Update on Sam's placement
Susan Thomas
the speech therapist, on Friday about Sam's placement next year for
kindergarten. I went in trying not to prejudge since it's hard for me to be
impartial, wanted to hear what they had to say.
They rather unanimously and emphatically thought that Sam was not ready for
a full day of regular kindergarten, even with a full-time one-on-one aide.
He's still rather immature for his age and doesn't have good impulse
control, and they felt that an aide would simply spend the day trying to
get Sam to sit down, not play with doors or his other obsessions, etc. I
had to admit that that's really where he is at. They felt that it was in
his best interests to spend a good part of the day in a sped room, then a
few hours in the afternoon in the regular room to work strictly on
socialization, since he has issues there too. The teacher tried to assure
me that it wasn't a life sentence and that they could word the IEP loose
enough to allow more time in the regular room as his maturity level
increases. She also named several examples of students working up from this
particular room (what they used to call TMR, I have no idea what it's
called now and they didn't either) to the next level, and even moving into
full inclusion after a few years in a similar situation, assuring me that
it was their goal and in their best interests as teachers to do so.
I do trust this teacher and I think she told me what I was suspecting
myself (I had asked a month or so ago on this list about other people's
experience with placements other than full inclusion). I'm upset about
Sam's DS for the first time since he was two...surprised that it's hitting
me so hard, but it's like when the "typical" timeframe for walking came and
went. It's like realizing for the first time in a while that Sam has some
serious challenges and wondering if I'm helping enough or capable of doing
enough...well, most of you have been there and probably know what I'm
feeling. That "I'm butting my head against a wall trying to do for him and
he still gets the sped room" feeling.
Anyway, it boils down to this is in Sam's best interests at the time, maybe
next year he'll have some more self-control and hopefully better speech
skills and we can reevaluate. Any constructively-worded feedback would be
appreciated.
Susan Thomas
mom to Sam (5.5, DS)
suz...@home.com for private email
JJ Moody.
Yes, I think we all go through those times where we come unpleasantly
face to face with the fact that our child who has been making such
wonderful progress is truly farther behind "his or her typically
developing peers" than ever. I certainly know that feeling of not doing
enough to help Joy to reach her full potential.
I hope that a religious reference will not come across as
nonconstructive, but I need to use one in order to express how I find
peace when I'm troubled by these concerns. I choose to remember that God
loves Joy far more than I ever could, and He is her true parent. Don and
I have just been given temporary stewardship of her. He has wonderful
plans for Joy and He will help Don and I to do all we need to do to
prepare her for her role in this world. I try to remember that I am
inclined to be unconsciously prejudiced in favor of intelligence,
independence, and productivity and that prejudice does not allow me to
see things clearly. Joy is wonderful just the way she is and precious to
those who know and love her. I trust that she will become the woman of
God He intends her to be and that she will be able to share Jesus' love
with others in the way that God has planned for her. That may not and
probably will not look the same in Joy's life as it will in the lives of
her parents or siblings, but different isn't worse or better, it's just
different.
Thanks for sharing your struggle and for allowing me to share too.
Please allow me to say that I think you are being both wise and loving in
choosing the educational path for Sam that you believe is best even
though it is painful emotionally.
On Mon, 12 Mar 2001 09:08:50 -0600 Susan Thomas <suze...@PRODIGY.NET>
writes:
Misty Brown
disability. It does take something like starting school to really take
notice, and you do step back a bit and can become discouraged. I understood
fully my sons ds, when we sent him to a regular summer camp last year, and
they asked us after 1 week not to bring him back because he just couldn't
fit in with all the activities they were doing. He didn't want to
participate in any activities, and just wanted to play with the cars he
brought. I was crushed, and I was pissed off at them, but they were right,
he was not ready for that. I too had to keep Cody back from Kindergarten
until he turned 6. Susan, I felt like if I can give him a headstart, and let
him get a little maturity under his belt, he would do that much better. Now
he's in the First grade, and it did make a difference. Kindergarten is a
whole new ball game, and he needed that extra time to prepare. Just
remember, sometimes the teachers are not always right. To this day, we let
Cody " try" it out on his own. Instead of the teachers saying" well, we just
don't think he can handle....whatever" I say how do you know until you let
him try....Lets give it this long, and then we'll meet again if it's not
working out.....It always works out.
Just hang in there, look at it as a better opportunity for Sam.
Misty
> experience with placements other than full inclusion). I'm upset about
> Sam's DS for the first time since he was two...surprised that it's hitting
> me so hard, but it's like when the "typical" timeframe for walking came
and
> went. It's like realizing for the first time in a while that Sam has some
> serious challenges and wondering if I'm helping enough or capable of doing
> enough...well, most of you have been there and probably know what I'm
> feeling. That "I'm butting my head against a wall trying to do for him and
> he still gets the sped room" feeling.
>
PMWilson
>he still gets the sped room" feeling.
>
>Anyway, it boils down to this is in Sam's best interests at the time, maybe
>next year he'll have some more self-control and hopefully better speech
>appreciated.
Whatever you decide to do on Sam's behalf for next year will work out ok.
