A little piece of Sinclair history...
Rupert Goodwins
I've just discovered an ancient file from the Sinclair Research computer
system (which was two networked Vaxes, an 11-750 and an 11-780, from what I
remember). It's QUOTES.TXT, a document that anyone could update anonymously.
It turned into a repository of in-jokes, snide comments, funnies extracted
from reports, ill-starred remarks and so on, and I make no claims for any of
it being comprehensible at this distance (I think it was last updated in
April of 1986) -- least of all by me. In particular, I either don't remember
or cannot possibly be induced to admit to remembering those attributed as
authoring the various quotes. And the formatting's all to ponce, as I can't
be arsed to fix it.
So, it's of limited interest. But it may contain a few sprinkles of
amusement, and is probably worth committing to the depths of the Internet
sea in memory of the good ship Sinclair Research Limited and all those who
sailed in her...
Rupert
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**********THE SINCLAIR QUOTE-OF-THE-MONTH FILE**************
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That's not a bug, that's a feature! Tony Tebby
Bad or changed medium Anon.
It's the software's fault Hardware designer
It's the hardware's fault Software designer
It's the computer's fault Computer user
It's the Truck driver's fault C5 user
It's Aaron's fault Anon. (female)
...loads a 96k file in 6 seconds... Marketing person
...the QL's massive memory... Marketing person
...we've had this letter from the ASA... Marketing person
...what's the difference between a giraffe
and a floppy disk?......... Marketing person
...what's a radius?........... Senior Marketing person
...what's a footprint?......... Senior marketing person
...it's not easy writing a manual you Senior software person on
know......... secondment to
Marketing
A computer error is not possible Barclays Bank
Crisis? What crisis? J Callaghan, C Curry, C Sin...
Crisp abuse is an anagram of SuperBASIC Anon.
Dismissed ! ... you can go now.. Dave Chatten
CCL ? That bunch of cowboys ?!? Dave Chatten
Samsung will telex us tonight, when we're
all sleeping in our beds. Or not sleeping
in our beds as the case may be. Hugo
It's a hardware problem! It's a hardware
problem! I'll just check my code... Rupert
The next lot of French keytops will NOT
be pink Tech. Liaison Minutes 3 Jun 85
A micro drive is the maximum range of a C5 Anon.
Delivery within 28 days Anon.
Payment within 28 days Anon.
Derby in September Anon.
Wafers in '85 Anon.
Pandora in March Anon.
Proteus Ever Anon.
What the QL should have been is... Any raw recruit
Definition of a nanosecond:Time that expires
between someone asking AndrewC to copy a
cartridge and AndrewC losing his temper Anon.
You NEVER get worst case timings. A.N. Hardware-Engineer
'Disc!' raged error victim. Mic Rodrive-cartridges
When the going gets tough, the tough get
going............ Cummins ('umble support wallah)
When the going gets tough the tough hand
in their resignations and then get going Peter Saxton (sic)
Sirius Cybernetics is alive and well and
living in Cambridge Another Cumminsism
Semper vivat Sinclairatum Horace
We'll all look a right bunch of wellies A marketing person
It didn't say in the 2CV service manual
that there was anything wrong with
jousting it in a muddy field. A software person
I think I'll become a Buddhist monk and live
in an empty 780 cabinet. N (call me God) Terry
Templates can be added from a files LOCAL
TEMPLATE file in which case the template is
a local template or it can be added from
another files template file in which case
the template is not local. A firmware (?) person
The only other key available at the main
menu is the SPACE BAR. That's the large one
at the base of the keyboard. A software author
The power switch determines whether or not
the computer is functioning. A Chief Design Engineer
If they're not prepared to be guided by the
rudder, then they'll be guided by the rocks Maximillian
The new portable will DEFINITELY not be
released before it is ready. An ex-chairman.
Three years in the computer business is like
ten in any other, I've had enough VP, Ashton-Tate
The heater parts are cleaned in pumas and D Southward weekly report
olive oil
There seems to be a slight lack of
documentation here A Newcomer
There seems to be a slight lack of
documentation here An old hand
What do you want documentation for? Its all
perfectly obvious Designer of above
I think I'll become Nick Terry and live in
a full VAX 11/750 backplane A Buddhist Monk
The SuperBASIC BEEP command is best used
experimentally rather than syntactically. QL User Guide
The SuperBASIC BEEP command is best left
well alone. QL User
Real programmers are never quoted. Real programmer
So we're working for a toilet seat manu-
facturer. At least it'll make a change
from having the shit dropped on us... Name + address withheld.
