Raise children with strict discipline or leave them free to learn life's lessons on their own?

[NgoNam]

Hi all,

 

Would you like to discuss about a quite hard and practical issue:

"Some parents raise their children with strict discipline while others leave them free to learn life's lessons on their own. Whichone of these approaches is better and why?".

 

Give your opinion please,

Thanks

[Rafael Oshiro]

Hi NgoNam and all!!

I like to think that when I have a child, I'll bring him/her up kind of strict, not strict at all. I mean, attempting to raise my child with values and respect with other. Let the children learn by themselves doesn't sound a good way to educate them for me.
Maybe the law of the streets can disrupt them and when we notice, it's late to take an action to revert the situation.
That's the way I was brought up my parents and this is my point of view about that.


Oshiro

[claire]

Hi NgoNam Oshiro and all,

My parents gave me total freedom to do whatever I wanted since I was a
teenager,and before those years,I was kind of brought up by my elder
siblings.
They only intervened once(OK more than once;)) because I wanted to
drop out from high school...

After being a mother myself,I realized what kind of ordeal I had put
them through being a troublesome daughter.:(

I have 2 small boys with quite different temperaments who constantly
remind me not to apply the same rules to them.
For the one who's always cautious,thoughtful and proactive,there's no
need for more discipline whereas another who's always fearless and
reckless,we often have to be stricter to oversee what he is up to,then
guide him out of danger or trouble.

Sometimes,if it's not harmful to him or others,I encourage my husband
to allow him to learn the lessons for himself.
I think It works better than intervention or prevention.

It's an important question that NgoNam posed:
What can parents teach their children?

For me,it's the self-respect and the respect for others and all living
creatures.
Besides that,it has to be being responsible for what you do and say
which means being mentally and physically independent.

Thank you for the question and good day to you two and all,
Claire

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[Pablo]

Hi NgoNam, Oshiro, Claire and all,

When my daughter was in her first school years I was strict with her
and I realized later it didn't work like that. My daughter became
fearful from me. She used to forget her homework and she didn't bring
her notebooks to home. Later the teacher asked me 'Why your daughter
isn't doing her homework?'. Only in that moment I realized that I was
in the wrong way. I change a lot about her because of that. The only
problem was her scholar performance, I mean, not her grades but her
skills, her handwriting and her scholar duties. Although she was above
the average.

Now, and since ever we focus around values, about health, about
physical activity, the social part, etc. I mean, about the importance
of an integral development, and about the importance of enjoying her
childhood.

She is twelve. She doesn't need a boyfriend. She needs a puppy! And
so do I! I'm relaxed with her but I keep complaining for basic things/
responsibilities like the importance of be tidy, etc.. But that isn't
my cup of tea either ;) LOL

I mean, rather than being strict or not, the important think is set an
example and spend time with them. I a parent keeps watching TV at
nights, why he/she would be entitled to ask too much to children?

Thank you,

Pablo

[NgoNam]

Hi Pablo, Oshiro, Claire and others,

Thank you very much for your very indiviadual and exciting responses.
This is a topic question on writing task II of an IELTS book that I'm trying
to write.
To be honest, I'm really interested in discussing about topics related to
education, especially methods of education. It's because when having the
chance to study and experience something I always want to discover the
secret of being good at that subject. Thus, teaching or influencing others,
for me, is not so difficult once I've understand it thoroughly. You see,
when you're able to teach or guide others, it means that you've mastered it.

Returning to our focal topic, I had that chance to experience my childhood
and luckily was given nearly the total freedom to decide what I wanted to do
since I was a rather little child. From my own experience, both ways of
bringing-up children have their own advantages and disavantages and it must
base on particular situations to decide which one is most suitable, and
sometimes you need to combine harmoniously these two methods to creat your
own solution for your child.

Comparing the advantages and disadvantages of these two ways of bringing up
children, I think the latter approach, leaving them free to learn life's
lessons, is preferable in this modern world nowadays. Children today are
very intelligent and aware of themselves. With good education they will soon
understand the right and wrong, what they should do and what they shouldn't
do in their daily lives. For these ones, parents don't need to give any
strict disciplines as the major purpose of any diciplines is to threaten
them and force them to follow you. From very begining years of our children
we should encourage them to act with boldness instead of fear and try to
think and do independently as much as they can. Obviously parents must
always look after them, follow every their step but just give them the
feeling of being freedom in their action.
But for ones who are always disobedient it's necessary to formulate some
rules and strict discipline to force them to be more obedient and
disciplined.

