[John Cox]

I keep getting the same thought, it's something I've said on here before. How does one deal with addiction for the rest of your life. Day to day, week to week and even year to year I can deal with, but life changes so much and what works now might not work next year...

I feel like I'm being stalked across space and time by a presents that desends upon me and stays till i purge it from my being. I'm still overwhelmed by how you just can't escape what sometimes feels like fait.

You can never say you've won, there's no victory march or final exam. To put it bluntly being an addict if a great big pain in the arse and it's gets right on my tits sometimes..

Coxy

Sent from my iPod

[Stuart B]

Hey John..
For me its day to day...if i start thinking too far
ahead then i can scare myself, that took time for me to
do...practice..learning....acceptance, ive learned up til now how to
cope with it...tend to laugh at it a lot...its kinda crazy eh? yeah
stalked...can safely say i understand that...if i dont want stalked
then i will need to find a way to leave my head in the house in the
morning...i never say ive won...i did not win...drugs beat the living
shit out of me..and i had to surrender...was not before trying for a
lot of years to beat it though, kept getting back in that ring
although there was only going to be one winner...yeah it does get on
yir tits at times, then there is good times, it gets easier...gets
harder...gets easier...gets harder...dealing with life full on with no
sedation for the feelings and emotions is a bit of a roller coaster at
times. I can only add that for me, as i said before i like to laugh at
the madness of it...i am totally off the richter scale most of the
time...ha ha its great though! being aware of it is half the battle.
take care John, hope all is well.


Stuart

[Stuart B]

Hey John and Ian..
Ian will get my number to you. I have been
thinking....yeah i do think sometimes!! Again this is how it works for
me, i need people i can talk to, about the shit in my head at times,
you know that fight against the drugs i was talking about
earlier...well same fight was fought around acceptance...same outcome
surrender, thats just me iam a bit of a fighter lol. Another thing was
a belief! i needed to believe in something...spiritual...in my case.
its a biggie, it keeps me going...mind, body, spirit, can work on my
fitness and diet, can share about my head stuff, and belive in a power
greater than myself...sounds a bit 12 stepish? thats cause it probaby
is! i will take anything from a spiritual path that i think will work
for me and i USE it!! Reading this post back to myself it comes across
as rather simple...thats probably cause it is...it only seems to get
complicated when i let my mind run away with it!! ah the old head
thing...will always try to take me in the past or in the future, will
try and convince me iam no good, cant do this cant do that, you look
shit, so dont look at yourself, and on and on and on and on it goes
you can fill in the blanks.....guess what iam laughing right now as i
write this....ah the madness of the addict!!! this is always with me.
Although focusing in the now and on the breath brings that thinking
to a halt, sounds simple eh!!? and thats the way i work with it, as
soon as i stop thinking of it in this way then am in trouble....there
was a song wrote about by Vince the other week, and that got me
laughing....i recalled a line in a Pink song that i love...." don't
let me get me cause iam a hazzard to myself" thats me! ha ha. Hope
everyone is well,

> > Sent from my iPod- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[metalface from kent]

Hi John,as per usual,I can only give you my 'take' on things and hope
you find something of use.
At your stage (2 years'ish?-am I right?)-its ALL in the 'noodle-
box'.You're well over the initial body and head trauma,which lets face
it,takes some considerable healing (the way we did it),but what you're
dealing with now are Psychological Issues,which lets face it,differ
from person to person.Western Psychology is,in my opinion,not an
'exact' Science,and though I'm sure these clever guys in jackets with
degrees talk a lot of sense,I put even less faith in them (with
regards my Heroin problem),than I do/did in Western Pharmaceutical
Medicine,which as far as I can see doesn't as yet,have a clue about
Heroin Addiction ("..turn them into Methadone Zombies-at least it
keeps them out of the shops...",y'know what I mean?!).

..So..is there another way? Well,as we know,Buddhist 'Psychology' (and
it is!-more so than anything else), is ideally suited to a recovering
addict.Its 'Says' ALL the Right things.

