emotional elasticity

[kurokawa8]

Interesting idea from my ongoing Somatic Experiencing therapy. I was
speaking to the SE therapist about my struggle to achieve emotional
catharsis. I spoke of crying my eyes out in agony trying to achieve a
state of equanimity.

She said that's not really an SE kind of concept. That's actually not
considered to be a healthy state in SE. It's considered a state of
incoherence and chaos. The SE concept is all about different levels
of arousal, and the ability to shift from one level of arousal to
another.

That was an ah-ha moment for me. I always had this mental picture of
emotions exploding and achieving a tranquil equanimity as being
emotional processing. Emotional processing isn't an explosion or a
discharge or a catharsis. It's a resiliency from arousal. It's like
elasticity, from physics.

Elasticity is defined as the property of returning to an initial form
or state following deformation. An example of an extremely elastic
substance would be steel. Imagine a steel ball bouncing on a steel
table-it would bounce pretty high. An inelastic substance would be a
wet sack of oatmeal.

Am I wet sack of oatmeal trying to smash myself harder and harder on
the steel table in order to find just a MOTE of resilience? Am I
trying to find just a TINY amount of bounce? Physically speaking, the
wet sack of oatmeal must have SOME degree of resistance to
deformation, right? Is it healthy to keep smashing myself on a steel
table to seek out that tiny speck of elasticity?

SE training begins with detecting physical arousal. Then it goes on
to become aware of changes in physical arousal. Then SE will have you
notice emotional arousals. Then you notice what behaviors turn that
arousal around. That is exploring and developing resiliency in a much
healthier, safer, and effective way than trying to find catharsis by
blowing up.

I've found a few behaviors that helped me to find some emotional
elasticity. When I'm upset, or irritated, or anxious I read a book of
silly children's poetry out loud. I pretend I read them to kids and
the kids are laughing. After a few minutes I'm not negatively aroused
any more. Surprisingly, I feel better. Usually the negative arousal
would give me a headache and settle in as pain in the right side of my
head and abdomen. It wasn't some big huge catharsis but I avoided the
headache and pain. My emotional arousal shifted without me realizing
it.

Other times I was able to "unwind" from negative arousal just talking
about nothing to my therapist. Just inconsequential things like
cooking or cleaning. I'd be surprised to find myself less aroused as
my focus drifted.

Another time I was able to discharge the negative arousal of walking
into a crowded grocery store. I looked around herky jerky behind me
below me to the left and right, smell the air and look at everything.
I was using physical energy to "unfuel" emotional arousal. It felt
like I caught a wave and avoided the initial anxiety that would
normally morph into pain in my head and abdomen.

I'm practicing, practicing. Muscles I never knew I had. Maybe I'll
be able to count on them, to control them, to use them. It's been
slow going.

How does one naturally attain emotional elasticity? The bond between
a mother and infant? the security of a powerful responsive and loving
father?

Is all emotionality boiled down to a display of healthy elasticity?
Is that elasticity, that resiliency, what really makes us attractive
to each other? What really gets a response from others?

FYI there's a few other older threads on Somatic Experiencing therapy
if you're interested.