Jeff Orcutt, you play a risky game. When having sex with horses next time, you'll want to
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Tao
Nov 21, 2009, 12:02:38 AM11/21/09
to Beijing Ultimate
pitch, not catch. Otherwise you place yourself in mortal danger of a
perforated colon, which is no laughing matter, as Kenneth Pinyan,
otherwise known as Mr. Hands, could tell you... from his grave.
I must also, despite the sensitive disposition of our fair readers,
bring to attention the despicable game you have been playing these
last four years with the lives of innocent, sentient beings. The other
day, during one of my several leisurely Internet browsing sessions, I
uncovered a disturbing Seattle Times article documenting your
unscrupulous lifestyle and laying bare your degenerate constitution. I
quote: "But because investigators found chickens, goats and sheep on
the property, they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is
a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker
animals."
Jeff, you pervert! Horses are one thing, but small, furry, defenseless
animals? I... I'm aghast. I'm absolutely shocked beyond words. How
sick. How vile! How... how dastardly! You should be ashamed. What your
dark, monstrous conscience will tolerate in the basement of your
private dwelling is not for us to judge, but to betray your friends
and acquaintances by bringing this defilement upon us in the world of
virtue and light is unforgivable. How Joe has co-habitated with you
all this time is beyond guessing, though we should probably take pity
at the horrors -- gross and unfathomable! -- he has repressed in the
name of survival!
It will take us years to erase the vestiges of your profanity from our
collective consciousness. I beseech you do us the favor of removing
yourself from our chaste community at once. Your libido has harmed its
last living soul.
Sincerely,
Beijing Ultimate Community
perforated colon, which is no laughing matter, as Kenneth Pinyan,
otherwise known as Mr. Hands, could tell you... from his grave.
I must also, despite the sensitive disposition of our fair readers,
bring to attention the despicable game you have been playing these
last four years with the lives of innocent, sentient beings. The other
day, during one of my several leisurely Internet browsing sessions, I
uncovered a disturbing Seattle Times article documenting your
unscrupulous lifestyle and laying bare your degenerate constitution. I
quote: "But because investigators found chickens, goats and sheep on
the property, they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is
a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker
animals."
Jeff, you pervert! Horses are one thing, but small, furry, defenseless
animals? I... I'm aghast. I'm absolutely shocked beyond words. How
sick. How vile! How... how dastardly! You should be ashamed. What your
dark, monstrous conscience will tolerate in the basement of your
private dwelling is not for us to judge, but to betray your friends
and acquaintances by bringing this defilement upon us in the world of
virtue and light is unforgivable. How Joe has co-habitated with you
all this time is beyond guessing, though we should probably take pity
at the horrors -- gross and unfathomable! -- he has repressed in the
name of survival!
It will take us years to erase the vestiges of your profanity from our
collective consciousness. I beseech you do us the favor of removing
yourself from our chaste community at once. Your libido has harmed its
last living soul.
Sincerely,
Beijing Ultimate Community
Bonedaddy
Nov 21, 2009, 1:37:22 AM11/21/09
to Beijing Ultimate
Tao,
Don't you have a blog that nobody reads where you can post your
creative writing assignments?
-Bonedaddy
Don't you have a blog that nobody reads where you can post your
creative writing assignments?
-Bonedaddy
Andy Young
Nov 21, 2009, 2:35:10 AM11/21/09
to Bonedaddy, Beijing Ultimate
Whoa whoa whoa, hold your horses (for those of you reading at home, exhibit A is known as an awful pun).
Are you saying this is not an advertisement for Jeff and Kevin's upcoming shows? I'm pretty sure it is, and frankly, I've never been more excited for live music until I read that flyer. I mean it lacked some of the visual appeal, but it had me hook line and anchor as i started reading. I mean this stuff on stage, their going to put Ozzy to shame!
Furthermore, I for one think we should be giving Tao a round of applause for finally biting the bullet and selling out to commercialism and marketing. I mean you can't live on blogging forever, so why not go into event promotion.
-Andy
--
Richard Andrew Young
UNC '08 Alumni
Peace, War, and Defense
Are you saying this is not an advertisement for Jeff and Kevin's upcoming shows? I'm pretty sure it is, and frankly, I've never been more excited for live music until I read that flyer. I mean it lacked some of the visual appeal, but it had me hook line and anchor as i started reading. I mean this stuff on stage, their going to put Ozzy to shame!
Furthermore, I for one think we should be giving Tao a round of applause for finally biting the bullet and selling out to commercialism and marketing. I mean you can't live on blogging forever, so why not go into event promotion.
-Andy
--
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Richard Andrew Young
UNC '08 Alumni
Peace, War, and Defense
Jeff Orcutt
Nov 21, 2009, 8:15:07 AM11/21/09
to Andy Young, Bonedaddy, Beijing Ultimate
Sent from iPhone
Jeff Orcutt
Nov 21, 2009, 8:18:57 AM11/21/09
to Andy Young, Bonedaddy, Beijing Ultimate
Indoor is on for tomorrow! Meet at dongzhimen at one! Van to dulwich gym. We are there from two to almost four.
Come all!
And Tao. Words fail.
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