I feel like an idiot and a failure.

[warrior...pete]

Hi, just want to let all know how much of a fool i feel right now.I
got pissed last night after an argument with my wife ,i stormed out of
our house and drove across town half drunk.I broke my satcha and feel
so low today,i felt like cutting myself real deep in a hot bath.what
do i do now? I dont know if i can keep on going anymore esspecially
with my life now fallen apart and a broken satcha.........next step
is ?????

[kalou koefoed]

Pete, I think you probably learned your own lesson last night... Only thing you can do right now is to get back on that bike, it's still got 2 wheels and a chain and if you just keep on riding it, it'll take you where you need to go...Keep on keepin' on, stay strong..
all the best
Kalou

--
Powered By Outblaze

[John Cox]

Next step is stop, take a deep breath and accept what's happened. It happens, it's not good but it's all about how you cope with the fall out. You've done great do far, I've been blown away with just how well.
You'll be right Peter. Drop me a line if you need to 0450 608 692

Sent from my iPod

On 13/10/2009, at 5:51 PM, "warrior...pete" <ecc...@bigpond.net.au> wrote:


Hi, just want to let all know how much of a fool i feel right now.I
got pissed last night after an argument with my wife ,i stormed out of
our house and drove across town half drunk.I broke my satcha and feel
so low today,i felt like cutting myself real deep in a hot bath.what
do i do now? I dont know if i can keep on going anymore esspecially
with my life now fallen apart and a broken satcha.........next step
is ?????

Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

[John Cox]

It's like riding a motobike, best thing you can do when you come off
and hurt your self is just jump back on. No matter how scared you are
mate you just need to start again and learn from it

[peter & Maree]

John thankx for your reply,imsorry i don’t want to bring every one down,i feel so low right now ,ive broken my satcha.

[Audrey Delaney]

Pete Hi

You are not bringing anyone down at all, you are using this site for what it
is intended for. Support. If things are great for all of us then we don't
need this site. So many have ended up kicking themselves but got right back
up there. What I would make you focus on is the feelings you have. Guilt,
anger, whatever it is. Hang on to them, remember how bad it feels, those
feelings are your brain telling you this is not for you. You don't want to
feel that way again. If you felt good after drinking again then you would
just continue to drink. The bad feelings are for a good reason. To make
you stop and start again. You hopefully wont do it next time. None of us
are perfect.

Regarding the sajja, Vince sent me an "emergency solution". Treat it like
the morning after pill. In case of emergencies. This is one. Not designed
so you can have a drink every weekend and then use it on Mondays. This is
simple and it has really helped all those who believe in it. I am
forwarding you it through emails.

Use those feelings Pete. As horrible as they are, they are bad for a
reason.

Many many blessings to you and we all need help now and then I promise.

Audrey xx

[jazz man]

Pete,
The saja being broken is not going to end the world, or ruin your life, unless you let it.
 
One of the other sajas of the monastery goes something like"  I will not let my emotions lead me" (others cannot make me feel bad nor good).  So take the sage advice being given, re-commit to the saja and continue towards a path of good living without the distorted view that comes from the drinks....
 
Peace and best wishes...

---

Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free. Sign up now.

[metalface from kent]

Hi Pete,you obviously feel 'shit',dissapointed with yourself
ect...great!..fine!..(thats normal)..Well,you'd best 'dust yourself
down' and get 'back in the ring'-cos the Fight wont stop just cos
you've had a 'bad day'.You have no choice,my freind....Thats
everyone's advice and its the only advice there is!!!Regard it as a -
Temporary 'Knock-down' in Round 2-you're up again now,and I'm sure you
can take it to the End.
You're not the first person to break their Sajja,and you certainly
wont be the last-the advice is always the same-'Back on the
Wagon',Mate!! Dont dwell on it,you cannut afford to-just do it!!-a
'temporary glitch'.

..I think you were bloody lucky!! Just to briefly tell you what
happenened to a relative of mine,with a similar problem who found
himself in a similar position.After several pints of beer (and several
more),found himself 'sailing' around the country lanes one Sunday
afternoon in his clapped out old banger.Took a corner,bit wide,and
'sailed' head-on into a Vintage Car Rally.He wrote off 3 (4 inc. his)
Vintage cars (inc. a Jag,and a Daimler)-£250,000 worth of damage.That
was 2 years ago-he very narrowly missed a jail sentence,he lost his
job,as a result of the incident and has since led himself (.."LED
HIMSELF!!!"-mark my words!) into a HUGE amount of debt (I cant even
work out how!!!???-How MUCH!!!???))and a downward spiral of
misery,loss of self-respect,ect.ect, will to recover,ect.ect.ect....He
barely has a roof over his head,no-one wants anything to do with cos
he's 'trouble' when he drinks(-not usually violent-just a pain in the
arse-like most drunks!),and we (his family)dont even want him on the
premises (at present)-cos we've been through it all before-the 'old
story',y'know!?.He's my own brother,and I'm very sorry for him,but
there is absolutely nothing we can do for him whilst he's drinking-
he's 58 and says he hasn't got 'another fight' left in him...
...Sobeit-he lies where he falls!!(..at least till he sobers up!!).
If you take the incident right back to its source and a split second
after his fateful crash.Even then he was 'Bloody Lucky'-for the simple
reason that he didn't Kill anyone (inc.himself!)!!-he did put one
bloke in hospital,though (..he just happened to be Lord
'suchandsuch'!),-But,end 'o the day-no permenant damage done!(-except
to the cars-oh well)....
...thats where you are right now,cobber.Except nowhere near so bad-cos
you didn't have a 'smash'-THIS TIME!! So for your own sake,mate take
Audrey's 'morning-after pill' and everyone elses good advice,and 'get
back on your bike'-Sober and Mindful-All the WAY!!!!
Now is the chance you get to prove the 'Warrior' moniker you so
rightfully earnt yourself at TKB(...this is where its at!!)
Very Best Wishes,Pete.
Metta.
Mfk.

