Electric Bacon Ezine Issue 8 - CP fiction inside...
damien haas
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$$$$$ electric bacon $$$$$$ assembler's / editor's: $$$$$$
$$$$$ issue 8.0 Jan 06 1997 $$$$$$ eri...@why.net $$$$$$
$$$$$ the intercontinental ezine $$$$$$ eld...@ozemail.com.au $$$$$$
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..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Welcome to Bacon 8 folks! A brand new year, and year two of the
Bacon. Hopefully we will be here for year three as well. I hope
that everyone had a safe new year and that the hangovers were
minimal. This issue is packed, so I will jump straight into
it...
Survey results!
Several issues back, Doghead put a survey in the ELectric Bacon
so that we could get some feedback from people and make the
Bacon better for you. the results are in and we have found that
most readers are very happy with the Bacon and those that aren't,
have told us what they think needs fixing. Here are the results
for your enjoyment. Approximately 15% of our Bacon subscribers
responded to the survey. Thanks to the many people who took the
time to respond.
1. How old are you?
The average age of the respondent was 31.3 years. We didn't ask
for gender because on the net noone can see your genitals.
Unless you go to some pages in Dogheads bookmarks... I guess
this debunks the 'pimply nerd' image of the Net. The youngest
respondent to the survey was 20 years old, and our oldest
respondent is 46.
2. What do you think is the best part of electric bacon?
People nominated several 'fave' bits of the bacon, so that is
why the percentages don't add up. The most popular section of the
bacon was fiction, with nearly 60% of people saying that was
section they enjoyed the most. The reviews came a close second
with 50% and then weirdness with 40%. Priscilla was only one
persons favourite part (and I believe she is pouting). Several
people said they liked the whole lot and that no part was better
than the rest.
3. The worst? & 4. What should we ditch?
Eric's writings were singled out by one person as 'disturbing' and
that is a valid point, but remember - it is fiction. 20 percent
of people felt we could rid ourselves of Priscilla (now she is
crying). One person was adamant that Kingview disappear. Some
felt that the fiction was long and drawn out and that we should
ditch that. Conversely, another respondent said we needed more
science fiction, and longer stories! 30% felt that nothing
should be ditched or changed. One person also said we
should ditch any Micro$oft products. Well, the bacon is edited
and assembled on a non-MS machine, so there are none to ditch!
5. Do you forward the bacon to anyone ? How many people ?
We were very encouraged to discover that 40% of Bacon survey
respondents remail the Bacon! Two people upload it to BBS's for
wider distro and one reader remails it to 10 people! One person
said they used to remail it but doesn't any longer (I think this
is the same person that told me he felt he couldn't send it to
his missionary friends due to the topics and language).
6. Brother, can you spare a dime ?
It's hard to believe, but no Bacon readers could spare a dime!
Although there were offers of various 'cyber' denominations
totalling (after conversion) 1 billion and 10 cyberdimes.
El Damo comments on survey results.
As there were no great statistical favourites or hatreds, the
editorial team will not remove any sections at this stage. the
review section is changing to review movies only, although if
readers send in a review of something we will publish it. One
person wanted to see the entire subscriber list when he received
his Bacon, however, as privacy is a major concern of the team
here at Electric bacon, we will not reveal our subscriber list
(even to other subscribers). One person, a sysop, commented that
due to the language used he couldn't make the Bacon available to
under 18 year olds. We are not too concerned about that as the
content is largely adult in nature (and we mean adult concepts
not pornography) and our subscriber base is exclusively above
the age of 18 (as far as we can tell).
We appreciate the feedback people. In this our initial foray
into the publishing world we are trying to produce an
interesting and diverse publication which doesn't take itself too
seriously. Both Eric and myself intended the Electric Bacon to
serve primarily as a vehicle for our fiction and are very
pleased that people enjoy reading what we write. We have also
been pleased that people have contributed to the Bacon and
several people have become regular contributors. We will
probably put another survey in when we reach our first birthday.
We are increasing in readership with every issue and as it
grows, so does our experience and imagination. (El Damo)
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Bacon Goes IRC...
I've been slowly but surely getting massively addicted to IRC!
I believe it's time electric bacon not only is covered in email
and the web, but IRC as well. Although it will not be a full
time channel with bots and all that fanciness, I will have the
new electric bacon channel open most nights. The channel name
is #electricb - Doghead
contributions welcome - email to the editors welcome - flames welcome
email to:
eri...@why.net OR eld...@ozemail.com.au
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Semi-regular sections:
Weirdness... Weird shit from the NET and real life...
URL's... URL's that were visited...
The Media... Fillum reviews, TV watching, media reports...
Soapbox... Rants...
Friction... Fiction, poetry and whimsy...
Kingview... Elvis sightings...
Credits... Crediting the cats we borrowed from...
Subscription... Subscription information...
The ideal way to read the section you desire is to search for
the title of the area you want to read ie: 'Friction'. Or you
could just start at the top and read on...
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Weirdness... Weird shit from the NET and real life...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
El Damo notes: I watched the 'Tickle me Elmo' shortage stories
on the media with a bemused smile and knew that
the Internet would be used to further the elmo-
shortage myth. If anyone believes that a piece if
plastic is worth $1000 then I have a bridge I can
sell you... Here are a few 'elmo' posts I found.
Thu, 19 Dec 1996 12:25:13 alt.toys.hi-tech
my christmas ruined...by buying an elmo...
wi...@sirius.com will guy at Sirius Connections
i bought my son an elmo which cost me $1000. now I have no other source of
money for everything else like christmas dinner. I have to work extra at
my job which means working christmas day, which might be good so that I
don't have to see my sons face looking at his elmo doll and the scowl on my
face for not thinking straight this christmas. And you know what? I don't
care! I'd rather be prodded by the media and consumerism to tell me what
to do in order to make my child happy and be apart of modern society! I feel
so wonderful! I'll do it again next Christmas too! And you know the other
thing! Kids have a short attention span! When the next big toy comes out,
elmo will be sitting in the corner still smiling that grin knowing i made
my kid happy for just a few months and for a good price too! Merry Christmas
everyone! I may not be able to pay the bills or buy something worthwhile
like books or a computer but by god my kids gonna have a thousand dollar
smile!!!
