Electric bacon **NEW ZINE*** Issue 3
damien haas
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$$$$$ electric bacon $$$$$$ assembler's / editor's: $$$$$$
$$$$$ issue 3.0 oct 27 1996 $$$$$$ eri...@why.net $$$$$$
$$$$$ the intercontinental ezine $$$$$$ eld...@ozemail.com.au $$$$$$
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..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Welcome to the third edition of 'electric bacon' the first
intercontinental ezine bought to you over two continents by
Doghead and El Damo.
'electric bacon' now has more subscribers than the states of the
US of A and Australia combined!!! A thank you from the editorial
team here at the bacon to all those who have subscribed, and to
those who have remailed to their friends. Also, if you have the
inclination, and believe me talent isn't necessary, why not
submit an article for inclusion in the 'electric bacon'
If this is the first issue that you have seen, this is what
drives 'electric bacon'... We share net-treasures, post pointers
to the weird and wonderful both net-based and in the real world.
We look at cool new stuff, share our dreams, share our misery,
we freely mock the mockable and pillory anything that deserves
to be pilloried. Share with us your treasures and email us.
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert will provide answers to your
problems, and Doghead and El Damo will argue about life.
contributions welcome - email to the editors welcome - flames welcome
email to:
eri...@why.net OR eld...@ozemail.com.au
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Semi-regular sections:
The Sack.... Dippin into the email inbox...
Weirdness... Weird shit from the NET and real life...
URL's... URL's that were visited...
Soapbox... Rants...
The Media... Fillum reviews, TV watching, media reports...
Priscilla... Priscilla, Queen of the Desert answers your
personal problems in one paragraph or less!
Friction... Fiction, poetry and whimsy...
Kingview... Elvis sightings...
Credits... Crediting the cats we borrowed from...
Subscription... Subscription information...
The ideal way to read the section you desire is to search for
the title of the area you want to read ie: 'Friction'. Or you
could just start at the top and read on...
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
The Sack.... dippin into the email inbox
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
"Many thanks for the two issues received to date . As you gather
I would like to continue to receive them. In all an interesting
and sometimes imformative effort. both you and Damo are to be
congratulated."
----Big Jim Australia
gree...@enternet.com.au
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
On "The Rockeater" story:
"Yeowch! That story hurts my mouth just thinking about it.
Sheesh!"
----- James Young
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Weirdness... Weird shit from the NET and real life...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Wed, 25 Sep 1996 04:26:50 alt.hackers
First time post (apple II hack)
mel...@cloudnet.com
Hello all. This is my first post, yada yada yada... On with the
<<snip - much deleted>>
ObHack:
One of the more interesting hacks I've done, and almost certainly the largest
waste of time, was an apple II network I made some time back. Apple II's are
quite the primitive machines of course, so when I ran across 4 apple II
motherboards, my first thought was, hmm... I wonder if I could do anything
useful by connecting these things together. Of course the first problem was
that apple II's have very little built-in I/O. There was a keyboard input,
a tape drive connector, both in and out (This is audio tapes understand), the
monitor output, and of course, the joystick port. The joystick port had 4
(timer based) analog inputs, 3 binary inputs, and four binary outputs.
Having had some experience with using the joystick port for hacking before, I
decided to use that. I connected two of the binary inputs on one system to
the binary outputs on the other, and visa-versa, and connected the grounds.
Then I designed my own protocol for sending data (now that was FUN... I ran
into all kinds of timing problems, some electrical things, and kinds of stuff).
I started with a bit-by-bit protocol, worked up to a byte-by-byte, and then
a memory block transfer. I set the systems up to chat to each other (byte-by-
byte), and was amazed by the speed and accuracy. I was getting almost a
9600 baud connection with negligible error. Pretty good for the joystick port.
I used the system to play the old 'Talking computer gag' once. I had my friend
hide downstairs, while I told my dad I had made a huge breakthrough in AI. My
dad would type a sentence, which would get send downstairs. The program would
turn the drive motor on (so it looked like it was doing something), while it
waited for a response from downstairs, then print the answer all at once...
Heheheh... Like an Apple II could pass a turing test, people are SO gullible.
Anyhow, one day when I was REALLY bored, I hacked the machine code for apple
DOS and set up a fricking file server, so the one computer could share the
disk drive with another over the network. I even made a 50 some byte piece
of machine code to type into the client system that would allow it to
bootstrap the whole damned hacked DOS right across the network. And it
actually worked, with NO error checking in the protocol... Anyhow, I must say
that I was pretty surprised at what those old machines could do...
-Jeremy Bruestle
mel...@cloudnet.com
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Mon, 07 Oct 1996 11:09:30
cybermagick
ro...@dme.nt.gov.au Rohan Hawthorne -- Reality Artist at Here and Now (Inc.)
May I suggest blessing your machine ?
I recently wrapped a spelled paper around my ethernet cable to block
any bad signals.
I'm concerned about our superusers.
rohan
--
Rohan Hawthorne -- Reality Artist
Computer Programmer, Dept. of Mines and Energy
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Dave ****** of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he
attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his Chevy pickup with a
22-caliber rifle bullet (used because it was a perfect fit).
However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot
him in the knee.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Sat, 12 Oct 1996 09:12:59
Re: The Door
off...@netcom.com Marty Stuczynski at Netcom Online Communications Services
In article <53bnue$4...@newsbf02.news.aol.com> princ...@aol.com
(PrincesCim) writes:
>Has anyone ever heard of/ know where I can find out about a door to
>another dimension/world? I don't like this world and I think I was put
>here on accident.
