Experience
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sparx104
Apr 30, 2009, 6:20:11 PM4/30/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Hi,
Bit of an odd post this, I suppose I'm after some feedback but if
anyone wants this removed just ask.
I've never been very good with people on anything other than a
superficial level (something I learned from being a salesman) and
recently have been trying to deal with this.
For the last few months I've been talking to a girl online (the first
long-term, "positive", contact I've had with a woman, online or
offline) and we've been getting "close" (or at least, what I assume to
be close - she tells me that we've talked about stuff she's not talked
to others about) and I like to talk to her - normally I'm pretty
indifferent with people.
Now, feelings wise, the best way to describe that I feel is that I
know "something" is going on - I have what is best described as a
sense of it but cannot explain either "it" or what it feels like. I'm
able to sense changes in it to varying degrees, sometimes I can tell
if its changed in a positive (usually felt as different but assumed to
be positive) or negative way but often not, and often not until it
becomes overwhelmingly negative.
Talking to this girl would often result in a change which I assumed to
be positive.
Now, to the point, the other day I told her I had feelings for her,
something which I assumed she already knew and either way I assumed
that she'd just either say she felt the same or she didn't, we'd have
a laugh about it and then move on.
This is certainly not what happened - she disappeared for a bit then
said that she had no idea and that she had to think about what it
meant and needed to be alone. After some time she said that she had
feelings for me but wasn't ready for anything like that. We're back
talking but I'm not sure that we're the same.
Now, when she said all this I felt nothing positive or negative, only
that I thought I shouldn't have said it since I'd upset her and that
I'd never wanted that - to be honest, I'm still not sure why I said it
anyway, it just seemed "right" to say it.
Now, today (the day after) I've been feeling low, the "sense" from
earlier has been very negative which triggers the depression I also
suffer from. From thinking about this now I assume perhaps it did
upset me but I'm not sure why as aside from sensing that I feel bad
(and depressed) I don't "think" I'm upset.
Anyway, I suppose all this is to ask: Is this "normal"? Since I'm
trying to find a relationship am I going to come up against this sort
of thing a lot as the idea of upsetting people without knowing why is
really going to be a problem for me. Does anyone recognise any of
this? and if so, how do/did you deal with it? and have you any ideas
of how you would deal with it based on that experience?
Thanks for any help.
Cheers,
Chris.
__
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
Bit of an odd post this, I suppose I'm after some feedback but if
anyone wants this removed just ask.
I've never been very good with people on anything other than a
superficial level (something I learned from being a salesman) and
recently have been trying to deal with this.
For the last few months I've been talking to a girl online (the first
long-term, "positive", contact I've had with a woman, online or
offline) and we've been getting "close" (or at least, what I assume to
be close - she tells me that we've talked about stuff she's not talked
to others about) and I like to talk to her - normally I'm pretty
indifferent with people.
Now, feelings wise, the best way to describe that I feel is that I
know "something" is going on - I have what is best described as a
sense of it but cannot explain either "it" or what it feels like. I'm
able to sense changes in it to varying degrees, sometimes I can tell
if its changed in a positive (usually felt as different but assumed to
be positive) or negative way but often not, and often not until it
becomes overwhelmingly negative.
Talking to this girl would often result in a change which I assumed to
be positive.
Now, to the point, the other day I told her I had feelings for her,
something which I assumed she already knew and either way I assumed
that she'd just either say she felt the same or she didn't, we'd have
a laugh about it and then move on.
This is certainly not what happened - she disappeared for a bit then
said that she had no idea and that she had to think about what it
meant and needed to be alone. After some time she said that she had
feelings for me but wasn't ready for anything like that. We're back
talking but I'm not sure that we're the same.
Now, when she said all this I felt nothing positive or negative, only
that I thought I shouldn't have said it since I'd upset her and that
I'd never wanted that - to be honest, I'm still not sure why I said it
anyway, it just seemed "right" to say it.
