The Weekly Email By Betsy--09-28-09
betsy beijing
red star flatballers,
fall is in full swing and the conditions are perfect for putting discs into flight. use this glorious holiday to honor the great country of china by engaging in a glorious round of disc golf. celebrate the power and advancement of the national army by coming out to pick-up. demonstrate your allegiance and servitude to this nation by drinking discloads of beers after each of these activities. mao would be proud.
WEEKLY ITEM #1: The Weekly Schedule
Every Tuesday, Pick Up, 8-10, Deshengmen
Every Sunday, Pick Up, 3-6, Happy Valley or ISB
pick-up is on, people. what, you think frisbee stops just because the chinese government is disrupting everything else in the city? the disc stops spinning for no massive government agenda.
_________
WEEKLY ITEM #2: Upcoming Tournaments
Oct 4: SUPA Hat Tourney, Shanghai
Oct 24-25: Hong Kong in Hong Kong, China.
Oct 28-31: Boracay Beach Tournament in Boracay, Philippines.
Nov 6: Worlds Qualifier in Manila
Nov 7-8: Manila Spirits in Manila, Philippines.
beijing is sending a small squad to hong kong and two full teams to manila. china is sending an open team to the world’s qualifier.
people: it’s going to be an epic fall. get pumped!
_________
now is the time in the weekly email when betsy gives her weekly shout outs and call outs. remember, you want to get shouted out, but you don't want to get called out.
a shout out to chris and the redbucks. giggity.
a call out to ken and stephanie. betsy likes thailand too. did you even think ask her to join? this is the worst oversight since everybody forgot to invite doc to anything.
a shout out to triple j. you may not win the tournament, but you will win the party. go forth and represent the spirit of beijing with nudity and general belligerence. jim cannot do it on his own, everyone must step it up and take it off. jeff, wear the nipple band-aids proudly.
a call out to working on sunday. you are not making any friends here, sunday. you used to be a joy, a day of rest, a moment to reflect on the accomplishments of the past week and prepare for the tasks ahead. you were a breather from the alcohol-fueled, mind melt of friday night, the hangover of saturday, and the alcohol-fueled, mind melt of saturday night. you were resplendent. but now? now you disgust betsy. she is not pleased with you one bit. get your head in the game, sunday, or she’ll have to do it for you. and you will not like it.
a shout out to thrillah. in manila. you will be enjoyable and for that, we rejoice.
a call out to big brother at dalian. betsy’s absence is no excuse. apparently you are allergic to beating shanghai. side effects of a victory include spontaneous eyeball webbing, smarmy pelvis, and gastric plasma fissures.
a shout out to ellen. if you invite beijing ultimate into your house, you will need more than an ayi to get the poop stains out after they leave. betsy recommends fire and napalm.
a call out to tao. betsy has been informed by the government that the period belongs outside the quotation marks. score one for china daily, zero for tao. do not challenge this great country and its media on this “glorious holiday”.
_________
WEEKLY ITEM #3: MAILBAG
every week, betsy gets a lot of emails inviting her out on dates, complementing her on her leadership skills, asking her ultimate related questions, and wanting to know who she is. the mailbag is where she answers these questions. as always, these are real letters from real readers.
Letter #1:
hi betsy,
I blog a lot. It’s probably the thing i do best. But my proxy just stopped working and I’m so frustrated and lonely without my blogs to keep me company. I was looking for help on the internet and found this; can you tell me what it means?
"You also need a shell account on another computer. This shell account will need ssh access. This is almost a given at this point in time, but you never know if there are some people out there who are still using telnet exclusively."
computerly un-savy,
Tao
hi tao:
secure shell, or ssh, is a network protocol that allows data to be exchanged using a secure channel between two networked devices. you need to use a public-key cryptograph to authenticate the remote computer and allow the remote computer to authenticate your account. public-key cryptography is a cryptographic approach, employed by many cryptographic algorithms and cryptosystems, whose distinguishing characteristic is the use of asymmetric key algorithms instead of or in addition to symmetric key algorithms. using the techniques of public key-private key cryptography, many methods of protecting communications or authenticating messages formerly unknown have become practical. they do not require a secure initial exchange of one or more secret keys as is required when using symmetric key algorithms. it can also be used to create digital signatures.
for more information, consult the wikipedia entry where all this information came from, because betsy does not understand it at all.
betsy
xxxooo
Letter #2:
hi betsy,
the new fad in beijing seems to be a board game, settlers of catan. everyone is playing it but i don’t understand why it’s so great. am i the only one in the dark here?
befuddled,
bonedaddy
hi b-diggity,
yes, you are the only one in the dark. everyone else discovered this game/became cool long ago.
betsy
xxxooo
Letter #3:
hi betsy,
i am not coming to manila this year. sorry but i just can’t make it. see you next year!
Lincoln
hi lincoln,
it will not be tropical. it will not rain dolla dolla bills. betsy will not get supermanned.
but! betsy is still the hottest chick in asia and will overcome this setback. see this week’s lunch time poll for details.
betsy
xxxooo
_________
WEEKLY ITEM #3: Lunch Time Poll
beijing ultimate has seen a recent spike in tall, handsome, frisbee playing men. after betsy has her way with them and returns their sweaty, heaving, man-shells back to the community, which one is most likely to be voted “best new tall, handsome, frisbee playing man in beijing”?
a) baby girl – he has got an edge since he’s a returning ex-pat. also, having a nickname instantly makes people like you more, especially when it’s accurate.
b) gareth – he has the nicest hair.
c) bill – if he keeps wearing the truckers hat, he can render the hair thing null and will be an obvious contender.
cast your votes!
_________
and finally, your moment of zen…
http://mistupid.com/people/page027.htm
catch you on the field,
betsy
xxxooo
Tao
You belong on Tool Academy. Your call-out makes you 50 percent less
sexy, like a creampied granny. The comma and period go outside the
quotation marks, without exception. I am trying to save this glorious
country from the nefarious encroachments of British grammar while here
you are fluttering your eyelashes like Sasha Grey in her AVN-winning
scene for Best Oral (tangentially, if you need proof that Grey, nee
Marina Ann Hantzis, is indeed the best adult performer currently
working, see http://business.avn.com/articles/7367.html (SFW)).
And for the record, "She was as easy as the 'TV Guide' crossword" is a
GREAT metaphor.
Love,
Tao
> initial exchange <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Key_exchange> of one or more
> secret keys <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_key> as is required when
lincoln
someone fix this
> initial exchange <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Key_exchange> of one or more
> secret keys <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_key> as is required when
Jeff Orcutt
are on the ISB fields from 3-dusk.
Come one, come all.
Jeff
Sent from iPhone
>> having a nickname instantly makes people like you more, especially
>> when it's
>> accurate.
>>
>>
>> c) bill - if he keeps wearing the truckers hat, he can render the
>> null and will be an obvious contender.
>>
>> cast your votes!
>>
>> _________
>>