RPT: The Fourth Penguin Report (long)
Annette Fraser
THE FOURTH PENGUIN REPORT
Screenplay by Annette Fraser from an adaptation by Intensity
ONCE UPON A TIME.....
It was a beautiful day, one of those magical days when the world is happy
and merely to be alive brings a feeling of great contentment and pleasure.
The birds were singing joyfully in the trees. The bunny rabbits hopped
merrily to and fro, noses twitching and ears waggling, going about their
daily business. The sun shone its glowing warmth onto the earth as though
it were imparting some great wisdom to the rest of creation.
Little Red Riding Holly was playing happily by herself in the garden of her
home, humming a little tune and giving squeaks of delight each time a
rabbit hopped into view.
"Holly!" called her mother, Ingrid, from inside the house, "Would you come
here for a moment please."
"Yes, mummy," Holly replied obediently leaving her game and skipping into
the house.
"Holly, I'd like you to take these Petrified Penguins to Grandma Annette so
that she can give them out for the next X-Awards ceremony. Do you think
you can do that all by yourself?"
"Oh yes, mummy!" exclaimed Holly grinning from ear to ear and clapping her
hands together with childish glee. ÒYou can rely on me because I'm a big
girl now, even though I may be short. I'd love to go to see Grandma!"
Ingrid smiled at her fondly. "That's wonderful. Just let me get your red
cloak and the Penguins for you to take with you."
As she buttoned the cloak around Holly's neck and handed her the basket of
Penguins, Ingrid spoke sternly to her earnest little daughter for she was a
knowledgable and sensible woman. "Holly, listen to me and listen well.
Promise me that you will stay on the path to Grandma's house so that you
don't get lost and will be safe. There are many unfriendly animals in the
forest who would like to steal these Petrified Penguins and keep them for
themselves." Holly's eyes grew wider and wider and rounder and rounder as
she listened to her mother.
"I promise mummy," said Little Red Riding Holly solemnly and, giving her
mother a big hug and a kiss goodbye, she skipped out of the house, down the
garden path and away into the generic forest.
As she walked in the fine sunshine, she heard voices not far away. She
stopped and looked to see if she could discover who it was. From her right
appeared a little girl with golden hair done up in ringlets and following
her were three cuddly bears. The little girl looked rather annoyed at
something as she stomped across the path, and the bears tumbled after her,
entreating her to stop. "But Alicia," the first one called, "come back, we
need you."
The little girl stopped, turned and glared at the bears who came to an
abrupt halt and bumped into each other. "I am not working with you ever
again," snarled the girl. "Call yourself actors, hah! You Ralph, have all
the talent of a spastic tarantula, Dregs, you have all the artistic
integrity of the production designer for Seaquest DSV and as for you
Hadgis, well, I canÕt even begin to think of a suitable epithet. Where is
Ralph Fiennes when I need him?" She turned and continued stomping and
disappeared into the trees. "What's an epithet?" asked Chris. The bears
shrugged and then set off once again in pursuit of the little girl.
Little Red Riding Holly watched them go and then for a time she traipsed
along the path, swinging her basket and stopping now and then to smell the
lovely flowers which grew along the way. She waved to the birds, blew a
kiss to the sun and laughed at the antiis, sorry, antics of the squirrels
in the trees.
She then noticed two people walking towards her. Both were bedecked
lavishly in tights and doublets, the standard Prince Charming costume. As
they approached she could hear that they were arguing vociferously and she
realised that it was Daniel Lam and Marcus.
"But what's wrong with my tights," asked Marcus, plucking at the offending
garment.
Daniel gave him a withering look. "I just canÕt believe that you'd wear
*those* to work," he replied. "Oh, hi Holly."
"Hello Daniel, Marcus," called Holly cheerfully as she passed and the two
went on their way, the sound of their argument fading behind her in the
distance.
She passed three figures seated in directors chairs with the names John
Wilkins, Rob Whyte and Steve Turtle written on the back. It was the Three
Billy Goats Gruff taking a break from filming. As she passed she heard
them arguing about barbarism, Babylon 5 and numerous other topics.
"For goodness sake," she thought crossly, "Isn't anyone around here in a
good mood?"
