Choice is not equal to Autonomy Support

[Don Berg (Attitutor)]

The following is a comment I made on Peter Gray's blog post about the
benefits of video gaming and I thought that it might be an interesting
point to consider in the broader context of Democratic Schools:

I am noticing that several people in the comments are claiming that
giving their children choices is all important and I want to bring up
a study that looked specifically at the role of choices in determining
our sense of autonomy. Autonomy is a basic psychological need in the
same way that biological nutrients constitute basic needs; thwarting
autonomy leads to ill-being and supporting autonomy leads to well-
being. Given this fact, then it is important to know what, exactly, it
takes to enable someone to experience autonomy.

The study I want to focus on arose because Sheena Iyengar and Mark
Lepper at Stanford had done an earlier study in which they found that
Asian kids responded to choices made by their mother or a classmate
differently than the rest of the kids (mostly Caucasian). The Asian
kids were almost as happy to accept their mothers and classmates
choices for them as they were when they made the choices themselves.
Iyengar and Lepper concluded that the need for autonomy might
therefore be culturally specific, not a universal human need. So in
response to that study Xue-hua Bao and Shui-fong Lam at the University
of Hong Kong did a series of studies with Chinese children to test the
limits of the Stanford team's finding. What they found is that the
Chinese children would also accept the choices made by their mothers
and teachers just as readily as their own choices, IF they had a good
relationship with their mothers and teachers. The take away is that
choice matters for autonomy when you don't trust the people who are
making choices on your behalf. But, having a person whom you totally
trust make choices for you does not hinder your sense of autonomy.

Therefore, the point of bringing this up here is that having someone
else make choices for you is not a bad thing—as long as you trust that
person. If parents have a good strong trusting relationship with their
children, then it is just fine for them to take action on their
concerns for their child's well-being. Making choices for your child
is only oppressive when you do not have a strong trusting
relationship.

If you find that you do not have a trusting relationship with your
child then you need to be focused on giving them choices and that
means stretching your trust of them to make those choices. The great
thing is that your extending trust to them is exactly what they need
in order to build more trust in you.
--
Enjoy,

Don Berg
Help Me Graduate: http://www.indiegogo.com/Home-School-Psychology-Research
Site: http://www.Teach-Kids-Attitude-1st.com
Free E-book: http://www.changethis.com/51.05.AttitudeProblem