Now, today (the day after) I've been feeling low, the "sense" from
earlier has been very negative which triggers the depression I also
suffer from. From thinking about this now I assume perhaps it did
upset me but I'm not sure why as aside from sensing that I feel bad
(and depressed) I don't "think" I'm upset.
Anyway, I suppose all this is to ask: Is this "normal"? Since I'm
trying to find a relationship am I going to come up against this sort
of thing a lot as the idea of upsetting people without knowing why is
really going to be a problem for me. Does anyone recognise any of
this? and if so, how do/did you deal with it? and have you any ideas
of how you would deal with it based on that experience?
Thanks for any help.
Cheers,
Chris.
__
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
dannycheckavailabili
May 1, 2009, 10:00:51 AM5/1/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Yip, this sounds "normal" to me. have had very similar experiences.
This feeling of "I'm sure she does feel it, and I think I do, maybe I
should, damn it why did I have to go and say that!" It's like "giving
the game away" or maybe "showing your hand" I can't remember which one
it was, maybe John Paul Startre from the Giant's of Philosophy series,
He goes on about how if you ask a girl out she has to deny to herself
that it is leading any where, when you get to the movie still she will
deny that it is anything but an innocent experience, even when she
accepts your offer of coffee at your place she must deny to herself
that there are any implications. Remember she is in the moment, and
your advances take her out of that moment which she was enjoying and
make her deal with all the emotions that go along with the
implications of a relationship or the emotions and implications of
sex. "is he the one?", "what if he's a freak and my friend don't like
him?.. I'll look like such a retard, and I'll lose all that
credibility I'd built up with jenny!", the What ifs and Yea buts, shit
you might not look good in a charcoal suit that she needs her man to
wear so she can get away with wearing that little black dress she's
lost all that weight to fit into.
Okay I have no idea what really goes through a girls head but I do
know that if you look like your looking for sex you'll get none, if
your just out for a good time your chances improve. And if your
genuinely enjoying yourself you'll probably get laid. And here's the
kicker, or bonus depending o your perspective if your getting laid in
general it put's you in a good mood and chicks will be able to see it
a mile off, it will make you appear more attractive.
If you get the chance read Human Instinct by Robert Winston.In it he
talks about a species of bird called the Sage Grouse, and how they
have these "mating dances" called lek's where the males strut their
stuff and the females pick the best dancer. The best grouse dancer can
get up to 80 percent of the girls. the theory is that like human women
they are using the other females judgement to decide if they like him
or not.
Sorry I'm getting off track, when I experienced what you were talking
about I couldn't/ didn't talk about it and I think I still am kinda
hung up on it, this is hard for me to explain, but I remember things
for no apparent reason and am reminded of what a chump I must have
appeared. This really burns me, the memory that is, for an instant and
it's actually kinda painful. Then I try to forget about it.
That's no help I know, so for "emotional digestion" - something I
learned about here that's probably my hang up - I'm trying to keep a
diary based on some stuff I found in Emotional Intelligence by Daniel
Goleman.
Quote pg 180: "James Penne Baker, Psychologist, who has shown in a
series of experiments that getting people to talk about the thought's
that trouble them most has a beneficial medical effect. His method is
remarkably simple: he asks people to write for fifteen to twenty
minutes a day over five or so days, about, for example "the most
traumatic experience in my life", or some pressing worry of the
moment. What people write can be kept entirely up to themselves if
they like. The net effect of this confessional is striking, enhanced
immune function, significant drops in health center visits in the
following six months, fewer days missed from worknd even improved
liver enzyme function. More over, those whose writings showed the most
evidence of turbulent feelings had the greatest improvements in their
immune function. A specific pattern emerged as the "healthiest" way to
ventilate troubling feeling's, at first expressing a high level of
sadness anger anxiety - whatever troubling feelings the topic brought
up, then, over the course of the next several days weaving a
narrative, finding some meaning in the trauma or travail."