Thu, 19 Dec 1996 13:59:43 alt.toys.hi-tech
ELMO
jwo...@randomc.com jeff woody at Random Access Inc. +1 (800) 910-1190
I have a tickle me elmo doll for sale. 1 year old daughter will not miss
it.I will send it c.o.d. overnight by u.p.s.to the highest bidder by the
20th.
Fri, 20 Dec 1996 02:19:42 alt.toys.hi-tech
Counterfeit Elmo Alert
1 Response
kiwi...@erols.com Dean Kelly at Erol's Internet Services
Some unscrupulous people have been selling fake Elmo's!
Protect yourself and your purchase.
We can verify your Elmo is authentic and have him back
to you in time for Christmas.
Please send your Elmo to us along with a certified check
for $595 (to help defray the cost of shipping, handling,
and authentication supplies - sulfuric acid, gasoline, matches).
Hurry to ensure Elmo is back to you by Christmas.
Note: Some alterations to Elmo may be necessary during
authentication.
1-888-555-ELMO
Sun, 22 Dec 1996 03:58:52 alt.toys.hi-tech
Re: Counterfeit Elmo Alert
Respno 1 of 1
hrl...@netcom.com H.R. Laser at NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 26
Dean Kelly (kiwi...@erols.com) wrote:
: Some unscrupulous people have been selling fake Elmo's!
: Protect yourself and your purchase.
: We can verify your Elmo is authentic and have him back
: to you in time for Christmas.
: Please send your Elmo to us along with a certified check
: for $595 (to help defray the cost of shipping, handling,
: and authentication supplies - sulfuric acid, gasoline, matches).
: Hurry to ensure Elmo is back to you by Christmas.
: Note: Some alterations to Elmo may be necessary during
: authentication.
: 1-888-555-ELMO
I bought an Elmo from someone on the net for $12,000. But I don't think
he's genuine. He looks a lot like Barbie, in fact. I'll describe him.
He's about a foot tall, has really long blonde hair, big eyes and
eyelashes and red lipstick. Really nice breasts, and a tiny waist.
The body is hairless. He can move his arms and head and legs and
he's carrying a purse. But I'm pretty sure he's really an Elmo and
not a Barbie because there's a small black plastic box taped to
his butt with a couple batteries in it and when I poke him he
giggles and vibrates a bit. What do you think? Is this an Elmo?
The guy I bought him from said it was a "special edition" Elmo.
Oh, and he has a "Genuine Elmo by Tychough!" logo sticker across
his forehead.
I'll pack him up and send him to you with your $595 shortly.
Thanks for offering your valuable service.
Fri, 20 Dec 1996 09:28:43 alt.toys.hi-tech
Tickle Me Elmo - Tax Deductible
mnni...@aol.com MNNITFLY at AOL http://www.aol.com
Child welfare agency in Chicago Suburb has 1 Tickle Me Elmo, in original
packaging , for sale to the highest bidder.
Amount paid over normal retail qualifies for a TAX DEDUCTION. P roof of
donation will be provided.
Opening Bid is $300.00
FAX bid before 4:00 P.M. CST, Dec. 12, 1996
to 847-520-9829
MNNI...@aol.com
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 14:46:46 alt.toys.hi-tech
Tickle Me Elmo Plot Reavealed
mrl...@iag.net Frank at Internet Access Group, Orlando, Florida
What alot of people don't realize is that "Tickle me Elmo" is actually
Irish slang for masterbation. Did they think we would catch on, trying to
subvert or children. This play thing could lead to hairy palms, blindness
or even insanity. Was Joycelin Elders the designer. If you doubt me why
does it vibrate so much...HUH. Wake up America. Contact your Senatators ang
get them to act, if there not busy tickling their own Elmos.
...and my fave 'elmo' post is:
Sun, 22 Dec 1996 03:42:14 alt.toys.hi-tech
Who needs Elmo? Tickle ME!
hrl...@netcom.com H.R. Laser at NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 26
For a mere $3000 I will come to your home on Xmas day and your
kids can tickle me and I will giggle. (Max one minute of giggling
per kid).
Harv
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of
someone he can blame it on - Arthur Bloch
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
MORE COMPUTER VIRUSES...
Broadcast to the world with permission by Greg Yamada
(greg....@hboc.com)
Militia Virus: wipes out your operating system claiming it has no right
tocontrol your PC.
Pro-Choice Virus: Although it presents the standard "Abort, Retry, Fail"
prompt, it pressures you to choose "Abort", telling you the process being
terminated is just "a blob of bits" which has no value.
Lyle And Eric Menendez Virus: wipes out your motherboard, claiming it
was done in self-defense.
Bill Clinton Virus: causes your PC to behave unpredictably, working as
expected one moment, then suddenly doing the exact opposite the next moment.
Politically Correct Virus: rephrases the "Abort, Retry, Fail" prompt as
"Choice, Retry, Success-Impaired".
National Organization of Women (NOW) Virus: forces your PC to recognize
its female connections as male connections.
Republican Virus: sells off your system resources to the highest bidder.
Democrat Virus: doesn't allow you to delete inefficient programs or
wasted disc space - if you try, it accuses you of being a "mean-spirited
extremist".
National Education Assoc. (NEA) Virus: although cleverly disguised as
educational software intended to improve your system, in reality it
"dumbs down" your 486DX into an 8086.
Jocelyn Elders Virus: teaches your computer to turn itself on.
LAPD Virus: attempts to stop your CPU. If your CPU resists, it is
pummeled into hamburger.
Jack Kevorkian Virus: assists your CPU in destroying itself.
Ross Perot Virus: This erratic virus doesn't do much of anything, except
surfacing occasionally to threaten to disrupt your system.
- by Greg Yamada (greg....@hboc.com)
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
The man who never alters his opinion is like the stagnant
water and breeds Reptiles of the mind.
William Blake "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell"
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Sun, 22 Dec 1996 11:42:33 aus.tv
The (somewhat official) Indira Naidoo Fan Pag
ma...@Physics.usyd.edu.au The Lost Soul at School of Physics, University of Syd
Just what you all wanted for Christmas! (well .. nearly..)
After discovering a dearth of Indira Naidoo material on the
world wide web, myself and a close colleage contacted the
ABC with a view to rectifying this situation. After indepth
discussions with Indira, the "Indira Naidoo Home Page" was born.
