keeps to his moral code, and does good and
stuff....can't remember playing one of those in a while, though V:DA
does come close for me, but that's a function of the Road my character
is on. Oh yes, L5R, where the characters are bound by bushido, that's
another one. Games like D&D and some others though really can give the
PCs baser instincts free reign, unless controlled by a strict GM using
the power of in-game law enforcement, or divine justice.
Fish
fellowhoodlum
halfling...:O
Vin Tsen
what in gay hell is an eldarphage? is is a poof way of saying elven
padeophile tree frumping, pumping loving poofter?
.... so says the pedocial halfing!
HEY ADRIAN, HEARD YOU MAKE T-SHIRTS AS A SIDE- HOBBY! WOULD IT BE
POSSIBLE IF I CAN COMMISSION YOU TO DESIGN ME A T-SHIRT WITH THE WORDS
- THE WORLD'S GREATEST PEDOCIAL HALFLING AND PROUD OF IT. WITH THE
BELKAR'S PICTURE ON IT ..FROM ORDER OF THE STICKS? PUUUUUH-
LLLLLEEEEAZE?
oooooh.... is this a side hobby or potentially a profitably one? Am
interested in being a part of YES, Adrian!