Who's Popeye? Senior marketing person
He's the sailor who ate spinach! Astonished junior marketeer
Oh did he, Why? SMP (again)
Because we were trying to sell him cabbage Anon.
The only Augustus John I've ever heard of
is the wine merchant A software editor
I have now been given the algorithm for
stopping the microdrive motor. It goes
ONNNNNNNN OFF ONNNNNN OFF ONNNN OFF ONN OFF
ON OFFFFFFFFFFFFF Got it. N Terry
I was only visiting an old friend Blushing systems manager
You will have to clear it with Rupert
Murdoch A senior software publisher
You'll have to wave it about if you want
to get a reaction... A Software Manager
Nick's going to do it for me, because he's
a little sweetheart. A Customer Relations Manager
I suppose I'd better put my shoes on again,
before the environmental protection agency
arrive. A System Manager
(Referring to performance of car at 95mph)
It was quite good - I could hold a conversation
with myself without shouting loudly. (Guess who)
She's really amazingly thick, even thicker than
Aaron! Person of Scottish Descent
The keypad design was always intended
to work with the QL...which it doesn't Anon
There's a man named Aaron in behind
all this machinery DATABASE (ITV)
I'm going to start campaigning for a
sphincter on doughnuts A software person
Why doesn't the Z80 have a G-register? N.T.
Everyone and their dog thinks they can design
a new computer language. David May (author of Occam)
The problem is that there is a problem... A games editor
We only have rolling demos for those programs
which have rolling demos Ditto
"I'll have to look very closely at Pandora..." A new Chief Executive
"EVERYBODY will have to look very closely
at Pandora!" Omnes
Hands up those who think Pandora's a 100%
A1 product. 90%? 80? 70? ... A suave, debonair person
However good Superbasic is as a language,
professional programmers have long recognised
that there is an alternative. GST advertising copy
The C programming language by Lattice ...
has all the power you would expect from a
6800-family implementation... QLUB news, no. 6
Q: "What's that supposed to be doing?"
A: "Nothing. And it's not even doing that
properly" Overheard in the Labs
We only see each other when we're asleep A Marketing
Indispensable...!
They never did exist.... and they were
dud anyway Overheard in Marketing
It's for America? That's funny, I thought
it was for the export market. Lunchtime O'Boulez
Pandora ...a box from which escaped and
spread all the ills of human life Chambers
"Pandora's Box - thing from which unmanageable
problems are rashly generated." The Concise Oxford etc
Customer Relations... Where they come home
to roost Potts
It worked until I enhanced it... A Firmy
We're starting out on the slippery slope
on the wrong foot again Lunchtime O'Boulez
It has been a very sobering experience to fly
very high one year, and very low the next. H. Hauser.
Ah! That's what SRL stands for - Shift
Responsibility Left. Name and address supplied
Hopefully, it will be exactly the same size
as this box......only smaller Overheard in M..k..i.g
There is no explicit stack protection in the
code, although the stack should be of
sufficient size for most normal purposes. QL Technical Guide, sect 18.2
It takes, on average, 23.5 years to convert a
dud QL to mint Finance report
That's not a curve, it's a straight road
that's bent... Scotsman McHardware
The needs of potential users are beginning
to be an influence A market research survey
Generally, mechanical methods are better A Chief Design Engineer
"How many creditors do we have that could
wind us up?" A concerned party
"Three... four.... no, five..." A. N. MD.
Rewinding the cable should be always
CLOCKWISE. If sometimes reverse the
direction which may cause extangled to
the cable Instructions for Champ joystick
It's such a hassle adding a product to our
product line V.W. Marketperson
Every company has to have a resident tart so
this one's may as well be me A flibbertigibbet
It's a near NLQ printer...... A QLUB News writer
...capture of all frames regardless of
destination address (Promiscuous Mode)... Intel data sheet
We are looking for a young programmer.
Will Sinclair be releasing any in the
near future? Intra Systems
If you won't tell me, I don't believe ...conversation with a
you have an argument software person
If I see anything with OFT written on it,
I break up into about eleven people A customer relations manager
The QL at launch was imperfect...
