Cure for Autism Discovered!!!!
Gavin Simpson
Immediate Relaease =
(PHOENIX, AZ, 2/9/96)
A California couple, Judd and Winona Cleaver, transferred to Arizona =
by their company, received what appears to be a medical miracle in =
the bargain. Their son, Jason, who had just gone through several =
days of testing at UCLA, confirming the diagnosis of autism, seems =
to have inexplicably and completely recovered from his autistic =
condition with the move to Arizona. This report was soon followed =
by two other similar reports. Recovery from autism is considered =
very rare and had researchers puzzled. =
Was some unknown environmental factor involved? Bradley Lewis, =
M.D., heading an investigation team from the Center for Disease =
Control arrived with the task of finding the answer. Dr. Bradley =
and his team finally isolated what they are guardedly calling an =
unsuspected environmental agent in Arizona which may have very well =
be a cure for autism.
=B3We knew that the microorganism which causes Valley Fever was a soil =
bourne pathogen, rare outside Arizona and a few other desert =
habitats. We were just guessing at first, of course, sort of tongue =
in cheek, but we wondered whether or not there could be some other =
organism in the Arizona soil which could account for Jason=B9s =
recovery..=B2 Bradley went on to say, =B3When we found that , like many =
moving to Arizona, the Cleavers and the other two families had =
selected and bought homes made from adobe (a type of sunbaked bricks =
made from Arizona soil) we felt we might be onto something That was =
about all we had to go on at first, though. =B3 =
After months of testing the soil around the Cleaver home turned up =
nothing, one of Dr. Bradley=B9s team, microbiologist Pam Davis, began =
examining adobe bricks themselves and how they are made. Davis =
discovered that the the soil used requires a binding agent which =
gave adobe the added strength to last hundreds of years. In =
examining the Adobe bricks in the Cleaver home, Davis confirmed what =
Arizona old timers already knew: the =B3secret ingredient =B3 was =
Arizona horse manure.
Could common horse manure contain some agent or microorganism which =
could explain the autism cure phenomenon? Well, as it turned out =
yes and no. After extensive testing it seems that only Arizona =
horse manure contains this promising property.
Double blind studies were done with other families with autistic =
children, moving half into adobe homes and an equal number of =
carefully matched controls into homes built of other materials. The =
study, just concluded, left no doubt, Arizona horse shit seems to =
almost completely eliminate autistic symptoms.
Long time Arizona horse rancher, Clyde Barton whose family sold =
horses to the Army and prospectors moving West in the early days, =
recalls that his family=B9s horses probably built half the homes in =
Phoenix in the those days. =B3Why, the first stop anybody wanting to =
build an adobe home made was to our corrals to see how we were fixed =
for binder.=B2
Barton still remembers that the corrals we located in present day =
downtown Phoenix. on the site of the Arizona Department of =
Developmental Disabilities. =B3I wouldn=B9t be surprised it there =
weren't tons of horse shit there still. There=B9s always been plenty =
of horse shit in Arizona.=B2, Barton observed.
In a recent press release, Dr. Lewis, leader of the Center for =
Disease Control team, confirmed it officially, =B3We conclude that =
common Arizona horse shit is a cure for autism and that, =
furthermore, any autistic person moving to Arizona with a diagnosis =
of autism will be completely cured by Arizona horse shit alone.=B2
This conclusion comes as no surprised to officials in Arizona. =
According to an unidentified but highly placed official in Arizona =
State government, =B3We have never had a single reported case of =
autism in the entire history of Arizona. Any autism you find here =
would have had to been imported by commies, bleeding heart liberals =
or other such riff-raff from California or one of the other 49 =
subversive sstates. In Arizona ... let me repeat ... autism does =
not exist!=B2 =
According to a crack research team from ASU, the state's celebrated =
educational institution, "We think it is due to spaced aliens who =
come down and kidnap autistic kids and inject them with stuff; =
therefore if any of them come to our school we don't have to give =
them reasonable accomodation or nothing like that because the whole =
premise is so unreasonalbe, don't you agree? Sure, we got lots of =
horse shit on the campus too, but we call it other stuff." =
It is the Arizona health plan, AHCCCS, which is being used as a =
model for current Medicaid reform. According to the outgoing =
Director of AHCCCS, Dr. Jennifer Love, =B3Soon the whole country will =
be autism free since we have found and patented a way to include =
great and generous gobs of Arizona horse shit into the new Medicaid =
legislation!=B3 Dr. Love=B9s replacement will be Jack Kevorkian, M.D., =
unless, of course, Senator Bob Dole wins the presidential election =
and appoints Dr. Kevorkian Surgeon General of the United States.
