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John Cox
Nov 19, 2009, 2:18:10 PM11/19/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
I just wanted to make a point that I feel is really helpful when your an recovering addict.
Surrounding your self with good people, clean people who care about your best interests and who aren't corrupt. Because of my years of drug addiction I had most of my closest and oldest friends die, and as anyone who's been through that will know making new friendships after that is hard.
So my default setting is to make aquaitancies and any time they piss me off or i feel to exposed I withdraw and return to my self or since I met my lovely wife to be myself plus one.
But as time goes on I'm learning that's not healthy, it's to much pressure on me and on my girlfriend. It's ok to trust people and in fact is imporatant to. You just have to work out boundries.
You need the outside world. I heard it said by an author who'd just won a prize "you can put out what you haven't taken in" and I think that very true in allot of things in life. We learn from others and like books they help us grow.
We just have to learn to read the right books....
Sent from my iPod
metalface from kent
Nov 19, 2009, 4:55:11 PM11/19/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
..Too True,John!! Its very important to keep the Right company and its
very reflective of the person you are.
..Having said that,I personally would be the first to admit that I'm
'insular' and 'anti-social' (even,at worst).Thats just me,and I dont
see it changing anytime soon,for the simple reason-I've grown to like
it and it suits Me and my Recovary....I actually REALLY like it,but
there ya go-just telling you how it is for me.
...Hey if this is the price I pay for getting me out of the 'jam' I
was in,then I'm smilin' ('ere 2 'ere!).
I can hear you all disagreeing already-but the 'problems' ALWAYS come
from Other People (they bloody do!!).I guess its down to me-I think I
just expect too much from other people,these days,and most of the time
they havent got a clue what I'm talking about (?!?!?!).
I've been Single for 5 years,spilt up with my last long-term
girlfreind when I 'split' for the Wat.We were together('ish) for bout
3 or 4 years and we both ended up 'using' (I wont say it was
completely my fault-but I will take the majority of the blame for her
involvement.She was a decent girl from a decent family (its a long
story-usually is)-there ya go-another 'shit-up' from them glorious
years.I dont beat myself up about it (cant afford to!),but the up-side
is she is now clean and happy,with a very Rich looking fella (..that
would suit her!) and across the other side of the World (a lot nearer
you than me,John).She did have a very difficult period,though.So
yes,I'm Single...(though I have the 'odd' (..and some of them were!)
romantic 'dalliance's-and the best sort)
The few Good! mates I do have accuse me (some of them) of avoiding
'reality'.Yes-That would be THEIR (often 'miserable') concept of
reality,and yes I'll be doing my best to avoid THAT for a long time to
come (having lived it myself a few decades ago-before the
Drugs)...Who's Reality??!! ...What Reality!!??..Dont even friggin' go
there!! ..("Try the 'reality' I found myself in for a decade and a
half-that should give you some perspective!!!")
...I'll say this much,since I got my head into some Buddhist reading-
I've learnt more about So-called 'Reality' and its True Nature than I
thought I ever possible-and that makes sense to me (if only me).
You either know what I'm talking about or ya dont!
Just one word of warning about 'seemingly' good,clean people who may
appear to be sympathetic to your interests,with 'honeyed words' and
good intentions-"All that Glistens is Not Gold"..need I say more and
I'm sure you dont need the warning.
..Beware The Demons!!
I offer you this as but another and differant perspective of one
persons (successful) recovary.
Best Wishes (from happily within my reality 'bubble' which is very
'real' to me and serves me very well)
Mfk
P.s.Dont get the wrong idea-I aint a f*ckin' hermit and have plenty of
good freinds (old and new)!
very reflective of the person you are.
..Having said that,I personally would be the first to admit that I'm
'insular' and 'anti-social' (even,at worst).Thats just me,and I dont
see it changing anytime soon,for the simple reason-I've grown to like
it and it suits Me and my Recovary....I actually REALLY like it,but
there ya go-just telling you how it is for me.