>
>Thank ye
>
>PS-please E-mail reply
>
>-Misty
Try beer.
-Marty
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Sat, 05 Oct 1996 23:39:19
Re: lunar eclipse...
ath...@gate.net Tisha Reilly at CyberGate, Inc.
On Fri, 4 Oct 1996, Shez wrote:
> In article <32553f5e...@usenet.umr.edu>, "John W. Luther"
> <lut...@umr.edu> writes
> >Shez <sh...@oldcity.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> >> I will bet my broken Broomstick, that your imagination is painting an
> >>Alabama beauty, she might well be as old as me. or as plain as paper,
> >
> > . . . or a guy.
> I never thought of that.....you know you are right, it could be a guy.
> now that would be a great newspaper headline....Internet Romance,
> Alabama Witch Turns out to be A GUY.
It's already happened. The person in charge of memberships on FDCMuck
made a great many friends there as a female. (Disney-related Multi-User
Domain -- I know of at least 3 couples who married as a result of meeting
there. I've been asked to 'stand up for' an old friend/ex live in when he
marries a girl he met on the Muck next year. That's another story.) She
suddenly said she was leaving, which upset many on the Muck. She
disappeared, and soon after appeared a new male who seemed to know
everybody. They were the same person. Created quite a stir! Some of the
female muckers had confided in her, and felt a bit abused. Some of the
guys had flirted with her....
Tisha
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
from "The time I've lost in wooing" by Thomas Moore
The time I've lost in wooing
In watching and pursuing
The light, that lies
In woman's eyes,
Has been my heart's undoing.
Though wisdom oft has sought me,
I scorned the love she brought me,
My only books
Were woman's looks,
And folly's all they've taught me.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password
By Dave Fore
10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like
alt.recreational.catnip.
7. Your web browser has a new home page: <http://www.feline.com/>.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release
of "CyberDog."
4 Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax
and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Sat, 19 Oct 1996 18:13:06 rec.music.artists.beach-boys
Good Vibrations: 30th Anniversary
pet...@kanto.cc.jyu.fi Petri Silm{l{ at University of Jyvaskyla, Finland
Note that the "Good Vibrations" 45 RPM was released quite
exactly 30 years ago.
Please play it at least once at home or work.
--Petri
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Thu, 10 Oct 1996 07:45:22 alt.tech-support.recovery
Funniest call
melo...@concentric.net Mellow Jean Yellow at Concentric Internet Services
Besides myself doing Long Distance Company Customer support, I know a
friend who does support for a Major Shipping company. She called me
last night with this story:
Tech: Hello, that you for calling <Shipping Company Software
Package>. My name is Blah. Can I have your name?
Caller gives his name.
Tech: May I have your shipper code?
Caller gives his shipper code.
Tech: And how may I help you today?
Caller: I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to troubleshoot.
I have one of your drivers hostage and I want to talk to a supervisor
NOW!!!
Long Pause
Tech: Excuse me?
Caller: I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to troubleshoot.
I have one of your drivers hostage and I want to talk to a supervisor
RIGHT NOW!!!
Another Long Pause
Tech: Can you please hold while I get my supervisor?
The tech tells her supervisor about the call (the supervisor had the
same "excuse me?" response), and the supervisor takes the call after
pulling up the caller information.
My friend took a few more calls then asked her supervisor about the
out come of the call she'd transferred over.
Supervisor: I got our driver release.
Diane Jean
OK..... are there any other people whose first idea was "huh?
kidnapping a driver? What'd they do, steal the only version of the
sources?" before realizing that a driver could actually be a human?
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
I believe a womans body is like a temple, can I help it that I'm
primarily interested in the basement."
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Fri, 11 Oct 1996 15:52:16 alt.tech-support.recovery
lusers who don't know the difference...
kraw...@escape.ca
This one is similar, BUT IS NOT THE COFFEE CUP HOLDER THING - we don't
do hardware support - thank god...
Tech rep - thank you for calling <company's name removed to protect
the...>, my name is *****, how may I help you?
luser - the disks are too small for my computer
rep (must have 5.25" drive...) - what size of disk drive do you have?
Luser - I don't know.
rep - ok, are the disks that fit floppy ones, or are they hard ones
like the ones we sent you?
luser - I don't know, hold on, johnny, bring that nintendo over here
for a second....
and yes, it is true.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Tue, 08 Oct 1996 14:11:27 alt.phreaking
Re: Phone tapping
vol...@wizard.com voltaic at @wizard.com
Nicholas Parece <pha...@cape.com> wrote:
>Anyone her happen to know how to cheaply find and get rid of a phone
>tap.
>My parents are having an ugly divorce and my ass hole father may have
>bugged the line for any dirt on my mom. Any suggestions would be great.
unplug your phones and drop about +500V down the line. w00p!
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
British researchers have developed an artificial sweating foot
to help manufacturers in their attempts to make more comfortable
boots and shoes.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Nietzsche Guide to Tech Support
Guidelines:
----------
When a user is calling in need of help, don't forget that he is a weakling.
Only a loser would need to come grovelling to you, begging for crumbs of help
that may fall from your godlike lips. And he KNOWS that he is a loser in the
race of the weak and the strong, that his kind is doomed to extinction.