Suddenly, she came to a small clearing in the woods, nearly barging into
two men who were engrossed in intent discussion. So engrossed were they
that they didn't notice Little Red Riding Holly as she crept closer and
listened to hear what they were saying. Holly was perplexed by their
strange names because one called the other Wibble and was himself addressed
as Mulchy. However, she was fascinated and, as she listened, she heard
them speak about subjectiveness and reality being a possibility and fairly
soon, they agreed with each other. As a consequence, however, the two of
them no longer were a certainty in each others' universes, and so both
disappeared abruptly.
Holly gasped and jumped back, blinking in disbelief at the now empty space
where the two philosophers had been sitting. She conducted a cursory
search of the rest of the clearing but of the philosophers there was no
trace so, with a shrug of her little red-clad shoulders, she gripped her
basket and continued on her merry way.
<cue bad-guy music> But there were eyes watching her. Evil eyes glaring
balefully from between the trees, greedy distended pupils transfixed by the
basket which Holly swung back and forth as she skipped. Yes, boys and
girls, it was <cue climax of bad-guy music> the bear! Rearing up on his
hind legs to his full imposing height, the bear bounded forth from his
hiding place toward the unsuspecting Little Red Riding Holly.
Hearing the strange, springy bounces, rather like Zebedee in The Magic
Roundabout, Red Riding Holly stopped skipping and turned around to see what
was causing the noise.
"Hullo," said the bearded bear cheerfully, as he grinned amiably and stood
rocking up and down on his heels. "What have you got in the basket, little
girl?" But before Red Riding Holly could answer, a large, lean wolf dashed
out of the generic forest and rushed up to them shouting, "Mr Leahy, Mr
Leahy."
Holly and the bear stared at the wolf. "I'm sorry I'm late Mr Leahy,"
panted the wolf, "Where did you get up to in the dialogue?"
"I had just asked her what was in the basket, $teve," replied the bear
affably.
"Oh, ok. Thanks!" said the wolf with a sneer. "You can go now."
"Okey dokey," beamed the bear, and with a final grin towards Holly and a
friendly wave, he turned and bounded off into the forest.
("...and action!" boomed the disembodied director's voice.)
"I'm taking a basket of Petrified Penguins to Grandma so that she can give
them out at the next X-Awards ceremony," said Little Red Riding Holly
importantly.
"Petrified Penguins eh?" mused the wolf, stroking his chin. "That's a very
responsible job for such a shor....er....little girl, especially in this
generic forest where so many things could go wrong."
Little Red Riding Holly listened, eyes wide and mouth agape. She knew that
she should say a firm goodbye to the wolf and continue on her way but she
was a curious little girl and the strange and unexplained had always
excited her. "What sort of things Mr Wolf?" she asked innocently.
"Well," replied the wolf dismissively, "the usual things. Prehistoric
bugs, alien abductions, neanderthal humans, secret government conspiracies.
I could go on, and on, and on, and on....but you get the idea. IÕll tell
you what," he leered, leaning closer until Holly could smell his rancid
breath, "why don't you give those Penguins to me to take to Grandma's
house? They'll be much safer with me, and IÕll meet you there." He slowly
reached one scrawny paw towards the coveted basket.
Instantly Holly snapped out of her reverie. "Keep your mitts off my
basket," she exclaimed hotly as she slapped at the wolf's extended paw.
"My mother entrusted these Penguins to me. So good day Mr Wolf. IÕll be
on my way." And with a toss of her head she left the wolf and continued on
towards Grandma's house without a backward glance.
The wolf stood watching her go. "Little upstart," he snarled, rubbing his
paws together wickedly, "well, I'll show her. I have to have those
Penguins." Suddenly, a glowing lightbulb appeared over his head, and with
a malicious chuckle, he bounded off into the forest.
Within a few short uneventful minutes he had covered the ground to
Grandma's house using his little known short-cut, and, without preamble, he
burst through the door and, slobbering and slavering, he began to look for
Grandma. He opened the door to her room and spied her asleep on the bed
but she did not move. He tiptoed towards her and then pounced, gathering
her up and thrusting her into a wardrobe before she had even a chance to
wake up. Little did he know that she'd forgotten to take her narcolepsy
medication that morning and nothing short of Mitch Pileggi toting 40,000
volts would have made her wake up.
However, the wolf just managed to leap into the bed and pull the covers up
to his chin as Little Red Riding Holly knocked on the front door.
"Grandma Annette ... Grandma," she called, "I've brought you the
Penguins. Where are you?"
The wolf replied, calling out in the sweetest voice he could manage, "I'm
in here my dear. Come in where I can see you."