That being said, I think it's a good idea to mull over the special ed
professional's observations and recommendations before accepting the
option they suggest. What are they doing in preschool that has been
successful in getting Sam to 'sit down, not play with doors, or his other
obsessions'?
Have they done a behavioral assessment to see what happens in
the preschool classroom just before he gets out of his seat, plays
with doors, or engages in what sounds like his now standard
classroom activities? Do you think that his habits would change if he
were in a mainstream preschool classroom, with different peer role
models and expectations, or more interesting events or opportunities
for him to communicate or participate?
If there many transitions from one activity to another, or if several
different things are happening at once, he might just be distracted.
It could be that he is tired of working on everything that is hardest
for him, instead of having frequent opportunities to find new and
different activities that inspire or intrigue him.
My son attended special ed preschool several times a week, and
was in a mainstream preschool at least two days a week. He was
a different person in the mainstream preschool class. I did not have
a clue that his behavior and activities would be so different in the
mainstream class. He was making a great deal of progress there,
but had seemed 'stalled' in his special ed class. I am not saying
that this is how it would be for Sam, but I thought I'd mention it
because it took such a leap of faith for me to enroll my son in
a mainstream preschool class against the school district's advice,
even though he had seemed to be making no progress in their
special ed class.
If Sam is not ready for a full day regular kindergarten, could he
try a combination of mainstream and special ed preschool classes?
In a mainstream preschool class he could meet neighborhood
children who would be in his mainstream kindergarten class, if
he was 'ready' next year. He would have the safety net of his
current placement where they could see what his actual challenges
in a mainstream class turned out to be, and work out strategies
for the mainstream teacher and his aide so that he has a better
chance to be successful.
Mainstream preschool had a significant effect on my son's
communication milestones. He had articulation problems and
language delays, but he and his mainstream peers seemed to
develop the ability to read one another's minds. Personally I
believe it is inappropriate to delay a student's integration into
mainstream classes until his communication abilities meet
whatever criteria Sam's speech therapist feels is necessary;
they would not exclude a child using a wheelchair until he could
walk on crutches. I believe speech is mostly a physical problem.
For some reason, Sam's speech therapist suggesting a wait
makes me uncomfortable.
I am hoping that when you bring up any concerns you have with
the school's recommendations, their response will be to mention
other options that they may not have mentioned, at least a few
alternatives to their main offer. I have found that many staff
people enjoy a chance to be creative, especially with a parent
like yourself who does consider and respect their original input.
It doesn't sound as if it will be a battle if you ask Sam's IEP team to
suggest or discuss other options; and there are opportunities in most
communities outside of school activities for our sons and daughters to
grow up belonging with their mainstream peers if there are no other
options offered.
Please remember that we might be having difficulties now, but in the
future many parents of mainstream kids will face terrible problems.
School districts may spend more taxes on supporting students with
special needs, but much more will be spent on those mainstream
students who become criminals (mostly through drugs and theft),
whether they are caught and jailed or not; and some will be supported
in prison for years as adults. They all get to go to school in their
neighborhoods, and their teachers make special accommodations and
ask for extra help for them every day. We should be rewarded for the
efforts we make on behalf of our children by at least as many options
as are available for their mainstream peers.
Children with Down syndrome should not bear the responsibility for
achieving the goals set for them by education professionals whose
interests are in only small parts of the whole child. Parents have all
their children's best interests at heart and that is why we are their
best advocates. We know them as whole people and also know about
their many facets of personality, talents, and abilities.
Sometimes other parents raising children with special needs can put
pressure on us to make decisions that we are not sure are in the best
interests of our own child. I was in the unpleasant situation of having
pressure put on me by the moms of my son's mainstream preschool
classmates - they wanted me to enroll my son with their children in
regular kindergarten. At first I thought they were being really
insensitive; then I heard about other moms whose kids with severe
disabilities had been successful in mainstream classrooms.
I found out more and eventually was grateful that those mainstream
moms had found the courage to put that pressure on me, on my
son's behalf. Only because mainstream kindergarten worked out so
well for my son! His teacher and classmates made all the difference
- I can't say he would have flourished in any other kindergarten
classroom.
I hope that you find the best placement available for Sam, whether
it is another year of special ed preschool or not.
We moms always agonize over these decisions and then when
our children are grown, some of them still choose to be Elvis
impersonators, bungee jumpers, or gamblers. Politicians, tv
evangelists, or special ed adminstrators. It takes all kinds!
And we've got 'em.
Hang in there!
Annie Kapfer
advice of our school district for 2 days a week this year. Last year our
special ed preschool had seemed inadequate for Meghan who didn't want to go
to school and wouldn't participate in activities I knew she was capable of.
For the first part of the school year, she excelled in the mainstream
preschool and slowly improved in the special ed one. But after Christmas
break she self-destructed in the private school. She threw tantrums about
going there - stopped talking or eating at all there and became
non-compliant. At the same time, she improved in her special ed school
greatly!! She is participating to her full potential - talking as much or
better than at home and IS EXCITED about going to school. So we pulled her
out of the private one for her to go 5 days now to the special ed one. I
don't know if this is the right decision or if it was the right decision to
send her to the private one for part of the year - but all we can do is take
a leap of faith with our gut instinct and pray it is the best. I have no
idea what we'll do for kindergarten!
Annie