Therefore, show him no mercy. Treat him with the utter contempt that he
deserves. It is the law of nature that you should do so.
Key Phrases:
-----------
"You aren't very smart, are you?"
"I can't believe you call yourself a programmer!"
"Our product is obviously too complex and advanced for you. Please
desist from using it - you are soiling it."
Nevertheless, there may come a time when you actually must help the user,
even though he is sucking away your magnificent intellectual vitality with
his grotesque shambling confusion. He is a lower form of life and you must
make him feel it, lest he take on ambitions of evolving to your level.
Key Phrases:
-----------
"Now I will read aloud the section of the manual that you failed
to comprehend."
"You have ignominiously blundered on line 35, committing an error
that a Mongoloid programming an abacus would be ashamed of."
"What you've done in your function foo is the coding equivalent
of failing to empty your colostomy bag."
Alas, upon occasion there comes a time when it is obvious that the compiler
is at fault. This is no reason to let the user feel superior to anyone,
however. The design of a compiler is still far beyond his limited mental
capacities. His duty is to worship, not criticize.
Key Phrases:
-----------
"The inner workings of the compiler are far beyond your antlike
comprehension."
"That behaviour is described in ANSI specification 21.11.45.7.3.8.
You are familiar with that section, I assume..."
"Our software can behave in that manner only if it has been corrupted
by long exposure to users of your caliber."
And finally, a user may eventually want you to code something for him, or
send him an example. The user has asked something that is against the laws
of nature. Such creatures as himself exist to serve you and not you him.
Therefore such a request is impossible and against nature, and does not
exist, and therefore never happened. Response is not possible.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Thu, 17 Oct 1996 01:17:12
Re: AWAKEN
d...@e-z.net Gratuitous Pseudonym at E-Z.Net,Inc.
In article <3261ADBA...@dme.nt.gov.au>,
Rohan Hawthorne -- Reality Artist <ro...@dme.nt.gov.au> wrote:
>So there I was, sitting at my computer, typing away, when I suddenly
>realised all these voices behind me. I thought, hey, wait a second,
>they're saying things about me! They were pointing at me, they were
>discussing me, and I didn't like it one bit. I decided that I would
>protect myself continually and be independent from then on.
There I was typing away at my computer when I realized that there was a whole
universe outside of my monitor! It was filled with people who were too
complex for me to figure out how they were going to behave and I was a bit
afraid that they wouldn't like me. There were all sorts of incomprehensible
events going on that I couldn't control and I was worried that bad things
might happen to me. I became aware that my bodily hygiene was not up to the
standards of those other people and that it would require some continuing
effort on my part to meet their expectations in this regard.
I decided that the best thing to do was to ignore them all completely and keep
my attention fixed on the safe and controllable world in my computer. I
decided that having a life was entirely too great a risk and too much work.
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
COST TO INSTALL AND USE A WOOD BURNING STOVE.
Stove, Pipe, and Installation ....................... $ 499.00
Chain Saw (to cut wood) ............................... 150.00
Gas, Oil, and Maintenance on Saw ...................... 75.00
Used 4X4 Pickup to Haul Wood ........................ 9,200.00
4X4 Pickup Maintenance ................................ 750.00
Fine for Cutting Trees on State prop without permit ... 250.00
Permit to Cut Wood on State prop ............. ......... 5.00
Two Cases of Beer (To drink while cutting wood)........ 20.00
Fine for Littering (Threw beer can on road) ........... 500.00
Tow Truck (To get 4X4 out of creek) ................... 150.00
Log Splitter .......................................... 347.00
Doctor's Fee (To remove splinter from eye) ............ 50.00
Safety Glasses ........................................ 15.00
Tetanus Shot for Squirrel Bite ........................ 10.00
Laundry Bill (Stepped on snake) ............... ........ 2.50
Replace Stolen CB Radio from 4X4 Pickup ............... 197.00
Replace Lost Watch .................................... 85.00
Replace Side Mirror on 4X4 Pickup (Passenger side) .... 25.00
Replace Other Side Mirror on 4X4 Pickup ............... 25.00
Two Butane Lighters and Lighter Fluid .......... ....... 5.85
Replace Living Room Carpet (Burnt by sparks) .......... 800.00
Repaint Living Room (Smoke damage) .................... 45.00
Doctor's Bill for Neighbor's Kid (Burnt hand on stove). 35.00
Doctor's Bill for Smashed Toe (Carrying wood barefoot). 35.00
Lost Days from Work (While toe healed) ................ 750.00
Replace Coffee Table (Chopped and burnt while drunk) ...178.00
TOTAL COST FIRST YEAR (And last) YEAR ............. $19,204.35
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
El Damo notes: in the BBS world, 'doors' are games or
applications accessed from menu's on the BBS.
Mon, 14 Oct 1996 15:46:51 alt.bbs
OJ SIMPSON door with SOURCE code. Freeware!
mike...@aol.com MikeFox1 at America Online, Inc.
Version 1.2 of Free-OJ includes the SOURCE code and is Freeware!
Learn how to write doors, or play the game and see what happened.
In Free-OJ, your callers will live the life of OJ Simpson. Starting
with OJ's football days, callers can experience the murder, the trial,
and verdict. The program depicts events in OJ's life with original ANSI
artwork, and players are scored by how many mistakes they make along
the way. A bulletin of the Top Ten players is displayed at the end.