P.s.Just one last thing-you are always(ALWAYS!) going to have
'arguments with the missus',anxieties,temporary let-
downs,problems,failures-give it its Buddhist term-'suffering' or
Samsara (the cycle of endless suffering)-thats just part of
life,innit?!You'll get far better reasons than that to drink/use in
future.
You must pre-prep ('pre-arm') yourself....There is NO 'good
excuse'!!!! Its an option you cannot afford and the psychology needs
to be firmly addressed when you're straight and sober,before the
inevitable occurs.Common Sense,I know,but it needs to be said!

[metalface from kent]

...I can assure,you are not an 'idiot or a failure',they are just
delusions that your current state of mind are leading you to
believe.Your a 'warrior' like the rest of us,and the 'battle' is with
your 'old adversary'.Some of the warriors win,and some lose-I've seen
it with my own eyes.....you dont come across as the sort of bloke who
would want to lose the most important 'fight' of his life.I hope I'm
right.

On Oct 13, 7:51 am, "warrior...pete" <eccs...@bigpond.net.au> wrote:

[metalface from kent]

...('Dukkha' is the more appropriate Buddhist terminology for
'suffering' (or 'dissatisfaction'),in this context.'Samsara' refers to
the 'endless cycle' (of 'Dukkha')...apologies,but my 'ego' insisted I
correct myself!....still 'struggling',
yes!!!)



On Oct 13, 7:33 pm, metalface from kent <boswelia...@hotmail.co.uk>
wrote:

> > is ?????- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[Andrea Moore]

Fair enough Pete, you've behaved like a tw*t.  First thing - apologise to your wife.  Pick yourself up and start again.  Stop dwelling on what is now the past and get on with your life.  OK so you had a blip, but don't let it continue by mentally beating yourself up about it.  A broken sajja is not the end of the world - start again, nurture your sajja, meditate in a quiet place and it will begin to grow again.  Go and do something nice for someone else - increase your good karma, while putting your head in a completely different space.  Wanna chat,  giz a bel 44 1502 561616.

 

All the best,

Andrea.

2009/10/13 warrior...pete <ecc...@bigpond.net.au>

[Andrea Moore]

Pete,

 

Just a thought about broken things.  It's only really broken if it stays broken - if you take the time and care to fix it, you can use something successfully for ages.  The dent will only serve to remind you to take better care of it in the future!!

 

A, x.

2009/10/13 warrior...pete <ecc...@bigpond.net.au>

[bowerygirl]

this would be a great time to remind urself why ur name is warrior. ok
man, well u made some mistakes last night, not the first time yea? i
know it sucks and makes u feel terrible about urself, whats worse is
im sure u already felt like a million bucks so it just enhances ur
opinion about urself but theres nothing u can do to change what
happened now. i know this sounds corny and all but try an think of the
positive in it...like u r not hurt, u didnt hurt anyone else and u
didnt get niked by the cops for driving drunk.i know how bad a relapse
stings but u have gotten yet another chance to turn things around
here. i gotta add on a personal note i think its a good thing u feel
bad about ur choices cuz to be honest all the times i messed up in the
past i never gave it a second thought. i looked at it like i messed up
and used it as an excuse to continue on that road. now im no expert
by any means, im pretty green when it comes to being on this side of
the wall but i do know all to well the place ur at now so the fact
that u have a conscience at all is a step in the rite direction in
itself. i hope that makes sense to you. just hitting quick on the
slice and soak..its obvious u entertain thoughts of suicide on
occasion being ur playing around with scenarios. im hoping that its
just that, a thought. ive been there done that as well and if nothing
else man think of it this way..it will cause the ones u love so much
more pain then u could do to urself...plus its not something fighters
do...and thats what we are man, survivors. find that warrior spirit
anyplace u can an just get back in the ring. whats done is past an
over. i cant stress enough how true and helpful staying in the moment
is..i know i HATED when people would say that to me, i couldnt
understand it but when ur new at being clean u literally have to
crawl through the day nice an slow. what helps me is taking it easy
and just making decisions about the situation before me at that
moment...whats the best option to get me thru bla bla bla rite now?
and that pushes me on safe an sober until the next fork in the road. i
know it sounds ridiculous but in the early stages u really do have to
work at keeping urself out of danger zones, after all its what weve
known an been comfortable in for so long if u dont stay aware its so
eazy to just go on automatic n find urself running thru that same old
logic. pete, just take a breath and get back up. its all u can do, but
its all u have to do! its not over till its over my friend~ bowerygirl

On Oct 13, 7:51 am, "warrior...pete" <eccs...@bigpond.net.au> wrote:

[Douglas Brian King]

Pete,

 

We fall, we get hurt, we get up , we go on.  End of story.  Each day God gives us a new sunrise and reflection on yesterday to be used as a lesson for our future.  Situations will occur, they always occur.  However it is not the situation that matters or the past action, it is your reaction to the situation and action that measures us our integrity. 