Little Red Riding Holly opened a door, expecting to see Grandma, but there,
in the middle of the room was a strange girl holding a whip. She was
dressed in skintight black vinyl and stood over a tall man dressed entirely
in yellow who was cowering on a chocolate sauce-covered floor. Yes, Holly
had accidentally stumbled into Kitty Litter's room where she was still
entertaining the Piddler since the last Penguin Report. "Aha," thought
Holly, "that explains Lyndal's reduced postings and Matt Curr's Resounding
Silence." Without disturbing them, she closed the door and ran into
Grandma's room.
"Hello Grandma," she cried rushing to the bed to give her aged relative a
hug and a kiss. But she stopped short as she saw the hairy face of the
wolf peeking out from the covers. "Gee Grandma, isn't it about time you
waxed your moustache?" she asked.
The wolf coughed self consciously. "Never mind about that now," he
smarmed, "what did you say you had brought for me?"
But Little Red Riding Holly couldn't take her eyes off him. "My Grandma,
what a big ego you have," she said.
The startled wolf looked at her. "All the better to bear the flames of the
newsgroup with," he answered smiling.
"My Grandma," remarked Holly, "what puny muscles you have."
"All the better to...um...to...well, I havenÕt been able to get to the gym
lately," ended the wolf lamely.
"And my Grandma, what crappy Internet access you have," finished Little Red
Riding Holly.
"Which explains why I haven't received my fair share of Petrified Penguins
recently," rumbled the wolf ominously, "so give them to me. NOW!" and on
the final shout the wolf leapt out of bed and began to chase the screaming
Holly around the room.
At this point, Mr Leahy, the bear poked his head in around the door and
watched the scene. "How are you going Mr Wolf?" he asked, "Need any help?"
Immediately Holly and the wolf stopped the frenzied chase, the hectic
background music wound down and the wolf scratched his head. "I don't
think so," he said turning to Holly, "What do you think?" Holly shook her
head.
"Okey dokey," said the bear and took off into the forest as the music
restarted and the wolf and Holly resumed the pursuit.
Holly screamed shrilly as the wolf kept getting closer and closer and
closer. Just as Holly thought that there was no hope and the wolf finally
managed to grab her by the shoulders, a figure brandishing a large
telescope burst through the door. Yes, it was Gene, the astrophysicist,
come to save the day.
(Ken, the assistant director looked up from his script. "Astrophysicist?"
he said to the Hugh, the stage manager. "I thought we were supposed to
have a woodcutter."
"Well Ken," replied Hugh, "there have been some casting problems. Where's
Intensity? He's the director, let's ask him."
"Intensity," scoffed Ken, "he's out to lunch again with that actress, Nina
Notomi. Keeps saying things like heÕs going to make her a star. Hah!" He
sighed. "Well, we'll just have to make do with what we have. Action.")
Holly and the wolf stopped and stared at Gene.
"I'm from New Zealand and I already know what's going to happen in this
story," shouted Gene triumphantly, "I'll make you see stars you evil
creature." And, leaping towards the wolf he thumped him hard on the head
with the telescope stunning him instantly. The wolf slumped to the floor
where he sat, dazed and disorientated.
Little Red Riding Holly stared at Gene with undisguised adoration. "Oh
thankyou for saving me," she said breathily, her eyes shining, "now, we
must find my Grandma."
At this point they heard a loud yawn form the wardrobe. Opening the door
they saw Grandma, who had slept soundly through the whole thing, just
waking up. "Hello dear," she said to Holly as she emerged from the
cupboard frowning briefly as she wondered how she got in there, "have you
brought me the Penguins your mother was to send?"
Holly opened her mouth to tell her Grandma the whole story but, sensitive
to Annette's advanced age and the possible effect of such a shock, just
smiled and gave her a big hug. "Yes, and here they are," she said handing
her Grandma the basket.
"Well," replied Annette, "All the neighbourhood children should be gathered
outside by now. Let's not delay any longer." And, leaving the wolf still
comatose on the floor, they went outside where an eager audience awaited.
Holly and Gene joined the others sitting on the lawn as Annette cleared her
throat and began announcing the awards.
The "S.E.T.I. Award for Best Evidence of No Intelligent Life on Earth" goes
to the cast of the Melbourne gathering held at the Internet Cafe for
their...um...interesting post to the newsgroup.
The "Most Civilised Delurking Award" this week goes to the Dread Pirate
Bowen.