The QuickBasic/DoorFrame SOURCE code is fully commented and is a great
example for wanna-be door programmers. If you are curious about writing
doors, the SOURCE.TXT file provides information on what files you need,
how to link/compile programs, etc. Totally free!
I am distributing this file through my BBS. Call ChAoS Online at (310)
318-5089. If you follow the login screen instructions for logging on as
a guest, you can download the file in less than 4 minutes! The filename
is OJ12.ZIP and it's in file area #1 (The ChAoS Files). And no, it's
not available at any FTP sites yet.
Sysop at ChAoS Online (310) 318-5089.
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
URL's... URL's that were visited...
(URL - Ubiquity now, Revenue Later)
Send us your fave URL's people !!! Tell us why
you visit it, and what you like about it. (El)
Sure there's plenty of sites to visit to download
shareware, but if you're looking for a very big, very
orderly and professional site, this is the one. All the
shareware here is organized neatly, and there's even a
"Most popular downloads" section, a handy search engine,
and plenty of the latest and greatest shareware for
IBM's and Macs. (DH)
http://members.aol.com/biteoftheb/rogues.htm
ROGUES GALLERY OF LOVE
Interested in seeing all about the women some stranger
has loved? He thinks you are, and has pictures of all
of them, from an ex-wife to a teacher who taught him the
ways of "physical intimacy" <DH>
http://www.pixi.com/~owens/barcodes/index.html
READING BARCODES
Now you too can learn to read product barcodes! It's as
easy as going to this page, learning and memorizing the
codes, and then you can...well... let's see..you
could... <DH>
http://www2.best.com/~shart/seal.html
CLUB THE SEAL??
You have a cute little big-eyed baby seal in front of
you laying helpless in the snow. Do you club it? Or do
you let it live? <DH>
http://www.dsu.edu/~anderbea/machines.html#video
ANTHONY'S LIST OF INTERNET ACCESSIBLE MACHINES
A complete list of every kind of machine controllable
via the internet, from coke machines to lights to CD
players. Also a listing of all the current "cams"
available on the web. <DH>
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Soapbox... Rants...
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
The Seinfelding of society.
A look at the deep influence of TV on our lives.
by El Damo
Several years ago, I went through a phase where I didn't watch
any television. It was tough, I had the electronic babysitter
for many years and countless thousands of hours of 'Gilligans
Island' and 'the Sullivans' had been viewed by my eager eyes. I
noticed almost instantly, that I began to be excluded from
morning workplace conversations, as people started conversations
with 'Did you see (insert name of show) last night ?' An answer
in the negative excluded me from the shared experience that many
of my workmates then relived.
Not only does television create a false sense of community from
this fake shared experience, but it permeates our subconscious
and rules our choices in everyday decisions from when to where
to what brand of dishwashing detergent to buy. If a favourite
television personality started wearing a propeller topped
beanie, pretty soon, you will see lots of propeller topped
beanies. Look at the influence that teenage oriented soap operas
such as 'Neighbours', '90210' and 'Home and Away' have had on
teenage fashions, music and speech patterns. Think about what
underlying messages these shows must place in peoples minds.
When was the last time you used a line from 'Seinfeld' or
adopted an exaggerated mannerism from a TV actor ? Welcome to
the pleasuredome.
Kids want to appear cool so that they will be accepted by their
peers. During their formative teenage years they are absolute
sponges for influences and ideas. Unknown by most parents, their
children pick up their cues on social behaviour from these
actors and scriptwriters who often have their own agendas and
shy away from the real hard issues of adolescence such as date
rape, drugs, relationship problems and suicide. When a
television show does look at the hard issues, it neatly wraps up
complex social problems in half an hour. I wonder how many
parents spend more time with their children, than their children
spend watching television. Do they wait until the crisis occurs
before they attempt to discuss it with their child ?
The producers of these television shows know that formula TV
production works, and that is why they keep making it. Plots
barely changing, sets almost identical, only the disposable
fragile actors being changed from year to year. Many of these
actors are barely adults themselves, yet they are also seduced
by the lure or celebrity and avarice. The triumvirate of
advertisers, television executives and program producers keep
the raw material coming for they know that they have sold their
product well and that people will continue to tune in, year in
and year out. I am not saying that there is a conspiracy along
Orwellian lines here, but the 'sameness' of formula television
and the fact that so much of it exists and is in turn watched
means that there is obviously some trigger in peoples brains
that the television has tripped.
So what are the themes that these shows repeat ? Respect for
authority figures such a parents, police and teachers is an
ingrained meme that the producers of these shows promote, as
well as 'family values', these are the things that will ensure
that advertisers will continue to buy time during these program
slots, in turn keeping them in well paid jobs. Yet, they know
that people have a voyeuristic streak, so they often create
deliberately controversial situations, going against the 'norm'
then switch around at the last moment to ensure that the
controversial element is not all that controversial at all. The
infamous lesbian kiss on 'L.A. Law' and 'Roseanne' ? What's so
controversial about that ? Now if it had been John Goodman and
Tom Arnold getting it on - that would have challenged the norm.
I don't think shifting that episode to a later timeslot would
have satiated the paying advertisers, scared at the pressure
that 'family groups' would apply to them. The speed at which the
original creator of 'Ren and Stimpy' was replaced, and the shift
away from direct confrontation with societal norms, to toilet
humour and fart gags was a clear sign that revenue rules the
roost, not a desire to challenge anyones core values.
