Methadone qs?
MACSTA
withdrawing off methadone in this environment, whether or not they
managed with the sweeping, work etc. a friend of mine said he could
hardly move for the worst part of it.(Any ideas on whether it is
possible to get off of large doses there? Any ideas on how long it
does take to return to some kind of contentedness after years of
Methadone or Hammer?Just answer these unless you have time for a life
story :) )
I am currently on 67.5mg and after starting on 30mg a few years ago
and getting up to 70 I recently have decided I would like to try life
without it. When I chose to get on methadone it was because I had
decided I would like to be on it forever because I didn't think the
withdrawals would be ever worth going through. Subutex kind of worked
for me but they tried swapping everyone in Adelaide Australia to
Suboxone and this caused me daily headaches and migraines every few so
I chose to stick with Heroin and the constant withdrawals and since I
was never able to work I finally asked a Swami in Sydney if I could
live and do some work for her. The different environment meant I had a
couple of months off until my ex-girlfriend arrived for a one week
holiday and while we stayed in Kings Cross, we ended up being strip
searched by police and of course after the few days it took to find a
solid contact scoring everyday.
After she had been going so well saving for a holiday to visit me she
went back to Adelaide in our old frame of mind and I had lots of work
to do at the Yoga Resort and very rare days off. She told me she
wasn't using very often at all and it didn't really matter until I
returned. As I had only about a day off per month but I still had my
Sydney contact I would get high about every second day off however
even after Yoga almost daily I would still experience low energy for
the few days after my days off. I found this bizarre and since I would
never live this healthy normally I kind of figured that life after
Opiate abuse was not really something to look forward to, after all I
was meditating daily, working long long hours of seva, many Yoga
classes with a Swami and other visiting Yoga teachers and still
although I loved being busy as soon as I would have a day off from
work if I didn't use I would go to the movies get a bite to eat or
whatever but even though I had nothing I needed to accomplish I would
be so tired at the end of the day and feel absolutely rushed all day.
That feeling of needing to rush I presume is related to the effect
opiates have on Adrenals fight/flight mechanism I have only read
recently and the lack of protien in the diet may have contributed to
the slow rebuilding of brain chemicals (anyone know anything about
this more accurately) however simply put I think I expected too much
too soon and being in melting pot or Karma in living with a Swami was
very hard to stay long enough to get better.
So after eight months of this I decided to go back to Adelaide to see
my family and ex-girlfriend who hadn't been using and this time after
this effort I knew if I stuff up again, Methadone for life is the only
option and so it happened one month later I was well and truly on
both. Pretty quickly I found out that Methadone doesn't work well when
you use but it does at least give you the ability to appear well when
you go to work and thus earn better money for your habit.
Just recently I got sick of waking up feeling like shit before my dose
and have decided to stop using Heroin and only in the last week I have
been researching getting off of Methadone and it appears as though the
sooner you do it the better. I personally can't stand the mental side
of withdrawals probably because I'm a bit mental already :) This is
why Ihear some people say don't be stupid and try jumping off a high
dose of Methadone because you may die and other places I have read say
that they have seen people have similar situations from between 2 and
80mg. My doctor tells me that if people get cut off the program they
can get cut off of any dose, I think the Max dose in Adelaide for MMT
is about 150mg but if they get cut off they may be given a dose half
the size one day then expected to deal with it.
The only friend I have who has done jumped off of 19mg and he said he
didn't move from the kitchen floor for a few days during the worst of
it and then moved in a friend who was a cook at the time and that
cured everything, especially as Meth was his original favourite he had
only switched because of a girlfriend. Anyway this friend is dead
against using H since his withdrawals as he would never want to
experience this again. So my question is this, if you can live coming
off any dose and you can get travel insurance in case you are close to
death will you get in any other sort of trouble for lumping too bigger
problem on the door step of TKK as I feel a part of me needs to nearly
die. Hell I can hardly handle the five days of a small amount of
Hammer and I've Overdosed twice, one of these times my own mother had
to resuscitate me and yet I still persisted. Now I have stopped H and
just recently fell for a Thai girl who although it didn't work out has
encouraged me to stay away from H and also cured mine and my ex-
girlfriends mind of its tendency to fall back into the dangerous game
we have played for so many years now. We had been together since 2000
and started using H in about 2005. I got her into every drug she ever
did starting with ecstasy and whilst there was lots of Meth around I
think that weakened our mind enough for H to seem just that little bit
more encouraging. There was a period of about a week where I should
have told her I was falling for H and little things like this which I
will always regret but most of the things I encouraged her to do were
because my self education was flawed in that I presumed any negative
impact a drug could have was generally either a weakness of the user
or a result from societies brainwashing that they are bad culminating
in a user therefore presuming the worst. Like during the first month
or so when I wanted to stop H I was feeling sick two days after using
and therefore thought that days 3, 4, 5 could be much worse so I had
to use. I even seeked help but i never asked the right question or I
didn't want to know the answer more likely because I must have wanted
this physical challenge.