...Hey if this is the price I pay for getting me out of the 'jam' I
was in,then I'm smilin' ('ere 2 'ere!).
I can hear you all disagreeing already-but the 'problems' ALWAYS come
from Other People (they bloody do!!).I guess its down to me-I think I
just expect too much from other people,these days,and most of the time
they havent got a clue what I'm talking about (?!?!?!).
I've been Single for 5 years,spilt up with my last long-term
girlfreind when I 'split' for the Wat.We were together('ish) for bout
3 or 4 years and we both ended up 'using' (I wont say it was
completely my fault-but I will take the majority of the blame for her
involvement.She was a decent girl from a decent family (its a long
story-usually is)-there ya go-another 'shit-up' from them glorious
years.I dont beat myself up about it (cant afford to!),but the up-side
is she is now clean and happy,with a very Rich looking fella (..that
would suit her!) and across the other side of the World (a lot nearer
you than me,John).She did have a very difficult period,though.So
yes,I'm Single...(though I have the 'odd' (..and some of them were!)
romantic 'dalliance's-and the best sort)
The few Good! mates I do have accuse me (some of them) of avoiding
'reality'.Yes-That would be THEIR (often 'miserable') concept of
reality,and yes I'll be doing my best to avoid THAT for a long time to
come (having lived it myself a few decades ago-before the
Drugs)...Who's Reality??!! ...What Reality!!??..Dont even friggin' go
there!! ..("Try the 'reality' I found myself in for a decade and a
half-that should give you some perspective!!!")
...I'll say this much,since I got my head into some Buddhist reading-
I've learnt more about So-called 'Reality' and its True Nature than I
thought I ever possible-and that makes sense to me (if only me).
You either know what I'm talking about or ya dont!
Just one word of warning about 'seemingly' good,clean people who may
appear to be sympathetic to your interests,with 'honeyed words' and
good intentions-"All that Glistens is Not Gold"..need I say more and
I'm sure you dont need the warning.
..Beware The Demons!!
I offer you this as but another and differant perspective of one
persons (successful) recovary.
Best Wishes (from happily within my reality 'bubble' which is very
'real' to me and serves me very well)
Mfk
P.s.Dont get the wrong idea-I aint a f*ckin' hermit and have plenty of
good freinds (old and new)!
John Cox
Nov 20, 2009, 5:59:25 AM11/20/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
I love you post man, your like me you don't self edit and your a contradiction of cynisism and glee.
I think any fool can be clean inside an ivory tower and no one can always defeate their worst enermy if they have to fight it every day.
We have to take the third way....
Sen from my iPod
..Beware The Demons!!
Sent from my iPod
--
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INDEPENDENT information can be found at http://www.thamkrabok.net
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metalface from kent
Nov 20, 2009, 8:47:43 AM11/20/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
Thats Right,Man!-Whats the point in not telling the Truth!! I always
tell the Truth!! You'd only be lying to yourself and thats the worst
and most damaging sort of lie.The whole point of our discussions here
(for me) is to 'compare notes' and hopefully make some sense of the
mess we got ourselves into and hopefully to the benefit of others with
the same problem-find the 'common thread'.
The one thing that does become apparant is that we all find our own
way out-by differant routes (well,those of us that do...)
Just to add-I think I've had little choice in becoming 'insular' ect.
I returned back from Thailand after 3 months (33 days at the Wat-the
rest travelling-well mainly Bangkok,actually-spent the best part of 2
months there).Straight back onto the Scene and 'into the lions
den'.Same location with the same people and all the
'triggers',reminders and consequential results of my previous actions
staring me in the face.It was really difficult to begin with-its a
small town and everyone knows everyone (and their problems),so as well
as having to contend with my junkie mates,temptation,ect-it felt like
the whole town was 'eating me up' every time I walked out the door (I
live in the centre of town and there's no avoiding anyone).Fuckin'
Difficult!!