-Keeping yourself in the Present Moment at the same time as using the
Buddhist 'ten-plate' to monitor YOUR Actions-like a book of Law,will
ALWAYS keep you 'out of trouble'.
Recognise when you 'stray' and realize why and maybe there's less
chance of doing it next time.'Pull-Yourself Up'-Everytime.When you get
good at it you can start doing it to other people and become really
irritating at the same time as doing them a favour..is a good game!!-
Only Joking (..sort of)

-Addicts usually always have difficulty in re-learning (if they ever
got a chance in the first place!) 'The Rules' (of life and society and
whatever)...Re-Hab?,AA/NA?,Christianity?..I'm sure they all offer
something but Mfk recommends the Dharma-its all there and it all makes
sense and I take little notice of anything else these days (ask
anyone).If it satisfies them requirements (which you must learn!),then
I'd say,you'll have No Problems at all.Get 'Obsessive' about it!!

-Keeping a calm,controlled state of Mind is fundamental to the
Buddhist State of Being.Its all about avoiding 'Negative Karma' by
avoiding Negative Actions.If I may quote my fine,Lunar Example (you
may remember?) last week as to what happens when you dont!! and the
consequences that arise (..yes I 'shout' through the Keyboard
meself,sometimes Ian,mate,but I do try not too..
Of Course,Meditation is very important here,as is also maintaing the
Right Actions within you're life.Of course,its difficult to
maintain,but like anything the more 'Practise' (Good Word!),the better
you get.The Big Trick is-You have to Want To!!!..Thats up to you....

..I could go on and on about Impermeance,Disattachment,Loss of
Ego,'Emptiness'
..and on...and on...(you dont just say 'I'm a Buddhist' (I know some
people do!)-its something you really have to work at)-ALL these things
help with maintaining the 'State of Mind',but I'd end up writing a
'friggin' book and there's plenty out there already and some real
'corkers',but I think you get the giste.
Having said all that,I do believe you're already 'on the case' with
the audio books,ect.Keep it up and come to your own 'realizations'.cos
thats where the 'cookie' is!!

.....I was watching a documentary the other day (about Heroin) and it
was a very good well made documentary,but they concluded with the
usual gloomy post-script about how few people make it 'clean' and
about how 'Once an addict,Always an addict'.If I was a junkie
considering facing a de-tox at TKB (or anywhere else),and I'd seen
that-I probably wouldn't have bothered!! I hate to say it,I'm not that
well-versed in the workings of NA/AA,but (please someone correct me if
I'm wrong),'they' do seem to perpuate this line of thought!! No
disrespect to ANY of these Organisations,but they do seem to lack the
emphasise of putting the control back into your own hands.Buddism
offers quite the opposite (which I believe Essential) as a 'tool' of
recovary.

.....I'm NOT having any of it!!..."This Boy Here has 'beaten the rap'"-
and Thats That!! (..to give you some insight into my 'mindset').I dont
even entertain the idea of using Heroin again and to be honest,why the
hell would I want to?? It was SHIT!..All of it!!...Nothing good about
it at all!!

.....I ain't that bothered about what anyone else has got to say about
it,either-Its My Life,My Decision and Its Final!!....(there's another
'clue'!)

..anyway,I could go on (and probably will),but I think I've said
enough recently.

I hope tommorow finds you having a better day,Mate.

Very Best Wishes,
Metta
Mfk

P.s.I'll be in touch with you soon cos I'd really like some of them
audio books (for the I-pod).What U Got?(and how much memory do I need)?
(Ta)

On Dec 10, 1:01 pm, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:

[metalface from kent]

...I didn't mention
-'Cultivation of Wisdom'-Thats Important!!...(you're already 'on it'!).
(mfk)

On Dec 10, 1:01 pm, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:

[metalface from kent]

Hi Stuart,Just read both your posts (missed the 2nd before?!).Couldn't
agree more!! You've got your 'head' in exactly the Right Place (which
is of course,evident!!)..I forgot to mention 'Acceptance'-another
important Buddhist Theme.
'Drugs Beat the Shit' out of me as well,but no more!!..and not taking
yourself too seriously,is also very important-how 'weird' people like
that are,eh?.
Well Said.
Keep Well,Freind.
Mfk

P.s.....Madness!,Wot Madness!!! :):):)

> > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

[bowerygirl]

u know i find meself slummin around here hopin in the back of me head
one of u cats r going to have "the answer" or that perfect simple
solution thats gonna make it go away or at least make it easy. truth
is i do know there is no such animal and i do know its never going to
be easy. i have learned these last few months that i do have the power
to make it less of a burden most of the time. as silly as it sounds it
does have alot to do with how i look at it. i can make or break the
day depending on whether i obsess on "poor me" or just "me". it gets
pretty dark n difficult on the poor me days. on the days i make an
effort to see the positive opportunities i still have i find it to be
less trying and possible. the reality is just that..being an addict IS
a pain an it is frustrating. i hate the fact that u get some good time
yet most ppl will say its always gonna be there n its always gonna be
a fight. from where i stand though i see many of u living...like it no
longer dictates ur life, like u livin with it instead of around
it..does that make sense?? im just tryn to say i see the difference
and its cool. so even though its always gonna be there n i know there
will be "those days" its cool to see ppl discover their own way thru
and find a happy medium of sorts.
coxy if u dont mind me askin..after some time n work does there come
a point where u not battling the urge to use anymore? or is that going
to be an ongoing battle as well?
take it easy everyone..hope this finds u in the middle of a good
day~bowerygirl

[John Cox]

Hey BG,
Good news, you get more and more wonderful moments. Things you only
ever saw happen to other people, moments of pure clarity that make you
understand what is it is to be human, you feel privilaged.

The hard times seem to come when your down, when your bored or when
your around old triggers. I can distract myself for months at a time
with my gardening, comedy, music, history or any of the things I am
passionate about.

One big thing for me has been being stable enough to meet a girl that
I love and respect but who is clean and isn't with me in a co
dependant or dysfunctional way.

I break it down in 2 ways, do good fun stimulating things in your life
so you feel productive and fulilled. Second, mix with good people,
it's a cliquet (spelling?? ) but if you lay with dogs your gonna get
fleas..

It's a pain in the arse but you manage, I still get cravings most days
and I still dream about having a boot or a pip most nights, but it's a
small cross to bear when conpard to a life of violance, fear, dirt and
pain...plus I'm the last one of my group still alive and functioning
so I have to make a good life or what was the point???

As they say in Australia, "she'll be right mate" x

Coxy

Sent from my iPod

> --
> The OFFICIAL Thamkrabok Monastery website is http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org
> INDEPENDENT information can be found at http://www.thamkrabok.net
> To post to this group, send email to Friends-of-Tham...@googlegroups.com
> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to Friends-of-Thamkrabok...@googlegroups.com
> For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Friends-of-Thamkrabok-Monastery

[John Cox]

The tips from you guys are great, Stu, MF, Tom, BG, Bill, Audrey, Ian,
Brian(x2) and Vincent, plus the other guys who read and some time pop
in are all vey useful to me on my journey.

Some days I read and I'm just left cold like none of you really know
and my problems are some how special and unique..then one little
comment penitrates my thick skull and enters the void were my brain
lifes lol, it's just enough some days and I am really thankful to
everyone who contributes.
Coxy

Sent from my iPod

On 11/12/2009, at 7:06, metalface from kent
<boswe...@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:

>>> On Dec 10, 1:01 pm, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:
>>
>>>> I keep getting the same thought, it's something I've said on here
>>>> before. How does one deal with addiction for the rest of your
>>>> life. Day to day, week to week and even year to year I can deal
>>>> with, but life changes so much and what works now might not work
>>>> next year...
>>
>>>> I feel like I'm being stalked across space and time by a presents
>>>> that desends upon me and stays till i purge it from my being. I'm
>>>> still overwhelmed by how you just can't escape what sometimes
>>>> feels like fait.
>>
>>>> You can never say you've won, there's no victory march or final
>>>> exam. To put it bluntly being an addict if a great big pain in
>>>> the arse and it's gets right on my tits sometimes..
>>
>>>> Coxy
>>

>>>> Sent from my iPod- Hide quoted text -
>>
>>> - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
>>
>> - Show quoted text -
>

[John Cox]

Man I got the best audiobook collection, I reckon you'd religions of the axial age, it's great and goes way back to axial ages when all you main action began with. What we now know as the main faiths
I've got a 90 episod history if Rome, I've got Greece, china from Yao to Mai, Byzantine, Normans, America, several compleat world histories, every day of the battle of Britain, every king of england, Persian wars, history of Islam, Buddhism and all Indian faith....I could go on for some time lol

Sent from my iPod

On Dec 10, 1:01 pm, John Cox <johncox2...@ymail.com> wrote:
I keep getting the same thought, it's something I've said on here before. How does one deal with addiction for the rest of your life. Day to day, week to week and even year to year I can deal with, but life changes so much and what works now might not work next year...

I feel like I'm being stalked across space and time by a presents that desends upon me and stays till i purge it from my being. I'm still overwhelmed by how you just can't escape what sometimes feels like fait.