I can't yet attest for it's effectiveness and also I find it hard to
get in any sort of mood to write.
To sum up this little lecture,
1. yes that sound's normal.
2. Girls like flirting and 3 weeks of foreplay or
3. that some other girl has done their homework on you and that's good
enough for her.
4. try writing about you feelings,
p.s. I can relate about having a great rapport with people on a
superficial level.
This feeling of "I'm sure she does feel it, and I think I do, maybe I
should, damn it why did I have to go and say that!" It's like "giving
the game away" or maybe "showing your hand" I can't remember which one
it was, maybe John Paul Startre from the Giant's of Philosophy series,
He goes on about how if you ask a girl out she has to deny to herself
that it is leading any where, when you get to the movie still she will
deny that it is anything but an innocent experience, even when she
accepts your offer of coffee at your place she must deny to herself
that there are any implications. Remember she is in the moment, and
your advances take her out of that moment which she was enjoying and
make her deal with all the emotions that go along with the
implications of a relationship or the emotions and implications of
sex. "is he the one?", "what if he's a freak and my friend don't like
him?.. I'll look like such a retard, and I'll lose all that
credibility I'd built up with jenny!", the What ifs and Yea buts, shit
you might not look good in a charcoal suit that she needs her man to
wear so she can get away with wearing that little black dress she's
lost all that weight to fit into.
Okay I have no idea what really goes through a girls head but I do
know that if you look like your looking for sex you'll get none, if
your just out for a good time your chances improve. And if your
genuinely enjoying yourself you'll probably get laid. And here's the
kicker, or bonus depending o your perspective if your getting laid in
general it put's you in a good mood and chicks will be able to see it
a mile off, it will make you appear more attractive.
If you get the chance read Human Instinct by Robert Winston.In it he
talks about a species of bird called the Sage Grouse, and how they
have these "mating dances" called lek's where the males strut their
stuff and the females pick the best dancer. The best grouse dancer can
get up to 80 percent of the girls. the theory is that like human women
they are using the other females judgement to decide if they like him
or not.
Sorry I'm getting off track, when I experienced what you were talking
about I couldn't/ didn't talk about it and I think I still am kinda
hung up on it, this is hard for me to explain, but I remember things
for no apparent reason and am reminded of what a chump I must have
appeared. This really burns me, the memory that is, for an instant and
it's actually kinda painful. Then I try to forget about it.
That's no help I know, so for "emotional digestion" - something I
learned about here that's probably my hang up - I'm trying to keep a
diary based on some stuff I found in Emotional Intelligence by Daniel
Goleman.
Quote pg 180: "James Penne Baker, Psychologist, who has shown in a
series of experiments that getting people to talk about the thought's
that trouble them most has a beneficial medical effect. His method is
remarkably simple: he asks people to write for fifteen to twenty
minutes a day over five or so days, about, for example "the most
traumatic experience in my life", or some pressing worry of the
moment. What people write can be kept entirely up to themselves if
they like. The net effect of this confessional is striking, enhanced
immune function, significant drops in health center visits in the
following six months, fewer days missed from worknd even improved
liver enzyme function. More over, those whose writings showed the most
evidence of turbulent feelings had the greatest improvements in their
immune function. A specific pattern emerged as the "healthiest" way to
ventilate troubling feeling's, at first expressing a high level of
sadness anger anxiety - whatever troubling feelings the topic brought
up, then, over the course of the next several days weaving a
narrative, finding some meaning in the trauma or travail."
I can't yet attest for it's effectiveness and also I find it hard to
get in any sort of mood to write.
To sum up this little lecture,
1. yes that sound's normal.
2. Girls like flirting and 3 weeks of foreplay or
3. that some other girl has done their homework on you and that's good
enough for her.
4. try writing about you feelings,
p.s. I can relate about having a great rapport with people on a
superficial level.
"Didyouknow...."