Please check it out at
http://meta.physics.usyd.edu.au/Indira
If you have any info, photos, gossip etc, please let us know!
Oh.. and please sign the guestbook.. your comments are appreciated.
Thanks
Matt Sheumack, Scott Robson
http://meta.physics.usyd.edu.au/Indira
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
"What country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not
warned from time to time that this people preserve the spirit of
resistance? Let them take arms."
- Jefferson
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Wed, 25 Dec 1996 20:06:20 alt.fan.unabomber
The Nite before Xmas
shad...@erols.com Shadow at Erol's Internet Services
Twas the night before Xmas and all thru the cabin
not a creature was stirring.... except for a madman
his bombs all lined up by the woodstove with care
in hopes that the mailman soon would be there.
He wrapped them with ribbons in packages bright
With the hopes that the Corpocrats soon would sleep tight.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter
He went to the door to see what was the matter
And there at the door stood a mob full of feds
With a bright set of handcuffs & some sharp orange threads.
He said "what? me wear those things? No way!
In your dreams!"
Cause this present will blow you
to small smithereens!
Come Blaster & Blixen, come Thunder & Blitzen
Blast away, blast away, blast away all!
He called as his visitors ran off in fright,
"Happy bombing to you and to you a good night!"
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are
wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something.
Robert Heinlein
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Tue, 17 Dec 1996 03:18:12 alt.conspiracy
Was Jesus Gay?
jarh...@netins.net C. Lupus Irremotus & C. Lupus Rubentis at netINS, Inc.
Milton Wong wrote:
>
> He never committed any sin. Homosexuality is a sin. Thus Jesus was not
> homosexual.
>
> You are sick, and insinuating that Jesus was homosexual is offensive.
Let's see -- he's a good Jewish boy who's still single at 30. I know, I
know -- you want more. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He hangs out with a
bunch of guys; he even got their interest by saying "Follow me and I will
make you fishers of men." Hmm. Fishers of men....
He cooks. Well, he threw a fab-yoo-lous brunch after his
resurrection by the Sea of Galilee. Though scripture is lacking in
reference to kosher brioche.
There're numerous references in the gospel of John to "the
disciple whom Jesus loved". Jesus loved Lazarus. And he was terribly
devoted to his mother.
Sounds like a long-haired, sandal-shod, dress-wearin'
poodle-walker to me.
Remo
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Friendship is a disinterested commerce between equals; love,
an abject intercourse between tyrants and slaves.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Wed, 18 Dec 1996 07:47:53 alt.cult-movies
Watch Barbie get in it in the PLastic Coochie
neiie...@aol.com NeIIeOIsen at AOL http://www.aol.com
To fans of underground cinema, I have a video for you. It's called
COOL KIDS HIGH. This feature's entire cast is made up of
Barbie dolls, Jem and the Holigrams dolls, GI Joe and others.
Who would have ever thought Barbie would say such trash?
Sex, violence, cursing, drinking, fighting and much much more!
This movie is best describes as 90210 on Crack! Ashley and
Matt are the king and queen of Cool Kids High but Matt's
Ex-girlfriend, Trish, is a total bitch that wants to ruin his life. She
also
wants Ashley's head on a platter. Matt is running for pres. of
student body and Trish runs against him. Matt gets drunk and
has a terrible accident in his cool Barbie dream vette and that means
that Trish will win, right? In the mean time, Pat, a gay doll, has a
major
crush on Matt and then Vanilla Ice comes to the school for a great
mosh pit filled concert. Who is this mysterious girl Shannon, that
is just like the Brenda on 90210. Even more evil than Trish. Bertha
the retard can see right through her. Twists, turns, and more shock
endings than ever!!!
Some of you may have seen this because it as aired on several
underground TV shows and public access. This video is not
available anywhere for retail because it would more than likely
get sued!
If you would like a copy of COOL KIDS HIGH on VHS, they are
only $11.24 POSTAGE INCLUDED. The total running time is 95 fun filled
minutes!!!
Recorded in SP format and comes in a plastic case with COLOR sleve.
Suitable for rental as well!
As an added BONUS, a short Barbie talk show featuring TEEN PORNO!! Watch
this Ricki Lake-esque show take off into a fist fight with the guests.
Also, trailers for additional Barbie movies included.
email me and tell me if you are interested for ordering info.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Madonna has had to send her chihuahua, Chiquita, to a pet
psychiatrist because the dog, jealous of the singer's new
baby, has been ripping up furniture.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Date: Fri, 27 Dec 1996 23:09:13 +0930
From: rth...@ozemail.com.au
To: eld...@ozemail.com.au
Subject: monkeys in space
Russia puts monkeys in space
December 24, 1996 Web posted at: 8:20 p.m. EST (0120 GMT 25
Dec.)
MOSCOW (AP) -- Two monkeys pierced with electrodes blasted off
in a Russian spacecraft Tuesday and began orbiting the Earth in
an international study of weightlessness.
The Bion-11 project, sponsored by Russia, France and the United
States, has angered animal rights activists in the West who
question the need for animal research after so many years of
human space flight.
The Soyuz-U booster was launched from the Plesetsk Cosmodrome,
about 300 miles below the Arctic Circle in northwestern Russia,
and reached its designated orbit, said Ivan Safronov, spokesman
for Russian military space forces.
Two male macaques, Lapik, 4, and Multik, 3, rode in a capsule
atop the booster, accompanied by an assortment of newts, snails,
flies, bugs, seeds and bacteria.
If all goes as planned, they will return to Earth in two weeks
and undergo several months of study before retiring to a zoo or
research institute. The capsule is expected to come down in the
southern Ural Mountains of Russia or northern Kazakstan.
Lapik and Multik, chosen from among seven contenders, underwent
weeks of training at Plesetsk. They learned to eat and drink
through tubes, spent time whirling on a centrifuge, and
practiced pressing pedals with their feet.
Wearing space suits attached to chairs, the macaque monkeys will
work several hours a day in space, rewarded with their favorite
juice, said the ITAR-Tass news agency. They will be given
various mental and physical tasks and asked to respond to
signals by pressing pedals.
That will allow scientists to study how the body perceives its
location in space and the reasons for distorted movements in
zero gravity, the report said. The body system under examination
produces reactions such as sea sickness under stress.
Scientists outfitted the monkeys with an array of monitoring
devices, including special caps.