The prime viewing hours on Australian television are filled with
imported programs. Is it because Australians would rather watch
Americans than themselves ? Or is it because it is cheaper for
television executives to buy foreign programming cheaply,
advertise it's availability and make it popular, then sell the
advertising at an expensive rate ? I can't believe that
Australians don't want to watch themselves on TV. The success of
Australian made television proves that point, yet the percentage of
local to imported television remains skewed. I am not advocating
enforced limits on percentages of local to imported programs, I
am saying that Australians would prefer to watch themselves on
television than 'Laverne and Shirley'.
So why is there so many foreign television shows on Australian
television ? That's easy. Television exists for one reason only,
and that is to ensure that you the viewer will continue to watch
that particular station, watching the advertisements, buying the
products. If it wasn't a legal requirement in Australia for a
percentage of shows broadcast to be of local production, you can
be pretty well assured that very little expensive local product
would be made. Television executives would have the screens
filled with cheap imported television programs as fast as
possible.
So what does the television experience offer us ? It gives us
something to fill the day, it educates us - consciously or
subconsciously, it entertains us, it is our non-threatening
companion. We make the choice to watch it, and often we don't
think about what we have watched. It is more than entertainment
though, it is an ingrained part of western life. Family
discussions are often usurped while the television is allowed to
burble away uninterrupted. The saddest thing I can imagine is a
child sharing a thought with a parent and being told to be quiet
because the parent is watching something on the television.
The most important thing a parent can do is choose how to bring
up their child, they choose their child's clothes, teachers,
neighbourhood. Yet all too often they leave their child
unsupervised in front of 'harmless' television, then complain
bitterly when their child is exposed to some gross horror and
call for it to be banned. I don't think many kids are going to
grow up like 'The Cable Guy' but as television comes to dominate
our society, and craft the thing it is supposed to portray, i
think we should examine more critically our viewing habits and
the effect that it has on ourselves, our family and our society.
The more people watch television, the more they get to know it
and the more it becomes part of our lives. The great gift of
television is non-judgemental companionship, is it a detriment
to us as humans that we let the inanimate companion become part
of our lives ? More of a part than another human.
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
The Media... Fillum reviews, TV watching, media reports...
TIN CUP Kevin Costner at his most
boyishly charming plays a never-
achieved-to-nothin' golf pro in a small Texas town. Put that
together with schoolday rival Don Johnson who is on the Tour
(er, that's pro golf if you don't know) and both of them rivals
for the same girl (Rene Russo) and you've got yourself a pretty
amusing flick, especially with Cheech Marin as Costner's
partner/caddy/friend. Actually it had more laughs than many
recent comedies... However, there is a downside. The film is
pretty long and if you don't appreciate golf you might get a
little restless in the final 20-30 mins because that's when we
get down to the serious business of playing in the US Open. If
you DO like to watch golf - it's still a bit long-drawn out, but
enjoyable nonetheless. Sort of predictable ending, but what the
heck - who wants to feel down after a movie? (Babs)
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
THE ISLAND OF DR MOREAU The second film in a year
made from an H.G. Wells
novel (the first was
Independence Day) this film takes great liberties with teh novel
in an attempt to portray Moreau's ideology. I think that it
succeeds, although there are a few lapses. Kilmer and Brando's
acting is of the highest order, with some excellent supporting
performances. Brando shows why he is one of the greatest actors
in the world and Kilmer is starting to head that way, this
preformance is right up there with his 'Doors' effort. If you
love special effects done in the old 'Jason and the Argonauts'
style, you will enjoy the special effects in this film. The film
begins with a shipwrecked sailor rescued and brought to an
island in the Java Sea, inhabited by some verrrry strange
'people'. As the film progresses, we see how the word normal can
be stretched to fit different meanings. To say any more would
give the film away, lets just say that although the film is
about redemption, primarily it's about suffering at each others
hands and manipulation of our selves by others for the greater
goal. The piano playing scene is worth the proce of admission
alone. An excellent film score, and exciting editing and sets
make this film a must see. (El)
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
CHRIS ISAAK - THE BAJA SESSIONS Posessing the
voice of Roy
Orbison and immense songwriting talent, Chris Isaak is a first
rate musician. This his latest effort is a progression from his
last album 'Forever Blue'. Where that was about depression and
coping with loss, 'Baja Sessions' is about fun and sitting around
with a babe and a beer, having a good time and letting the sun
warm your face. With 13 excellent tracks, largely acoustic in
style (although I'm sure there is some deft production as it is
just too slick) it reminds me of his live set (which i caught in
Melbourne in February), very bluesy with some salsa thrown in
and soulful lyrical styling. Probably not the album to be
introduced to Chris Isaak with, but for fans of his music and
people who like contemporary white r'n'b/blues you will not be
disappointed by it.
title: Baja Sessions
artist: Chris Isaak
platform: audio cd
label: Reprise
no: 9362463252
cost: 26.95 $oz
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Priscilla... Priscilla, Queen of the Desert answers your
personal problems in one paragraph or less!
Dear Priscilla: I am a single girl in my 30's and I am
in search of a husband. Where are all the
good men ! I am sick of men just using me
like a piece of meat then telling me they
want to be 'friends'. I want to BREED and
have bouncy little babies on my knees. Can
you tell me how to snare a good man ?
signed: Fertile of New Hampshire
Fertile, this is a problem that we all have. I too am in search
of a man, although I will take a bad one over a good one any
day. You have to ask yourself if what you want is a husband or a
sperm donor ? If you want the companionship - buy a puppy. If
you want a husband - wear a micro mini and DONT PUT OUT until he
has proposed. If you want a baby - buy a turkey baster and ...
Dear Priscilla: Ronald McDonald is an agent of Beelzebub.
If you look closely at the golden arches,
you can see that they are nothing more than
a rearranged pentagram. The Hamburglar is
clearly Lucifer in disguise. When they ask
if you want fries, they are asking you if
they can take your soul. I have taped it and
played it backwards. Its true.
Signed: The Colonel of Alice
Colonel, now I am not a suspicious girl by nature, but is this
letter coincidental with the construction of a post industrial
family restaraunt, promoted by a red haired clown figure in
Alice Springs ?? Priscilla doesnt involve herself in petty
commercial squabbles, unless they involve mascara.
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Friction... Fiction, poetry and whimsy...
The Sixth Sense of Dr Pepper
by Eric Via
I'll never forget this night...the night I became smart, the
night I thought I was cool, and it backfired.
I was at a camper park - you know the kind, where you can park
for a fee overnight and you have all the neccesary hookups for
your camper..
My wife went to sleep early, and me, being a loner, decided I
was going to make it a good night. I had a book I was reading,
and I can't remember the name of it, but I my plans were to find
a nice out of the way spot and read, drink a Dr. Pepper, relax
and enjoy the solitude of my own company.
Well, you know there's no better spot to enjoy things and read
than on the toilet...and I had to go so things were looking
bright. I found the parks toilet facility and decided that it
was just as good a library as any, not like home, but it'd
do...when you're on the road you make do.
Upon entering the bathroom, I noticed that the lights turned on
as I came in! WOW! (I'm amused by small things) Fancy
automated motion-sensor lighting in a camper park bathroom! Who
could ask for more!? Somebody was THINKING when they built this
john! Good job!
Nobody else was in, and so I picked my favorite stall, the last
one, set my now empty Dr. Pepper can down for an ashtray,
checked for toilet paper, flushed the toilet, and cleaned off
the toilet seat before sitting down. (Normal public restroom
procedures right?)
I sat and read, and this book was getting good, and I was down
to the last suspenseful chapter! I read and smoked and smoked
and read and nobody else came in and all was beautiful - the
kind of moment that you share only with yourself and nothing
could be better or go wrong.
THE BATHROOM LIGHTS WENT OUT!
I was in the dark.
Pitch black.
On my last chapter.
Damned STUPID motion-detecting bathroom lights! Who would be so
stupid!? What do they think this is - Star Trek!? Ohhh I was
mad - a perfectly nice evening RUINED by technology! What were
they thinking when they built this place anyway!?
I sat, pissed off in the dark for some time.
And then...then...sitting there on that toilet I had a moment of
clarity...the cartoon lightbulb was above my head, and I thought
of something wonderful. If I could just throw my empty
converted-to-ashtray Dr. Pepper can over towards the bathroom
door I could make the motion sensor turn on the light - I'd be a
hero! But wait! Perhaps it's a SOUND detecting lightswitch!
What could I yell though? What if someone heard me? I finally
decided on just a plain old-fashioned "HEY!". Nothing. No
light. Oh let there be light.
Back to Plan A and I found my Dr. Pepper can. I aimed it
carefully - it wasn't going to be an easy shot because it had to
clear about 4 or maybe 5 stalls at just the right angle, travel
past the motion sensor, and I'd be in the light.
I took a deep breath and with a bit of strength threw the can.
It was like slow motion...I could picture the can as it travelled
through that dark bathroom air...one stall..twist...turn...two
stalls ..up...high..higher..apogee.. stalls.. turning, twisting
in the dark, the cigarette butts probably falling out...four
stalls...
There was a loud crash, bang wham clink clank as the can fell on
the hard tiled floor.
No lights.
Sometimes life seems to GIVE you opportunities to be a hero and
at the same time life seems to get a kick out of TAKING it all
back. It's unfair...so unfair.
I finished up, closed up my book, and left the bathroom,
sulking. And as I walked by the door to leave, the lights came
on.
I DIDN'T bother to pick up the Dr. Pepper can...let the
management pick it up in the morning.
Eric Via 2Oct96
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
'Fringe'
part 3
by El Damo
Linenoiz saw Omar and walked towards him, the trading centre had
just begun to hum, the salarymen were milling about. He looked
at Omar and shot an infrared datastream at him, Omar responded
and they exchanged the information. He knew they were being
watched, but he couldn't meet Omar anywhere else. He was an old
man and taking a big risk. As he finished, Omar told him that he
had a chip for him, but he had to hand it to him.
"Is it a trap?" Linenoiz thought
"Ok, Ill turn to leave and you brush past me as we mingle with
the salarymen, I'll get it then"
He palmed the chip and then left, he detected the camera and
ignored it, this ROGUE program was working well, it had detected
a lot of ordinary security today, anything that was cloaked had
gone undetected. He walked to the monorail and against the
stream of commuters worked his way to the top. Boarding a loop
train to the Daimaru centre. On the train he changed the colour
of his jacket, inflated some bladders on his clothing and
cloaked himself in a false non-threatening scanner defeat aura.