Any ideas on whether it is possible to get off of large doses there?
It's hard for me to be confident in quitting after so many attempts in
the past but I think the one reasonable attempt I had has given me
many lesson for next time. The biggest one probably not to use again
but also to stay away from my ex and also last time my family didn't
want me to come back but I hated feeling stuck away from them. Any
ideas on how long it does take to return to some kind of contentedness
after years of Methadone or Hammer?
Thankyou for your time.. I would love to hear any ideas of those doing
well or not so well..
Stuart B
You can read about my detox in the library
section of this site its called "Scoured to the Soul" I was on
methadone around 12 years. Thamkrabok was not easy, although it is the
best thing i have ever done. I have been clean for over 7 and 1/2
years. I am employed and have been for over 6 years as a support
worker with CAIR Scotland. Iam at work at the moment so please forgive
the short reply, any questions then fire away, iam sure you will get
more people responding in due course.
Stuart
brian whelan
> Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:35:18 -0800
> Subject: [FOTM:2613] Methadone qs?
> From: rjmc...@gmail.com
> To: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
> The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website is http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org
> INDEPENDENT information can be found at http://www.thamkrabok.net
> To post to this group, send email to Friends-of-Tham...@googlegroups.com
> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to Friends-of-Thamkrabok...@googlegroups.com
> For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Friends-of-Thamkrabok-Monastery
Windows 7: Simplify what you do everyday. Find the right PC for you.
jazz man
From: brian...@hotmail.com
To: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Subject: RE: [FOTM:2615] Methadone qs?
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 2010 13:56:03 +0000
Audrey Delaney
I came of other chemicals (but felt the withdrawals) I am in contact with
guys who detoxed of methadone, I gave them a call as they not computer
literate. Here is what they told me.
The Monastery advise that you reduce you dosage gradually as much as
possible. I think up to 2008 they hoped for you to come down to at least
30ml. (But they refuse no one) May have changed since then.
Of course the detox is tough. Every bone is sore and you feel terrible. You
are not made do anything and sometimes a day or two recovering less sweeping
is nes. It is part of the programme and you may not be in the humor to do
it. But if you can make the effort you do feel better. The withdrawals they
found where quicker and not as severe as it would be without the medicine.
It is up to you at the end of the day to push your boundaries. Just do the
sweep when you feel up to it. But don't just opt out because your not in
the humor. The more you put in and take part the better you will get. That
applies to all of us who have done it. You get one chance there. Do not
waste it. You will never regret giving it your full fight. You will regret
looking back knowing you gave in to easy. Or came up with excuses.
Well done and the best of luck.
Audrey. Ireland
-----Original Message-----
From: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
[mailto:friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of
MACSTA
Sent: 26 January 2010 03:35
To: Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
Subject: [FOTM:2613] Methadone qs?
--
John Cox
Hi Macsta,
Good to hear from you mate; I live in Oz but am actually from England. I detox from about 100mls of meth and a gram or 2 of H plus crack and god knows what pills back in March 2008. I now live in Canberra and am getting married in may, life’s been great since detoxing and I would always recommend it over being an addict.
The thing that struck me about your story is that you've slowly moved away from being an individual and are fast becoming like every other junkie in the world. All of the things you talk about will be familial to the guys on this forum. Your slowly pushing out Macsta and are becoming a generic junkie, a husk or a person. But that doesn't mean you can turen the process around, in fact the good news is that Macsta is alive and is living inside of you right now.
I'd say you need to accept that for a year you’re not going to feel great, you'll get good days, and you'll get bad days. You'll feel lonely and you'll feel washed out, there are things that will help like exercise and having good people around you but there are no short cuts.
Like all the guys here I went cold and man it hurt, it hurt like a bitch but it was worth it and I think of that pain as my second birth, I came back into the world kicking and screaming.