The "ASCII a Silly Question, GETII a Silly Answer Award" is presented to
Antii for the following effort:
>
> Aghast! It's a mad cow lurking at the bottom of his .sig!
>
> (__)
> (\/) <-- Note evil gleem in eyes
> /--------\/
> / | ||
> * ||-----||
> ^^ ^^
> Mmmm... Big Mac... Mmmm.......
>
> :wq
>
> Antti
This next award is for "Most Frenzied Delurking Whilst Over .05".
Unfortunately the recipient did not include her name in the post so will
the real delurker please stand up?
It truly is pathetic. Can someone please explain to me the
strange appeal of this woman! My boyfriend never misses an episode ,
smiles at the mere mention of her name and just this morning he dragged me
in here to proudly display some gifs he'd found of GA in purple
rubber...GA in black lace...GA in her underwear about to suck a phall'
(oops I mean cigarette)...Oh and the BIG FAVOURITE - GA in the black
leather catsuit.
DO ANY OTHER WOMEN HAVE THIS PROBLEM??? Is it those mammoth breasts
or just the way she always seems to manage to pose that "I've got a mouth
like a blow up doll" expression that just says Fuck Me.
Yes I'm pissed but more than that I'm just confused.
Someone please explain.
The "Manic Raving Conspiracy Theory of the Week Award" goes to Ken for:
>>(who is waiting for Intensigty to come up with a better version of the cake)
>An interesting typo, to be sure, but you can wait forever and you still
(snip)
Typo nothing! That was a deliberate wrangling of your name, sure it was.
It's pure coincidence that the g and the t are adjacent on the qwerty
keyboard... no, not a coincidence, it seems too contrived, no it must be
a CONSPIRACY, yeah that's it, dating back to whenever the typewriter was
invented, executed with the sole aim of belittling my comic genius which
even then could be foreseen by the dark and evil forces of the QWERTY
CONSPIRACY...
Lunatic raving cheers, Ken
The "Short People Got No Reason, Watch Your Back Award" is presented to
Dregs for this risky (but witty and insightful) piece of flamebait:
: > On Mon, 25 Mar 1996, Nina Notomi wrote:
<SNIP>
: > > a great woman and I well and truly look up to her, even though she's
a
: > > From Nina
<CHOP>
: she is a strong individual, intelligent, tough and someone to look up to.
: Holly.
Whada ya mean? U two look up to EVERYONE!!
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!
:)
CUL8'R
Dregs
(Calm down Nina and Holly. I am a short person too. We must learn to
laugh at these things and to shrug them off without comment. Posting back
only encourages them.)
The "I Really CanÕt Think of a Good Name for this Award Award" goes to Gene
for:
Isikeli Vuilami Raicebe <080...@bud.swin.edu.au> wrote:
>I have recently heard that there will be X-Files movie coming out soon in
>the States! Can someone please tell me whether this is justifiable or
>just a rumuor?
No disrespect here, but your name would make a great title for an X-files
episode! I'm sure it's never pronounced the same way twice. Your parents
must love you very much :-)
Gene
And the final prize is "The Department of Justice Rehabilitation of
Paranormal Criminals into Society Award" and is for this post:
>"Matt-5, Emperor of Australia" <cth...@ariel.its.unimelb.edu.au> writes:
>>On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Annette Fraser wrote:
>>> 2Shy actually made me think of something (a rare occurrence I'll admit)
>>> that's been bothering me for a while. With the exception of Tooms, we
>>> never find out what's happened to any of the mutanty baddies that get
>>> apprehended, after they've been caught. Like DPO and...bugger, I can't
>>> remember any others at the moment. But I know there have been some. Oh
>>> yeah, that vampire guy, and Roland and the Soft Light man (although we know
>>> he's being used for experiments). Although I can't think of a way that
>>> they could actually do it, sometimes, just leaving the baddies like this
>>> annoys me a bit. Actually, they do this in Law and Order too. Forget I
>>> said anything.
>>They round them up and put them in a big concentration camp. Then, at the
>>end of the last season, they're going to have a sort of 'This is your
>>life'-style Caught Baddie Extravaganza.
>Actually, last week they all came around to my place for a BBQ. Nice
>bunch of people, if you actually sit down and get them talking.
I presume, of course, that L'Ively took care of the fire, Roland the ice
cream, DPO your broken sound system and Dr. Soft Light the credibility :)
:)
Unfortunately, the person who mailed me this nomination forgot to include
the name of the nominee so I will be hanging on to this Penguin until it is
claimed.