The asian skinfolds in his eyes took seconds to put in place,
along with the bushy eyebrows and baseball cap. when the
salarymen in front of him changed the page on his manga, he
didn't even realise that Linenoiz had been replaced by an old
Papasan off to see his grandsons. Anyone else who had noticed
deliberately didn't.
The train stopped and Linenoiz left, walked a few blocks and
retrieved his bike. Time to make myself scarce he thought, and
gunned the motor leaving the grey day and heading towards a
safer zone a few hundred kilometers away. The chip was valuable,
ordinary software could be downloaded but this was special a
living organism and silicon engineering. If this worked the
possibilities were unlimited. man could harness the most
powerful computer of all his brain and unleash the ninety five
percent of it that hadn't yet been used since man came down out
of the trees.
The spaceport bustled with commuters and travellers, the heavy
security presence didn't put people off any more, the terrorist
bombings had been increasing in frequency. The grey suited
guards looked over the mass, trying to recognise faces and
identify suspicious looking passengers. Occasionally a hapless
traveller would be invited into a small area just off the main
concourse and interrogated. Today the guards had been told that
subversive was going to leave and since this was the main place
to leave from, he would in all probability leave from here.
Linenoiz image was etched in their minds, scanning constantly.
They were all armed and armoured, if anything happened, well,
there would probably be some collateral damage, but that was
always to be expected in cases like this.
----oOo----
The Blowtorch was a very exposed sort of place, that was good
and bad. Exposure meant you could be seen, it also meant that
you could see whatever came your way. The warm tumbler of rum
and cola burped as the last iceblock became water. Late. Five
more minutes and he was back on the bike, heading for home.
Risk. Some days it was worth it, other days it wasn't. Two
tables to the left he saw someone stand up and walk to the bar,
on the way over, the person stopped and sat down.
'200,000 - on the card, chip please'
The freq scanner churned through its freq range quickly and
nothing registered. ROGUE reported nothing. His neck hairs
didn't move.
'and ?'
'outside - her name is Long. Don't take all day, we have a mono
to catch'
'don't sweat it, i can download the data in seconds. Are you
still interested in new stuff ?'
'what sort of new ? Tokyo new ? Pyongyang new ?'
'Don't know, I picked it up today. Something experimental and
fast.'
'Yeah well, let me know next week. And don't make me come back
to this place, it's full of freaks.'
'Hey mate - there's a whole range of freqs to explore'
The courier didn't get Linenoiz' weak joke and just stared a
him.
'Ok - well this is the customs security, the codez are good
until the 24th. After that your toast. better ship the gear
through before the 24th.'
He slid a pack of gum across the table and the courier picked it
up and slid it into his pocket.
'Long wont take any shit, so be quick about it - like I said
we're in a hurry'.
Business was almost over, Linenoiz walked out of the bar and
over to the gutter. Near his bike was a tall woman, fairly
normal looking except for the chainmail trousers and chemgun on
her hip.
'Long ? I'm Linenoiz. Let's get this over with quick.'
He took a cable from inside his jacket pocket and quickly
swabbed the ends with a disposable alcohol pad. He reached
behind his head and plugged himself in. His diags ran through
the schedule and started to initialise the transfer. He stood
next to Long and handed her the cable, she smiled and reached
behind her ear, plugging in. Seconds later they began to
transfer keys. Her key opened the euro's on the card, his key
turned off the WIPEFILE on the codezchip.
'Hey Linenoiz - yeah Long. Look, I'm coming back through here
tomorrow, I know this is probably the wrong time and place, but
would you like to get together for a meal or something'
What the hell ? Shit. Long was asking him for a date online!
and in the middle of a deal.
'Sure. I can meet you here at 14 hundred if you like?'
'1400 it is' Long took the jack out and walked off without
saying a word. How bizarre.
----oOo----
200 thou. Enough to clear the debts and chipup. His loft smelt
real bad, next to his futon was six-months worth of magazines
and garbage. He threw his backpack on the table and started to
clean up. Why not do it while the mood was there. The deal had
gone down and he had some dough, dealing with smugglers wasn't
so dangerous after all. Not as dangerous as this mornings
meeting anyway.
Putting down the garbage bag, he grabbed his 'deck' and took the
chip from his pocket. It was in some sort of gel fluid. The
connectors weren't like anything he had seen. Very odd. The
20Deck was supposed to be a universal deck. Down to Irvings for
some hardware. But first lets get these euro's in a safe place.
Pushing the 20Deck to the side, Linenoiz grabbed the cable from
his PTerm and jacked in. his hand ran over the chordboard and
put him into the datastream. Surfing to the local noodlebar he
ran his card through the reader and paid off last months tab, to
Marx's and again clearing the tab he regained possession of his
collection of Atari 2600 cartridges. Worth more than 750 euro's
that crook marx loaned him for sure. Cruising to Antigua he
noticed an unusual avatar. Turning around he saw it clearly now,
no one he knew. Strange, but not unexpected. heading into
Antigua Credit he watched as the avatar was stopped by the bot
he watched as the avatar was stopped by the bot at the door. No
account, no entry. he swiped the card and left through a side
door. Irvings was open, nothing that suited his requirement, he
left a note for Irv and left. The avatar was gone. Linenoiz
dumped the last five minutes cruising into his Pterm memory and
jacked out.