You need to be ready to make a change, you need to throw yourself into the process and accept that it's going to hurt but also that it has an end and that once you've gone through this process your options open up and your chances of a happy life increase massively. But, you need to have an exit strategy, you need to forget all the people that you used with for a least a year if not forever and you need to realise that the hard work begins when you walk out of those gates and entre the human race once more.
Good luck man and stay in touch.
Cheers,
Coxy
From: MACSTA <rjmc...@gmail.com>
To: Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery <friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tue, 26 January, 2010 14:35:18
Subject: [FOTM:2613] Methadone qs?
John Cox
From: brian whelan <brian...@hotmail.com>
To: thamkrabok forum <friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wed, 27 January, 2010 0:56:03
Subject: RE: [FOTM:2615] Methadone qs?
metalface from kent
advice from people who know (..believe!).
The first thing that struck me bout you,is that,despite your
addiction,you already have some sort of 'spiritual core'..You've know
idea (until you come completely come clean) how much Methadone and
Smack suffocates and holds down your 'True Spirit'-so do yeself a
favour and give the concept of "Life on Methadone" The Sack!!!...its a
f*ckin' terrible idea!!
You are DEFINATELY TKB 'material'!!!...without a doubt!! It is the
right place for you to de-tox,but just be sure to get the Psychology
Right,and consider the opportunity a 'once in a lifetime' chance to
turn your attitude and perspective of life and drugs 180 degrees
(....once you've Detoxed,of course).
It is gonna Hurt (no doubt),and it wont be easy,but hey,its a 'De-
tox',they're not meant to be fun.It is a longer withdrawel (with The
'green') and its going to be a long recovary,you're looking at months/
years,but its only the first bit thats really shit.
I'm (nearly) 5 years recovered now,from an extremely nasty 14 year
Heroin addiction,I'm still all scarred up,and came with in inches of
losing a leg.But once I walked out of the Wat,the past 5 years (even
though I still consider myself 'in recovary'),have been the best of my
life in terms of tranquility and sense of direction and purpose .I
have to admit,The Buddhism,which I didn't really get into until quite
a few months after de-tox (..my head was Too F*cked!!),has helped me a
great deal as a psychology,which is,of course,exactly what it is.It is
now an internationally recognised 'tool' of recovary for addicts,and
it is an option ....(I would recommend-hey mate-you dont have to go
'full-on',a bit of Buddhist thought never hurt no-one).
I dont know if you're on a daily dispense,or if you are medicating
youself,but it is possible with a bit of discipline and common sense
to reduce your dose reasonably rapidly.Get yourself a big syringe and/
or calibrated beaker,and do an exact ml (or whatever) every other
day,or whatever suits-spacing the days giving yourselfa chance to
stabalise before the next slight reduction.Its a little
uncomfortable,but its a good lesson in self-discipline (and you'll
need to learn a few more of those if you are to stay clean),and the
lower the dose your on when you start detox,the better for you.(I had
a mate who went the 'whole hog' like this,though I believe you will
benefit from The TKB 'experience'...more than you'll know ;)
No Pain No Gain,Man-dont worry about it!! .....its a few uncomfortable
days (OK Weeks),but it soon passes.
My advice to you is-start making plans,mate.
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
Mfk.
P.s.Stick with the Forum,there's 'Good People' here,that have already
completed the 'journey' you are about to commit yourself to,and are at
varying stages,and their experience and enthusiasm can do little but
assist.
On Jan 26, 3:35 am, MACSTA <rjmcin...@gmail.com> wrote:
MACSTA
cannot find this "Scoured to the Soul" story anywhere but in
references to it in other posts which make it sound like a very good
one to read. Maybe this library section is non existent today these
are the only places I can go:
Discussions
Pages
Members
Files
About this group
Edit my membership
Invite members
if it still exists could you post a link maybe?
it has been great to hear from so many successful people. As only
decided to stop using at christmas time my finances are non existent
so i'll will reduce my dose and practice some thai while saving. When
I have enough money to come then I will put up with whatever dose I
happen to be on or take a couple of weeks off of work before I leave
and do a big jump for practice 5555. I'm sure in Asia there will be
plenty of places where you can get onto an opiate with a shorter half
life for a few weeks then stay in a hospital while under anesthetic
for the worst 3 to 5 days but then I would miss such an opportunity to
try being reborn kicking and screaming from Methadone. My doctor
thinks you need to change your whole life prior to getting off but I
think that I have simply needed to use Methadone to experience a semi-
life for long enough to determine that there is no chance of leading a
good life or having control of something which you have had a problem
with. Since the first few years of doing hammer I chose when I would
use and did it in moderation I always expected I could go back to that
way but after seeing that even after being on Methadone and using
occasionally I still have to face withdrawals. Mental or not they are
not worth it and it would seem that the brain chemicals I have now
will not let me touch a drop of that stuff without suffering. Probably
for the best!