You can never say you've won, there's no victory march or final exam. To put it bluntly being an addict if a great big pain in the arse and it's gets right on my tits sometimes..

Coxy

Sent from my iPod

--

[John Cox]

Just re-read your mail man, and as always cheers Stu

---

From: Stuart B <stuart....@btconnect.com>
To: Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery <friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Fri, 11 December, 2009 1:14:07
Subject: [FOTM:2567] Re:

[Vince Cullen]

Hi John,

I was going to call you this weekend just for the craic but there's so much going on just now that it is hardly worth me making any plans because I don't seem able to keep to them.  I'm very busy at present but in an unfocussed way... "all about, like (cow) shit in a field" as they say around these parts.  I did some home electrics today and was very proud of the results only to find out later that I had connected the wrong coloured wires... but fortunately I was consistently wrong throughout the whole job... so I didn't kill anyone or burn the house down.  My job for Sunday will be to re-wire my rewiring!  But I will give you a call one of these days.

Of course, being busy can keep our minds off our negative cravings as long as being busy doesn't add unnecessary stress to our lives which can have the opposite affect.  But 'horses for courses', as we all deal with cravings differently.

The 'Thamkrabok Sajja' says commit the rest of your life to abstinence.  The '12-steps' says commit just for today.  There is no wrong way to keep clean... whatever works for you is the right way.

One breath at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time.

Best wishes to all.

With Metta,


Vince
__________________________________
334
Uncontained craving
grows like a creeper in the forest.
Being lost in it
one leaps around
like a tree-dwelling ape looking for fruit.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80

2009/12/12 John Cox <johnc...@ymail.com>

[John Cox]

Rerewiring ey mate, sounds dangerous  . I have a DIY rule, i wont touch anything with gas or electic in case I kill everyone.

Horses for course is about right mate, I'm just not sure which course is best for me any given time.

It would be good to talk mate, I did get skype but it messed up my feable pc so I'm gonna up grade once we're married to something better than pocket calculator with a type writter glued to that I presently call a home computer.

Do you remember the conversation we had when I was wanting to find out about tham krabok. I remember it well mate lol.

Anyways good luck with your electrics mate,

Cheers

Coxy

Sent from my iPod

[metalface from kent]

Bowery,simple truth is,there's no "Easy" solution (statistics will
show you that).The 'Good News' is,you've done all the 'hard work' and
that is the truth.All you've gotta do now is sit tight!! I know for a
fact you will feel a marked' calm-down after 6-7 months 'clean' (put
you about Jan-Feb?).
The 'cravings' do taper off,so dont worry.I myself remember employing
little psychological 'ruses' on myself,to stop myself 'obscessing'-the
minute the very thought or image of the drug (or anything related)
would come into my head,I would just 'shift' the whole contents of my
head sideways and out-like I was imagining some sort of mechanical
device just sliding and tipping the contents of my head (my thoughts)
out and into an imaginary bin.It would literally 'sever' the thought
process and I'd find myself thinking about something else.I have to
say I was not at all into the Buddhist 'thing' at that stage and
wasn't even really Meditating,at the time,but of course,this would and
and later did help to control the 'monkey-brain'*

..."YOU must seize control of the 'Chariot'" (as Phra Hans would
say)....and.."DONT let the children drive the car" (...That was a
Great one!!).

I can tell you Bowery-its NOT always gonna be a fight and its NOT
always gonna "be there".Dont let people tell you Shit like that!! (Put
them onto me!!).You must NOT perpepuate this 'line of thought'-its
'unhealthy'!!..NOT with Heroin!!
(It may well be differant with alcohol,cocaine,pills,ect.-I know
not??!!).
What will get you through now is how you deal with your thoughts...so
'think about it'-Literally!!

We all find our own way through and you will find yours.

..Sit Tight,Girl!

John,very interested in the Axial stuff,but I'll take the lot if its
feasible and I can get it on a memory stick.Still using a cleaner
every 2 days at mo,just to get me through me youtubes ect.,this thing
needs a 'pro-overhall' and will get one soon.I'll be in touch.Hope
your Well,mate.

Best Wishes,Both,
Metta
Mfk.

* 'monkey-brain' a Buddhist term relating to the state of mind that
is so prevailant and 'normal' in Western Society, whereby the brain
does its own 'thing' with thoughts dancing around uncontrolled,one to
the next...y'know a 'normal day',Bowery :)