Like meditation, the time had passed quickly. Back to the
garbage. Twenty minutes later the loft looked like only six
homeless people squatted there. If only his mother was alive,
she would hound him into cleaning it every time she visited. His
mother. How many years was it that she left ?
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Kingview... Elvis sightings...
A recent sighting of the King was passed verbally to El Damo by
a source who wishes to be known as 'Gene, Gene - the dancing
machine'. He reports that he felt the King's spirit in him as he
was catching the bus to work. While pondering life, and his own
role in civilization, he was looking at the clouds through the
window of the bus when he swears he saw a large group of clouds
forming the shape of the King's head. The head rotated a few
times and then the clouds dissipated, reforming moments later as
the entire King (he wasn't sure whether it was young Elvis,
comeback Elvis or jumpsuit Elvis). Gene peered intently at the
cloud formation trying to receive the Kings message when
suddenly the clouds morphed the King into Leonid Brezhnev, late
President of the Soviet Union and aspiring rhythm guitarist.
Shortly after this the bus turned a corner and when the cloud
formation came back into view it had morphed again, this time
appearing as Pee Wee Herman and his friend Mr Baloney. Gene
promises to share the message when he has interpreted it. (El)
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Sat, 19 Oct 1996 23:37:12 alt.elvis.sighting
THE KING IS ALIVE!
No responses
s...@gainv.mindspring.com eggs xactly at MindSpring Enterprises, Inc.
Trust me! The King of pork lives! My 1961 VW was making a weird
noise so I limped into Vinny & Bubba's VW Repairatorium and Bait
Shoppe. And who do you suppose walks over to the car? Bubba.
AKA the KING! He mumbles something about the problem being a
bent crankshaft . Says it will cost $47,683.21 to fix it. I say
OK, do it. With one hand he picks up the back of the car and
with his capped teeth he bites onto the generator and rips
the engine out and spits it to the floor! What a guy. Then he
sat on the motor until it cracked apart. I asked him why he
faked his own death and he told me that he hated the bitch he
was married to because all she wanted was money and a 17 inch
John Thomas. Also said she was a shitty cook, couldn't drive for
crap and kept making a scraping sound with her teeth when she
talked. I asked him where he lived and the King said he had a
swell 52 Chevy parked in a warehouse in Harlem. It was his
castle. He does not eat fried bananas anymore. His new favorite
is deep fried goat turds and rice smothered with Brillo pads and
soy sauce. Elvis says he just wants to be left alone. In his own
words "Tell Hollywood and the music assholes ta go suck
doorknobs." LONG LIVE THE KING!
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
Credits...
Assembling: Doghead and El Damo
Fiction: Doghead and El Damo
Contributions in this issue:
mel...@cloudnet.com
ro...@dme.nt.gov.au
off...@netcom.com
ath...@gate.net
pet...@kanto.cc.jyu.fi
melo...@concentric.net
kraw...@escape.ca
vol...@wizard.com
d...@e-z.net
mike...@aol.com
s...@gainv.mindspring.com
pen...@ozemail.com.au
ge...@dancing.machine.com
Our movie reviewer Babs, has a home page of
her reviews, and general Alice Springs stuff at:
http://www.ozemail.com.au/~penton/movies.html
Copyright on all articles included in 'electric bacon' is
retained by the original author. Submissions are not edited in
any form for content, they are only formatted and spell-checked.
USENET articles included in 'electric bacon' are published as
they were found. Reviews of 'electric bacon' are welcome, please
forward a copy of your review to our address. You are permitted
to use articles in 'electric bacon' in other publications only
after obtaining the permission of the author. Peace, love and
mung beans baby.
Spelling and grammar used in 'electric bacon'. The editorial
policy is to format and spellcheck everything submitted to us.
All articles which have been leeched from the net are presented
as is, spelling errors, grammatical problems, obscene language -
all is presented to you as it is found. In any case, who wrote
the rules on the english language ?? It's a dynamic language!
Australian and American english have subtle differences and we
do not bother to standardise. If Doghead writes it, it will be
American english, If El Damo writes it, it will be in Australian
english. If its from USENET, no rules apply!
Special thanks to: cheap RAM prices
Congratulations to Michael Doohan
'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-._
Editorial Staff Bio's
Doghead aka Eric Via, is a professional drywall fitter living
and working in Dallas, Texas. He has lived in Iceland, Puerto
Rico and Australia in search of that 'dream' wall of drywall. In
his 30's, Doghead has children on several continents and
currently lives in a 'largish' trailer in Dallas with his
childbride Cindy, and two kids, while his emigration papers to
Mongolia are approved. As Doghead says 'Them Mongolian boys
have been livin in yurts for the last thousand damn years, they
got to build em some houses one day and that's when my drywall
installation skills will build my fortune'.
El Damo aka El Damo, works as a Salinity Inspector (grade 14)
for the Department of Inland Drainage and Rodent Control in
Alice Springs, Australia. El regards Alice Springs as the ideal
place for him to work as it is a very arid environment and only
rains three or four times a year. Since he only has to conduct
inspections when there is water, he has a lot of free time to
himself. In his mid 20's, El Damo is single and lives in a
group house with four vegans and a celibate lesbian. He has
travelled the world in search of salinity, and remembers with
fondness the agricultural schemes of the former USSR 'Those
communists sure know how to ruin good farmland, if only I could
have been there 10 years ago I could have picked up some tips,
now it looks like those skills are lost forever'.
..-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-.__.-'~~`-..
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