Above is just a piece of my thoughts, many problems such as advantages and
disavantages of these two methods or many other factors haven't been covered
entirely. So keep on discussing about them, hopefully I'll get a huge number
of ideas about this topic so that I can complete my writing perfectly ^^

Keep on discussing please.
Cheers,

NgoNam

[pln471]

Hi NgoNam Pablo Oshiro Claire and all other still silent ones,;)

There's another point you haven't discussed which seems very common
among parents.

Quite a lot of them,including me sometimes,tend to be either over-
protective of their children or over-lenient to them.

Children being brought up that way become too dependent on their
parents till very late years and lose their ability to cope with the
reality.:(

They are spoiled or pampered by their parents too much.
How can we be a 'prince' or 'princess' forever?LOL

Good night,
Pln

[Amit Thakur]

Hi,

Education is very important in my life. Life Without education like lamp without light. So education is the very important role our life.

Thanks & Regards
Amit Thakur

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E-22, B-1 Extn. MCIE, Mathura Road
T: +91 11 4057 1394, +91 11 4057 1393
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New Delhi - 110 044

[Daniel Santos]

Hi everyone

I've been struggling with this for so long time and I think it will always be a balance.

We can't push them so hard to not make lose their focus but we can't be easier to not make them think that we don't care about.

The good way is make deals about important questions that we wanna control.
For instance:
"we'll agree that if you don't do your homework you'll not play video game for a week" ( or wherever they like)

The important thing is to do rules that can be accomplish.
If they fail you have to keep the deal...they'll test you sometimes....

Regards,
Daniel

--
_________________________________
Daniel Santos
daniel.d...@terra.com.br
A. P. Herbert  - "A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso."

[Elham Moazzen]

Being over-protective parents usually damages the child's characteristic rather than helping it to improve. A child who always takes advantage of his parents' protection against his small society never learns to defend himself. As a dependent person on the power of his parents, he gradually loses self-confidence and his mind never trains how to solve a problem happening to him. In the worst case, If he is over-protected in his faults and mistakes, he becomes a spoiled kid who has many hardships in associating with other children and even larger problems when grows up.

In my opinion, parents should protect their children moderately. In some cases it should be invisible by the child in order to force him challenge the problem and solve it without the visible helps and protection of his parents. In contrast, In some cases the child should see that his parents care him and defend him in the domain he cannot overcome by himself.

--

"When you know what you want,and you want it badly enough,you'll find a way to get it."

"Successful leaders have the courage to take action while others hesitate."

[Charles]

Hi Claire,Pablo,Elham and all,

We ask old man how to live our life when we are young,but they always
tell us "find the answer by yourself."
So,we all agree that we learn life's lessons on our own.

Their is no different raising children.
They must keep trying and trying to know this world.
So leaving them free is better.

However,there are so many dangerous in our world.We can't reload after
making mistake on those choice.
So,the helping to avoid them from intellectual old man is important.
Just don't let things will regard latter happening.

Check experience and look forward.

Good days to you and all.
Charles

[rhony]

Hi all,

I think parents should keep thier child in discipline,but sometimes
this make a bad impact on once child for his social growth.Sometimes
child is not very open to other people.He/She feel himself out of the
society and sometimes it make him feel alone in this world.
I think parents should give thier child a little freedom so one day
they dont feel shy in front of someones........

thank you...

[Josney Ribeiro]

I think it's wise to raise them with love. Love guides the way!

2009/7/16 rhony <rohanbha...@gmail.com>:

--
"In complete darkness, we are all the same, it is only our knowledge
and wisdom that separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you." J.
Jackson

"El amor es como un reloj de arena; mientras se llena el corazón, el
cerebro se vacia."

[Elham Moazzen]

I think another effect that considering huge discipline on children has is eventually in a time they will release themselves from those rules and disobey their parents even when they are right about something. Parents should be moderate in dealing with their kids, the more force in childhood, the more aggressive behavior they will observe in future from their kids.  

[Elham Moazzen]

I am into child freedom surrounded by a general unsensible supervision 

On Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 12:14 AM, rhony <rohanbha...@gmail.com> wrote: