Feelers ESP and Alexs' needs to enhance ESP even moreso than Feelers

[Affects4me]

Thirty years studying Alexithymia, especially the past five years
especially most intensely, have provided me with a vastly assorted
mass of various research articles and connected dots, or sometimes
partially connected dots, which forms, gels into an ever-greater
increasing magnitudes of resolution, being able to fathom closer into
all the effects and reprocussions from and of living with
Alexithymia.

One thing is the Anterior Cingulate's anologic moment-by-moment error
processing is greatly deminished. This means there is deminished
capacity at fast, analogic error checking and and rapid decision-
making. This is compensated by much more strongly developed logical
thinkings, collections of best attempts at developing and establishing
sets of deductive rules with which to sort and more correctly respond
to and interpret the deficits of emotions to feelings processing and
rapid intuitive decision-making abilities. The sets of collective
rules can become cumbersome and difficult to sort thru and apply
correctly to ever-changing uniques sets of various fast-incoming,
changing conditions of variables and stimuli-inductive information.
Knowing all of this introduces the desire to improve upon one's
abilities in these very exact deminished areas and capacities, and I
think this is where computer software simulations really come in
handy. Maybe the best way to improve the short term decision-making
abilities is by using the video games of the auto racing games at high
speeds. This is very fast moving and requires super quick steering
decisions to stay on the road and keep the car still intact and racing
on the track. I would suggest that Alexithymics would make poor race
car drivers, gaming gamblers, or fortune tellers. These two last-
mentioned are especially revealing. Gamblers must be able to do fast,
accurate intuitive decision-making using their analog processing
within the ACC. This includes being able to "intuit or read" others'
subjective feelings states accurately on the fly, in real time, and
respond appropriately with a high enough probability of correct
decisions to end up with a winning position, with enhanced gains for
efforts of intensity put forth and expended. Not being rewarded with
a high number of correct decisions and responses blunts seeking to
improve these abilities. It certainly enhances one's awareness of
said deficiencies, and seeks to further hone attempts to overcome
same, but by using simulated techniques, not real-time. In other
words, I'll improve my skills racing the video games, not behind the
wheel in my actual car. Quite the opposite, in fact. In the real
car, it is all about constantly seeking to constantly more closely
follow the legal rules of the road, with highest emphasis on safety
and defensive driving, with total attention at all times. This is
success on the real road, and is a moral and ethical imperative. You
begin to have contempt for overly aggressive drivers, simply wanting
to report them when it is possible and appropriate to do so. (There
are call-in telephone numbers to report such, and I applaud same. In
our area it has helped produce safer drivers all around, also from
heightened traffic law enforcement, which I respect and applaud.)

The second I mentioned was regarding fortune tellers, which may sound
bogus altogether, but I actually think with authentic fortune telling,
such people have advanced intuitive gifts and abilities, can sense and
percieve intuitively far beyond what most feelers can detect and
perceive. I have met a few actual such persons, and had them read my
future and tell me of my past things they could have never known, and
about future things with uncanny accuracy. This has demonstrated to
me and brought me to believe that there are select persons with rare
psychic gifts and abilities, also that there is more to reality than I
personally can detect, especially as regards Spiritual Reality, our
Living God. I believe there is an Almighty Creator, and that Jesus
Christ is my personal Saviour. This is belief I choose, and God
provides me as an actual Gift as Faith, as this comes only by God;
faith is supernaturally provided, even though it too is incremental,
as we all are in various stages of our Spiritual walk. Extra Sensory
Perception, ESP, is very real to me, and has been amazing when I have
experienced others' with such heightened abilities real-time
readings.

I would like to enhance my intuitive perception, every way possible,
especially since this needs work. The mind-reading software and
racing cars with the video games are two examples I can think of right
away. Attempting card-counting using simulated poker such as Texas
Hold-em is another that comes to mind. All sorts of card and word
games also increase and enhance these intuitive abilities. Another
would be various forms of intuitive creative expression, such as
painting, drawing, playing musical instruments, various sports, dance,
yoga, and tai chi also come to mind, along with attempting meditation
techniques, such as Kuro has mentioned. Kudos to Kuro, who is spot
on! Carry on! We salute you, and others such as Jenny, who do the
same, each in their own unique ways.

These are my personal observations recorded as of Nov, 12, 2009.

[kurokawa8]

I've always been a fan of fast reaction-type video games; shooters,
platformers, racing, etc. I remember the first time we got the Atari
2600. I played Space Invaders nonstop for 13 hours. Totally
sick...or scratching an itch? I used to play Super Punchout on the
NES upside down and with my feet; I could still beat the game either
way lol. Isn't it torture to play the newer videogames that are all
movies and intros and cutscenes with barely any interaction? Give me
an 80's coin-op like Phoenix, Scramble, Pleiades, Pac-Man, Stargate,
or Robotron.

For fast-reaction racing games I would HIGHLY recommend Burnout:
Revenge. It's available on XBOX360 and the old XBOX. Burnout:
Paradise City, the newer one, is not half as fun, IMO.

That's interesting what you wrote about intuitive perception. I took
the full Meyer's Briggs personality profile test and scored 100% on
the intuition scale. On the long version of the test that's hard to
do! Obviously an imbalance.

But there were a few times when i had incredible leaps of intuition.
One time really jumps out in my mind. Back 15 years ago or so i was
into drugs and alcohol. They REALLY weren't good for me, nor were my
so-called friends. I was drunk and stoned and after a few hours my
mind kind of went into this weird place where I was in direct contact
with my subconscious mind. I realized wow I can know ANYTHING right
now. What should i know? What would be the most useful information I
should seek while I have this ability? Which one of us will die first
was the answer. I got it (changing the names): Steve will die on Hill
road by being crushed by a car. It was specific. And really
unlikely. I thought...should I tell him? No. How do you tell
someone that? Especially considering me and him weren't friendly even
though we were in the same circle.

I figured I'd repeat the information to myself just to see how close I
would get. I said...I don't want a fuzzy self-fulfilling memory. I
want to KNOW this was exactly what I predicted. so I took some time
and repeated it to myself several times. i anchored the image in my
mind. I cleared my head and deliberately and slowly spelled it out so
it was crystal clear and unmistakable. I swear to god I had this
premonition with zero memory distortion. I even thought...jeez I
should write this down...nah I got it, and besides I just couldn't be
right could I?

Two weeks later it happened exactly as I predicted. His car broke
down on "Hill" road. A problem with the wheel i gathered. He put it
up on a jack and tried to fix it from underneath. The car fell on him
and killed him. It was weird I never pictured a jack. It was just
"he will be crushed by a car". It wasn't a picture it was words.
(Wow...thats right it WAS words. it SHOULD have been an image. That
is interesting....but I did visualize stars with streaks, like an acid
trip). Oh also, "Hill" road turned out to be a road he used regularly
to go to his parent's house but i didn't know that at the time. So
you can see how unlikely I thought the whole situation would be -dying
on some random road.

Was I amazed? I was alexithymic-blank to the revelation as most
readers of this could imagine. Who would ever believe me? I wondered
during his wake...how did my brain know this? What possible signals
did I receive? i remember the process of gleaning this particular
piece of information was by "remembering backwards" using the cues of
the sensorilogical/emotional impact the death of one person would have
on all the people in this room. It was like the ultimate feat of
subconscious lateral thinking. And now i wonder did I figure out
something that was going to happen, or did i put the energy out there
to make it happen? Did I murder someone?

This is unbelievable I know. What's even weirder is that it happened
and I'm incapable of feeling amazement or guilt about it. I remember
at the time of the wake thinking why do i not feel amazement or guilt,
having no conception of alexithymia. Where is my reaction? How can I
not feel something? I MUST feel something right? But I just didn't
wonder about it beyond that. Where else is there to go when you don't
understand alexithymia. But it did impel me to action...weeks later I
told a few of the people that were there and they just didn't believe
me or didn't do anything about it.