Caste yourself back and remember the state of mind you were in at that
stage (or ask Bowery).It was difficult-so I did build my 'Ivory Tower'-
and a very nice one it is too-with an entrance and an exit and all the
facilities.Both mentally and physically.
I dont see that I had much choice but for me its turned out very well
and continues to..
Keep Well,Bro.
mfk
On Nov 20, 10:59 am, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:
> I love you post man, your like me you don't self edit and your a contradiction of cynisism and glee.
>
> I think any fool can be clean inside an ivory tower and no one can always defeate their worst enermy if they have to fight it every day.
>
> We have to take the third way....
>
> Sen from my iPod
>
> The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website ishttp://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org
> INDEPENDENT information can be found athttp://www.thamkrabok.net
tell the Truth!! You'd only be lying to yourself and thats the worst
and most damaging sort of lie.The whole point of our discussions here
(for me) is to 'compare notes' and hopefully make some sense of the
mess we got ourselves into and hopefully to the benefit of others with
the same problem-find the 'common thread'.
The one thing that does become apparant is that we all find our own
way out-by differant routes (well,those of us that do...)
Just to add-I think I've had little choice in becoming 'insular' ect.
I returned back from Thailand after 3 months (33 days at the Wat-the
rest travelling-well mainly Bangkok,actually-spent the best part of 2
months there).Straight back onto the Scene and 'into the lions
den'.Same location with the same people and all the
'triggers',reminders and consequential results of my previous actions
staring me in the face.It was really difficult to begin with-its a
small town and everyone knows everyone (and their problems),so as well
as having to contend with my junkie mates,temptation,ect-it felt like
the whole town was 'eating me up' every time I walked out the door (I
live in the centre of town and there's no avoiding anyone).Fuckin'
Difficult!!
Caste yourself back and remember the state of mind you were in at that
stage (or ask Bowery).It was difficult-so I did build my 'Ivory Tower'-
and a very nice one it is too-with an entrance and an exit and all the
facilities.Both mentally and physically.
I dont see that I had much choice but for me its turned out very well
and continues to..
Keep Well,Bro.
mfk
On Nov 20, 10:59 am, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:
> I love you post man, your like me you don't self edit and your a contradiction of cynisism and glee.
>
> I think any fool can be clean inside an ivory tower and no one can always defeate their worst enermy if they have to fight it every day.
>
> We have to take the third way....
>
> Sen from my iPod
>
> INDEPENDENT information can be found athttp://www.thamkrabok.net
John Cox
Nov 20, 2009, 2:13:55 PM11/20/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
I think it's a tough one to balance and it's also something that evolved as you move through you recovery.
I kind of pop my toe on the water but often get freaked out and go back into my safe little world but I'm realzing it's not so safe in there because restlessness is also a trigger.
Coxy
Sent from my iPod
Sen from my iPod
..Beware The Demons!!
Sent from my iPod
--
The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website is http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org
INDEPENDENT information can be found at http://www.thamkrabok.net
bowerygirl
Nov 26, 2009, 12:23:28 AM11/26/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
i just spit me drink all ovr the pc when i read that! jeez that was
too CREEPY, being accused of not livin in reality..lols yea ive heard
that most me life,in fact planet jenni or crapear (as me da calls me
on me betr days) is a realplace for this family i dont think it was
until tonite that ive realized just how disconnected ive been with the
rest of me clan here, since the holidays are coming up an all,
tommorow actually thanksgiving is going to be the clean n sober debut
i guess u can say. im feelin the pressure a lil bit but me bro came
down a day early for a bit of moral support n to give me a wingman.
its amazing how much u get for so little,but as i was reminded by da,
they never left i checked out on them.but in the same sentence he says
past is just that past,so we move on from here.
john im learning just that these last few weeks back here, that u do
need the outside world.ive always prided meself on being the lone
wolf, in fact i would call ppl "doses" cuz that was about as much as i
could handle b4 my intolerance n arrogance would pop up n tellme it
was time to move along.very few real close friends, and now even fewer
(since i actually did distance meself from the rest of the bowery
bums) and i was ok with that until very recently when i saw just how
dangerous i was alone.im starting to see the reasons behind the rules
or should i say suggestions in NA whereas b4 i would always think how
to put me own take on it because "i was different" so they didnt apply
to me.jeez for someone who knew everything just a few months ago i
sure got ALOT to learn!
for the first time in me life im actually seeing what a gift it is to
have all u cats n the ppl around me who have gotten a lil bit farther
up the road than i have.can see everyone has the potential to show me
more or less what the next move is on the chess board if i choose to
ori can continue to fly blind alone n continue to end upon the same
dead end street. i tell ya that dead end is gettin old. Happy
thanksgiving to everyone celebrating. not much for prayers but ur all
in thoughts~jenni the bowerygirl
too CREEPY, being accused of not livin in reality..lols yea ive heard
that most me life,in fact planet jenni or crapear (as me da calls me
on me betr days) is a realplace for this family i dont think it was
until tonite that ive realized just how disconnected ive been with the
rest of me clan here, since the holidays are coming up an all,
tommorow actually thanksgiving is going to be the clean n sober debut
i guess u can say. im feelin the pressure a lil bit but me bro came
down a day early for a bit of moral support n to give me a wingman.
its amazing how much u get for so little,but as i was reminded by da,
they never left i checked out on them.but in the same sentence he says
past is just that past,so we move on from here.
john im learning just that these last few weeks back here, that u do
need the outside world.ive always prided meself on being the lone
wolf, in fact i would call ppl "doses" cuz that was about as much as i
could handle b4 my intolerance n arrogance would pop up n tellme it
was time to move along.very few real close friends, and now even fewer
(since i actually did distance meself from the rest of the bowery
bums) and i was ok with that until very recently when i saw just how
dangerous i was alone.im starting to see the reasons behind the rules
or should i say suggestions in NA whereas b4 i would always think how
to put me own take on it because "i was different" so they didnt apply
to me.jeez for someone who knew everything just a few months ago i
sure got ALOT to learn!
for the first time in me life im actually seeing what a gift it is to
have all u cats n the ppl around me who have gotten a lil bit farther
up the road than i have.can see everyone has the potential to show me
more or less what the next move is on the chess board if i choose to
ori can continue to fly blind alone n continue to end upon the same
dead end street. i tell ya that dead end is gettin old. Happy
thanksgiving to everyone celebrating. not much for prayers but ur all
in thoughts~jenni the bowerygirl
bill bloomer
Nov 26, 2009, 6:03:13 AM11/26/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
yo BG i'm happy for you.
remember emotions are temporary and perhaps allow yourself permission to feel.
it's time .
surround yourself with supportive people , not just folks who co sign any b.s. ,
but that's why 12 step groups are REAL.
remember , us vomatorium alumni are never far at heart.
local networking can and will save yerass.
luv from laos .......visa runs suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkcessful.
|
John Cox
Nov 27, 2009, 6:35:39 AM11/27/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
It's a tight rope in so many ways. I'm actually scared of NA coz I know it will be full of junkies so I've only been once and that was back in 99. I also disliked it coz I felt people there were either playing the victim or were just geniunly bad people. I think addiction only goes so far as an excuse, man there was one girl their with a string of dead and fostered out kids and that's just alian to me. I was a junkie from 12, lived on the streets and was a violent crimal at times but I still had a moral frame work. So that one visit scared me off NA, however I'm going back for my first meeting on Monday, I reckon it's a personal experience and I can't judge others so harshly by my morality. I can still have a view but it's not a place for that and I just wanna stay clean and after 19 months I know I can't keep doing this alone.
So watch this space.....
