ARTY/SCOTTO:

[Dana Rollins]

Fuck both you clowns!
~~~~
I suppose I could save everyone the suspense by just saying, "Fuck you,
clown (singular)", though. Everyone knows they're seeing two when
there's only one. I happen to know for a fact that one is merely the
sock puppet manifestation of the other's demented and sadly listing
psyche. Like the Melanie ruse - Arthur getting in touch with one of
his female multiples - it's all I can do not to just break into tears,
when I think how the lad must be suffering inside.

The truly wild thing is that all of Fnord is written by one person.
Me. I'm the sickest ones of all. I AM all. Oh God!
YES?
Help me, as I is helpin myself!

Merciful
Clown Singular Since 1955

[EJ Fnord (real name! <not>)]

As some of the younger members on this list will no doubt remember, I
haven't been here for very long, and if I had, I would certainly only admit
it if a gunwielding psychopath had just used a straight razor to cut off
my right (good) ear and was pouring gasoline on my left (evil) ear with
intent to use the gas to remove character defects too deeply embedded for
casual observance, even when I point them out.

At the risk of alienating many of the participants on this or any other
list which occupies the same address as this list, let me just say:

"...good, Am I *hip* yet...?"

signed, EJ Fnord, fearless in the face of fearlessness.

[CW Anderson]

Well, son, not quite. You *were* hip, but I'm afraid we've
had a recount, and it turns out ol' Merciful Lee there, why,
he just up and blackballed you. Said yer name had all the
wrong letters in it. Should you couldn't drive a straight
shift. Said you was the sorta man, if his dog was drownin'
in one lake, and his preacher was drownin' in the other,
why, you'd jump on in and haul you out a preacher. The
rest of us, we told Merciful you wasn't all but half bad,
and some a that was just on acount a being Lithuanian,
which you can't hardly hold against a fella, but he wasn't
having none. Tell you what: you come on by when he ain't
here, we'll let you in the back door. You can sleep under
the porch with Ol' Caterpillar there, and maybe after you
learn you the words to a couple of George Jones songs, why,
we'll have us another vote.

[EJ Fnord (Real lame!)]

I understand. I am terribly sad and honored to be so mentioned by the
members of the academy. In the words of George "of the Jungle" Jones
himself: "What do ya mean this here river don't go to Aintry? I done
took a wrong turn?!? Fuck you!" <at this point, GJ crapped himself
and began singing Barry Manilow; can I sing that instead?>

Never mind. Never, ever, mind. I mean it. Never. Ever. Mind.

signed, EJ Fnord, consciously destroying all rational thought