May 27, 2009, 6:52:52 AM5/27/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
hey Sparx, give us an update on how thing's have developed for you?
Only if you want. Just curious.
Only if you want. Just curious.
sparx104
May 27, 2009, 7:18:32 AM5/27/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Well, I actually went to meet her in real life.
We spent a very nice afternoon doing all the stuff I've never done
before (but have seen everyone else doing) - we went a walk around a
nature reserve, held hands, watched the wildlife and stuff, it was
very nice. In the evening we watched DVDs cuddled on her sofa and
kissed before going to bed (separately).
The following morning she said that she wasn't ready for anything and
that she just wanted us to be friends. We then went shopping in
town. When we got back I had real problems "emotionally" (which, as
usual, came from nowhere). I ended up having to leave as I was simply
unable to be sure I wouldn't have tried something which would have
ended up hurting her (emotionally, not physically) - I have no way of
"reading" what people are feeling or what effect something I do or say
would have on them so, frankly, I am not "safe" to be around someone
having emotional problems.
So, a weekend of "firsts". Some very nice, some certainly not so.
Since then we still talk online and I've still no idea what she wants
(I don't think she does) but I don't think we're going to go anywhere,
so, although I've made a friend, I'll remain lonely.
Feel free to ask any questions if you want.
Chris
On 27 May, 11:52, "\"Didyouknow....\""
We spent a very nice afternoon doing all the stuff I've never done
before (but have seen everyone else doing) - we went a walk around a
nature reserve, held hands, watched the wildlife and stuff, it was
very nice. In the evening we watched DVDs cuddled on her sofa and
kissed before going to bed (separately).
The following morning she said that she wasn't ready for anything and
that she just wanted us to be friends. We then went shopping in
town. When we got back I had real problems "emotionally" (which, as
usual, came from nowhere). I ended up having to leave as I was simply
unable to be sure I wouldn't have tried something which would have
ended up hurting her (emotionally, not physically) - I have no way of
"reading" what people are feeling or what effect something I do or say
would have on them so, frankly, I am not "safe" to be around someone
having emotional problems.
So, a weekend of "firsts". Some very nice, some certainly not so.
Since then we still talk online and I've still no idea what she wants
(I don't think she does) but I don't think we're going to go anywhere,
so, although I've made a friend, I'll remain lonely.
Feel free to ask any questions if you want.
Chris
On 27 May, 11:52, "\"Didyouknow....\""
"Didyouknow...."
May 27, 2009, 7:56:48 AM5/27/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Really?
To quote a beer ad from NZ "Good on ya mate" Said in a deep rustic old
farmer's voice.
Can't think of any pertinent questions, but was good to see your
making progress, it gives us all hope.
To quote a beer ad from NZ "Good on ya mate" Said in a deep rustic old
farmer's voice.
Can't think of any pertinent questions, but was good to see your
making progress, it gives us all hope.
Chris Dickens
May 27, 2009, 8:52:58 AM5/27/09
to exchang...@googlegroups.com
Cheers
People keep saying they they're impressed I went - I can't see why; I
had a spare weekend, so did she so we met
I'm glad it gives people hope - it doesn't give me much. I've no idea
how we got to this stage and can't see it happening again with someone
else. And I don't recommend the alternating between feeling suicidal
and on-top-of-the-world that appears to come with it all
Oh well, on the positive side at least I got a kiss and a cuddle
Chris
__________________________
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
another day
of pure energy,
what wears most
is the constancy
On 27 May 2009, at 12:56, "\"Didyouknow....\"" <dannycheck...@gmail.com
People keep saying they they're impressed I went - I can't see why; I
had a spare weekend, so did she so we met
I'm glad it gives people hope - it doesn't give me much. I've no idea
how we got to this stage and can't see it happening again with someone
else. And I don't recommend the alternating between feeling suicidal
and on-top-of-the-world that appears to come with it all
Oh well, on the positive side at least I got a kiss and a cuddle
Chris
__________________________
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
another day
of pure energy,
what wears most
is the constancy
On 27 May 2009, at 12:56, "\"Didyouknow....\"" <dannycheck...@gmail.com
sparx104
May 28, 2009, 5:51:47 PM5/28/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Right, since there is now a conclusion I suppose I should add it here
Tonight she pretty much admitted there is no hope for a relationship
beyond friends online. Something I think I knew a while ago but simply
wouldn't accept. I think, frankly, that I just need to accept that I
will always be alone. The trouble is that thinking it and actually
accepting it are two very different things
I actually looked up the prices of local escorts the other day (they
do what's called a "girlfriend experience") for at least some human
contact. Has anyone else ever thought this way?