But it's perfect now. Redbeard the voteless
"Medic Data Systems? No, I wouldn't
do any business with them. Oh you've
just JOINED them, sorry." Scouse softie
There parameters are referenced to CAS
leading edge in early write cycles and
to WE leading edge is delayed write or
read-modify-write cycles. Hitachi memory data book
- TDI refused to comment on suggestions
that it too has issued a high-court writ
against QDOS in the past month Datalink, 9.9.85
The keypad protocol is so complicated that
nobody in their right mind is going to do
anything but call the existing keypad driver Moultin' Brengun
The QL Technical Guide fails to make the
grade. With what can only be described as an
unparalleled economy its author describes most
of the QL's facilities but explains none. QL User, 10/85.
"Second, there is a reference manual.
Like all reference manuals, it states
but does not explain"....Aaaah! Talent Computer Systems
10/85
My God, that woman must be made of
solid unobtanium! Overheard at party
And as for Commodore, their product range looks
like British Leyland's in 1974... whoops, sorry Ex-softie to ex-Leylandite
I wasn't going to circulate it - it's just
going to be fit for the Spanish Supporter
There's only one word for these prices -
RIP OFF Innumerate Atari copywriter
Hello Janko. Oh you're not Janko, you're
PSION. Foot in mouth expert
If IBM made cars the basic price would be
for the chassis only! What Micro, Nov 85
If Sinclair made cars, they'd have three
wheels, a washing machine motor and would
break down every 28 days. What? Oh... What Programmer, Oct '85
I don't think it matters...consumers are
notoriously stupid Bearded marketing guru
Rubber banding is much easier to experience
than to describe Talented author of manual on rubber
banding
...like well-hung wallpaper... ditto in Freudian mode
...the best device for converting screen
text into legible speech. As seen on radio
But aren't they a bit cowboy?....
I think EVERYBODY'S a bit cowboy... A peripherals purchaser
I gave Alison AIDS.... SYS.TER
I thought I had a really sophisticated
bug, but it turned out I'd got a letter wrong. Minor software person
Nobody could have forseen the inclusion of a
keypad with the 128K Spectrum, and not many
more will find a use for it... Yawn Spectrum
There's still a shimmer...but it's still. Daddy Bear
It may not have been stealing...they may
just have taken it and be intending to
send a cheque in the post Tyche the trusting
If something is dead, it's dead...there
are only two people who managed to come
back and only one of them was Lazarus King Charles' Bible
He's struggling...anyone who signs
contracts with us tends to struggle in
the end... Ali McGraw
I've tried thousands - literally
thousands....well, about ten A good win on the Derby
The sound on Loki will be blinding.. Beer at Home, Birmingham
Who's Daddy Bear...I can't work that one
out?...(when told)Ohhhh, I put that one in! Griever Braun
You took a rounded spoonful of custard! J S or B
...a thoughtfully redesigned 81 keys
keyboard layout maintaining the 83 keys
function 100% unchanged. With the newly
added "help" key at the upper right
corner allow user to look up command on
the screen by simply hitting it. Ad for Oriental Apple Clone
No, Sir, you can't buy just one. They're
advertised as a pair and I won't split them.
I've just told this chap here the same thing... The spirit of British
enterprise
A lot of useful product development gets
done in the bath. Archimedes McProduct Planner
Can you take these papers to the
photocopier and make some backups? Jerry Can
When you say it's buggered, do you mean
that when you plug it in, it doesn't function? Der Schiztemfuerer
Have you ever noticed the huge distance Distressed Zealander
between the soles of his feet and his willy?
The correct solution in this case is the Chairman (Channel Tunnel
boring solution Group)
We've had our ups and downs Chairman (Westland Helicopters)
STOCK CODE DESCRIPTION QUANTITY
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sinclair Stock Control
9999 Various 629875
Inventory System
It all works! Derby winner (16.1.86)
I rate project managers at about the same
level as wiremen Kilted boy
wonder
There are two sorts of project managers -
those who are good managers, and those who
are good for the project His next
sentence
The problem is that the product is going to And a couple more
be hard to sell.
No, the problem is that the product is going
to be hard to use.
What ports they have on the backside? Volume Deutsch Technik
It's not big enough. It's too heavy for
its weight. Jerome K. Jerome
The postcode is 1LJ...that's QL backwards Clifftop
He's fortunate in having the
characteristics of someone who is
permanently jet-lagged. A lemming
I almost killed Ian Botham with a
chocolate bar. Eileen Over
Is there anything written down about paging on
Derby? Naive programmer
There might be something in the service manual.