Thanks again for all your info. Im not sure if it was in regard to TKB
that I read you can you bring a friend to help you if you want? I
think this is the best place for me to get off methadone. i just read
they recommend you get below five mls so you get some sleep during the
month> i have read that the steam baths help a lot and you can get
massages but is there anything to do besides try to sleep if you cant?
may just have to do the five star option in twenty years time if they
have no computer games :p
On Jan 26, 10:58 pm, Stuart B <stuart.brind...@btconnect.com> wrote:
> Hi MACSTA...
> You can read about my detox in thelibrarysectionof this site its called "Scoured to the Soul" I was on
Robert
nah on second thought Rebirth kicking and screaming sounds much better ;)
John Cox
Sent from my iPod
The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website is http://www.thamkrabok-monastery..org
Robert
Stuart :
Thanks for very quick reply, sounds like your doing well and sharing the hope. In your story it says that you were down to 18 mls in order to get there, is that what you were on when you arrived? It talks about you trying to leave a lot, can you pay for your massages upon arrival with all spare money so that you are forced to live on the streets if you did leave?
Brian: cheers mate, how did you go with the plane ride? did you bring a dose for getting off the plane? In regard to staying longer I am thinking of doing this if possible however being monks and not even taking bookings for the place it may be a little hard to get proof prior for a visa, Thai embassy may not take a printout of the website ;) I'm gonna try for a six or 12 month just in case I like the atmosphere. Truly truly
Audrey: thanks for making the call, refuse no one, this is good.and you found out a lot. Interesting that the withdrawals aren't as bad however I have no Methadone withdrawals to compare to except when the chemist opens at 9am instead of 7, while reducing this is bad enough. I don't think i'll will regret not sweeping if I manage to never use again, but I will do my best :)
Coxy:
Well done jumping off of a crazy amount. Congrats on Wedding sounds like you've done well. Did you have family in Australia already? I never like the word Junkie but people have used it when referring to me for a long time now and when I finally decide to take my returns back for safe disposal this is about the only time I truly think fcuk what they say is true! Recommend the straight life, its funny how quick you forget all the times where you wished you were dead instead of feeling sick when you decide that its time to go back down the same old road. All junkies are generic, we all have the emptiness. Btw if you like movies which show Junkies very well there is a new Kantonese movie called Protege. I have not seen a better depiction.
What is a husk? Macsta is there, fuck,.. Methadone doesn't seem to do anything but i'm sure i will find out different soon enough. A year is feasible when planning for it in the past i always thought 5 days.
Thanks, what you say makes it sound more appropriate to get home quicker for the hard yards,.
The monks are really nice this is good, when I lived with a Swami she was like every worst boss I'd had in my life all rolled into one. It would seem sometimes these people who have your best interest at heart sometimes prefer dish out karma when it will hurt the very most. I'm scared of this from senior monks during withdrawal, any experiences similar? The last thing you want is someone who can see right through you when you would rather be dead :P
mfk: interesting what you say about opiates holding your true self back,.. it wasn't until I realised how big of a goose I was through meditation that I needed opiates, or maybe it was all those all nighters meditating& yoga on Meth,.. 'The psychology' this is the hard part, just let go, relax, breathe, go with the flow etc.. I have a feeling that my very problem is my tiny awareness of having pathetic ego reactions to everything is just blown out of proportion as anger to real life problems through me simply wanting to be stressed out as my natural demeanor. My doctor thinks I should sort out whatever issues I have before coming off of Methadone however I don't think on Methadone I have the awareness to fix permanently. The other thing is that this issue may take a lifetime to solve then I'll never come off. 'the green' im on 'the pink' so maybe I'll sleep after a week :)
turn your attitude and perspective of life and drugs 180 degrees - I can see myself changing my attitude to drugs via 12 step can never touch method but attitude to life? What is worse the emptiness or the drugs?
a bit of Buddhist thought never hurt no-one - I originally looked into as I liked the idea of religion without god, then i read somewhere to ask for a sign each day and everyday a feeling came with each sign. When I have met people who are have very good energy it would seem that coincidences quadruple. Did you notice this of TBK?