 

Addiction, what is is?  To some a burden that causes nothing but destruction and guilt.  Why? Because they fail to see the uniqueness of their struggle.  God has given is a armour and a mission, not a burden.  It is our cross and our blessing both to be what we are, and to use what we have been give to aid others.  Not to burden ourselves with guilt.  Guilt is the enemy, not the addiction. 

 

Each day I fail at something, its our nature.  But each day I learn from that failure, grow from its pain and feel blessed to have survived to tell others.  Take that pain you feel and share it to those who are even worse than yourself, help them where once someone helped you and you will help yourself.  It is only through the brotherhood of fellowship and self support that we can overcome as we are stronger as a whole than as one.

 

***My cat fell out of my 20th floor flat 2 days ago and lived, a broken leg and a few injuries but he is alive.  And I am sure that when he gets home the first thing he will do is tell the other cats what happened and how bad it felt and not to EVER jump out on the window ledge.  I lived on that ledge most of my life, now I do my best to help others back in from that ledge, that is why we go on, survive and are blessed.....how that helps

--


King Group
Hair and Colour Consultants
New York - London - Shanghai

Brian Douglas King
Director

Shanghai, China
(86)13761795986
Hong Kong, SAR
852-910-4617
brian...@gmx.com
www.shanghaihair.blogspot.com

[ian ireland]

hey man.
we dont know each other n u dont know my situaton. but not too long
ago I did a simmiliar thing and broke the vow. at the time I felt like
my world had fallen apart and I did want to top meself and tried and
failed a cpl of times. allz I can say on the matter is this. Its a
seriopus thing to break the sajja but its not the end of the world
life goes on and ur not gonna burst into flames r anything. I managed
to pick meself up and so can u. allz u have to do is this Get back on
track and put this one down to experience. I was advised to burn seven
sticks under a night sky and beg for forgiveness. ask someone in TKb r
vince about this and the exact details of what to do. But remember u
can only do this once.

Keep on truckin man and get back up and move on. I hope things work
out for u mate. Hope this makes some sense. as Im rushin out. get back
to me if u need to shoot the breeze about it.

IAN

On Oct 13, 7:51 am, "warrior...pete" <eccs...@bigpond.net.au> wrote:

[Audrey Delaney]

I have sent these details to Warrior Ian thanks. Anyone else who needs them
please do not hesitate to contact me as I know Vince up to his tonsils with
conferences.

Cheers
Audrey

-----Original Message-----
From: friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
[mailto:friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of ian
ireland
Sent: 15 October 2009 13:28
To: Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery

[Vince Cullen]

Hi Pete,

I hope everything is well with you today?

I'm sorry I missed this thread when it was originally posted but as alluded to by Audrey, I was in Los Angeles at the 1st conference of the Buddhist Recovery Network.  I had three equal reasons for attending this conference:

• to serve the Thamkrabok Monastery.
• to serve the members of Friends-of-Thamkrabok-Monastery sangha/support group/forum/fellowship.
• to serve myself as a recovering addict.

Once I have settled back into the 'day job', I hope to write a short report about the conference for anyone that is interested.

The advice given to you here by friends about relapse is spot on, there is little I can add but don't hesitate to contact me if you need to talk.

One of the BRN conference sessions was devoted to ADDICTION AND THE NEUROSCIENCE OF MINDFULNESS (presented by M. Kathleen B. Lustyk, PhD and G. Alan Marlatt, PhD).  One of the slides from this presentation used the acronym S.O.B.E.R. as a tool to give yourself some "breathing space" in times of stress:

S - Stop : pause wherever you are.
O - Observe : what is happening in your body & mind.
B - Breath : bring focus to the breath as an "anchor" to help you focus and stay present.
E - Expand awareness : to your whole body & surroundings.
R - Respond : mindfully vs. "automatically".

As an ex-Thamkraboker, there is an important place here for your Kahtah to be used in time of stress but then that would muck up the S.O.B.E.R. acronym (you could get some funny words!).  Becoming mindful takes a lot of effort and prectice, but I hope this acronym helps.

During one of the last talks I had with Phra Hans before he passed away we agreed that "it was better to have a repaired Sajja than no Sajja at all."

Best wishes to you and yours Pete, and all the members of this online Sangha, Forum, Support Group or Fellowship (cross-out as appropriate).

With Metta,

Vince
__________________________________
314
Hurtful deeds
are better left undone
as they always lead to remorse.
Harmless deeds are better done
as no regret will follow.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80