...
> 1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
> 2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you
> stick something nasty in the next line like,
> "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
> 3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
> Then find something that rhymes . .. . sort of: "Got a good woman with
> the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest
> face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500
> pound."
> 4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
> ditch-ain't no way out.
> 5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
> don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
> transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft
> an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin'
> plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
> 6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. (Well, except maybe Johnny Lang)
> Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to
> get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
> 7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace
> in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just
> clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the
> best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any places
> that don't get rain.
> 8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
> pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the
> blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
> 9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The
> lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
> dumpster.
> 10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed;
> d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard's;
> b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses.
> 11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
> happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
> 12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than
> dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be
> satisfied.
> No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can
> see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.
> 13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
> Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people
> also got a leg up on the blues.
> 14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
> Blues.
> Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or
> bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee.
> The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c)
> Snapple; d) Slim Fast.
> 15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
> death.
> Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So
> are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken
> down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
> match or getting liposuction.
> 16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d)
> Fat River Dumpling
> 17) Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d)
> Big Willie
> 18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't
> sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
> 19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
> a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.);
> b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
> etc.);
> c) Last name of President (Jefferson,Johnson, Fillmore, etc.);
> d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple
> Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
> 20) I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you
> can't sing the blues.
> (Reprinted without permission from the Julie Scoggins website)
> --
> dana
> "never lie to the dog"