But, ultimately, like everything else - I just don't have the will any
more. Oh well, I've got the depression to look forward to again...
Chris
On May 27, 1:52 pm, Chris Dickens <sparx...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Cheers
>
> People keep saying they they're impressed I went - I can't see why; I
> had a spare weekend, so did she so we met
>
> I'm glad it gives people hope - it doesn't give me much. I've no idea
> how we got to this stage and can't see it happening again with someone
> else. And I don't recommend the alternating between feeling suicidal
> and on-top-of-the-world that appears to come with it all
>
> Oh well, on the positive side at least I got a kiss and a cuddle
>
> Chris
>
> __________________________http://www.sparx104.co.uk
Tonight she pretty much admitted there is no hope for a relationship
beyond friends online. Something I think I knew a while ago but simply
wouldn't accept. I think, frankly, that I just need to accept that I
will always be alone. The trouble is that thinking it and actually
accepting it are two very different things
I actually looked up the prices of local escorts the other day (they
do what's called a "girlfriend experience") for at least some human
contact. Has anyone else ever thought this way?
But, ultimately, like everything else - I just don't have the will any
more. Oh well, I've got the depression to look forward to again...
Chris
On May 27, 1:52 pm, Chris Dickens <sparx...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Cheers
>
> People keep saying they they're impressed I went - I can't see why; I
> had a spare weekend, so did she so we met
>
> I'm glad it gives people hope - it doesn't give me much. I've no idea
> how we got to this stage and can't see it happening again with someone
> else. And I don't recommend the alternating between feeling suicidal
> and on-top-of-the-world that appears to come with it all
>
> Oh well, on the positive side at least I got a kiss and a cuddle
>
> Chris
>
>
> another day
> of pure energy,
> what wears most
> is the constancy
>
> On 27 May 2009, at 12:56, "\"Didyouknow....\"" <dannycheckavailab...@gmail.com
> another day
> of pure energy,
> what wears most
> is the constancy
>
"Didyouknow...."
May 29, 2009, 4:36:29 AM5/29/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Yeah, I've thought about that myself. I just hate the thought of sex
for sale it seems like somethings should be sacred, as if it is some
how cheapened. Then again it's gotta be the most honest relationship
you could ever have with a woman, and it is fulfilling a basic human
need, I can't actually disagree with it.
Interesting what you say people saying that they're impressed you
went. I get that all the time, I think I just hate it when people try
and make a big deal about my stuff, so yeah I understand that you
don't feel like it's a huge deal.
I dare you to look up hope on Wikipedia.
for sale it seems like somethings should be sacred, as if it is some
how cheapened. Then again it's gotta be the most honest relationship
you could ever have with a woman, and it is fulfilling a basic human
need, I can't actually disagree with it.
Interesting what you say people saying that they're impressed you
went. I get that all the time, I think I just hate it when people try
and make a big deal about my stuff, so yeah I understand that you
don't feel like it's a huge deal.
I dare you to look up hope on Wikipedia.
sparx104
May 29, 2009, 6:36:29 AM5/29/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
I used to think that way about sex, but (ironically), this girl - who
is in her early 20s - has changed my mind from that way to it just
being fun. Obviously with someone special it'll feel different but if
you're not going to meet that someone why deny yourself it? I find
that me beliefs are very easy to change - aside from a few basic
"moral rules" I have very little I believe in that can't be changed.
