Burl Beaten at B'con: Yes, it is true --  Burl Barer, Brilliant Author,
suffered public caning by Joyce "Tiara Firma" Christmas.

"Polly Whitney, wearing a dress shorter than Sparkle Hayter's attention
span, wanted a real man to dance with," ended Barer prepositionally, "so I
offered my services."

"No, Burl," spat Whitney expectorantly, "there is too much sexual tension:
you get sexual; I get tense."

Barer, suggesting a box waltz,  "lunged for her tenderly" (ref: Intimate
Moments) and "searched eagerly, yet languidly" (ref: Silhouette Editions)
for the appropriate position. Joyce Christmas, ever protective, defended
the well coifed and professionally lacquered remains of Ms Whitney's
scantily clad honor by whacking Barer repeatedly with her cane.  Rather
than dissuading Mr. Barer, the whacking only spurred him on to greater
heights of passion, ardor, ebullience, and stupidity.
Undaunted, Barer (who, while in the Orient, learned the power to cloud his
own mind), successfully squired the writhing Ms Whitney to the ballroom
where they danced like a frying pan full-o-eels. (ed note: eels, devoid of
legs, do not dance. Frying pans also do not dance. Try other simile)
Interviewed the following morning at the Absorbine Jr. booth in the
dealer's room, Barer denied any hard feelings. "Polly dances with the grace
of an alligator sliding through a Florida swamp," Barer stammered easily
while adjusting his new yellow hat, "and the way Joyce uses that cane, look
for her in `Highlander-- the New York Adventures'

When asked what it was like being G.M. Ford's roommate at B'con, Barer
refused comment. "You'll just have to wait 'till I post to DL," he moaned
shrewdly, "I don't know how Ford go those sheep past the lobby....but I'm
glad he did. You can learn a lot from an author of his experience, and I
ain't just talkin' dialog."
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