"Speaking frankly, the monkeys are going into space without
scalps," the daily newspaper Izvestia said Tuesday.
Izvestia also contrasted Russian apathy over the Bion project
with the controversy abroad.
"The public here has never protested, either because we are more
science-conscious -- or because we don't even know how to treat
human beings humanely," it said.
Scientists at Russia's Biomedical Institute insist the monkeys
are well-treated and say they have computer games on board to
keep them amused. Space officials even sponsored a contest for
schoolchildren in the Russian Arctic to name the two simian
cosmonauts.
Animal rights activists are unswayed. One of the most prominent,
French actress Brigitte Bardot, unsuccessfully lobbied Congress
to cut funding for the Bion flights.
"Fourteen electrode wires sunk into seven muscles in the
monkeys' arms and legs tunnel under their skin and exit from a
hole carved in their backs," she wrote U.S. senators this
summer.
"Researchers surgically bury a thermometer in each animal's
abdomen; a wire in the thermometer exits the monkeys from yet
another hole cut in their backs."
NASA officials say such accounts are exaggerated. They also say
the flight will be cut short if Lapik and Multik get loose -- as
happened during a 1987 Bion flight -- or get sick.
El Damo notes: I believe that Lapik and Multik are the russian
translations of Lincoln and Cheyenne...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
"We had a guy who loved to name his programs GOD just so he
could read the message from the linkage editor:
GOD DOES NOT EXIST BUT HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE DATASET"
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Tue, 17 Dec 1996 02:41:39 rec.knives
X-Files Knife Sighting
spei...@news.oswego.edu Arlen P. Speights at SUNY Oswego
On this week's episode, Mulder and Scully are searching through a car for
clues to a kidnapping. Mulder pulls out what must be a Gerber half-
serrated EZ-Out Jr to rip into a car seat. Although the knife has a nice
oval thumbhole for one-hand opening, Mulder uses two hands to open it.
Arlen
Thu, 19 Dec 1996 06:13:57 rec.knives
Re: X-Files Knife Sighting
Respno 1 of 1
hen...@unm.edu Henry Guenther at Health Sciences Center, Univ. of New Mexico
spei...@news.oswego.edu (Arlen P. Speights) wrote:
>On this week's episode, Mulder and Scully are searching through a car for
>clues to a kidnapping. Mulder pulls out what must be a Gerber half-
>serrated EZ-Out Jr to rip into a car seat. Although the knife has a nice
>oval thumbhole for one-hand opening, Mulder uses two hands to open it.
>Arlen
Those of us "X-Files" nuts may remember that last season Mulder was
carrying a Kershaw Liner-Lock. Must have lost it whilst chasing
Krichek. I do believe Chris Carter knows his blades.
Have you noticed that in most episodes Mulder and Scully are
constantly losing flashlights or lanterns ? It's a symbol, I guess.
I wince everytime Mulder trashes one of his beautiful suits!
Henry Guenther
University of New Mexico Medical School
Health Sciences Center Library
Albuquerque NM 87131
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
A survey has found that the average British sofa has 2.50
($A5.29) of objects stuffed down the back, including knickers,
bras, peanuts, beer cans and dog biscuits.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Mon, 23 Dec 1996 22:59:52 comp.sys.ibm.pc.hardware.chips
Re: My old Commodore 64 Refuses to work with
u95...@daimi.aau.dk Kristian Thommesen at daimi.aau.dk
Dewey Paciaffi wrote:
>
> In article <59fb9r$gfo$1...@o.online.no>,
> nel...@usf.com (Trevor Nelson) writes:
> >
> > Hey! I can't get my Commodore 64 to work with Win95.
> >
>
> HA! I'm not surprised. You should try Linux 2.0. That's
> what I run on mine.
There are in fact people seriously working on a limited port of linux
for the 8088 and the Z80 !!! - if they can do that, linux might in fact
also be portable to C64. This clearly demonstrates that the programmers
of linux are MUCH more competent than the programmers of the not at al
micro software from microsoft.
--
Kristian Thommesen, science student at the University of Aarhus.
www: http://www.daimi.aau.dk/~u952534/
email: mailto:u95...@daimi.aau.dk
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
<beep> The term "political correctness" is no longer politically
correct. The correct term is now "bureaucratic suitability".
Please make a note of it. <beep> -- Oliver, 6/93
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Wed, 01 Jan 1997 09:18:12 aus.tv
Xena:Warrior Princess Information Web Page
ki...@zip.com.au Mary A. Draganis at The Zipsters
Hi,
I would just like to let everyone know that the Information page for
Xena: Warrior Princess is now up and running.
the url is: http://www.ozemail.com.au/~thanasis/xena.html
The page has information on Lucy Lawless (xena), photos, episode guides
transcripts of articles, conferences and information about the Official
lucy Lawless Fan Club.
El Damo notes: mmmmmmmm warrior princess mmmmmmm
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Fri, 20 Dec 1996 23:26:48 alt.fan.tonya-harding.whack.whack.whack
Re: "The Portlandian" 19 December 1996
rfb...@earthlink.net Bob "Skippy" Blechinger at Consolidated Feces
In article <8509428...@dejanews.com>, hall...@moc.govt.nz wrote:
>The Internet's unofficial fanzine dedicated to Tonya Harding, the coolest
>ice skater of all time
>December 19, 1996 Edition - Special Christmas edition
>(C) 1996 Portland Ice Skating Society
>"PORTLANDIAN" NOW ON AFTHWWW
>Due to a major technical breakthrough, "The Portlandian", the Internet's
>premier Tonya Harding Fanzine, can now be read by followers of
>"alt.fan.tonya-harding.whack.whack.whack". We hope this will make an
>interesting change from the endless requests for "wedding video" jpgs that
>seem to have been the major traffic in this group recently.
Hi!
Just curious, is the "NOW ON AFTHWWW" a reference to a Website? I did a
search for it, and didn't come up with anything.
>KIMBALL DENIES ALLEGATION
[...]
>Kimball, whose story "Punishment Time For Tonya" was so disgusting it was
>greeted with the comment "please, Mr Kimball, alt.sex.spanking is a
>newsgroup for sophisticated perverts" when posted to that group earlier
>this year, has also advised us that he is "no longer in the Tonya
>punishment story biz", a statement that will be greeted with enthusiasm by
>both Tonyaphiles and lovers of fine literature alike.