And, regarding hope, this appears to be very true...
[Zeus] gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because
it prolongs man's torment.
- Nietzsche
I looked it up on Wikipedia a long time ago. In fact, I've looked up
everything about love, relationships and emotions including the
emotions themselves in the hope (ha!) that I would be able to
understand them and perhaps from that figure out how to "feel" them.
Unfortunately, none of this seems to work like that.
Most times other people put it far, far better than I can...
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/useless.jpg
Chris.
PS. if, for some odd reason, you want to read any more about all this,
I have a blog at...
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
On May 29, 9:36 am, "\"Didyouknow....\""
is in her early 20s - has changed my mind from that way to it just
being fun. Obviously with someone special it'll feel different but if
you're not going to meet that someone why deny yourself it? I find
that me beliefs are very easy to change - aside from a few basic
"moral rules" I have very little I believe in that can't be changed.
And, regarding hope, this appears to be very true...
[Zeus] gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because
it prolongs man's torment.
- Nietzsche
I looked it up on Wikipedia a long time ago. In fact, I've looked up
everything about love, relationships and emotions including the
emotions themselves in the hope (ha!) that I would be able to
understand them and perhaps from that figure out how to "feel" them.
Unfortunately, none of this seems to work like that.
Most times other people put it far, far better than I can...
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/useless.jpg
Chris.
PS. if, for some odd reason, you want to read any more about all this,
I have a blog at...
http://www.sparx104.co.uk
On May 29, 9:36 am, "\"Didyouknow....\""
"Didyouknow...."
May 29, 2009, 8:17:09 AM5/29/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
That's funny I have a ring binder where I have a collection of
emotions I looked up and printed out. I thought it might help me feel
them if I read them occasionally.
Also I have read your blog. I don't know why, it's hardly inspiring,
maybe I'm waiting for the happy ending were you over come your
problems, confront your demons and get the girl. Then write a "how to"
guide, which I can purchase at the book store, and then recommend to
people at parties. Which is what I do, recommend books.
I think I can identify with some of what you write about like
understanding complex theories which most people can't seem to follow
but not knowing what to say to girls, or even just people in general.
it's as if your further down a road I am on, the only reason I'm not
cutting myself, is just dumb luck, I just happen to have slightly more
understanding parents. Just had thing's a bit easier but, like the
self hate, that's there, just not all the time, not as bad.
Cheers.
emotions I looked up and printed out. I thought it might help me feel
them if I read them occasionally.
Also I have read your blog. I don't know why, it's hardly inspiring,
maybe I'm waiting for the happy ending were you over come your
problems, confront your demons and get the girl. Then write a "how to"
guide, which I can purchase at the book store, and then recommend to
people at parties. Which is what I do, recommend books.
I think I can identify with some of what you write about like
understanding complex theories which most people can't seem to follow
but not knowing what to say to girls, or even just people in general.
it's as if your further down a road I am on, the only reason I'm not
cutting myself, is just dumb luck, I just happen to have slightly more
understanding parents. Just had thing's a bit easier but, like the
self hate, that's there, just not all the time, not as bad.
Cheers.
Chris Dickens
May 29, 2009, 8:34:07 AM5/29/09
to exchang...@googlegroups.com
I quite agree - the blog certainly isn't inspiring, I ought to stop recommending it to people. It started just as a means of "getting stuff out" - I find it much easier to write it down than to say it to someone.
As for the happy ending - well, if there ever is one (I don't imagine there will be) I'll certainly let you know! It's unlikely I'll know how I got there tho. In some things I can be a pretty obstinate bugger - this appears to be one I've seized on for some reason - it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just accept that it's not going to happen but it doesn't seem that I can - something which is just going to lead to more hurt, and more depressing you lot with my problems - I do apologise.
