the weekly email from betsy, 3-17-10
Betsy
if betsy were a food, she’d be the awesome blossom.
if betsy were a crayon color, she’d be hot magenta.
if betsy were an emoticon, she’d be [:|] because robots are awesome
and so is curious george depending on what that looks like to you.
WEEKLY ITEM #1: The Weekly Schedule
Every Wednesday, Pick Up, 7-9, BCIS
Every Sunday, Big Brother Practice, Location and Time TDB
watch google groups for updates.
_________
WEEKLY ITEM #2: Upcoming Tournaments
Mar 27-28: Shenzhen Hat
April 3-4: Ningbo Hat
April 17-18: Tianjin Open
April 24-25: Singapore Women and Open
May 1-2: Jeju Gnarly Nines
May 15-16: China Nationals, Beijing
Jun 5-6: Shanghai
July 4-10: Worlds in Prague
in a statistically significant and comprehensive poll conducted this
weekend, betsy determined all the awesome people are going to Ningbo
for the hat tournament. the theme is star wars. many excellent
suggestions for costumes were discussed. a private viewing of
spaceballs has been scheduled at ellen’s. thanks jim. let us know
the date and time. may the schwartz be with you.
_________
now is the time in the weekly email when betsy gives her weekly shout
outs and call outs. remember, you want to get shouted out, but you
don't want to get called out.
a shout out to gareth. he ran a great practice this week. next week:
more suicides, now with extra death.
a call out to baby girl, shan and jeff. betsy is not impressed by
your ability to skirt beijing’s freak weather, yet again. why, she
herself was just basking in the ray’s of jim and kevin’s many
bromances.
a shout out to friston kuppernickel. the mere fact of betsy
acknowledging you should grant her a spot as future queen of the
universe, although she doesn’t technically need your help to achieve
that.
a call out to the black widow. betsy is watching your every move. if
any men from beijing die in the near future, we all know who to come
after.
a shout out to ellen. you are clearly hitting your stride. betsy
looks forward to next month when ellens string of debauchery and
ludicrousness reaches a climax in taos future video, “drunken aisan
princess leia does three boba fetts”.
_________
WEEKLY ITEM #3: Betsy's Corner
since betsy doesn't have enough of a platform to share her views and
opinions on how awesome she is, betsy’s corner is a place for her to
give everyone another piece of her mind. this week, betsy unlocks the
secret lives of beijing ultimate men (and the best woman) through the
predictive power of anagrams.
Anthony Tao - A Tan? Oh Tony.
this one should be read with a head-shake at the end. tao has long
been trying to recapture his “chinese” heritage and often claims he
was born in beijing. he is using a spray-on tan to recover that
yellow look he lost while in kansas.
Joe Pellicano - Ciao Jello Pen
little known fact about joe: after pez dispensers became popular, he
filled a fountain pen with gelatinized raspberry jello. though
marketed well, it never caught on and was an epic failure. eyes
filled with tears, he said goodbye to his pen.
Kevin Reitz – Trizine Kev
kevin is special. his pores exude a natural essence that, when used
as an ointment and applied liberally to the extremities, makes you
boring on friday nights.
James Kirchoff- He Affirms Jock
yes, yes he does.
Jeffery Orcutt - Reject Ruff Toy
he’s really just a soft, fluffy teddy bear. if you approach him with
a ruff toy, betsy predicts he will reject it. now the only thing left
is to test the theory. any volunteers?
Gareth Marshall - Thermal Gal Rash
sandy doesn’t know about this. don’t tell her.
Andrew Moffat - Def Woman Fart
if you ask him about it, he’ll pretend it is nothing, but betsy knows
the truth. baby girl only fears two things: confined spaces and being
stuck in one with a deaf woman.
Zahlen Titcomb - Came Hot Blintz
one time, zahlen invited everyone over for breakfast, and he promised
to whip up something special, something he made himself. everybody
enjoyed it and to this day, he never divulged his secret recipe.
Michael Chaitkin - Iceman Hail Thick
when michael was a wee-tot, he wanted to be a super-hero. his mommy
asked who he wanted to be. he replied, “the iceman! because iceman
hail thick…” but he fell asleep before he finished his sentence. in
his defense, he was pretty tuckered out from watching a pinwheel
marathon.
Betsy Beijing - Big Teeny Jibs
all the boys love betsy’s big teeny jibs.
_________
WEEKLY RUMOR THAT MUST BE TRUE:
chris boehner has been missing from the beijing ultimate scene
recently. he cites a combination of his dedication to music, teaching
schedule, and desire to “immerse himself” in chinese. betsy assumed
this was all non-hilarious until she re-read the last sentence with
the part in quotes. now she knows what he means by “immersing
himself”. watch out, ladies of beijing bang. betsy is looking at
you, kelly. you’ve been warned.
Weekly Rumor Disclaimer: The Weekly Rumor is absolutely and one
hundred percent true. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead
is purely coincidental.
_________
and finally, your moment of zen…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcY090XV284
betsy pities the fool who ain’t got a proxy.
catch you on the field,
betsy
xxxooo
Bonedaddy
Why is it that you always blow my spot? You must have a slew of other
things to blow.
Kisses,
Chris
The D.O.C.
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--
i prefer not to think of all the misery but of all the beauty that still remains.
-anne frank
Betsy
Shh.
as a second option: Her Sober Inch. which may actually be more
relevant in this situation.
betsy
xxxooo
> > beijing-ultima...@googlegroups.com<beijing-ultimate%2Bunsubscribe...@googlegroups.com>
> > .
> > For more options, visit this group at
> >http://groups.google.com/group/beijing-ultimate?hl=en.
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> i prefer not to think of all the misery but of all the beauty that still
> remains.
>
> -anne frank- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
Hsing-Hui Hsu
Put your goddamn periods inside those quotation marks, you f*cking
slut.
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