I go to chemist for dose, doc let me do 2.5 per wk and she suggest to 'stabalise before the next slight reduction' also however I have 5 take away during the week and I am trying to go down in bits then hoping to get permission to go down 5per week while I on 65 as 2.5 at 30 will probably be similar. It doesn't feel like I am going to stabalise much weekly but I feel it can't be close to coming off anyway,..
days (OK Weeks) GREAT. Have my birth certificate paid for and wish to get blessing from Amma in Australia in April so it works out that i'll be able to make it after Tudong. Thanks for tips. It would seem the mind fuck is up to me now!
Coxy: Sounds like you had a ball. Moments of feeling ok, wow this is phenomenal I have never heard of this during methadone withdrawals. Didn't sleep once, how long was your stay? and how did you get there, did you dose before getting off the plane?
All: Thanks again all, i didn't know my first reply was sent till the second one was already, haven't read first as that was meant to include respone to you all when I got around to but i never use this email on internet except job hunting as it is with real name then the most revealing fucked up shit I ever put online just happens to be connected to it. Hence me seeing all your replies at once and taking forever to respond.
Wish you all the best in you endeavors and thankyou all for everything I will keep in touch. LAst time I quiit it was just me and it didn't work. I'm looking forward to try and enjoy us instead of I. We can have much more fun :)
metalface from kent
even know what you're 'Real Issues' are til you've come clean,so
'dulling' are the Opiates and their synthetic counterparts.The Tkb de-
tox-experience is such that you must allow yourself as long as
possible at the monastary (I suggest min. 30 days) and remember your
own your own once you walk out of The Hey,and thats when you're gonna
be feeling pretty vulnerable-so see if you can make some plans to put
yourself somewhere for a few months,post-de-tox,where temptation is
not a problem and the possibilty of 'scoring' is as low as
possible,it'll take a good few months for your Body Chemistry to calm
down and your strength to return.DO allow for this..
If they're supervising your Meth,then you'll just have to push them to
allow you to drop as quickly as you think you can handle-push
'em,challenge them!!..you're gonna need to summon some 'fighting
spirit' to get you over the the 'other side'.
..the Buddhist Psychology will assist your "pathetic ego
reactions" (..at least your recognising them as such-thats a good
sign),your Perpective on what you believe to be the 'Real World',(this
is usually where most addicts Real 'problem' lies!!),and very
importantly to keep yourself in a Rightful and Aware state,within the
present moment,and that alone should should keep you out of trouble.As
a recovering addict,I'd say its well worth looking into.
You'll meet many good people at TKB,and I'm certain the experience
will change you (for the better).
You asked a lot of practical questions,which I havent got time to
answer at present,we've plenty of time to answer all them questions
(if they havent been already)-they've all been asked before (Have you
thought about a F.A.Q.,Vince?),before your journey back to Planet
Earth (..you're not missing that much,but its miles better than being
a drug addict :)....actually,dunno why I said that.....LIFE is
Brilliant!! :)
Best Wishes,mate-you are most definately in pursuit of the Right
Course of Action.
Metta,
Mfk.
On Feb 3, 11:28 am, Robert <rjmcin...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Stuart :
> Thanks for very quick reply, sounds like your doing well and sharing the
> hope. In your story it says that you were down to 18 mls in order to get
> there, is that what you were on when you arrived? It talks about you trying
> to leave a lot, can you pay for your massages upon arrival with all spare
> money so that you are forced to live on the streets if you did leave?
>
> Brian: cheers mate, how did you go with the plane ride? did you bring a dose
> for getting off the plane? In regard to staying longer I am thinking of
> doing this if possible however being monks and not even taking bookings for
> the place it may be a little hard to get proof prior for a visa, Thai
> embassy may not take a printout of the website ;) I'm gonna try for a six or
> 12 month just in case I like the atmosphere. Truly truly
>
> Audrey: thanks for making the call, refuse no one, this is good.and you
> found out a lot. Interesting that the withdrawals aren't as bad however I
> have no Methadone withdrawals to compare to except when the chemist opens at
> 9am instead of 7, while reducing this is bad enough. I don't think i'll will
> regret not sweeping if I manage to never use again, but I will do my
> best :)<http://groups.google.com/group/Friends-of-Thamkrabok-Monastery>
Vince Cullen
yes a single source FAQ location would be a huge boon. There is a lot of stuff on www.thamkrabok.net and some PAGES on the online forum at : http://groups.google.com/group/friends-of-thamkrabok-monastery/web
Hi Robert,
Here's a link to the 'Library' and Stuart's story 'Scoured to the Soul'.
Good Luck with your journey.
Best wishes to All,
Vince
__________________________________
343
Trapped in habits of craving
people panic
like rabbits caught in the snare.
If you wish to be free from entrapment,
craving itself must be removed.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
Stuart Brindley
Iam having problems getting on the forum....yes i was down to 18ml on arrival...i traveled with a dose incase of flight delays ect...also had a letter from my doc stating this was for me...just in case any hassle at customs. Yeah i tried to leave a lot although not trying hard enough eh lol...deep down i did not want to leave...where the fuck would i have gone....back to a shit life...maybe dead..who knows? You can take extra money for massages...they are about 250 baht..approx £5...well thats what i recall when i last visited last June. This works if you want it to work!! this was and is the best thing i have ever done in my life....careful about how much advice you seek out from others....all i would suggest is go with your heart...gut instinct...you will know...we always know whats good and bad for us eh?? Take care man...keep in touch...i will reply with all i have to offer and all i have to offer you is my experience, for me this was a hard detox...an absolute horror...with some saddistic laughter thrown in....god the madness of addiction....some days were better than others...nights were long and sore....sleep was...well very little....although i will say again iam glad people talked to me and kept me going.....thamkrabok is very spiritual place....i only really understood this after i returned home, something had started to change within me and i was unsure what! i kept in touch with like minded people...though i was going off my head to be honest....no i was actually getting some sanity back...you see i had already been right off my trolley for years...ha ha it s good though....need to go for now, take care and keep in touch.
Stuart
________________________________
From: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com on behalf of Robert
Sent: Wed 03/02/2010 11:28
To: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: [FOTM:2641] Re: Methadone qs?
Stuart :
Thanks for very quick reply, sounds like your doing well and sharing the hope. In your story it says that you were down to 18 mls in order to get there, is that what you were on when you arrived? It talks about you trying to leave a lot, can you pay for your massages upon arrival with all spare money so that you are forced to live on the streets if you did leave?
Brian: cheers mate, how did you go with the plane ride? did you bring a dose for getting off the plane? In regard to staying longer I am thinking of doing this if possible however being monks and not even taking bookings for the place it may be a little hard to get proof prior for a visa, Thai embassy may not take a printout of the website ;) I'm gonna try for a six or 12 month just in case I like the atmosphere. Truly truly
Audrey: thanks for making the call, refuse no one, this is good.and you found out a lot. Interesting that the withdrawals aren't as bad however I have no Methadone withdrawals to compare to except when the chemist opens at 9am instead of 7, while reducing this is bad enough. I don't think i'll will regret not sweeping if I manage to never use again, but I will do my best :) <http://groups.google.com/group/Friends-of-Thamkrabok-Monastery>
Coxy:
Well done jumping off of a crazy amount. Congrats on Wedding sounds like you've done well. Did you have family in Australia already? I never like the word Junkie but people have used it when referring to me for a long time now and when I finally decide to take my returns back for safe disposal this is about the only time I truly think fcuk what they say is true! Recommend the straight life, its funny how quick you forget all the times where you wished you were dead instead of feeling sick when you decide that its time to go back down the same old road. All junkies are generic, we all have the emptiness. Btw if you like movies which show Junkies very well there is a new Kantonese movie called Protege. I have not seen a better depiction.
What is a husk? Macsta is there, fuck,.. Methadone doesn't seem to do anything but i'm sure i will find out different soon enough. A year is feasible when planning for it in the past i always thought 5 days.
Thanks, what you say makes it sound more appropriate to get home quicker for the hard yards,.
brian: Thanks, phew I'l live :) big difference. I'm glad to hear a hopeless case pulled through, it give me much hope. The TRULY truly part however, now this is the hard part. If I take the right amount of methadone then I am semi-content, to be sick of the ups is a very hard task but to be sick of the downs now this is.... if I were to use again after TBK it would be worth me using the same as though I was still on Methadone in order to save myself the agony.
