FW: For fun!
Joel Schnitzer
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Subject: FW: For fun!
Author: Richard Arnesen <r...@mailbag.com> at INTERNET-MAIL
Date: 4/30/96 9:43 AM
The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court
records nationwide...
------------------------------------------------------------
1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know
anything about it until the next morning?
3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6) Were you alone or by yourself?
7) How long have you been a French Canadian?
8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9) Q: I showed you exhibit 3 and asked you if you recognized
that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
sworn in?
11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8th.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14) So you were gone until you returned?
15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
16) You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?
17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your
Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time you examined the
body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 PM. Q: And
Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid ________, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy!
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From: Richard Arnesen <r...@mailbag.com>
To: "'Doug Schulz'" <dsc...@dfmp.fammed.wisc.edu>, "'Lynn D.
Fournier'"
<four...@kcc.com>, "'Ken K. Zimmerman'" <kzim...@promega.com>,
"'Andy Fisher'" <mad...@usaor.net>, "'Tom Driscoll'"
<tdrisco
l...@mdyn.com>, "'Thomas A. Landgraf'" <t...@mailbag.com>
Subject: FW: For fun!
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 1996 09:44:07 -0700
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Martha Gifford
Joel--are you suggesting that these are unanswerable questions?
I'll tackle them.
On Thu, 2 May 1996, Joel Schnitzer wrote:
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
No, sir. The nose I broke as a child belonged to Billy, the mean kid
next door.
> 2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know
> anything about it until the next morning?
When a person dies while asleep, he has a vision of light and a friendly
figure beckoning him to come. I know this from the stories told by my
dead patients.
> 3) Q: What happened then?
> A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
> identify me."
> Q: Did he kill you?
Yes, twice.
> 4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
It must have been my brother, I was born after the war and didn't
know I had a brother.
> 5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Forty-two.
> 6) Were you alone or by yourself?
I was alone with six other people.
> 7) How long have you been a French Canadian?
Since I was 12 years old and found out that my German father was not
really my father but was a Canadian.
> 8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
No, but i have two daughters.
> 9) Q: I showed you exhibit 3 and asked you if you recognized
> that picture.
> A: That's me.
> Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
I don't know, when was the picture taken?
> 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
> sworn in?
I never swear! I don't even know any damned swear words.
> 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
> terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
The death of my next door neighbor, when I found her with my husband.
> 12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
> A: I'll be three months on November 8th.
> Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes.
> Q: What were you doing at that time?
Visiting my next door neighbor's husband.
> 13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
> A: I used to be.
> Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Only once, when father died for the second time.
>
> 14) So you were gone until you returned?
No, I got back shortly after that. About an hour, I think.
>
> 15) Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there girls?
Yes, some of them were girls.
>
> 16) You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it
> looked like, but can you describe it?
It was a round square box, bigger than a breadbox but smaller than
an ash tray.
>
> 17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Yes, but not on Sundays.
> 18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
> A: Not yet.
Q: When did you leave?
> 19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
> unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your
> Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
The judge, of course, ruled against him.
>
> 20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time you examined the
> body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
> A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 PM. Q: And
> Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
> A: No, you stupid ________, he was sitting on the table wondering
> why I was doing an autopsy!
>
Q: Did you stop the proceedure at that time?
------------------------------
Answers submitted by Martha in Ventura
Federgreen, Laurie (AFCN)
On May 02, 1996 Martha Gifford wrote:
>Joel--are you suggesting that these are unanswerable questions?
>I'll tackle them.
>
>On Thu, 2 May 1996, Joel Schnitzer wrote:
>> ------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>
>> 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
> No, sir. The nose I broke as a child belonged to Billy, the mean kid
>next door.
(snip)
LOL, Martha! These were great!!
Laurie in Rome