But it's probably wrong. Old hand
I never think of myself as a woman... Gruff
Paediatrician?....Oh! A foot specialist! A War Gamer
I wonder how much of my life I've spent
cloning Microdrive cartridges.... Gamer
Cor, it's really cold...freezing - especially
when you have next to nothing on Fluff
When do you get your clothes back - or don't
you... Inconsequentiality Brown
There's something peculiarly repulsive
about getting a finger stuck up one Gamer
I like to make myself accessible to everyone Fluff
the resultant virtual image has a residual curve
which the eye interprets as a 3D surface
reminiscent of a Cinemascope screen. Perran Newman, Pandora report 27/1/1986
Imagine if you died! You'd never be able to
live with yourself! A trace
I'm sorry to be so stentorian...that's a very
long word but basically it means grumpy. A director
... We hope to pick up a lot of girls... From The Podium
Is he only 41 !!!!??? Newsletter reader
....the imposing figure of Sinclair's Chris
Clifton strode over to him.... Cries and whispers (CTW)
It's a question of supply and demand. You're
the first person to have requested one, so I
suppose you've created a demand.............
.......OK, I'll crochet you one. Imposing figure
There are less balls than in the full-size
version, allowing them to be larger than would
otherwise be possible. Software publicity
1986 will be the fifth annual Year of the
Network Mitch Kapor
A stricter term for the RAM disk would be a
RAM tape as you can only load, save, or
erase whole files. Jaw Codgputer
...takes up much less space on an optical
disk than on a magic disk. Poisonous Codgputer Weld
'I thought there was lots of space in Godsend.' Truth seeker
'But Godsend's Pandora!' }
'But Godsend's Loki!' } The chorus
There are six pints in a swift half A useful conversion table
Oooooh! Look at his bottom! A lesson in the car park
T2100 High speed compatible lap tap Orlright on the night Tosh...
...the principle of a remote psendo-joystick
was welcomed. A report
I have been employing a boy, but he's got no
biceps. Cambridge
How's your car handle in this wind?
Oh, not too bad - I'm just worried in case it
proves too much for the bodywork... Y Viva Espana GL
Itinerants - vets, doctors... A report
But it has to work... PC Plod
---
Her skirt looks like a dead Greek QL Scribe
Future Computers does not guarantee the fitness
of this documentation for any particular
purpose. A user manual
Don't put paper clips near the keyboard. You
may jam the keys. The same
"Our most promisimg customers are C2's, with
two children between 5 and 16, no computers,
and live in Lancashire, we could mail them. Keen marketeer
What, both of them." Foxy Salesperson
Three things. Firstly, goodbye forever.. A K Parting-Shott
What's Richard Cutting doing these days? An ignoramus
He's at the trailing edge of technology. Ego shredder
Arnould Nazarian
Rupert Goodwins a écrit dans le message
<7v3mp3$5u2$1...@uranium.btinternet.com>...
>Hi, all...
>
>I've just discovered an ancient file from the Sinclair Research computer
>system (which was two networked Vaxes, an 11-750 and an 11-780, from what I
>remember). It's QUOTES.TXT, a document that anyone could update
anonymously.
It is very much Sinclair QL oriented. Is this the only file that you saved
from
these Vaxes?
Arnould
Rupert Goodwins
Arnould Nazarian <arnaz...@magic.fr> wrote in message
news:94094025...@sofia.magic.fr...
> >
> >I've just discovered an ancient file from the Sinclair Research computer
> >system (which was two networked Vaxes, an 11-750 and an 11-780, from what
I
> >remember). It's QUOTES.TXT, a document that anyone could update
> anonymously.
>
>
> from
> these Vaxes?
>
> Arnould
>
Well, bear in mind that Derby was the code name for the Spectrum 128 --
there are a few things about that fine beast in the file too.
As for other files: I'm afraid the intellectual property on anything of
interest belongs to people other than myself.
Rupert
Duncan Snowden
> Crisp abuse is an anagram of SuperBASIC Anon.
See? Crisps are *on*-topic. :-)
--
Duncan Snowden.
Arnould Nazarian
>As for other files: I'm afraid the intellectual property on anything of
>interest belongs to people other than myself.
>
>Rupert
OK, but is there something else?
Arnould
Steve T
Steve.