The monks are really nice this is good, when I lived with a Swami she was like every worst boss I'd had in my life all rolled into one. It would seem sometimes these people who have your best interest at heart sometimes prefer dish out karma when it will hurt the very most. I'm scared of this from senior monks during withdrawal, any experiences similar? The last thing you want is someone who can see right through you when you would rather be dead :P
mfk: interesting what you say about opiates holding your true self back,.. it wasn't until I realised how big of a goose I was through meditation that I needed opiates, or maybe it was all those all nighters meditating& yoga on Meth,.. 'The psychology' this is the hard part, just let go, relax, breathe, go with the flow etc.. I have a feeling that my very problem is my tiny awareness of having pathetic ego reactions to everything is just blown out of proportion as anger to real life problems through me simply wanting to be stressed out as my natural demeanor. My doctor thinks I should sort out whatever issues I have before coming off of Methadone however I don't think on Methadone I have the awareness to fix permanently. The other thing is that this issue may take a lifetime to solve then I'll never come off. 'the green' im on 'the pink' so maybe I'll sleep after a week :)
turn your attitude and perspective of life and drugs 180 degrees - I can see myself changing my attitude to drugs via 12 step can never touch method but attitude to life? What is worse the emptiness or the drugs?
a bit of Buddhist thought never hurt no-one - I originally looked into as I liked the idea of religion without god, then i read somewhere to ask for a sign each day and everyday a feeling came with each sign. When I have met people who are have very good energy it would seem that coincidences quadruple. Did you notice this of TBK?
I go to chemist for dose, doc let me do 2.5 per wk and she suggest to 'stabalise before the next slight reduction' also however I have 5 take away during the week and I am trying to go down in bits then hoping to get permission to go down 5per week while I on 65 as 2.5 at 30 will probably be similar. It doesn't feel like I am going to stabalise much weekly but I feel it can't be close to coming off anyway,..
days (OK Weeks) GREAT. Have my birth certificate paid for and wish to get blessing from Amma in Australia in April so it works out that i'll be able to make it after Tudong. Thanks for tips. It would seem the mind fuck is up to me now!
Coxy: Sounds like you had a ball. Moments of feeling ok, wow this is phenomenal I have never heard of this during methadone withdrawals. Didn't sleep once, how long was your stay? and how did you get there, did you dose before getting off the plane?
last chace? I never believe there is such a thing but I am trying to convince myself that I can make it this by promising to make it my last if i do again after. My mind is already giving me nibbles after you mentioned being virgin again,.. Sounds like the people heading to the border were fucking cunts for letting it be known. I've asked a friend to join me who came off bupe in Thailand last year with a girlfriend who didn't know. I've warned him of this scenario as if its a risk for him I dont want him there. He tried to score when he was sick, went on a huge adventure using his best body language and ended up finding ice , very lucky/unlucky man,..
All: Thanks again all, i didn't know my first reply was sent till the second one was already, haven't read first as that was meant to include respone to you all when I got around to but i never use this email on internet except job hunting as it is with real name then the most revealing fucked up shit I ever put online just happens to be connected to it. Hence me seeing all your replies at once and taking forever to respond.
Wish you all the best in you endeavors and thankyou all for everything I will keep in touch. LAst time I quiit it was just me and it didn't work. I'm looking forward to try and enjoy us instead of I. We can have much more fun :)
--
The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website is http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org <http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org/>
INDEPENDENT information can be found at http://www.thamkrabok.net <http://www.thamkrabok.net/>
bowerygirl
i have been mia for awhile but it wasnt too long ago i was in ur
shoes, it was june of last year to be exact. im from NY n i had found
this crazy place mentioned in some unflatterring article...the
sadistic side of me thought it was worth pursuing. it took me about 2
years to commit but i did it all the while took meself down on the
juice from 120 to 40 then 5 at a shot every other week. the high doses
decrese was no biggie if u dont allow it to be it was a pretty easy
sail for me until i hit the 30 mark and still wasnt a horror just
start to notice more stuff is all...thats a good thing in most ppls
world i suppose..anyway i just checked in here an saw this post, not
sure exactly what the whole story is since i havre been out of the
loop here but it sounds to me ur in the same boat i was last year for
saving for a trip to thai n lowering ur dose while u do so. all i can
say to u mac is its pretty hard to save with a looney tunes habit..at
least it was for me..im so not gonna say "the longer u stall..." cuz i
DID get there, BUT it had nothing to do with any past preparation it
was just one day i jumped up n said i gotta do this today or i never
will cuz in me world there is always tommorow n i lived by that
motto..still have trouble with it. hopefully u will have one of those
moments where u will feel the pull to the side of the living n jump on