Kimball is a dolt, but it should be noted that *good* Tonya fiction DOES
exist, not the least of which is my story, "Tonya Harding, Slave-Girl!".
The story has been posted a number of times in both the Tonya newsgroups,
as well
as a number of more adult-oriented newsgroups.
The story has been widely praised; in fact, one comment that I received
stands out more poignantly than any other I've gotten:
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"I started reading, not knowing who this Tonya Harding person was [I never watch
ice-skating/figure-skating] - but now I feel immensely sad that I never have
seen this person, this person Tonya.
"It isn't often that I reply on a story, mostly I just drop them a thank
you note by email. But this story, did so much to me that I just had to
tell you that and the rest of the world as well.
"When I started reading, I wasn't quite sure what to expect - but the longer I
read the more it grabbed me, and finished it without being able to stop - and
suddenly I traded places with the leading character of your story. As in a
excellent movie - where you easily can trade places, or cry when it's a
non-cliche happy ending. I went through an ordeal myself while reading your
story - and I am very serious as I type this. The story itself is of course
purely fiction, but what my mind creates while reading is a space I had lost for
years. It connected lost associations, building up inside a new landscape I
thought to never find again.
"Never made a story such a highly conscious impression as your story did.
And for that I am grateful. A good story does make a difference..."
(author's identity snipped)
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
-Bob Blechinger (aka "Your Friendly Author")
author of "Tonya Harding, Slave-Girl!"
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
"ID was everything nowadays. Used to be that money was gold or
silver or something tangible. But plastic money was just a way
of telling people where to find you. Who you were. How to touch
you." -Bruce Sterling
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
URL's... URL's that were visited...
(URL - Ubiquity now, Revenue Later)
Send us your fave URL's people !!! Tell us why
you visit it, and what you like about it. (El)
Hindu Tantrik home page
Spice up your life and learn relaxation at
the same time. While nowhere near as good
as a real teacher, this homepage has lots
of information and translations of ancient
and not so ancient indian tantric texts.
Solar Powered Gadgetry
http://www.global-merchants.com/home/solars.htm
For some ecologically sound net-shopping,
this site is a great place to start. It has
a shitload of solar gadgets and practical
energy saving devices. Everything from
solar radios and solar panels to solar
powered lights for your bicycle.
Deja News - The Source For Internet Newsgroups
Interested in finding out what someone wrote
in a newsgroup? Dejanews is a great
Newsgroup search tool for just that purpose
and more... (DH)
The Really Cool History & Archaeology Page
http://www.students.uiuc.edu/~kapfer/hist.html
This guy has a deep love of History and is
studying to be a History Teacher and
Archaeologist. His passion shows in this
wonderful and interesting page. (DH)
Car Trackers - Automotive Homepage
Search for used and new cars, visit the car
library, and much more. A very informative
and fun page for all car enthusiasts. (DH)
The Daily .WAV
If you're into sounds and .WAV files - look
no further. (DH)
Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends Official Home Page
http://www.thomasthetankengine.com/
Come on - admit it - you watch the show..now
see the page... (DH)
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
The Media...
Fillum reviews, TV watching, media reports...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
DRAGONHEART Have to admit that I was a little
disappointed in this fantasy tale
of a knight who feels he has been
betrayed by a magical dragon and vows to slay each and every one
of their kind. There was too much background story and too many
minor characters cluttering up the plot and not enough dragon vs
knight action. As a great fan of Sean Connery and Dennis Quaid
I was expecting to really enjoy it. Somehow the Connery voice
as Draco the Dragon didn't work for me, though Quaid's use of a
theatrical American accent was fine. Maybe there were just too
many accents assaulting my ears! On top of Connery and Quaid
you have the lovely soft voice of Julie Christie and the strong
Yorkshire accent of the cruel and nasty king. Perhaps the film
failed for me from the moment we see the young prince - he's so
obviously vile that it's hard to believe that either the knight
or the queen could possibly not see it. But if they HAD seen
his character for what it was then there wouldn't have been a
plot at all so... Worth seeing, simply not as good as one would
have hoped! (Babs)
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Soapbox... Rants...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Steve NeXt Jobs is at Apple...
El Damo
.:' They say that revenge is a dish best
__ :'__ served cold, and I guess that cold
.'` `-' ``. cash is a close second. Steve Jobs has
: .-' just sold his company NeXT to Apple
: : for an estimated 400 million dollars
: `-; in a stock swap. After being ousted in
`.__.-.__.' 1984 by John Sculley, the man he bought
jgs in to run the company, this must be a
gratifying moment for Jobs. So what
does the deal mean for Jobs and for Apple ? Steve Jobs return
to Apple, some would say as its saviour, has to be seen as a very
bold and smart move. Jobs is reported to have said that he would
have little involvement with Apple, being careful not to upstage
the Apple CEO Gil Amelio in press releases and the press conference
held to announce the acquisition, but it is already apparent that
a positive buzz has been created at Apple and in the industry by
Jobs unexpected return. After floundering for the last two years,
toiling away on a Windows95 competitor, Apple has ditched its
planned Copland operating system and bought one which it hopes will
do what it couldn't - be technically proficient enough to work
better than Windows95, be more user friendly and most importantly,
catch the attention of applications developers and customers.
For many months now rumours had been circulating that Apple had
been in discussions with Jean Louis Gasse, former Apple employee
and the owner of Be. Be is an energetic young company which
manufactures the impressive Be multi-processor computer and BeOS
which although an immature operating system has gained the
attention of many in the computing industry who are looking for
the next paradigm in desktop computing to appear. Significantly
the BeOS runs on native Be hardware and Apple PowerMacs. Be
apparently wanted more money than Apple was willing to pay and
when an overture came from NeXT, Apple had a look, liked what it
saw and cut a deal. This does not mean that Be is doomed, on the
contrary, Be is one of the few companies that has developed an
alternative OS for the Macintosh platform and has built some
impressive features into its OS to take advantage of new
hardware breakthroughs. In 1997 it plans to offer a quad-
PowerPC processor machine, running on its own BeOS, it already
ships a dual PowerPC machine.