Hal Hoover
>>Cure for Autism Discovered!!!!
Hi folks.
I happen to live in the Phoenix, Arizona area and my son has a diagnosis of
Asperger's syndrome. There is a strong local autism society and the post
that I am replying to is just what it seems:
Horse manure
The person who posted this seems to know a lot about the local government
and the state replacement for Medicare. There is no miracle cure here.
Hal
hoo...@primenet.com
KAREN OUTHOUSE
Karen Outhouse
HUM...@burridge.nscc.ns.ca
Box 121, Hebron
Yarmouth, NS
B0W 1X0
Barry Harrison
unless, of course, Senator Bob Dole wins the presidential election =
and appoints Dr. Kevorkian Surgeon General of the United States.
----- End Included Message -----
..snipped (not worth including)
Have I lost my sense of humor?
Is this funny?
I can make light of a lot of things, but this drivel is:
1) a complete waste of space.
2) Just plain insulting to parents and others taking care of Autistic
Children.
Excuse me if I sound indignant, but this one went too far.
Barry
Anders Ebenfelt
>
>Immediate Relaease
>
>A California couple, Judd and Winona Cleaver, transferred to Arizona
>
>
>recovery.." Bradley went on to say, "When we found that , like many
>moving to Arizona, the Cleavers and the other two families had
>
>examining adobe bricks themselves and how they are made. Davis
>Arizona horse manure.
>
>Could common horse manure contain some agent or microorganism which
>
>Double blind studies were done with other families with autistic
>
>Long time Arizona horse rancher, Clyde Barton whose family sold
>Phoenix in the those days. "Why, the first stop anybody wanting to
>build an adobe home made was to our corrals to see how we were fixed
>
>Barton still remembers that the corrals we located in present day
>weren't tons of horse shit there still. There's always been plenty
>of horse shit in Arizona.", Barton observed.
>
>In a recent press release, Dr. Lewis, leader of the Center for
>common Arizona horse shit is a cure for autism and that,
>
>autism in the entire history of Arizona. Any autism you find here
>
>According to a crack research team from ASU, the state's celebrated
>
>be autism free since we have found and patented a way to include
>unless, of course, Senator Bob Dole wins the presidential election
Excuse me for asking but as I am not english spoken:
Is this seriously ?
Best Regards
Anders Ebenfelt
Mark Remlin
Is this true or just a sick joke?
Mark in CT.
Doug Thrussell-Jr
writting.
Remember high school and the description of satire? Was it Francis Bacon (some
British
inventor, writer, poet, scholar type) who said satire was the highest form of
humour.
I believe Joe more or less wrote us a make believe, but realistic, tale that
states that any
CURE for Autism right now is horse shit.
I reacted negatively at first because it seemed legit. Then I was disapointed,
then I was
PI**ED OFF at a waste of post. When I read it again I appreciated it more for
what it was . . .
good writing.
Lets be honest withourselves. How many reacted strictly on feeling ( implying
more emotional
reaction than reasoning/thinking?
******I do agree though that the Subject Line could have had a disclaimer on it
e.g. Cork.
Vickle
least take a little vacation there, but by the end of the post, I got a
good laugh out of it. Tough skin does that, let's you laugh when you can,
when before you wuold have been filled with all the deliciousness of
righteious indignation, and how enticing that state of bliss is, enough
that people throw out all common sense for the acquisition of it.
V.
Anders Ebenfelt
No, no, no !
I did NOT write this. It was an answer to Gavin Simson !!