it...take whatever u gotta to get urself there man..dont even sweat
about whats in asia cuz its all 4shite n its not 1980 anymore. the
first night i was there i woke up with the horrors to find it had only
been 4 freakin hours it was dark as fk dogs were howling to what i
originally thought was lil children being sacrificed an a huge toad
that looked like a walking turd didnt hop freakin WADDLED past what i
will lovingly call a bed. i thought to meself jeez what the heck were
u thinking??!! and i tell it strait i was completely lit outta me head
when i booked the flite n i will be forever grateful cuz i not to sure
i woulda had the guts to go thru with it. the place changes u for
life. the ppl there are special and the whole experience i found only
when looking back on it how strong i really am. U get thru that man u
can do anything. i wont lie to u its no cake walk..u know opiates so u
know there is no magic way out. one ride outta town n u know its the
white knuckle..what i will say is as horrific as that mystery liquid
bark (jeez im gettn the gags just thinkin about it,lols) as tuff as
that whole scene is i SWEAR it does somthn cuz i have never ever been
in a cold detox that u can honestly say the days became BEARABLE that
fast. im only mentioning this because of timeline..i had meth/junk an
xanax to kick off there n i swear i was lucid in 3 weeks. of course i
felt like i had been run over by a 18 wheeler but i was back in the
world for sure..and if ur anything like me u will find that the
madness thats in ur head will become like a friend an keep u
entertained better than a film! i cannot even put into words something
that can do that place justice..the only thing that sucks is coming
home, thats where u meet every freakin demon u ran away from when u
boarded to leave..its all there waiting at arrivals with a big heavy
smile...the next step is well the one that really counts..its whether
u decide u wanna fite to stay in life or if what u did n the person u
started to know over there was all for nothin...the answer may not be
100% clear at first. its really hard to what i can only compare to
losing a partner in death..because i have experinced it personally.
some ppl may think thats too ridiculous but for me it was that fkn
hard. and that stuff was me whole world...nuff said on that. bottom
line is "was"..all i can say is i hope u choose life mac. take care of
urself no matter what n im sorry i wasnt more on point here. these ppl
were here for me when i needed someone..i need to get me head outta me
azz n do the same more. i hadda laff when u said that about the pour
in of replies n the crazy stuff u said on ur "job email" im so with ya
on that funny thing is i have since found out i wasnt fooling anyone ,
an i remebr well readin back these very personal responses from
strangers n thought to meself wow, maybe i did stumble on to somthn
good here. by the way what u said about not being fully aware on any
dose of the juice is dead on rite, so much so that u wont even begin
to notice how much until its out of ur system. its actually scary how
much u think u got it together n how out of it u really are on that
stuff..it still amazes me..not in a good way
elo to all u crazies out in fotland
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Robert
Anyway I lost my job day after paying for ticket and I had just seen my Doc who said under 50 mL i could swap to Bupe. So I was on 52.5 and I ask her to drop me to 40 which she accepted 45 for which I am very grateful as my weekend sucked as each weekend prior had also. Was planning to have a month off prior to May9th in order to do Bupe and hopefully sleep within a month at Thamkrabok but since I lost my job and was sick of having shit weekends thought fuck it I'll do month now.
Last monday I had last dose of bupe(wanted to do 3wks of bupe but doc say i'll b sick might aswell be sick and give me 16 days but reducing was better on bupe than even a steady dose until 4 to 2) and as withdrawals have been for me in the past its mostly mental for me and thank fuck I don't get to find out about the methadone experiences you have all so kindly given to me, maybe except the general life issues. So swapping was easy, first day as low dose (45mL/8mgBupe)kept it low(10) so I would know exactly which days body adjusted to Bupe for future reference, not too low though I'm sure 12 would have sufficed maybe 11mg. If anyone want any info can ask but I guess everyone on here has done the fun.
Anyway yesterday(friday) was first day where woke up better but still not ultra keen. Today seen family and friends but didn't hang around long but lower back not tired tonight so looking promising. I was too scared of facing life after Thamkrabok that I had to spend sometime sick in Australia in order to have extra confidence upon return. Now have to long so fingers crossed for now!!!
If wrong place for all I type am sorry, but Thamkrabok was my inspiration and you huys let me know it is ossible even if I not there yet, I am forever greatful and,. if I had quit last time a few years ago prior to making a decision to be a Junkie forever then I would never have thought of, killing myself, stealing, killing etc, thoughts I had not had in the few years as an on off or you could say constantly quitting junkie,.. It is these few thoughts which, if I am able to withstand the months prior to Thamkrabok will require me to give something to another Junkie one day in what community I may find myself and I cant wait to meet some more people with Knowledge at Thamkrabok and in Thailand.
Thanks to all who responded originally,.. Real life issues,.. I meant to correct some of that statement :)
Hope all are, I am for now
Kind regards Rob