Apple can trace its recent problems to low sales, and that is
because of poor marketing decisions and strategy. The Microsoft
marketing efforts and its Windows95 OS have also taken market
share from Apple and appropriated many of the features from the
Macintosh desktop that kept people buying it. Apple now has a
good chance of reversing that trend if its NeXT/Apple OS can be
brought to the market before the end of 1997. Jobs has always
been an outstanding marketing genius, responsible for launching
the original Apple, building a company up and then pushing
personal computing to a new plane with the Macintosh. Although
he claims he will have little to do with Apple, they would be
fools not to use his marketing genius and charisma in an effort
to woo the applications developers and the corporate worlds IT
professionals. While he has been portrayed as a difficult
person, Jobs was always very driven and very focused. Apple
sorely needs that sort of focus. After he left Apple, he started
NeXT in 1988 and built a very sleek and advanced computer
equipped with a magneto optical drive, and an advanced OS called
NeXT which even after the NeXT computer failed in the
marketplace, is still highly regarded. So highly regarded that
Apple has bought the company to use the NeXT OS as the basis for
its new OS after its realisation that System 8.0 or Copland,
would not be competitive with Microsoft's equivalent OS.
When Jobs stopped building NeXT hardware and turned NeXT into an
OS company, he had the OS ported from the Motorola 68000 series
of processors to the Intel 486 series, and in turn the Pentium
class of processors. Although its not always a tidy arrangement,
applications for either variant of NeXT will run on both. If
Apple are smart, they will continue with this arrangement, and
that will be sure to scare the shit out of Bill Gates. Imagine
if you had the choice of an Apple desktop and OS on your Pentium
200 instead of Windows 95 ?? Up until now that wasn't a serious
consideration unless you wanted to run Linux or OS/2 and neither
of those OS offer the variety of applications that business and
consumers demand of their PC's. Apple now have the weapon they
need to fight against the Microsoft/Intel juggernaut.
And don't think that the 'Wintel' forces are too great, because
Jobs has done this before. When he introduced the Macintosh in
the 80's he divided the market into IBM and Apple camps, and didn't
leave much for anybody else. Previously it had been IBM and an
array of other OS's and machines, such as the TRS-80, Apple ][,
Commodore etc. Now that the Macintosh OS and chipset is licensed
to clone vendors, the Macintosh may well rise again to offer an
alternative to the Microsoft/Intel hegemony.
Since the ouster of Jobs from Apple in 1984, the company has
floundered and despite impressive technical innovations and
machines such as the PowerMac and the Newton series of PDA's,
it's innovation has been overshadowed by the sheer marketing
hype of the Microsoft machine. Microsoft have attempted to
proclaim themselves as the supreme OS and expect others to bow
down before the might of Gates. Apple, and to some extent IBM
have continued to offer alternatives to Microsoft, and in the
lucrative commercial sector, companies such as SUN and Oracle
and the many UNIX variants have resisted, but Microsoft have
taken market after market buy either buying out the competition,
stealing their ideas or selling a product at such a low price
(or even for free) that they have eliminated competing products
and been able to claim that they are the market leaders. The new
incarnation of Windows NT sees a similar strategy in the server
and business world as the one which led them to dominance of the
home PC desktop. Although some would say that the dominance of
Microsoft is a good thing as it provides 'standards', that is a
simplistic argument as it portrays computing as the single
market which can't benefit from competition. Imagine if the only
car you could buy was a Toyota ?
The purchase of NeXt by Apple is clearly a smart move, it gives
Apple three distinct advantages. A new operating system which
has features which it needs to compete effectively with
Microsoft, it sends a positive message to the people who thought
that Apple was doomed (such as application developers and extant
Apple customers), most importantly it reunites Apple with the
person who built it from scratch and guided its two most
successful products. If anyone thought that Apple was a spent
force, this latest action by CEO Gil Amelio should negate that
impression.
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Friction... Fiction, poetry and whimsy...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
'Fringe'
part 8
by El Damo
Kisuke Tanaka picked up the report and read it. Raising an
eyebrow he rose from his chair and walked out of his office high
up in the SSangyong Trading Corporation Headquarters in
Pyongyang. His director had told him that if this name was
discovered by any of the researchers that it was to be brought
to his immediate attention. Kisuke had been working for Toshio
Nomura for just over a year now and found that it was unusual
for a fellow Japanese to be his boss. In STC, most of the
decision makers were Koreans. Toshio was in his office and
Kisuke bowed to the secretary as he walked into the large
office.
'Good morning Toshio, I saw this only moments ago and I believe
it's the person you have had my team looking for.'
Toshio read the report and motioned for Kisuke to sit.
'So this watchdog program is an STC software integrity device ?'
'Yes, it's been running for over a month now. I haven't yet
spoken to anyone in Software Integrity, but the name is the same
and that's why it crossed our desk. Normally their activities are
fairly mundane. Its rare for a specific individual to be the
target of one of these types of agents. Especially when that
software comes from our corporation.'
'Kisuke, I want you to go back to your office and make sure that
this report is erased. After that, why not join me for lunch. i
hear that a new Belgian restaurant has opened up down near
Father Leader Square.'
Kisuke looked at Toshio and thought about it. Why hadn't Toshio
said anything about the person on the report. And who was Sierra
Addison anyway ? His name wasn't on any corporation records at
all. This was very intriguing.
---oooOOOooo---
Psychedelic sparks of energy raced through her vision as she
tried to sleep. The sudden jolt of withdrawal and loss from the
mirror had been quite traumatic to the central nervous system.
Atiram had been checked over and apart from very high levels of
brain activity, she was in perfect physical condition. Serpt had
told her to take a few days off and relax. The med-tech had given
her a weeks supply of assorted medications, most aimed at
reducing the amount of brain activity associated with the
trauma. Jacking out was one thing, this was very different. All
of a sudden she wasn't there anymore, the mirror just broke
loose. Yet Atiram knew that the mirror could not break free
because she was the mirror. The security light went off and the
sudden darkness startled her, she had been standing in her
doorway thinking for the last ten minutes in a total blank.
Feeling behind her left ear for the metallic jack she realised
just how alien her job was from life.
---oooOOOooo---
The Range Rover Limousine pulled out of the STC underground
garage and Toshio and Kisuke stretched out as Toshio raised the
glass screen behind the driver. He opened his briefcase and
handed Kisuke a manila folder with the STC logo on it.
'Kisuke, I have only known you for a year but I trust you. I
know you and like me you are just a person doing a job, trying
to get by and making a little profit. But some people want more
than that and sometimes we have to look deep into ourselves and
ask if sacrifice of an individual for what may at the time seem
like a foolish endeavour is going to lead to a better world. You
have been a very able and loyal person and in that folder is
something that could jeopardise my life, your life, the lives of
many people. If you want to do something that could help people,
open that folder and read the file. If you want to continue your
life as it is then hand me back the file and I wont think any
less of you.'
He looked at the folder in his hands and opened it.
PRELIMINARY RESULTS OF INFERTILITY PROGRAM IN ASIAN
REGION. REPORT 12.
He scanned down the document and then came to a paragraph that
jumped out at him
"After ensuring that water sources in the regions had
been rendered unsafe for human consumption, STC was
granted the contract to supply potable water. This water
was processed at the Karratha desalination facility and
treated with infertility chemicals without the knowledge
of plant staff. After five years of supply, the
birthrate in the test regions was found to have fallen
by at least 45 percent...'
Reading further, he was overcome by a feeling of great unease.
His wife had been unable to conceive and that was a main reason
that their marriage had collapsed last year.
'Is this true ?'
Toshio recognised that his friend had felt exactly as he had
felt upon first hearing of STC's covert little scheme.
'Yes Kisuke, unfortunately it is true.'
'Why would STC want to stop people from having children ?'
'Overpopulation - look around you. Streets of beggars, rising
crime, land that could be used profitably is full of slums. Move
the slums and they rise up and threaten civil order. It's our
own fault of course. In the quest for capital and profit we take
and rarely give. We do sell of course. People like you and I
wont have to worry about being infertile, remember that we live
and work in corporate environments with water supplied to us.
That wont have any of the chemicals in it, they want to make
sure there are more of us and less of ...'
'Why not hand this to the authorities, surely the corporation is
breaking the law, I mean its almost murder!'
'You don't understand, the corporations are the government. When
was the last time you saw a policeman that didn't wear a
corporate logo, an army that wasn't hired from a corporation, a
service offered by any government that wasn't actually a service
offered by a corporation. This is the 21st century and we can do
it cheaper and more efficiently than any government because we
have global resources to draw upon. Last time I heard a
government complain was Ghana in 2033 and the President found
himself very alone. His press statement nationalising the oil
industry didn't even make the airwaves before his personal
security detail had him detained and held while a government
overthrow was arranged and blamed on subversives.'
He looked out the window of the limousine as it glided through
the central business district of Pyongyang.
'When you get to a certain level in the company Kisuke, you
realise that there is no way to leave. I am not a bad man, but
some of the things that I have done for STC have been
questionable. And I don't want to be responsible because I
didn't do anything to stop this. I have bled for this company -
but I wont be a part of this. We all have to fight in our own
way, and I can do it better from the position that I am in.
Anyway, what can I hope to achieve if I resign ? It's a new era
Kisuke, the merchant class has more power now than at any time
in history. If you want to help, let me know after lunch. And
don't mention this conversation to anyone.'
'Does this have anything to do with Addison?'
'Yes, he is the key'
The limousine stopped in front of 'Gabriels', Pyongyangs newest
and only Belgian restaurant, the door was opened by a valet and
Kisuke and Toshio stepped from the limousine and walked inside.
Kisuke handed Toshio the folder and said that he would be happy
to help.
---oooOOOooo---
'Ok Addison, well if you want to get back to Pyongyang we can
help, but we want to keep this.'
Omar held the chips up, now in a clear glass vial.
'Well I don't even know what they are so for the time being you
can hold them for me.'
'Agreed'
Linenoiz looked at the time in his peripheral vision.
'We have to get going, I want to make sure that we are at the
chopshop on time.'
Sitting on the back of Linenoiz's old motorcycle with no helmet
as it raced through the empty streets, Addison felt free. As
strange as it was, life as a nonperson was very much like life
in the oilwars. Live for today, fear of death. It tended to
sharpen your appreciation of things.
They arrived at the black surgery where the illegal implants and
repairs in this sector where usually performed. The surgeon was
the one that Linenoiz used, so Addison had to take his word that
he was OK.
'You should stay Addison, help us find out what's on those chips
for a start'
'I'm not an engineer or a tech Linenoiz, I just want to go back
and find out what's going on if I can. If I can find out who put
those things in me then don't you think that would be a good
start ?'
'You're gonna get whacked within half an hour of arriving there,
you know that don't you.'
Addison looked at his new friend. He knew that he was probably
right, but he had to find out the truth if he could.
'Well that's why I'm here, to get a new face so that I wont be
whacked, anyway, I promise to not mention your name when I
undergo interrogation.'
Paging through the screens of faces, the bored looking surgeon
lit up another smokeless cigar and clicked the screen
simultaneously.
'Ow about that one then?'
'No, I don't fancy myself undergoing that drastic a change...'
The surgeon looked at the screen. Hmmm an asian female.
'Errr, yes, well I don't know how that one got in there, wrong
directory...'
A male asian face with roughly the same shade of skin came on
screen. Addison looked at it and felt his cheek bones through
his flesh.
'How much work is that one ?'
'Ummm eight hours in the lab and two days recovery with advanced
growth stimulants to promote tissue and muscle regeneration
and you could smile within four days. Wouldn't get into a fist
fight for a month or two though, have to use carbon fibre cheek
bones though, replace the lower jaw and...'
'OK - that will do, can I have blue eyes ? Always wanted blue
eyes.'
'Sure, whatever you want'
'It's settled then. OK well lets make a start'
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
As if Like Magic!
by Doghead
Shopping in Dallas the other day I was forced to resort to
Magic. Well, MY magic - my patent-pending, tried and true Eric
Via "I'll make her nice" method of dealing with grumpy people.
This magic of mine will turn ANY grumpy salesperson into your
best friend within seconds, thus guaranteeing exceptional
friendly service every time. It turns frowns upside-down, it
melts away the ice from cold hearts.
I'll share this magic with you, but like any good magic formula
worth it's weight in hocus-pocus, it doesn't come without a
caution label: If you utilize my technique too much it'll catch
on, and the next thing you know the magic will be gone. So
please, use my method only in emergencies where there is no
other means available. I've used this method for years with a
100% success rate.
This magic not only turns salespeople into your best friend in
seconds, but can be used on teachers, coworkers, bank tellers,
bosses, Police Officers, well, on second thought better not try
it on the Police Officer.