Suddenly, as Annette finished and the polite applause subsided, Alicia gave
a scream and pointed towards the door of the cottage. Annette turned to
see the wolf, now fully recovered slinking out of the door. Quickly she
reached into the basket, now empty of Penguins, and pulled out a gleaming
gold exclamation mark and held it up in front of the wolf. Immediately,
the wolf stopped, looked at the exclamation mark, and slumped to the
ground, completely overcome with pitiful sobbing. With some sympathy,
Annette motioned to two men in white coats standing nearby who picked up
the distressed wolf, bundled him into a waiting van, and took him off in
the general direction of the pound.
All this had gone completely unnoticed by Holly and Gene who were sitting
together talking. Holly, still gazing at her saviour, was quickly
peppering him with questions.
1. What is your age?
Bad start! My age increases with every infinitesimally small increment of
time. A better question is "What date were you born?" Where I would then
answer: "None of your frigging business!", but considering that would
really set a precedent on all my other answers, I'll let you know I was
born in 1972.
2. What was your first X-Files episode?
The pilot, of course. And 'sucks' to you Aussies! We got to see it in NZ
before you, so nya! nya! nya!
3. What is your favourite X-Files episode?
Hmm, very difficult to answer this one. I like most of them, but generally
for different reasons. Being a bit of a cynic (and sceptic), I like trying
to find scientific plot holes. I get an amazing sense of enjoyment out of
picking the show to bits. Most X-philes hate people like me. So the best
shows are the ones that that don't try to rely too much on 'technobabble'.
4. What is your least favourite X-Files episode?
Funnily enough, the ones I hate aren't necessarily the ones I can pick
holes
in. But some scientific plot holes just have no excuse (Soft Light comes to
mind, oh yeah, and Fire Walker). I have yet to see an episode that made me
want to turn off (the above eps. came very close though). I do think though
that 5 series will probably be enough. I can't see them keeping the ideas
fresh after more than 100 episodes.
5. Why do you like The X-Files?
I find the show interesting and funny. Nothing else really matters, but I
am glad the actors are pretty good.
6. What computer do you use?
Usually some kind of x-term connected to various Sparc stations and Dec
Alphas - all running Unix. I have also used Macs and PC's.
7. If you were Mulder and you found Scully naked, tied up and smeared with
chocolate sauce you would:
I'm assuming this is to be taken in the context of an episode? If so, I
would
guess the correct procedure would be to ask Scully why she was in this
certain
predicament and then help her clean up. Of course, a Mulderism such as
"Scully, my birthday's not for another 3 months" would not be out of
character.
8. Marital status?
I'm in a de facto relationship with myself.
9. Desperation status?
So desperate I crossed the ditch. I heard that Aussie girls count to five
and are then ready for sex.
10. Other must-see shows?
Heh, heh, lemme see now. The Outer Limits, Nowhere Man, American Gothic and
Friends.
Actually, these are the series I usually don't miss (when they're on):
Spender, Cracker, Taggart, A Touch of Frost, NYPD Blue, Picket Fences, Law
and Order.
I'm also partial to the likes of Babylon 5 and DS9. I usually catch some of
the 1/2 hr sitcoms screened between 7:30 and 8:30 and am currently hooked
on SBS on Saturday nights (Glam Metal Detectives, Liquid Television and the
cult movie).
11. What TV shows should they bring back?
Hmm, none. I think there are plenty of new ones we haven't seen that should
be shown first.
12. What TV shows should be euthanased immediately?
Wouldn't it be easier to name the shows they should keep?
13. If you were Scully and you found Mulder naked you would:
Have probably already warned him about the loose elastic in his Speedos.
14. How long have you been on the net?
Looking at the amount of work I've done - too bloody long!
When I first started varsity in 1990 we had an internal 'net for
undergraduates. I got access to the big, bad on-line world in '93. We've
never been the same since.
Just then, Ingrid arrived to take Holly home. Reluctantly Holly left,
hand-in-hand with her mother, casting forlorn glances over her shoulder at
Gene who took off into the forest, his slightly battered telescope under
his arm.
As Annette stood watching them go, two figures approached from the wings: a
man dressed outrageously in a 30's Hollywood director's costume (complete
with tin megaphone) who had his arm around an attractive, dark-haired woman
wearing a revealing satin ballgown.