Chris--
__________________________________
http://www.sparx104.com
another day of pure energy
As for the happy ending - well, if there ever is one (I don't imagine there will be) I'll certainly let you know! It's unlikely I'll know how I got there tho. In some things I can be a pretty obstinate bugger - this appears to be one I've seized on for some reason - it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just accept that it's not going to happen but it doesn't seem that I can - something which is just going to lead to more hurt, and more depressing you lot with my problems - I do apologise.
Chris
__________________________________
http://www.sparx104.com
another day of pure energy
Message has been deleted
sparx104
May 29, 2009, 4:01:37 PM5/29/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Don't worry - you didn't offend me! I got what you meant, and,
frankly, I don't thing there actually was a point in there!
I've always freely admitted it's depressing (it used to have a warning
about it until it got redesigned). I've always billed it as "an
analysis of suicidal depression with a few pictures of cute
animals" (!). The reply was trying for sarcastic/cynical - I admit
that I often get it wrong - it might seem a certain way to me yet be
offensive to others - it would be so much easier if real life/
conversations had little smiley's to indicate what people meant, or at
least if the subtext was pointed out somewhere.
Frankly, pretty much nothing offends me - even if you did try it's
unlikely I'd notice (I don't usually). It's a constant struggle to be
aware that this is not normal behaviour - having to learn what is, and
isn't, acceptable/offensive doesn't half cause problems.
You're not the only one who's mentioned that knowing others feel the
same way helps. I wish I knew why - all it means to me is that there
are yet more people having to suffer this crap.
Chris
On May 29, 8:33 pm, "\"Didyouknow....\""
<dannycheckavailab...@gmail.com> wrote:
> forget what I wrote Chris. as I re-read it I realize I completely
> missed the point, and I apologize if I offended you.
> Your blog is a good thing, I can relate to it, and this helps me feel
> better, that I'm not the only one who feels this way at times.
frankly, I don't thing there actually was a point in there!
I've always freely admitted it's depressing (it used to have a warning
about it until it got redesigned). I've always billed it as "an
analysis of suicidal depression with a few pictures of cute
animals" (!). The reply was trying for sarcastic/cynical - I admit
that I often get it wrong - it might seem a certain way to me yet be
offensive to others - it would be so much easier if real life/
conversations had little smiley's to indicate what people meant, or at
least if the subtext was pointed out somewhere.
Frankly, pretty much nothing offends me - even if you did try it's
unlikely I'd notice (I don't usually). It's a constant struggle to be
aware that this is not normal behaviour - having to learn what is, and
isn't, acceptable/offensive doesn't half cause problems.
You're not the only one who's mentioned that knowing others feel the
same way helps. I wish I knew why - all it means to me is that there
are yet more people having to suffer this crap.
Chris
On May 29, 8:33 pm, "\"Didyouknow....\""
<dannycheckavailab...@gmail.com> wrote:
> forget what I wrote Chris. as I re-read it I realize I completely
> missed the point, and I apologize if I offended you.
> Your blog is a good thing, I can relate to it, and this helps me feel
> better, that I'm not the only one who feels this way at times.
"Didyouknow...."
May 29, 2009, 8:42:03 PM5/29/09
to Alexithymia Exchange
Good to hear. I guess my brain went for the worst case scenario as
usual.
About Sarcastic\cynical, was thinking the same thing about text
messages, it's hard to read them with the right prosody. It makes
sense that our inability to deal with negative emotions makes us try
to avoid them, like when we try to please every one, and amplify them,
like when we panic that we've done something to put us in a negative
light.
usual.
About Sarcastic\cynical, was thinking the same thing about text
messages, it's hard to read them with the right prosody. It makes
sense that our inability to deal with negative emotions makes us try
to avoid them, like when we try to please every one, and amplify them,
like when we panic that we've done something to put us in a negative
light.
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