It's an easy formula to memorize - only four words to be spoken,
out loud, with feeling. No newts hearts, frogs eyelashes or
dances needed. Just say the four words and stand back.
Here's how it works, pay close attention. Here's how I applied
my magic in Dallas the other day.
I brought my merchandise up to the checkout counter, and by the
look on the cashiers face I could tell right away I was going
to have to break out my magic four words. She didn't look at
me, barely managed a smile, and the smile she did manage looked
as though it were actually physically painful to her.
Believe me people the days of "the customer is always right" are
over.
"Hi.." she mumbled "Find everything okay."
(I always thought "find everything okay?" was a question but I
heard no question-mark in her voice. I think she didn't really
want an answer)
Then her eyes looked back down to my merchandise and she began
scanning it, painfully, wearily, grumpily - not a person with a
job that pays the bills, but more like a slave or a robot.
I looked to her hands - perfect - a nice red-stoned ring on her
right hand.. probably a Ruby or Garnet. Perfect. It was time
for the magic - time for the four words. (Pay attention now)
"I LIKE THAT RING" I said.
She stopped her scanning and looked up at my eyes to make sure I
was talking about HER ring. That's normal, they always do this
when they hear the magical 4 words - they freeze and make sure
that what they THOUGHT they heard from a stranger is what they
REALLY heard. One word of advice here for those still taking
notes - don't try this technique with grumpy telephone operators
- it just doesn't work on the phone.
As usual, the magic happened within seconds. I smiled at her
and watched the magic work. A huge, bright sunny smile spread
over her face, her eyes lit up, and her whole countenance went
from doom and gloom to happy happy joy joy.
"Why THANK YOU!" she said. And from there she proceeded to tell
me where she got the ring and what it was. (They always do)
and as she did this I got one of the best checkouts I could have
- polite, cheerful, and efficient - double bags for me and she
counted out my change to me in a nice clear happy voice. She
even PLACED my change in my hand instead of dropping it from 3
feet up.
For those of you calling me names right now - you can stop.
Believe me when I tell you that I DO have an interest in
jewelry, diamonds, and other precious stones and this is how I
discovered this magic in the first place.
If the person isn't wearing a ring - well, you are allowed to
substitute here - what about that watch? Again, 4 words, but
change the last word. Replace ring with watch, shirt, tie, pin,
sweater, hat, belt, earrings, etc.
You're not being fake if you do this magic - you're being nice.
The point is - DO look at the person's ring - admire it - see if
you can guess what kind of stone it is before you ask - you'll
be a gemstone expert in no time, and you won't believe the
service you get.
The whole point is - people LIKE TO FEEL GOOD. It doesn't take
much AT ALL to make a person feel good. You like compliments
right? Do onto others as you would have them do unto you?
Now readers, please don't abuse this precious wisdom. Don't let
me try my magic on some grumpy employee in Dallas and have him
or her say "You know you're the fifth person today to admire my
ring!"
Okay?
Eric Via Dec 18 1996
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Kingview... Elvis sightings...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Thu, 12 Dec 1996 09:12:38 alt.elvis.sighting
Re: elvis is really from somerset!!!!
p...@infi.net Pam & Howard at InfiNet
On Tue, 10 Dec 96 19:48:28 GMT, CHG...@news.salford.ac.uk wrote:
>No sorry but youre all wrong, the real Elvis is actually teaching
>surface chemistry at the University of Salford under the pseudonym
>of Dr Roger Heal, and he tries to disguise the fact by using a West
>Country accent. He does occasionally let his disguise slip though by
>sometimes bursting into renditions of Blue Suede Shoes every time
>he gets excited about the old gas phase molecules.
>
>So there.
>
>Tetley Man lives .
>
>Bobster.
Sounds very interesting, can you get a picture of him with one of his
molecules?
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Credits...
Assembling: El Damo
Fiction: Doghead and El Damo
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'Babs' our movie reviewer has a home page jampacked with movie
reviews, info on Alice Springs and GIF's of her idiot cat
'Marmie' at:
http://www.ozemail.com.au/~penton/movies.html
Copyright on all articles included in 'electric bacon' is
retained by the original author. Submissions are not edited in
any form for content, they are only formatted and spell-checked.
USENET articles included in 'electric bacon' are published as
they were found. Reviews of 'electric bacon' are welcome, please
forward a copy of your review to our address. You are permitted
to use articles in 'electric bacon' in other publications only
after obtaining the permission of the author. Peace, love and
mung beans baby.
Spelling and grammar used in 'electric bacon'. The editorial
policy is to format and spellcheck everything submitted to us.
All articles which have been leeched from the net are presented
as is, spelling errors, grammatical problems, obscene language -
all is presented to you as it is found. In any case, who wrote
the rules on the english language ?? It's a dynamic language!
Australian and American english have subtle differences and we
do not bother to standardise. If Doghead writes it, it will be
American english, If El Damo writes it, it will be in Australian
english. If its from USENET, no rules apply!
Special thanks to: Peaches
Congratulations to Brian Lara
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Editorial Staff Bio's
Doghead aka Eric Via, is a professional drywall fitter living
and working in Dallas, Texas. He has lived in Iceland, Puerto
Rico and Australia in search of that 'dream' wall of drywall. In
his 30's, Doghead has children on several continents and
currently lives in a 'largish' trailer in Dallas with his
childbride Cindy, and two kids, while his emigration papers to
Mongolia are approved. As Doghead says 'Them Mongolian boys
have been livin in yurts for the last thousand damn years, they
got to build em some houses one day and that's when my drywall
installation skills will build my fortune'.
El Damo aka El Damo, works as a Salinity Inspector (grade 14)
for the Department of Inland Drainage and Rodent Control in
Alice Springs, Australia. El regards Alice Springs as the ideal
place for him to work as it is a very arid environment and only
rains three or four times a year. Since he only has to conduct
inspections when there is water, he has a lot of free time to
himself. In his mid 20's, El Damo is single and lives in a
group house with four vegans and a celibate lesbian. He has
travelled the world in search of salinity, and remembers with
fondness the agricultural schemes of the former USSR 'Those
communists sure know how to ruin good farmland, if only I could
have been there 10 years ago I could have picked up some tips,
now it looks like those skills are lost forever'.
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