"We're just back from lunch," announced Intensity. "Anything important
happen while I was gone?"
THE END
--
Annette |\ _,,,---,,_
The Merchandise Queen ZZzzz /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_
Member Sydney Loganians |,4- ) )-,_. ,\ ( `'-'
Communications Officer '---''(_/--' `-'\_) fL
- Newsship ATXF "Wake me before next Wednesday night..."
High Priestess of the Big Penguin AKA Penguingirl
---------------------------RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY---------------------------
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - a factitious word
alleged to mean 'a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine
silica dust' but occurring chiefly as an instance of a very long word.
--Oxford English Dictionary
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matt Treyvaud
> Maxwell/Intensity Enterprises present
>
> THE FOURTH PENGUIN REPORT
>
> Screenplay by Annette Fraser from an adaptation by Intensity
>
> wake up. Little did he know that she'd forgotten to take her narcolepsy
> medication that morning and nothing short of Mitch Pileggi toting 40,000
^^^^^
Ahem.
Slurp,
Matt-5
Annette Fraser
<Pine.SUN.3.91.96040...@ariel.ucs.unimelb.EDU.AU>, Matt
Treyvaud <cth...@ariel.its.unimelb.edu.au> wrote:
> On Mon, 1 Apr 1996, Annette Fraser wrote:
>
> > Maxwell/Intensity Enterprises present
> >
> > THE FOURTH PENGUIN REPORT
> >
> > Screenplay by Annette Fraser from an adaptation by Intensity
> >
> > wake up. Little did he know that she'd forgotten to take her narcolepsy
> > medication that morning and nothing short of Mitch Pileggi toting 40,000
> ^^^^^
> Ahem.
>
>
> Slurp,
> Matt-5
I am allowed to write it. We short people can make jokes at ourselves.
Robert Whyte
> Maxwell/Intensity Enterprises present
> THE FOURTH PENGUIN REPORT
> Screenplay by Annette Fraser from an adaptation by Intensity
> ONCE UPON A TIME.....
> She passed three figures seated in directors chairs with the names John
> Wilkins, Rob Whyte and Steve Turtle written on the back. It was the Three
> Billy Goats Gruff taking a break from filming. As she passed she heard
> them arguing about barbarism, Babylon 5 and numerous other topics.
which does indeed have my name stencilled on the back and which arrived
yesterday. I thought "Bugger it! Why should I spend all my money on
editting suites and cameras and lights and audio equipment when I can
just blow the whole lot on a hideously expensive piece of wood and
canvas". And you have NO idea how much easier my life is now that I
don't have to worry about purchasing all that other equipment. Of
course, it DOES make it a fair bit more difficult to produce a TV show
with nothing but a director's chair, but I'll look a LOT more stylish
while I'm doing it. (:
Robert Whyte
The Australian Cricket Team is nothing but a bunch of rough, tough,
moustachioed womanisers. And the men's team aren't much better.
Annette Fraser
(Robert Whyte) wrote:
> Recently, annette...@uow.edu.au (Annette Fraser) spake thusly:
>
> > Maxwell/Intensity Enterprises present
>
> > THE FOURTH PENGUIN REPORT
>
> > Screenplay by Annette Fraser from an adaptation by Intensity
>
> > ONCE UPON A TIME.....
>
> <Snippo!>
>
> > She passed three figures seated in directors chairs with the names John
> > Wilkins, Rob Whyte and Steve Turtle written on the back. It was the Three
> > Billy Goats Gruff taking a break from filming. As she passed she heard
> > them arguing about barbarism, Babylon 5 and numerous other topics.
>
> Interestingly enough, I'm currently sitting on my director's chair,
> which does indeed have my name stencilled on the back and which arrived
> yesterday. I thought "Bugger it! Why should I spend all my money on
> editting suites and cameras and lights and audio equipment when I can
> just blow the whole lot on a hideously expensive piece of wood and
> canvas". And you have NO idea how much easier my life is now that I
> don't have to worry about purchasing all that other equipment. Of
> course, it DOES make it a fair bit more difficult to produce a TV show
> with nothing but a director's chair, but I'll look a LOT more stylish
> while I'm doing it. (:
>
>
> Robert Whyte
>
> The Australian Cricket Team is nothing but a bunch of rough, tough,
> moustachioed womanisers. And the men's team aren't much better.
Wow, I must be psychic. Life imitates art.