Arizona horse****

[janet norman-bain]

At 13:51 18/05/96 -0400, Karen Melanson wrote:
>I was just going through my "personal filing cabinet" in my AOL file, and I
>found a lot of letters talking about the Arizona horseshit cure and what a
>funny post it was. However, as usual, I'm the last to hear the story.
>
>I think I must have signed on *just* after it posted, and I would love to
>read it, since it seems to resurface occasionally as a humorous way of
>rebuffing the latest "trends" in curing autism. But I don't have a lot of
>time to dig into archives or the like. Dean, Wendel, would you like to
>repost it, especially for the newer kids in the class like myself? If not,
>you can just send it to my email address below. Thanks.
>
>-Karen (Elise's mommy)
>Altadena, California
>Lis...@aol.com
>
>Cure for Autism Discovered!!!!

Immediate Relaease=20

(PHOENIX, AZ, 2/9/96)
A California couple, Judd and Winona Cleaver, transferred to Arizona=20
by their company, received what appears to be a medical miracle in=20
the bargain. Their son, Jason, who had just gone through several=20
days of testing at UCLA, confirming the diagnosis of autism, seems=20
to have inexplicably and completely recovered from his autistic=20
condition with the move to Arizona. This report was soon followed=20
by two other similar reports. Recovery from autism is considered=20
very rare and had researchers puzzled. =20

Was some unknown environmental factor involved? Bradley Lewis,=20
M.D., heading an investigation team from the Center for Disease=20
Control arrived with the task of finding the answer. Dr. Bradley=20
and his team finally isolated what they are guardedly calling an=20
unsuspected environmental agent in Arizona which may have very well=20
be a cure for autism.

=B3We knew that the microorganism which causes Valley Fever was a soil=20
bourne pathogen, rare outside Arizona and a few other desert=20
habitats. We were just guessing at first, of course, sort of tongue=20
in cheek, but we wondered whether or not there could be some other=20
organism in the Arizona soil which could account for Jason=B9s=20
recovery..=B2 Bradley went on to say, =B3When we found that , like many=20
moving to Arizona, the Cleavers and the other two families had=20
selected and bought homes made from adobe (a type of sunbaked bricks=20
made from Arizona soil) we felt we might be onto something That was=20
about all we had to go on at first, though. =B3 =20

After months of testing the soil around the Cleaver home turned up=20
nothing, one of Dr. Bradley=B9s team, microbiologist Pam Davis, began=20
examining adobe bricks themselves and how they are made. Davis=20
discovered that the the soil used requires a binding agent which=20
gave adobe the added strength to last hundreds of years. In=20
examining the Adobe bricks in the Cleaver home, Davis confirmed what=20
Arizona old timers already knew: the =B3secret ingredient =B3 was=20
Arizona horse manure.

Could common horse manure contain some agent or microorganism which=20
could explain the autism cure phenomenon? Well, as it turned out=20
yes and no. After extensive testing it seems that only Arizona=20
horse manure contains this promising property.

Double blind studies were done with other families with autistic=20
children, moving half into adobe homes and an equal number of=20
carefully matched controls into homes built of other materials. The=20
study, just concluded, left no doubt, Arizona horse shit seems to=20
almost completely eliminate autistic symptoms.

Long time Arizona horse rancher, Clyde Barton whose family sold=20
horses to the Army and prospectors moving West in the early days,=20
recalls that his family=B9s horses probably built half the homes in=20
Phoenix in the those days. =B3Why, the first stop anybody wanting to=20
build an adobe home made was to our corrals to see how we were fixed=20
for binder.=B2

Barton still remembers that the corrals we located in present day=20
downtown Phoenix. on the site of the Arizona Department of=20
Developmental Disabilities. =B3I wouldn=B9t be surprised it there=20
weren't tons of horse shit there still. There=B9s always been plenty=20
of horse shit in Arizona.=B2, Barton observed.

In a recent press release, Dr. Lewis, leader of the Center for=20
Disease Control team, confirmed it officially, =B3We conclude that=20
common Arizona horse shit is a cure for autism and that,=20
furthermore, any autistic person moving to Arizona with a diagnosis=20
of autism will be completely cured by Arizona horse shit alone.=B2

This conclusion comes as no surprised to officials in Arizona. =20
According to an unidentified but highly placed official in Arizona=20
State government, =B3We have never had a single reported case of=20
autism in the entire history of Arizona. Any autism you find here=20
would have had to been imported by commies, bleeding heart liberals=20
or other such riff-raff from California or one of the other 49=20
subversive sstates. In Arizona ... let me repeat ... autism does=20
not exist!=B2=20

According to a crack research team from ASU, the state's celebrated=20
educational institution, "We think it is due to spaced aliens who=20
come down and kidnap autistic kids and inject them with stuff;=20
therefore if any of them come to our school we don't have to give=20
them reasonable accomodation or nothing like that because the whole=20
premise is so unreasonalbe, don't you agree? Sure, we got lots of=20
horse shit on the campus too, but we call it other stuff." =20

It is the Arizona health plan, AHCCCS, which is being used as a=20
model for current Medicaid reform. According to the outgoing=20
Director of AHCCCS, Dr. Jennifer Love, =B3Soon the whole country will=20
be autism free since we have found and patented a way to include=20
great and generous gobs of Arizona horse shit into the new Medicaid=20
legislation!=B3 Dr. Love=B9s replacement will be Jack Kevorkian, M.D.,=20
unless, of course, Senator Bob Dole wins the presidential election=20
and appoints Dr. Kevorkian Surgeon General of the United States.