Sent from my iPod
Jimmy
Nov 27, 2009, 5:36:16 PM11/27/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Well done.Good luck for the future.
Jimmy
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Tommy
Nov 27, 2009, 5:59:46 PM11/27/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
2009/11/27 John Cox <johnc...@ymail.com>:
it took me to make my wife the way she was" - I'd joined the whinging
brigade and was complaining that nothing I did seemed to satisfy her.
Nag nag nag..
Of course he was right. But the inner beast, the shitty committee
wasn't ready for the real truth.
That was nearly 20 years ago. Since then I've dropped in and out of
AA. Didn't drink, but honestly, at times AA just wasn't for me. It
was 'all them'.. I didn't do what they did. I wasnt as BAD as them,
I wasn't homeless, shoeless or family-less. I was a respectable
drunk. Hahahaha fsck me, I was still a drunk.
What I have picked up and hung onto is that I am a social animal. All
the faults you have, I have. I'm no different, better nor worse than
that guy over there - I'm me, and youre you. They're them. But I'm
one of them, and youre one of them and we're all one of them. Feck
it, them is 'us',,, its us :-)
Pick a few meetings to wet your feet with. Try to stick to one good
sound recovery meet. Letting someone in to my space is a bit hard for
me - but I did it. They accept that they'll see me for weeks on end,
then I'll drop off, and come one night here and there. Thats my
privelege.
One thing I remember form early on, I nevr missed a weekly step
meeting for about 2 years. Old farts knew what they were talking
about. Jaysus half the time they were talking about me :-)
Take care, know the favourite saying at meetings ?
Keep coming back - we'll love you till you learn to love yourself - gawwwk
Cheers
Tommy
> It's a tight rope in so many ways. I'm actually scared of NA coz I know it will be full of junkies so I've only been once and that was back in 99. I also disliked it coz I felt people there were either playing the victim or were just geniunly bad people. I think addiction only goes so far as an excuse, man there was one girl their with a string of dead and fostered out kids and that's just alian to me. I was a junkie from 12, lived on the streets and was a violent crimal at times but I still had a moral frame work. So that one visit scared me off NA, however I'm going back for my first meeting on Monday, I reckon it's a personal experience and I can't judge others so harshly by my morality. I can still have a view but it's not a place for that and I just wanna stay clean and after 19 months I know I can't keep doing this alone.
> So watch this space.....
> Sent from my iPod
John, I got put off AA when a flustery oul fecker asked me "how long
> So watch this space.....
> Sent from my iPod
it took me to make my wife the way she was" - I'd joined the whinging
brigade and was complaining that nothing I did seemed to satisfy her.
Nag nag nag..
Of course he was right. But the inner beast, the shitty committee
wasn't ready for the real truth.
That was nearly 20 years ago. Since then I've dropped in and out of
AA. Didn't drink, but honestly, at times AA just wasn't for me. It
was 'all them'.. I didn't do what they did. I wasnt as BAD as them,
I wasn't homeless, shoeless or family-less. I was a respectable
drunk. Hahahaha fsck me, I was still a drunk.
What I have picked up and hung onto is that I am a social animal. All
the faults you have, I have. I'm no different, better nor worse than
that guy over there - I'm me, and youre you. They're them. But I'm
one of them, and youre one of them and we're all one of them. Feck
it, them is 'us',,, its us :-)
Pick a few meetings to wet your feet with. Try to stick to one good
sound recovery meet. Letting someone in to my space is a bit hard for
me - but I did it. They accept that they'll see me for weeks on end,
then I'll drop off, and come one night here and there. Thats my
privelege.
One thing I remember form early on, I nevr missed a weekly step
meeting for about 2 years. Old farts knew what they were talking
about. Jaysus half the time they were talking about me :-)
Take care, know the favourite saying at meetings ?
Keep coming back - we'll love you till you learn to love yourself - gawwwk
Cheers
Tommy
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