I could NEVER share this if I wasn't anonymous btw.

To "Steve": I regret not telling you. It was wrong not to because I
*knew* it would happen. Even though you wouldn't have believed me you
still would have been more careful with the carjack. If I caused it
to happen please forgive me. It was not conscious.

When My Somatic Experiencing and Mindfulness pay off I'll need to
release shock and guilt.

BTW...i write huge long posts to this club pretty often but rarely hit
"send". This time I will.

[Affects4me]

******************************************************************
Kuro,
You remind me of something from 1973 when I was 20, that happened to
me, which confirms the Alexithymia I had even then. Id been up in my
own room studying organic chemistry, when I heard thru the window 3 of
my friends yelling for me to come down and go joy-riding with them,
but I said no, I had to study, which I did. But next comes the really
strange parts: in the middle of the night maybe 3 AM my mother burst
into my room asking me, was I there, in bed. I sat up, answered her
yes, I am here. With that she said she had just gotten a phone call
that 4 of all of us boys had been killed in an auto accident, that
they were going 80 mph down a steep hill with a big bump which made
the car "jump up," but instead lost control and hit a telephone poll.
It wasnt me in the car, but the caller did not know, so had called to
find out was I at home. Later I went to the funeral homes (there were
two different ones) and saw my friends laid out in their caskets. and
remembering it just now, while reading your post, Kuro, I remember
clearly that when I saw my friends like that, I felt nothing, I was
totally feelings numbed, but did not know any better, as I do now,
recalling the experience, that that in fact was something I
experienced in which my awareness was completely without any
subjective feelings, so this confirms my Alex goes back before age 20,
as I have long recalled in other such memories, but this one just
popped up, I was reminded of it from your comments, especially since I
should have had intense emotions of sadness and grief then.but did
not. These guys were my very best friends, who I grew up with, and
suddenly they were all gone. But my Alex predates this traumatic
experience, goes back to before age 5, from earliest development.
This is why I placed such great emphasis on those research articles
about traumatic events during early childhood development, especially
before age 5, while the brain is still wiring, and during which, if
there is trauma of a major sort, the brain "rewires" to an Alex trait/
state condition, and I had already found research articles describing
how the Alex person uses differing areas of the cortex when processing
emotionally salient stimuli. This would result, most likely, from
such "rewiring," during early development. This does not mean that
the mirror neurons are damaged, but that the normal ACC pathway for
signal transmission of limbic information gets turned off, due to the
Alex MU morphology, with the result there is feelings numbing as a
constant steady state, which becomes the "normal" state for the Alex
person, who knows no different, as he/she does not recall much
subjective feelings in relationships with others. Actually, I did
experience subjective feelings states around age 12, I definately
recall, and I think the fact I remember these vivid emotional memories
with subjective feelings included, in such stark contrast to now with
total feelings numbing, has made me so highly motivated seeking to
find a way back to what I had had access to before, at an earlier age
and time. This is similar to the movie called "At First Sight," in
which Val Kilmer plays a man who actually gains visual sight for a
short time, learns to see properly, but then ends up returning to the
state of total blindness again. What was unique here was Val Kilmer
describes how rich an experience it was to have been able to actually
"see" the world around him, compared with not being able to do so.
Same applies with once having been a feeler, only then becoming
Alexithymic. I know the difference between these two conditions, how
much richer a human experience was for me when I had access to my
subjective feelings within my perceptual awareness, and I long for
being able to regain access to my subjective feelings, even though
this may never happen. The result has been that I have spent the last
5 years digging very deep, trolling the internet using google, and
have pieced together all these related articles on Alexithymia, to the
extent that I now have a much more precise picture of the actual
process of neurological events which happens when Alexithymia becomes
the steady state condition. This is alot of rehash, but is worth it,
just to bring it all together.
Cheers,
A4M


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