Anders Ebenfelt
Danny R. Hawthorne
Where's your sense of humor? I'm a diagnosed high functioning autistic,
and I thought it was quite humorous if you appreciate the art of satire,
and it is quite an art at that. I believe the point of the article was
that we should spend more time and money into finding ways of
simultaneously modifying negative behaviors and improving the quality of
life for all involved, especially the one with the condition; and
throwing less money at research for brain transplants for some sort of
cure. In that light, the satire makes perfect sense IMO.
Daniel
Cass LJ
You are back. Judging from some of the responses to your post it appears
that DSM-V (not to mention the Friendship Interview) may include a new
autistic symptom of autistic traits aggregating in families - a pervasive
lack of a sense of humor.
Bob Jensen
Merrill Purdom
yet, since I know you are the guiltiest of plagiarizers, who really wrote
it?
Merrill
Valerie McAnnaney
time for your horses**t. I don't.
Valerie McAnnaney
Gavin Simpson
item. However, in truth, I am only writing down what reality and the
situation clearly dictated in a loud clear voice. Credit for this
work should also go to Dean Walker who contributed substantially,
but was afraid to have his own name mentioned, because, as an HFA
person, many on this list have trashed him badly by reacting to the
symtoms of his condition, his "differences", rather than the issues
he was attempting raise when he tried to reach out. Unless we change
those sorts of perceptions, the same treatment and rejection Dean
has experienced will be visited upon our own children --- and who
will give a damn?
I have also been accused, among other things, of poor taste in
posting the subject the "Cure for Autism!!!!" item. Wrong! Nowhere
in the post is there any suggestion that one taste or eat the autism
cure in question.
To the contrary, it argues for the end to such mindless consumption.
Beyond that, it serves as an alert to those who, in knee jerk
fashion, seat themselves at whatever public banquet and proceed to
eat whatever is set before them ... not only without complaint but
vying with each other for second helpings of such fare ... then,
with straight faces enquire about our contrasting lack of appetite
... "If you're not going to be eating that, do you mind ....?"
What I have writen, some say, is obscene because it uses the words
"horse shit" unabashedly; however it boggles the mind that these
same invidivuals apparently find no obscenity at all in what is done
to their autitic children and the trashing of their rights and
future on a daily basis.
What I have written is not some fable and I am not Chicken Little.
What I described in the post, the Arizona Medicaid Plan, is on it's
way and will soon open at a theatre near you. I am the parent of an
Asperger's son and for 27 years have observed the very subject
matter of the post and am tired of it. CAN and NAAR, for all their
piety and wit, will produce no more valid research into autism than
have all the other "research" that I have read every piece of over
the past 27 years. Before finding "answers", the normal process is
to frame "questions" and I do not see any being asked. Instead,
everytime hook up to the list I see the very same parade of nostrums
and notions --- every one of which I have tried, sad to say --- I
have witnessed for the past two decades.
Therefore, given the reality of the situation and the millennea
apparently required to accept it, I suggest, in the interim, that we
do meaningful things like organize, advocate like hell (not only for
ourselves but for each other), and sue the hell out of insitutions
and individuals who violate the rights and lives of our children.
Maybe, then, ... just maybe ... some autistic parent 2-3 millennea
from now will read something other than the subject of the ill fated
"Cure for Autism!!!" post on this list. Regards, Wendel
Ron
good chuckle!!!!
Ron (who appreciates a good laugh on his journey to find truth)
JohnD...@aol.com
symptoms.>>
And most other symptoms, too, I'd say. That's one reason we moved back to
Hawaii, which found years ago that blue skies and warm breezes cure
everything. In places like New York and Washington, they think money cures
everything, but that's just horse feathers.
John Dellera
Furbalicus
Umm, I really don't see where you get that idea. I can say that, on
the ANI list, which is mostly autistic people and "autistic friendly"
people, this one generated a lot of laughs. What was funnier, moreover,
was the outraged responses from so many people on this list. So, I don't
think, in light of this, that it's autistic people who suffer from a lack
of sense of humor.
Avi Blackmore (yes, this is me)